100 WAYS BEING #WRONGISRIGHT

Through 100 interviews I am challenging the resistance to being "wrong" by extracting its merits from other's experiences with wrong being just right.

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Wrong is Right #21/100: Anonymous - Graduate Student - New York, NY

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you look back at things... when you have a distance from the situation. Being wrong allows for learning, a life learning that is personal and emotional. 

Learning from being wrong has more value, it changes how you approach life, personally and professionally... it helps you see and know who you want to be as a person. 

It’s also nice to be wrong when you thought you wanted one thing, and something else happens that’s better.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

It makes me feel sick! It’s in my throat, my stomach, and my heart... I feel closed up and super vulnerable. 

It only alleviates with time... with taking the time to actually sit and understand why––what decisions led to the situation. 

The worst is when you don’t listen to your intuition... when you know its wrong and you still do the wrong and it hurts so deeply. 

My intuition is quite accurate, so I know, I definitely know. Still, I think I can change things and force it them to get better... deep down though I know I’m wrong and I can’t make it better can’t fix the feeling without time.

I think I’ve tried to get better at not going against my intuition, to trust it a little bit more. Yet if I’m worried something might be wrong, or I’m not sure about the next step, it’s hard to take any next step if it could be wrong, I often will take a safe step just to avoid being wrong.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I would like to be less scared of being wrong, to make decisions not based on right or wrong, however, I don’t feel open to that at this point... I’m still limited by my own definition of right and wrong.

There are so many moments I’ve doubted myself, like applying to grad school... I thought “I’m never gonna get in,” then I was encouraged to do it anyway and I now I’m here... I’m wrong like that a lot and it turns out right.

The biggest one for me though was after university. I didn’t really want to be back with my ex, yet I did it anyway. I went with him again for two years and for one whole year of it he was unfaithful to me. 

I would find out all the time about different women he was with... friends and strangers would tell me about it. The prospect of his unfaithful behavior would always be looming over me like a cloud. Finding all of it out made it so clear to me that he was poison, and now I never wonder “what if” about him. 

Giving it a chance, and opening myself even when I knew it was wrong created a tipping point... without trying I would not be able to be with someone else now, I really believe I would always be wondering if it could have worked with my ex... it’s a bit like drugs and that was definitely my bottom. 

Now I have a deeper knowing that I can be better and deserve better rather than making struggle the center of my life.

– ANONYMOUS New York, NY Graduate Student

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Wrong is Right #20/100: Nancy - Artist & Bookmaker - New York, NY

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

In love. Love is one area I feel that the “correct” behavior my mind tells me is often not what’s fulfilling.

I realized being wrong offers an expansiveness. I’ve learned a lot about myself when I’ve broken out of things that I think I want in someone, let myself be with someone that doesn’t look like or seem like what I think I’d be with. My view of myself gets bigger and more dimensional.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Slightly out of control... it’s in my stomach and my shoulders. It’s awkward... like being just out of your gangly teenage stage: uncomfortable, zits and “blegh” and a little bit greasy!

There’s also a buzz in me... it’s a discomfort physically, like my face is just too big.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I met a guy. He asked me out, he pursued me, we started dating. I woke up one morning in his apartment and I realized there was no fitted street. The apartment was filthy and I was suddenly not attracted to him.

I saw him a few times after that. I knew it was wrong for me long term, still I just let it be wrong for a month, maybe a month and a half, and there was something right about it. I had never done that before––been with someone who in some ways felt like a stranger––with such detachment. 

In the long run, for personal development, it felt good because I’d done something another way... I tried it, and even though it was a bit weird, even a little scary, there was something attractive in the seediness, the wrongness of the situation. In the end it was just chemistry... there is nothing wrong with me, and nothing wrong with him, it just is what it is.

– NANCY New York, NY Artist & Bookmaker

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Wrong is Right #19/100: Benjamin - Artist & Photographer - New York, NY

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

if you can be in the state of openness because then you get to enter into a conversation with reality... when you’re demanding you must be right or holding back in fear of being wrong you can’t access the conversation with reality 

With projects and ideas, all the work I do, I have a a vision in my head and can carry it around as long as I want. I can propose things pre-visualized and I can spend years in that state... in moments thinking about being right or being wrong, even though you can’t determine either till you have that conversation with reality.

