Could you make a scenario where Furina has her first kiss with the reader? I can imagine her being very nervous, since she has never kissed before.
A First Kiss in Fontaine
Summary: Furina confesses that she has never kissed anyone before and is nervous about making a fool of herself. After some gentle reassurance, you share a soft, first kiss together. Despite her usual dramatic and confident persona, Furina is vulnerable in this intimate moment, and the two of you find a quiet connection under the moonlit sky of Fontaine.
Tags: Furina x Reader, First Kiss, Nervousness, Vulnerable, Romantic Fluff, Soft Moments, Sweet Romance.
[Header credits]
The night air in Fontaine was crisp, carrying the distant hum of water fountains and the faint melody of the Opera Epiclese. The city, bathed in the glow of street lamps, seemed to whisper secrets only the river could understand. You and Furina stood on a balcony overlooking the Court of Fontaine, the glistening waters reflecting the stars above.
Furina, ever the theatrical figure, leaned against the marble railing with her usual flair. But tonight, something was different. Her usual confidence felt… brittle, as if it might shatter with a single word. Her hands fidgeted with the lace on her sleeves, and she avoided your gaze—a stark contrast to her usual dramatic bravado.
"Tell me," she began, voice softer than usual. "What do you think of this city at night? Grand, isn't it? A spectacle, as always!" She laughed, but it was airy, almost nervous.
"It’s beautiful," you said, watching her more than the city. "But I think the company makes it even better."
That earned you a reaction. Furina’s fingers froze mid-motion, and she blinked rapidly, her eyes darting to yours. "You—! A-aha, what a charming compliment! As expected of someone with refined taste!" She flipped her hair dramatically, but the way her voice wavered gave her away.
She was nervous.
You tilted your head, stepping a little closer. "Furina, are you alright?"
"I—Of course, I am!" she declared, though her hands clenched into small fists at her sides. Then, she sighed, her shoulders sinking just slightly. "It’s just… I—hmpf! This is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. But..." Her voice trailed off, and she suddenly looked away, her cheeks tinged with pink.
You waited, giving her time. Furina, despite her outward theatrics, was rarely this hesitant.
After a deep breath, she turned back to you, eyes shimmering with something uncertain. "I… I have never kissed anyone before," she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. "Not once. And I—! I refuse to be terrible at it!"
You blinked, caught off guard by her confession. Then, a small smile tugged at your lips. "Is that what you're worried about?"
"Of course!" she huffed, crossing her arms. "What if it’s awkward? What if I—what if I make a fool of myself? What if—"
"Furina." You reached for her hand, and she tensed but didn't pull away. Instead, she stared at your fingers laced with hers, swallowing hard. "It doesn’t have to be perfect."
She looked up at you, vulnerability flickering in her expression. "But I want it to be," she admitted quietly.
Your heart ached at the honesty in her voice. You squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Then let’s make it special."
For once, Furina had no grand speech, no dramatic proclamation. She simply nodded, letting you guide her. You lifted your free hand to her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath your fingertips. She was trembling, but she didn’t pull away.
You leaned in slowly, giving her every chance to stop. But she didn’t. Her breath hitched, her eyes fluttering shut as your lips finally met hers.
It was soft. Tentative. A moment suspended in time, just the two of you and the quiet melody of Fontaine’s waters in the background. Furina let out a small, shaky sigh against your lips, and you could feel her relax, melting into the warmth of the kiss.
When you finally pulled away, she remained still for a moment, as if processing what had just happened. Then, her eyes blinked open, and her cheeks were a shade deeper than before.
"Ahem!" She cleared her throat, looking away. "W-well! That was… acceptable! Quite good, actually! You—you have proven to be a worthy first!"
You chuckled. "Glad to hear it."
She turned back to you, her expression softer now. "We should—perhaps—do that again sometime," she mumbled, trying (and failing) to sound nonchalant.
You grinned. "I’d love to."
