Justin Fuckin' Wayland

"I don’t know how to be any clearer here. I’m in love with my brother. He’s a douche. I’m a douche. He doesn’t love me. Clearly this is not going to work out."

[alice--snow]

"Well sex is sex no matter how you get it."

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Yeah, well I'd rather have a cock in my ass."

[alice--snow]

"I had sex with twins and then when one got a girlfriend I slept with her— she wasn’t bisexual nor lesbian… But yeah, that seems to trump it… Was she good?"

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Jesus."

"Let's just say she's not my type."

[alice--snow]

"Even I think that’s weird. And I have had sex with my brother’s ex.”

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Yeah, well I had sex with my boyfriend's wife, so...  I win!"

[alice--snow]

":You had sex…. With Bella?"

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Yeah, and it was super awkward because she's hecka preggers."

[alice--snow]

"Depressing as in…Not currently the most entertaining?"

[wheniwantmyownway]

"I banged Bella. What the fuck.  Worst experience of my life."

"Andrew's not that much better.  He won't let me measure but it's less than 3 inches."

[alice--snow]

"Yeah and he’s honestly not bad, at all, like— okay, I"m rambling about my sex life again."

[wheniwantmyownway]

"I try not to talk about my sex life because it's depressing."

[alice--snow]

"Alright am."

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Well, you gotta start somewhere.  Am I right?"

[lacey-s]

She sighed, exasperated. “Ok ok, just don’t get your knickers in a twist. But there’s one more thing, how’s Katia?”

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Haven't seen her in a while."

[alice--snow]

"I’m kind of his first.”

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Kind of?"

[alice--snow]

"To my knowledge, straighter than a stripper pole."

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Has he touched as much diseased pussy as a stripper pole, though?"

[lacey-s]

"Well…" Lacey searched for words, "I happen to like both mentos and diet coke, so maybe they can go together for once." 

[wheniwantmyownway]

Justin exhaled deeply.  "Listen, it's not happening.  I can't hear him talk without wanting to beat the shit out of him."

[alice--snow]

"So is Eric."

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Never heard of him.  Does he like dudes, too?  Or is he strictly for v-jay-jay?"

[lacey-s]

Hey, you deserve to be happy too. And what are you doing listening to all these assholes? Listen to me. I say that if you don’t stand for something, you fall for everything. So stand up for your love for him, and accept whatever love he offers back.

[wheniwantmyownway]

"I'm fine, really," Justin said.  "It's better this way for both of us.  We're both sick and we can't get better when we're together.  We're like mentos and diet coke.  When we get together, shit explodes."

[alice--snow]

"Piece of shit? Just stupid. In those times they thought everything revolved around the Earth."

"This time of year is quite bothersome with classwork, I haven’t had sex in ages I feel like dying.”

[wheniwantmyownway]

"Sorry, can't help you out with that one."

"I heard vibrators are pretty great."

[wheniwantmyownway]

[lacey-s]

Now that isn’t true. He loves you, I know he does. Just…not in the way you’d want him to. And I don’t care if you both are douches, you both deserve the love that you have to give. So both of you just need to man up and work this out. I’ve heard you have a sister that isn’t too happy either. 

[wheniwantmyownway]

No.

It's not that easy.  We bring out the worst in each other.  He deserves to be happy and he can't when I'm around.  Some other jackass said "If you love someone let them go." 

[lacey-s]

Wait, love you back…? I’m confused here.

[wheniwantmyownway]

I don't know how to be any clearer here.  I'm in love with my brother.  He's a douche.  I'm a douche.  He doesn't love me.  Clearly this is not going to work out.