When I enter reality I quickly realize my vision often defies the laws of physics, the material doesn’t want to do that or the person. You start the process... you say “hello material, what do you want to do?” then you have to be willing to fuck up to get a concrete answer. 

After hello, the person or material takes care of the next steps, the conversation improves with reality, there are so many surprises I now know that I could never get to without taking the risk of being wrong.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

The feeling takes on a lot of forms, depends on what you’re wrong about... 

Sometimes I feel regret in a visceral way... a rising heat at the same time as a sinking abyss.

And when I’m wrong I can’t see anything at the time... you can’t do anything about the wrongness of being wrong... can’t see yet what’s right cause I’m avoiding the conversation by focusing on the wrong.

In personal relationships it’s like “oh fuck! again!” a feeling of sorrow, regret and shame.

When I know it’s right to be wrong it feels like a little leap of nervousness, then it feels good. Holding back a question you want to ask of reality feels like being rubbed on a cheese grater or being in a blender... it feels better to push through to the other side of the wall.

Also, when approaching the wall it seems like the goal is to solidify something when it’s really to soften, to suspend a disbelief or find out the truth –– what is this relationship with this person? or project? or what does the material actually want to say –– it’s a soft, open place, a mind-state, an experience or adventure... what am I gonna find? what is the next surprise? Instead of being afraid it won’t work, that we’ll lose something, it’s treating it more like a question... asking why? or better yet, why not?

For example: Wallflowers. It actually takes a lot of energy to NOT dance, yet our tendency is to protect ourselves, to not dance out of fear. If I can get off the wall, it doesn’t feel nearly as bad... the worst regrets are the things I haven’t done versus the one’s I did badly. Everyone needs to warm up and practice, and the more you do that the less time it takes to warm up and practice and the easier it is to find acceptance, to remember “oh, I just need a warm up”.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I did a photo series called Drift, an existential idea inspired by drift fishing, where you sit in the boat and just let the wind take you... 

I had an idea in my head, a quick vision... the process is the work, it’s much harder, a lot longer, however, in the process of being wrong I found solutions, I found something better cause it’s what actually works.

Waking from the dream state of just living with the idea, I felt impelled to do it, to start taking pics that don’t work and don’t feel right, to admit I didn’t know what I was doing till I did it.

– BENJAMIN New York, NY Artist & Photographer

Benjamin’s photographic arts, performative sculpture and other artistic endeavors can be seen on his website HERE.

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Wrong is Right #18/100: Olivia - Blogger - Dublin, Ireland

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

The first thing I think of is being pessimistic, because when you expect the worst to happen then what actually happens can surprise you... you end up being happily surprised, which is a relief... so it can actually make you happy to be wrong. 

It’s also right for the greater good in an argument or disagreeing with someone. If you can look beyond the now and consider the greater good then you can see it might actually be better in the long run to be wrong, for me and for everyone.

Wrong is important for balance and harmony too... it’s such an important and admirable quality in someone when they can recognize they’re wrong and acknowledge it. Not a lot of people will actually admit they’re in the wrong because it’s difficult, and humbling. However, being wrong is a more admirable trait versus being stubborn, and way better than the alternative of total “rightness".

Being wrong is also a test of forgiveness, of friendship and intimacy... sometimes being a little wrong is a great way to test people’s reactions. You can’t control what’s around you, only how you react. If there’s something wrong then I need to look back at my own actions and reactions.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

If it’s sudden, it’s like “SHIT!”... like shock... in the chest, first in and then outside my face turns red and I start blushing.

Also, if you cover it up you just end up looking stupid... it can be liberating to just say I’m sorry and but it all on the table. 

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

College felt wrong, then showed itself as being right for me. In that case, doubt was just the fear of being wrong or failing.

I think it’s good to be wrong cause you learn things. I could be more right then wrong, could also be wrong about that!

There was a time I stole $20 from my mom’s purse once and put it outside in front of the door and claimed it was found. It was so wrong and I felt so guilty that I swore I would never steal again, and I never have.

– OLIVIA Dublin, Ireland Blogger

Olivia is in the midst of exploring New York City in search of markers of authentic Irish identity (i.e. not just Irish-themed pubs), which can be seen HERE.

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Wrong is Right #17/100: Devin - Journalist & Writer - Los Angeles, CA

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

It's really only right to be wrong in retrospect. If you know you're wrong and you do it anyway, well... that is wrong. If you don't know whether you're wrong and you try something in the hopes of being right, then you are right, just to try.