And under the moonlit sky of Fontaine, with the gentle waves whispering their approval, Furina smiled—genuine, unguarded, and beautifully hers.
you’re walking together after school, the sky painted with streaks of pink and gold, the soft hum of cars and chatter around you. your fingers brush against his accidentally—or maybe not-so-accidentally—but somehow, his hand finds yours. just that small, natural intertwine, nothing announced, nothing official.
malachi stiffens for a fraction of a second, like he’s been hit by a jolt he can’t explain. he’s trying to play it cool, shoulders relaxed, face smirking like he’s fine. but inside? his chest is tight, heart hammering, brain screaming 'we’re just friends. why do I feel like this? why is her hand in mine making me feel…this?'
you glance at him, grinning softly. “you’re awfully quiet, chi,” you tease, letting the nickname slip casually.
his fingers twitch. 'chi…did she just say—why did that word do that to me?' he clears his throat, forcing a chuckle. “quiet’s…good. lets…enjoy the walk.” his voice is too low, too thick, and he notices the faint hitch in it himself, flinching slightly.
you laugh, squeezing his hand lightly as you step over a puddle. he freezes mid-step, blinking at your touch, then immediately jerks his hand back as if it burned him. he wants to scold himself—he shouldn’t feel like this—but the warmth of your hand, the subtle scent of your perfume, the effortless way you move through the world…it’s pulling him apart.
you stop near a little park, leaning against a fence to tie your shoe. he crouches slightly behind you, offering his hand so you don’t tip forward. it’s innocent. friendly. but the way your hair brushes against his arm, the faint scent clinging to him—it makes him forget how to breathe.
“oh…thanks, chi.” you murmur softly, looking up at him, casual smile lighting your face.
he freezes. heart hammering. 'she said it again…why does that word…' his hand twitches, caught halfway between letting go and holding on. he’s too aware of the brush of your fingers against his, too aware of the curve of your shoulder, too aware of everything that shouldn’t matter because we’re just friends.
he sits beside you on the nearest bench, knees almost touching yours, but he can’t bring himself to move away. every laugh that escapes you, every casual flick of your hair, every shift closer—it scrambles him more. he fidgets, clears his throat, mutters something about the clouds, about the park, anything. but his words are flat because his eyes are glued to you, tracing your movements.
“chi... you okay?” you ask, tilting your head, playful, completely oblivious to the storm inside him.
“yeah…perfect,” he says too quickly, voice low, smirk faltering as he squeezes your hand—just a little too tight, and instantly lets go, pretending nothing happened. internally, though, he’s screaming. 'I shouldn’t feel like this. we’re friends. I can’t…'
you laugh again, leaning back, brushing a strand of hair from your face. his chest tightens, and he has to physically resist leaning forward just to be closer. he wants to brush the hair from your face himself, wants to tuck it behind your ear, wants to touch you in a way that isn’t just friends, but he can’t. shouldn’t. 'we’re just friends.'
so he sits there, smirking awkwardly, half-fumbling with his water bottle, heart pounding, brain scrambled, hands restless, all while holding yours.
every casual touch, every subtle glance, every natural 'chi' from you—it’s like a wire short-circuiting inside him. and he can’t stop it. he knows he should, but he can’t.
as you stand to leave, your hands brushing one last time, he squeezes yours again—just slightly—before letting go, cheeks burning. internally, he’s still screaming, still confused, still captivated. externally, he’s pretending it’s nothing, trying so hard not to let that charm of his that you loved so much falter.
but you? blissfully unaware. casual, easy, the way you always are. and malachi…he’s unraveling, lost in the in-between of friendship and something he doesn’t dare name.
malachibartonsangel speaks:
once again a short one!
this was kinda in his pov but i hope you liked it!
Your body surged forward slightly with the sudden interruption of your momentum.
"Wha....? Oh, no, no no no. Not today!"
As you were looking over your shoulder toward oncoming traffic to make a right turn, you failed to notice that the car in front of you hadn't yet moved out of the way before you accelerated. A nice, shiny, high-end car.
"Shit, shit, shit," you cursed internally, though you could barely hear yourself think over the pounding of your heart in your ears. You followed the car as it pulled over onto the shoulder. You shakily fumbled with your seat belt and hazard light button and made a beeline to the rear of the other vehicle to look at the damage. The slow impact only left two small - but still very visible - circular impressions of the screws of your now cracked license plate frame in the rear bumper of this very expensive looking car.
"I'm so...," you started as the other driver opened their door. Dark curls hung down as he exited the car before he pulled his sunglasses up onto his head like a headband. "...sorry," you trailed off to a whisper.
