Just Life and Things

Welcome to my online journal. This is where I store my art, poetry, adventures and everyday thoughts in the hopes of finding creativity in even the smallest of moments.

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Hey Universe, thanks for making dogs.

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Tree appreciation post.

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Just a girl and her Jeep

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Here to promote the magical healing powers of kitty cat nose bumps. 

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Took a six mile walk across town this weekend. 

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[bandaidsfortheheart]

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Today I learned a new song on guitar. Cleaned my apartment. Repotted my plants. Meal prepped vegan breakfasts and lunches. Took the dog on a 3 mile hike and then had a picnic. Deep conditioned my hair. 

It’s now 10pm and I’m crawling into clean sheets on a freshly made bed.

On this Sunday night, I am feeling settled and ready for the week ahead. 

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Hi tumblr!

I'm feeling very... growth-oriented lately. Which is not an emotion but it kinda is. I'm not necessarily happy all the time, but I'm not sad. I'm just growing.

I feel very proud of myself because I have processed a lot of prior shit and it's not weighing on my brain as much. I've learned that EMDR is really fucking cool.

I also finally feel safe returning to this blog and journaling. Which is a huge relief because as much as I love my poetry blog, most of those poems are prompt-based/inspired by other people and not really about me anymore and it's a bit of a disconnect to be writing emotions that I am not feeling.

I am, however, writing a full-length autobiographical poetryish proseish book that's very emotional, but in a good and healthy and therapeutic way.

I'm also taking guitar lessons. I'm learning French. I'm 85% vegan. I have routines and structure in place to keep me grounded. My friendships with old friends and new ones have grown deeper. I'm setting good boundaries and advocating for my emotional needs and I'm surrounded by people who respect me and ask me to respect myself.

I'm seeing specific observable differences in my reactions to things that tell me I've really come a long way from certain traumas. Like how I drove to Denver today and didn't panic once, and didn't even think about the fact that I didn't panic until I was getting ready for bed.

I've learned so much about my brain and what PTSD does to it, and I've come a really long way. I'm happy to report feeling almost back to normal after 2 years of emotional chaos.

Overall, life is life but I'm in a decent place :)

[inkskinned]

it’s just going to be like this, huh? i’m going to walk around with nightmares and what you did to me sitting in my stomach like a rotting peach and i’m just going to swallow hard and keep walking and i’m just going to have to live like this, knowing you’ll never apologize, knowing i don’t get closure, knowing i never get to yell at you until i shred apart, knowing i’m going to shred apart. 

and you get to live your life and forget about me and scoff about how im crazy or making shit up or how i’m just dramatic. you get to keep going, laugh about it, shrug it off. we both know i’m melodramatic. that my personal narrative is all messed up. that i make shit up.

like, it must be nice. showers are probably just showers for you. no standing in the water picturing what i’d say, what i’d do, how i’d show you. you get to walk away. that must be nice.

not all of us do.