What I want to do is sit in this cabin where I'm researching in Sasabe, AZ and know all the answers about what to write, instead, what I sense is that my success is a major numbers game and I have to write many ways to get to what’s right to write. There is no knowing.

When you’re starting out it’s better to be wrong, because you don’t know it’s wrong... you discover it. 

With my tutoring company I tried everything!!! I only got to success because I went to cheesy meetings for networking... 90% of our current six-figures business can be traced to one party on one night that I was not excited to go to. 

There were many roads I stopped going down once I figured out the formula, however, the formula only came from being willing to go down many roads. I have to be willing to do ALL the things and one will stick and one will work and I just have to start doing them. Period.

Then there is another kind of wrong, the wrong where you know it’s wrong. The unfortunate thing is that if you know it’s wrong while you’re doing it then there is not a lot to learn from doing it again... like picking wrong men: It’s fine when you’re 25 and under; it sort of stops being interesting after that point.

Still, I make decisions that are wrong over and over again. It takes so much accountability to be right all the time and there is so much you leave behind to be right.  

In personal relationships I don’t always need the other person to know I feel differently about something. It’s always right to admit you’re wrong when you know it, to have humility. Being right all the time is wrong because it prevents closeness.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Like a tightening I’d say, in my stomach, like a low, dull weight... the opposite of something you can let go of, especially if it’s a wrong I’m going to have to make right.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I think we really only know what was wrong and what was right once we've ended up somewhere we can call––if even for a minute––right.

Years ago, I started a writing project that ended up getting an explosive, polarized response with praise that was mostly private and criticism that was very public. When you're a young writer, you carry around a certain set of fears: you're going to write something and people will hate it, they'll say it's awful and you're awful, and your voice doesn't count and that you shouldn't be a writer and they'll throw tomatoes at you. And this is basically what happened, even the tomato throwing, in a modern, internet kind of way... I remember one critic saying about my partner and I: "we have nothing to learn from these girls.” 

It's a weird thing when all your fears come true, especially when you're so young. At first, of course, it's crushing––I hid under my covers for months, crying, feeling so sad and misunderstood... how had this happened? especially when at the beginning, it had all seemed so right––I'd only found this project through a chance day job, and then a series of serendipitous encounters––I just could not figure out how something that had started with so much grace had gone so very, very wrong.

I know now, for so many reasons, that all of that happened exactly as it should have. Almost as soon as the project ended, I got my first journalism job on a very controversial beat in a very controversial state. Everyone I needed to interview was absolutely terrified of being misunderstood and misrepresented, and I never would have been able to understand these fears so clearly and deeply had I not just gotten out from being on the other side. I now had these huge reserves of empathy and I knew: I'm putting people into the public record, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that they recognize themselves there. 

I guess the lesson is to be able to look at decisions which have led us to unclear places and accept that as long as we were making the most present, honest decision in that moment, it was the right one... right?

– DEVIN Los Angeles, CA Journalist & Writer Devin is currently based in Sasabe, AZ researching and reporting on the realities of immigration and life on the US/Mexico border.

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Wrong is Right #16/100: Sarah - Education Disrupter - New York, NY

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

Because people tell you it’s right to be wrong? They say when you’re wrong you learn from mistakes, that you know truly what’s right. They say everything worth doing is worth doing over. Still, when I’m wrong I know it and I think I should just keep that to myself... I’m not ok with being wrong just because everyone says you should be.

It’s not worth it to be wrong... I feel like I can learn with out being distraught... I feel perfectly happy and accomplished, like I know the secret to being right, to success, which is to just not be wrong! (laughter)

So yeah, clearly I have a problem with being wrong. I think it’s ok to be wrong, yet it’s something I don’t accept for myself. 

I’m way better at being wrong on a team because the responsibility is shared. If I do something and it’s mine alone then there is more pressure because I can’t place blame anyone else.

I don’t have practice being wrong. I do have practice validating what might be wrong as being right till someone I like, or enough other people, agree with me that I’m right... I curate the whole situation to avoid being wrong. (blush)  

BEING WRONG FEELS?

I definitely cry. I hate being wrong. I interrupt people a lot because of it, before they can tell me I’m wrong. 