Your heart fluttered when you locked eyes with this model-like being walking your way. He was too beautiful to be human. You cleared your throat and looked away, suddenly unable to form any cogent thought as the wiry man stopped to survey the damage, hands on his hips.
"Are you okay?" he asked calmly, shifting his gaze toward you.
The dam broke, and tears streamed down your face. "M-me? I should be asking you! I- I thought you had already gone. I was looking at traffic and saw an opening, and, and...," you responded in frantic rapid fire, gesturing wildly between your car and his.
"Whoa, slow down. It's ok. I'm ok. What's your name?"
"[Y/N]," you squeaked out, throat clenched from crying.
"[Y/N], I'm Timothée," he replied softly, like you were a scared and wounded animal.
"Timothée, umm, I'm so sorry." Your eyes dropped to your vibrating hands as you tried to pull up your insurance app on your phone. Of course, the fingerprint unlocking wouldn't cooperate when you needed it quickly. "I'm sorry, just a sec. My hands are shaking [awkward nervous laugh], and my insurance card is on here, and-"
The man held up his hands in a placating gesture. "It's okay, I promise. How about you just buy me dinner and we'll call it even?"
You looked up into his gorgeous green eyes in disbelief.
***
VOTE ON WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN THE COMMENTS!
Do you:
A) Stammer, agree, and continue to stare as he puts his number in your phone.
B) Drive away and never look back - he said it was okay!
C) Refuse, wanting to play by the rules because you know you're in the wrong. He still gets your contact info somehow and asks you out anyway.
It was Valentine's day, and guess what? A brand new amusement park opened up a week before! Games, food, rides, a dream come true heard through the boring building of the Cleaners HQ. Enjin had suggested that everyone would go for a small break from tough fights, to which about everyone agreed.
"I don't know, I'm not a fan of crowded places. Plus people are such slow walkers." Rudo mentioned in a disinterested tone, looking off to the side. He hadn't been to an amusement park before, all he knew was that they were for the rich side of the Sphere, and he hated it. He hated how they got to have everything good, how the rich flaunted it in everyone's face.
"You sure, Rudo? They've got candy and food, I was sure you'd love it." Zanka mentioned. Rudo couldn't tell if that was supposed to be sarcastic or not.
"You should go, Rudo!" Riyo added, an excited smile on her face. "Valentine's Day is meant to be spent with the people you love! Platonic or not!"
Enjin ruffled Rudo's hair with a playful smirk. "Yeah, Rudo. Don't you wanna hang out with Y/N, too? Everyone's coming, this could be a way to shoot your shot." Enjin teased, Rudo shoved him away.
"No way! I can't,that would ruin our friendship!" Rudo protested, a worried frown on his face.
"But you don't want to be friends, you wanna their boyfriend. It's so obvious." Riyo added, an eyebrow raised.
"Is it really that obvious...?" Rudo asked, the worry eating away at his brain.
"Nah, not enough to where they've noticed too." Zanka added.
"There's a big ferris wheel, if ya wanna go for it then." Enjin suggested casually. Rudo snapped his head towards him, his face going red. "What? All you gotta do is get alone with them, ask them out, and boom! Dating."
"SHUT UP, ENJIN, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Rudo snapped, shooting up from his seat and marching to the door. "But I will ask them! So they won't be alone at this boring building, it'd be rude to not invite them!"
Team Akuta watched Rudo leave the room, everyone turning to each other with whispers.
"It's so obvious it pains me to see them be so stupid." Riyo giggled.
"They could hang out the whole day. It's good development." Zanka shrugged, not too focused on Rudo's crush situation.
"Don't worry, team, I've got a plan." Enjin grinned, gesturing Riyo and Zanka huddle closer. "When we run out of games to do and we're all tired, I'll say we should all go to the ferris wheel! I'll get in a little cart with you two, and the lovebirds get their own. Foolproof plan, I know."
"Aren't you horrible with dating?" Riyo asked.
"Don't worry about that. I know it'll work, I feel it in my scalp." Enjin nodded.
"People usually say that they feel it in their gut, but okay." Zanka muttered.
