whatwerewemadefor

(she/they) - deconstructing amatonormativity in my phd and in my head, so here are my thoughts

[altschmerzes]

i love you friendship and qprs and best friends and friends with benefits and mentorships and roommates and found family and surrogate parents and chosen siblings and rivalries every single specifically and actively nonromantic dynamic that exists

[whatwerewemadefor]

anyone wants to have a group with people aware of amatonormativity? i’m struggling to relate to people around me that all are following very traditional paths and would LOVE to have more queer people aware of amatonormativity in my life 🫶🏻 (not saying we should speak about how bad amatonormativity is 24/7, just have more bonds with people that are similar to us)

send me a dm or comment if you also feel that it would be beneficial to you🫶🏻

[henstomper]

dude it's just politics, it doesn't matter. all it does is shape every single aspect of the society you live in from the second you are born until forever

[pansexual-pied-piper]

*takes your hand* Look, I'm not good at this, but you really gotta move away from "I wish I weren't aro"-type sentiments, okay? They're not good for you.

I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, what I mean is the way you're framing them isn't helpful. Is your aromanticism the reason you can't find a partner who accepts you or is the problem that people are too unaccepting of aromanticism? Is you aromanticism the reason you're scared you'll end up alone or is it because your friends choose to stop hanging out with you once they have romantic partners?

Are you scared and sad and lonely because you're aro or because we live in a deeply amatonormative society?

Idk I just don't think directing it all inward and acting like it's because there's something wrong with being aro, like there's something wrong with you, is healthy.

[contraspemspero]

why is everything love-related drenched in vulgarity?

dating is inane, for experiences with the person as a person, and not as a love-object, is what gives us possibility to love. because if you are constantly asking yourself "do I want to date this person? are we compatible?" you're not really focusing on them, but on yourself! and yes, who even has had a selfless thought in their life, but what bliss it is to be changed by love. to see the world shaped by another! to be anything rather then yourself!

the word "crush" is uncomfortable for me to say. I feel a ting of disgust when I hear it. its a very vulgar word to me.

Is this bc of declining literacy? Individualism? Commodification? Is this bc im aro and cant understand this?

[cutecipher]

science has always been political. what gets studied. what doesnt. who gets to do the studying. on and on and on.

[cutecipher]

scientists on this post: yuuuup 👍

people who aren't scientists: um actually ☝️

[hanalia1257]

Me to my family

[whatwerewemadefor]

sometimes i stumble across posts from aromantics who are like ‘we feel love, we just love people differently’ and i’m just thinking, when do we decide that romantic love is a social construct (not real) and that aromantics just escaped the brainwashing but the other didn’t?

[fintan-pyren]

[excited about an aro friend getting a boyfriend] congratulations! [remembers that presenting romantic relationships as a universal goal to be achieved perpetuates amatonormativity] I don't care about your relationship at all [trying to reaffirm that I am supportive of aromanticism] and I hope you break up

[trickstersaint]

i don't want it queerplatonic either // april 12 2023

[trickstersaint]

i like to say that aromanticism is like experiencing shrimp emotions // april 9 2024

[trickstersaint]

swear on it // october 2 2024

[specialagentartemis]

Aro and ace activism is housing reform, is well-funded public housing, is an expansion of affordable housing, is allowing single people to get affordable and public housing, is rent controls to make it possible for single people to be able to afford to live alone on a single salary.

Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no one’s lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors

Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you don’t need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you don’t have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly

Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can

Aro and ace activism is community-building, it’s public events, it’s free social activities, it’s mutual aid, it’s activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner

Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves

Aro and ace activism means a better world for people without “normative” desires or “normative” social support, which means a better world for everybody

[dragon-in-a-fez]

"you don't know what you have until you lose it" works for things that suck too btw. sometimes you need to experience life without something for a while to realise oh damn that was some bullshit

[9fruit]

we need to bring back the simple art of just “come to my house and we hang out without an activity or pretense or meal” my friend hung out on my couch for seven hours today we just gabbed… no specific plans no activities involved. likeee let’s just hang out on my couch forever and ever amen

[howtoskinarabbit]

Normal human people.

When I stay around normal human people for a bit too long I forget. Then they say something 'Imagine being single after 40' 'That's so sad'

And I remember.

[whatwerewemadefor]

just one of those days when i wonder why amatonormativity is a thing to the point that people i love don’t know what to talk about with me, except my hatred of couplehood