When I’m about to do something where I could be wrong I get extreme back sweat... in fact I always wear a camisole under my shirt when I know it could go bad... my armpits sweat and smell, and I can’t say what I want to say... I become completely inarticulate. 

I cry from the build up of stress, one moment I blink and there’s the big crocodile tear. 

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

For my first job out of college I moved abroad to work with an organization in England with a mission of spreading the sport of lacrosse. My company had a massive annual party, and my co-workers told me again and again that it was a wild party, which in the end I accidentally took to mean something other than what it really was. I was 22 so I was also kinda dumb. I made poor decisions leading up to and at the party and as a result I got fired.

I felt so much shame about returning home saying I was fired from my first job so I decided to travel and do a Euro Trip, and of course our trip was a disaster also. It really was the ultimate fail and wrong for me, it was clear I needed to just go home. 

In reality I am a rational and smart person, and when I got home I realized I desperately needed a right path. In a sense, the extremity of the wrong forced me to pivot, to ask myself who I really am and what I wanted to do. 

During my time at home, I was reconnected with a friend from high-school and ended up taking a job with a company that I still work for today, a job that I love. Looking at it now, maybe it was an accidentally on purpose wrong because it actually made me pivot. In fact, maybe this is when it’s right for me to be wrong, hahaha... being wrong is only good for me when I need to pivot.

– SARAH New York, NY Education Disrupter

Explore Sarah’s secrets for success HERE.

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you know you’re hurting someone... and when it’s more important to be right for love... I’d rather be wrong to the world and be with my loved ones than be right with strangers... also when you are morally right even if it is legally wrong.

If my conscious says it’s right then I don’t mind being wrong... I’d be really wrong to ignore my conscience. If I’m being judged for being wrong by others it doesn’t matter... there is more happiness in doing “my right.”

I’m right to my conscience more than right to society. Four years ago I was more wrong to myself and more right to the world. I would debate about it and argue with my conscience. Now, I am mostly right to myself and trying to be 100% right to my conscience; I want to kill my lingering rightness to society unless it’s also right with my conscience.

Society’s “right” is commoditized, selfish and consumeristic... a “right” where people feel happier buying products rather than giving kisses to loved ones... a “right” where people would rather buy expensive jewelry as an apology than have a conversation that might matter more.

I also don’t mind apologizing with my whole heart... apology offers a way of repenting. I’ve been wrong a lot of times before but the last 3 - 4 years I’ve been trying to cut down on the times I’ve been wrong to myself... it’s not my ego, it’s my happiness that matters.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

When I’m wrong to myself I feel weak... I question myself, punish myself so much... it’s the worst time of all the times of my life.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

Years ago one of my very closest and best friends––like a sister to me––from undergrad fell in love with someone that I didn’t trust, and I didn’t comment because I didn’t want to be wrong and I didn’t think it was place.

Her parents disapproved as well, however, they trusted me so much because we were so close that her dad said, “if George says it’s ok then I am ok with it.” So, she asked me my opinion and I had to tell the truth... my truth. 

I felt right about telling the truth, AND I still wondered if I was wrong to say anything at all, however, I was definitely wrong in her perspective and we had no contact for four years. 

Two or three years later the guy ditched her for the exact reasons I had said he would. She didn’t come back to me as a best friend, however, I called and spoke to her after I heard the news, and sent her loving words. 

A few years later she found a perfect match. And now, even though we don’t speak a lot, when we do she thanks me even though she didn’t get it at the time. It turned out the whole situation, both of our wrongs, were the right thing to happen. 

– GEORGE Chennai, India Brand Thinker

See how George is pursuing his mission to be 100% true to himself HERE.

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When following your instincts... your sixth sense. You can’t justify it, it’s inside, you can only feel it... so even if you are wrong on the outside, in the end you know it must be right because you know you followed your truth.

For me, my truth is an idea that is aligned with a value, a belief, with what I want to be unto myself... the kind of human I want to be... how I want to treat people. 

In general, I think I am more wrong in my actions than I would like to be, and I’m too proud to admit it. I wish I could be more comfortable with being wrong.

More importantly, I am still learning how to avoid being wrong to myself, disrespecting myself, my values, in moments when I can’t seem to position myself in a way that is true to me. I’m still learning the tools to be true to who I am. I think this is a thing you learn throughout your whole life.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

I think it has phases. First, it’s something in the throat... I can’t breathe or swallow,... like there’s an orange in the middle of my throat.