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
It was early in the evening. You had originally said you weren't going so you could work on your gift basket, but you caved in when Rudo asked if you were doing anything today. The stress of what to put in that dumb gift was eating you alive, you needed a way to relax, anyway. So you hid the basket again and went to your room and brainstormed an outfit to wear.
You remember that weatherman that has hair that looked like a hammer said it'd be relatively cool with a small breeze, and it was definitely going to be a bit warm from all the crowds, but you can't wear something that makes parents nearby look at you with disgust.
You ended up deciding on something you'd usually wear when you're out and about, along with one or two heart accessories just to match with the whole Valentine's Day vibe. You also kept some stuff in your pockets just in case you needed something. It was basically just your wallet, chapstick, and gum, though.
So now you sit in the crammed car next to Rudo, Too Lily blasting on the radio. Since Enjin had suggested EVERYONE should go, it was a little crowded, but you didn't mind much since they just combined the supporters and Team Akuta into one car. Bro said he could drive Team Child and Team Eager with eachother to save space, August said he and Eisha drive there on his motorcycle.
You all stepped out of your vehicles and looked from the outside of the amusement park. You could see the bright lights and hear the sound of laughter echoing throughout the place, a sweet scent flowing from the inside. You paid for your own wristband while everyone paid for themselves, walking through the colourful archway with awe at the sight of everything around you. Friends, families, so many people all in one place enjoying themselves!
The adults had all discussed they'd split up by teams, just incase there was a surprise attack from the Raiders or something.
"Woooooaaaahhh!! Look at that! And that! And that bald guy!!!" you watched Guita exclaim, Bro clamping a hand down on her mouth before the bald guy she pointed out turned around.
Bro scolded Guita in a hushed voice. Enjin watched but turned to the rest of Team Akuta. "Alright, guys, don't stray too far. And tell me and the other adults here if you want to go somewhere." Enjin warned. "Even if you do get lost, you can always use the communication chokers. All clear?"
You looked around at everything around you with stars in your eyes. It felt like you died and went to heaven! "Oh man, this is so cool! There isn't many amusement parks around here, or anywhere for that matter!! They're all usually old and made WAYYYY long ago!" you beamed, scanning through the different attractions.
Rudo looked over with surprised eyes. "Really?"
"Mhm! What, you live in a circus tent up on the Sphere or something?"
"No?" Rudo shook his head, looking around with a neutral expression. "The cool parks and stuff was always on the better side of the Sphere, I only really heard of 'em and seen flyers."
"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH, RUDO! Let's do that one!!" you exclaimed, dragging Rudo along with you to a balloon dart stand. "Enjin, we're gonna be over here, 'kay?" Enjin gave you a thumbs-up and nodded. Riyo and Zanka seemed to exchange a knowing look with each other before you turned. Huh. Probably nothing.
"What're the prizes?" Rudo asked, looking up at the giant toys and plushies hung at the top and sides of the stand. He was about to ask you if you had any prizes you had in mind, but you suddenly pointed to a small toy at the middle of the table in the back.
"LOOK AT THAT THING!" you beamed, pointing at it like it was your long lost child. "IT LOOKS LIKE IF AN ALIEN, OCTOPUS, AND SLUG HAD A BABY AND BARFED IT UP IN GREEN, I LOVE IT SO MUCH, I NEED IT!!!" if you spoke any faster Rudo would've thought you had a secret rapping career that you didn't tell him about.
An employee noticed you screeching about that toy and walking over, gesturing to the balloons behind her. "If you hit five balloons, you get to take him home with you."
"I can do that!" You hit missed three in a row. You looked over to Rudo for help. "Oof, I wish someone would help meeee..." you dramatically put a hand over your heart and leaned towards Rudo.
"I can try, I guess." Rudo mumbled, a faint shade of pink taking over his face when you leaned against him. He managed to pop three balloons. If only you could do another, just one more point...
"Couples get a free throw, since it's Valentine's Day." the employee mentioned. You looked over at Rudo, who seemed to freeze up when the employee mentioned couples.
"We're... Uh... I mean, free is free, y'know...?" you laughed awkwardly, taking the dart and hitting one last balloon. You took the plushie and realized it came with a little keyring, clipping it onto one of the belt loops of your pants.
“Win anything cool?” Riyo asked, being one of the first in the group to notice you both come back.