Then even though it’s inside my body I can put it out... I can cry or pull some hair out or run... something! That’s the second phase.

The last phase is feeling what I learned. The challenge is to be patient when going through the process... I keep forgetting that it’s a cycle... that still surprises me every time even though I know it.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I had this boyfriend... and I had a crisis about being jealous of what he did after we broke up. I wasn’t right to feel the jealousy I felt, and I had the feeling in me for months, and shared it with so many people! I wanted so badly to be free of the emotional mess. 

But really it was right... all of it... because I learned what is impossible for me in a relationship, and what it is essential in a relationship... what is necessary for me to look for in a partner and in friends. 

It was wrong to behave that way and go all those months being that way, yet I learned much more than in an easy breakup! 

– JULIA Sao Paolo, Brazil Business Strategist

Discover more about Julia’s thoughtful insightful perspective on both business and life HERE.

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

It’s always better to be loving than to be right. Rather than have the escalation of willfulness between people it’s better to be wrong... it’s also better to live from core principles than to talk about them.

I used to care more about being wrong, to get into it when I thought it really mattered, to argue, and to win.

It develops humility to know you’re not right. Alright to stay open and aware, to keep learning. 

Patience, now is better, don’t have to be so hyper.. it helps develop a relaxed state of mind, more peacefulness and more humility... more listening, which I think is underrated. 

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Gosh, not sure I’ve ever thought about that... in my stomach, like my whole body is on alert. Like wanting to pounce in the ring, everything is amped up, gets faster... hyper.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

A number of years ago I got in the middle of a situation with my cousin and her family and though in the moment I was genuinely wanting to be helpful, I see now that it was wrong of me to get involved in their business at all. 

Over time, however, it’s been ok. In a certain way it revealed the lack of depth in the friendship to begin with. It made me wonder why I invest in those who don’t invest in the communication and forgiveness it takes to make a lasting relationship work.

I’m sorry for losing the relationship with my Aunt and her family... AND, it’s kind of a relief at the end of the day because it taught me how to cull true friends from other friends... friendships in which you’re not afraid to be walking on eggshells all the time.

– NANCY Los Angeles, CA Artist & Stylist

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

One thing fed to me is that it’s right to be wrong in fail-forward situations. When you face circumstances in personal relationships or a project or just life’s process when you don’t know enough to make an entirely right decision at that exact moment... only by taking a risk are you going to move at all.

So, then, maybe always?

For me personally, I’ve tried to oust “regret” from my mind. I get worried that it’s an odd sort of comfort... when you’re faced with regret and don’t want to acknowledge it you feel paralyzed.

It’s also a lot easier to think people you don’t know at all are wrong... they are just an idea... like Dick Cheney.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

I can think of two different feelings:

There are situations when it’s hilarious, even energetic... lots of laughing because there are not a lot of expectations of myself or others.

When you have a lot at stake and something is really important to you the feeling is different... nauseous... it’s all over the stomach area, slightly feverish, like having a fever for a moment... total disorientation...

(long pause)

A mood can make everything seem wrong... I used to have a shower curtain with a map of the world on it and I would test myself on the capital cities, and some days I would get a bunch right and feel proud and other days I’d feel like I didn’t get enough right.  

And honestly, I want to be seen as more wrong more often because it pushes me into action... in hindsight you can appreciate what’s wrong.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

One was a big life decision, getting out of a 7-year relationship at the end of my 20s. It was rough and grinding... even though I was clear I wasn’t going to change my mind, it felt so wrong. Then year or two passes and its clear it was right to happen. 

I learned how to listen with all my might to the internal drive to do something important, how to recognize what that feels like... it might feel awful, yet you have to trust that something––that deep and urgent feeling––is pushing you towards what is right to happen. That is so important for know how to cope and be resilient in the future when faced with real loss, trauma and death along the way... it gives you what you need to keep moving. 

– CESSI New York, NY U.N. Consultant

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

(long silence) When it’s more right for someone else to be right.

Definitely in relationships, you don’t always have to be right cause the other person sometimes just needs to be the one that’s right... if you’re always the right one you can end up hurting people’s feelings or creating an imbalance in the relationship.