"Uh-huh!" you nodded, showing off your keychain. You didn't even know what it was, to be honest. "And we got a free throw! It was awesome!" you almost brought up how it was because you and Rudo were seen as a couple, but you kept that to yourself.
You wandered with the group through the theme park in awe. So many things to do, you had no clue where to start. You suddenly felt someone tap your shoulder.
"Hey, five bucks you can't make that guy go into the water." Enjin grinned, pointing to a stall with a big sign that said 'DUNKING STATION'. It was basically just throwing tennis balls at a target to drop someone into an ice-cold pool.
"Easy-peasy! You're gonna lose five dollars, old man! Actually, make it ten! So I can split it with Rudo, double the prize!" you announced boldly, walking over to the stall with Rudo and asking for three balls to throw.
You missed the first, which definitely peeved you. Not to mention the guy that sat up on that dumb stool was tossing insults at you. You knew that was his job to sit there and piss people off, but it felt REALLY annoying.
You let Rudo have the next throw, which he barely missed! By probably an inch! Damn it, that could've been your ten dollars! Now you were down to the last tennis ball, and you really wanted to get that money.
"Wow, your little boyfriend can throw WAY better than you can, pipsqueak!" the employee mocked from his stool. You gripped the ball tighter. You could feel your face heat up, you couldn't tell if it was from the thought of you and Rudo being together or that minimum wage worker's teasing words.
You threw the tennis ball as hard as you could at the target, the ball slamming onto the red circle with a thud, the employee falling into the water below him. You proudly strut back to the group and held out your hand.
"I'd like my money now, please." you grinned from ear to ear as Enjin begrudgedly handed you two five-dollar bills. You handed the second to Rudo.
Zanka looked over at a food stand that had fries and drinks and all sorts of snacks. "Man, I'm starvin', can we stop for a sec?"
"Sure, I'll pay again." Enjin agreed and the group went to the stand. Enjin bought a burger, Zanka asked for a small tray of fries, Riyo wanted a HUUUUGE turkey leg(which you thought about getting), and Rudo bought doughnuts. You decided on a mozzarella sticks, they were pretty good.
"Woah, look at that." Rudo pointed out through a mouthful, his eyes on a tall rollercoaster.
"Aw, cool, rollercoaster!" you shoved the last mozzarella stick in your mouth and pointed at the rollercoaster. "Enjin! We should all go on that when we're done eating!"
Enjin raised an eyebrow, halfway finished with his hamburger. "Huh? Won't we throw up or something?"
"Hah! As if I'd let that happen, that'd be a waste of food."
( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)
You definitely jinxed it. You already started feeling lightheaded when the cart rose higher and higher. It felt like you where about to choke on your own lungs, gripping the bars that held you into your seat tightly.
"I'M SO FUCKING SCARED!" you could see the drop coming, and you were practically a puddle of your own sweat. You looked over beside you at Rudo, and he looked just as terrified as you. You moved your hand into his, squeezing each others hands tightly.
"I LIED ABOUT THAT TIME I SAID I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEFTOVERS! I ATE IT!" Rudo suddenly confessed, gripping your hand tighter.
"I DID, TOO!! I ATE YOUR BROWNIES, SORRY, Y/N!!!" Riyo added from behind you. Zanka didn't say anything, but you're sure he felt at least a bit nervous.
"Ooh, drama." Enjin said, squinting as if he'd get a better look at your cart. He said he'd watch everyone's bags and prizes while the rest of the team went on the rollercoaster.
You couldn't bring yourself to be mad at them. A stifled laugh left your lips. Before you could come up with something to confess, the cart dropped and the ride went on. As soon as you got off, you threw up onto the ground. The group stepped away to give you space.
You wiped your mouth and sat down on a bench. "Now my stomach hurts... That was a waste of money getting all of that food..." you complained, looking down at your feet. You look up at the sky with an exasperated sigh. The sun was setting, yet the day didn't feel like it was spent. You didn't feel satisfied, plus vomiting soured your mood.
"Where to now, people?" Riyo piped up, looking around at the different attractions.
"Somewhere calm, I'm tired from all this walkin' and noise." Zanka sighed, fixing his bangs.
"We meet up in the parking lot and wait until everyone else comes back." Rudo suggested, though, the idea didn't seem to appeal to anyone.
Enjin rubbed his chin with a thoughtful expression, an idea crossing his mind for once. "Got it! The ferris wheel!" Enjin recommended with a proud smile. "Everyone sits with whoever they want, great view, quiet chats, perfect for everyone!"
"Sounds good to me!" you beamed, a happy smile on your face.
Enjin, Riyo, and Zanka said they'd all take their own little cart(I completely forgot what they're called) while you and Rudo got your own together. Something about their knowing looks as you two stepped in made you wonder if this was planned all along.
The ferris wheel spun slowly, going higher and higher into the air. The view was gorgeous, the sky now a dark pool of black. There weren't many stars, since there were a lot of lights around you, but you didn't mind much. You and Rudo sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, both of you admiring the scenery. Though, Rudo seemed to be looking at you. That's weird.
"Do I have something on my face?" you giggled, unconsciously dusting off your face with your hands.
"No, no!" Rudo shook his head, his eyes darting around everywhere but your face. "Your face is fine. No, uh, your face is great! You look really pretty!" Rudo sputtered, sweat beading on his forehead.
You froze for a moment. Pretty. Your stomach felt like you were about to throw up again. "Thanks! Uhm... You look really cool..." you responded bashfully, looking back out the window.
Another silence fell between you both, the comfort replaced with something you couldn't put your finger on. Now it felt suffocating to be sitting so close. Were your palms always this clammy? Was your hair messy? Did you put on deodorant?
"Hey, Y/N?" Rudo suddenly spoke up, a nervous grimace spread across his face.
"Yeah?"
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
It felt like the bustling amusement park that surrounded the ferris wheel suddenly went quiet, just the space between you and Rudo being what mattered.
"I..." Rudo started, the words seemed to stick to his throat. Spit it out, Rudo! he thought. What would Regto say if he saw Rudo acting so shy? "Y/N, I think... I think I-"
He was suddenly cut off by the sound of shooting fireworks, his head snapping to the explosions of color filling the sky like a canvas. It was the second time Rudo had seen fireworks ever since Canvas Town, and yet he still felt so intrigued by such beauty.
Rudo's eyes looked back at you. The way you beamed at the sight, the way you leaned more towards the window to get a better look at the sky, the way the bright colors illuminated your face.
"You were saying, Rudo?" you looked back at him, leaning back in your seat.
"Uh... Nothing, I'll tell you some other time." Rudo muttered. No way he'd ruin this moment for a dumb crush. He can't just spoil it all by saying something stupid like 'I like you.'
Maybe another day.
You raised an eyebrow but shrugged, slowly scooting closer to him. "The Moon's gorgeous tonight, don'tcha think?" you relaxed against him, shoulders touching as you looked up at the now empty sky, the fireworks ending with a final pop.
You could feel Rudo flinch before slowly relax into your touch, his head pressed against the top of yours. "It is."
A small smile spread across your face. Something about his calm tone made your pulse speed up. Maybe it was the proximity, but it felt nice to be so close.
"I wish I could stay like this forever." you murmured quietly, more to yourself than Rudo. You hadn't meant to say it aloud, but of course, Rudo heard.
"You do?" he sounded surprised.
It didn't click to you how that sounded until Rudo responded, your face heating up. No point in lying now, since he already heard you.
"Yeah! I dunno, it's just really relaxing being up here with you, maybe it's just my exhaustion kicking in or something." you said quickly, ignoring the voice screaming in your head to tell him how you feel.
"... Me too." Rudo mumbled under his breath. You barely heard it, but you just smiled and inched your hand towards his.
You really wish you could stay like this now. Your hand wrapped around his, giving him a small squeeze. "I also think you're really cool. I'm glad you talk to me."
"I think you're cool, too." Rudo added, squeezing your hand back. "I don't know how you didn't hate me when we first met. It felt like everyone had some kind of... resentment towards me when I met everyone."
He wasn't wrong. You didn't have any reason to hate him besides him being a Sphereite, and you still didn't care much about that. Maybe it was because you didn't think you'd end up being this close with him.
"I like giving chances." you answered. "Well, I'm trying to. I didn't trust people much before you came along, so it felt nice to have someone listen and watch me bake. I didn't know if you were gonna leave, so I tested you a few times. You haven't left yet, so I'm gonna assume we're doing okay."