It’s also right to be wrong in situations when you’re just trying out new things... offering potential solutions to something, trying to come up with a way of doing something. It’s ok cause if it wasn’t you’d be afraid to make any suggestions in the first place.

AND... it’s right to be wrong when trying to get somewhere cause getting lost can be the best part of the trip... rarely, but sometimes.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

My emotions are directly tied to my physical state... I feel it all over... my head, I blush, beads of sweat breakout... my pupils probably dilate.

Honestly, I can feel it anywhere on my body. It produces tightening in my chest... like there is a spool of thread at the center of my chest w/threads attached to all different parts of my torso and when I’m wrong the spool turns and pulls all the strings tighter. 

Admitting the wrong makes a huge difference. I feel generally the need to admit the wrong. In fact, it’s usually my first instinct. Sometimes I even admit wrong when I’m not wrong. Unfortunately that’s my default way of interacting with the world... feeling wrong.

A lot of times I think of the world as a set of decisions––every day when I wake up life is a mine field of decisions. It’s impossible to know how many will be right or wrong because all of them could be either... I was blessed with the talent of second-guessing.

When it comes to judging people’s character, it’s very rare that I’m surprised. At work, however, I give people more credit for their competence than I give myself. I automatically assume people have more to offer than I do, and those judgments of them being right and me being wrong are directly connected with my self esteem.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

I was on a kayaking trip with my girlfriend and we got completely lost because I was completely wrong about where we were supposed to stop. I remember the moment when I had to tell her just how wrong I was. 

When I think about the way she handled that moment I chuckle to myself because what that experience ultimately revealed was far better than the hit my pride took... it showed me that this was somebody who could perhaps handle my multiple ... (laughter) ... I mean, handle me, let’s just say it showed she can handle me. 

– ANONYMOUS New York, NY Non-Profit Attorney

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you’re really secure in who you are, you know being wrong doesn’t define you.

I once had a pastor who said you can be a person of the very best character, and still the hardest thing is to be wrong.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Like being at the top of a roller coaster... for a second it’s like you’re leaning over the edge, you can see the fall, and you can’t help wondering why you ever got on the ride... then I just go, “ok, I’m sorry, I was wrong” and it’s gone.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

Me? Wrong? Pssh... I’ve been married nearly 10 years, I’m wrong continuously in my relationship, and I’m closer to my husband as a result... it’s all about being vulnerable

Transparency brings people closer. Every day with my husband it’s good to find ways I’m wrong... even little things, like the temperature of the house, being healthy, all of it. In a relationship you reflect things to one another, even the wrong things, and being honest about it keeps you working together. 

– TOLU New York, NY Photographer

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you want to be free... released from ego and feel more connected to someone rather than your ego alone.

More connection is available when you’re not proving a point... when you’re humble enough to see outside yourself... to hear what someone else is saying, stay open minded and watch your walls come down.

There are of course distinctions... at work, there is a large expense for being wrong... in fact it’s my job to not be wrong. In an argument with a peer or a friend, however, I’m more willing, in fact I’m actually working on being wrong more often.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

It depends. Sometimes it’s a relief, you can just sigh and your shoulders slump... you actually feel more light.

Sometimes it’s tense, though, in my chest, in my hands... tight... that’s usually when I’m wrong and I don’t know how to handle the emotions yet... before the freedom comes.

For me, feeling wrong is a process that involves layers of emotion. I don’t always get to the freedom right away. When I’m stuck in the wrong it’s hot, like heat under the surface... not hot like a flame... hot like lava.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

One of my biggest fears at work is that I will accidentally put another customer’s data in a client presentation. A few weeks ago it actually happened, and I had to admit my wrong to the client and the entire meeting.

Ultimately, there were not serious repercussions, however, I had to have a hard conversation with my Sales Rep. In the end, it was the right thing to happen because it forced my Rep to set new standards for our process that are yielding more guidance from her, which I’d been wanting to ask for!

– CHARLOTTE Brooklyn, NY Sales Analyst @ LinkedIn

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

Always. The only condition in which you’re right is when you’re questioning a “right”... when you’re inserting a strong variable of doubt where answers have been.

I pretty much assume I exist in a constant state of wrongness... until proven otherwise. 

The process of being wrong is what leads you to rightness. I like to start with “I don’t know,” and accept I am likely to be wrong–perpetually wrong–except for a rare few moments I’ll be right... maybe.

On the other hand, the experience of being wrong is almost unattainable because by the time you realize you’re wrong, you’ve understood what is right.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Depends on how much you have vested in the belief that something is right or wrong... we tend to believe that right now our beliefs are permanently right, however, if you look back over time almost all our larger beliefs as people, and as society will be challenged or proven wrong.

When I know I’ve done something wrong, it’s like being in a “no fly zone”... like I’ve fallen into absolute deep black hole where everyone I know is walking around the edge and I can’t reach them.

I think the pain comes because we will claim we believe our “wrong” beliefs until we have new “right” ones to substitute them with... it’s the in between zone that hurts... I feel it all over my chest, and in my lower back, and it fucking bites... 

The funny thing is that admitting you’re wrong actually makes you right... the process is so painful though, and it’s not immediate... I have to just relax and breathe it out.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

Chris and I were in Thailand about 9,000 miles into our 16,000 mile bike trip. I was so distressed and stressed out from traveling, from having no private space; I couldn’t stand the sight of Chris when I woke up in the morning. As we left for Laos, I thought to myself, “I don’t have to be this stressed, I don’t actually have to finish this trip.” I snapped and told Chris “I’m not going to Georgia!!!”... our starting point for the last leg of the trip.

Because the process of going from wrong to right is not linear, time passed and I pondered what I’d said. A day or two later Chris said he was going anyway that he'd do it alone. This hit me hard and I knew I'd been wrong, wrong to quit, wrong to abandon my partner, wrong about what I really wanted to do and, honestly, I thought, “I’m gonna look like the biggest pussy if he goes and I don’t... I won’t be able to look anyone in the eye” so I went.

In the end it turned into the best, most amazing fantastical and transformational part of our trip.

– MORGAN New York, NY Journalist & Explorer

Check out Morgan’s “The Ultimate Bromance” piece on Thought Catalog to discover more about his two year Postulate One cycling trip from Hong Kong to Paris.

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

During the growing processes of life... I think being wrong is an important part of moments of learning, to find understanding. Being wrong reveals pieces of life that show you which paths are not for you.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

When I’m responding against my values and going with my environment I feel it in my heart and my soul... it’s hot in my chest, I can’t breathe.

It’s like something you want to get off, you know it’s bad and you want to get rid of it but you can’t... there’s no rewind button to use.

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

My first job interview at a big agency. I tried to act a certain way based on how I judged my interviewer, I tried to fit, to pretend I connected with her and it was all wrong. I was just fake and I didn’t get the job and it made me super sad... I felt like everything was going to go bad in my life.

Later I was telling my friend and it triggered a revelation that perhaps I fit better in another department so I interviewed again with Planning and I told myself “I just want to say what I have to say, what I have in my mind, what I feel” and if they like it, they will pick me, and if not, then I’ll just go somewhere different.

I learned then that it is the right thing to trust myself, to always be who I am.

– JULIAN Mexico City, Mexico Storyteller & Brand Strategist @ McCann Worldwide

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When you don’t know... because you’re not expected to know everything. I taught myself to be wrong by being wrong a lot... learning the hard way.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

Sucks for a second, then you learn and it’s cool... in the chest, it makes your heart fast. 

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

Sports arguments, cause those are the ones that you can be real sure about.

– EHI Brooklyn, NY Barista @ CUP Coffee


Check out Ehi's lens on the world on Instagram: @nemerihe

[whenwrongisright]

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG…

When it helps someone else to be successful.

It's comforting to know I'm not always right... would be stressful to have to always be right cause it would make you responsible for the failures of all. 

Consequences are the world's way of asking, "is this what you really want?"... they are gifts that allow you to see what your actions have created.

BEING WRONG FEELS?

When I'm wrong and my athletes succeed I feel humbled and proud... it is nice to be surprised that they are even better and more powerful than I perceive them to be.

When I'm wrong and my athletes are unsuccessful I feel frustrated... it feels hot in my belly and my chest... like being sick or nauseous... like I failed them. 

DESCRIBE A MOMENT BEING WRONG WAS RIGHT:

Getting arrested... because it stopped me in my tracks and didn't allow me to keep harming myself.

– BLANCO Brooklyn, NY USAW Olympic Lifting & CrossFit Coach @ Brooklyn Barbell Club & CrossFit Virtuosity