The ride eventually came to an end, your cart reaching the ground while you both stepped out.
"Ready to head back? I think everyone else is done, too." Enjin asked, glancing between you and Rudo's interlocked hands with a knowing look.
"Yup!"
"Yeah."
When you said goodbye and headed to your room, you took a long, warm shower. You held hands again! You thought you were about to vomit from joy when he didn't pull away, PLUS he thinks you're cool?! It felt like you died and went to heaven!
You slipped into some comfortable pajamas and laid down in bed, staring at the ceiling. Did that count as a date? Was it fun? Were you pulling him around too much? You brushed those thoughts away and drifted off to sleep, letting your exhaustion take over.
It's storming really bad here. Really, really bad. We've lost power. We've received fifteen fucking tornado warnings. I feel like I'm gonna have a massive panic attack, and I'm seriously beginning to think about moving far away from home. I never ever wanted to move in my life, but this? This is almost enough to make me change my mind. I feel terrified. Our neighbours have a massive tree, and it fell over. It fell right in our yard! It destroyed our fence and everything!
Power is not working. We've got no TV to distract me, no ability to do anything to calm me down! My stomach feels really sick. I feel nervous and scared for my life. I…oww. oww…my stomach really feels cramped and scared and stressed now. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! I'm stressing out.
Okay, I'm calming down slightly. I'm scared of needing to pee a lot, because I do keep feeling an urge to pee. But beyond that, I feel better. I'm calming down a tiny little bit. My dad has assured me I will not die from a tree breaking into the house and crushing me. I've been assured I won't die, which is making me feel a little bit less like a scared prey animal. But I'm still nervous. Thank gods my phone still has some battery life. Because even if I don't have data, I'm gonna need something to get me through this. Something to help me not curl into the fetal position and cry.
This is the first time I actually feel willing to move. Move far, far away. Move somewhere the storms aren't. Move somewhere where storms never, ever happen. Because I can't keep doing this. This is the second time this spring. I can't keep going through this. I can't! There's gotta be somewhere out there where the storms don't come. There's gotta be somewhere. I can't handle more storms. I can't. I just can't.
We've lost all power, so now we can't play DVDs or TV or nothing! I need power to come back before 9 pm tonight, because me? Me, sleeping in the pitch darkness? Yeah, I can only see that happening if my dad is directly on call to help me and manage my panic. I can't sleep in the dark by myself, I just know I can't. I can't and I won't.
I'm still stressed. But thank the gods for the invention of noise cancelling headphones. I've put those on my head, and suddenly this whole experience has become a little bit more bearable. I at least don't feel like I'm going to die any more, although I'm still really nervous and twitchy. I hate this. I hate this so, so much. I don't have many other words for it all, because what else can I say? It's just… really nerve wracking and anxiety inducing. I just saw more lightning, and I felt thunder rumble the whole house. My stomach is feeling like it's got severe indigestion now, and I feel like I've now got such tremendous fear running through me. A fear strong enough to leave me craving to move somewhere where no storms will ever hit. Or at least a place storms would only hit 0.009% of the time.
I'm being kind of hyperbolic. I still never really want to move. But also…this definitely does make me feel more amenable to it. It's amazing what the power of fear does to me. It really makes me scared. And with power now gone, I don't know if we'll get it back it until tomorrow. And I'm nervous about sleep tonight and everything. It's awful.
The panic is all gone. I'm not scared of dying anymore. I'm not panicking or anything. But it seems like we're not gonna get power back until really late at night tonight. And that's frustrating (for lack of any other word). Since I'm now less scared and more bored, I figure I'll try to write some other stuff to take my mind off my panic. But idk what exactly I'll write. I'll come up with something, I guess.
Pokemon Violet is having it's pokemon designs grow on me more. But even still, the open world aspect of the game really throws me off. Also, I don't know how I feel about the game being basically a lesson in micromanaging three different stories at the same time. I don't want to manage saving a dog, fighting an evil team and becoming a pokemon master all on my own! I want the structured, orderly rules of games past. Pokemon has had multiple storylines crisscrossing each other before. But usually they all follow a nice, linear progression. I get the impression scarlet and violet doesn't do that, and that puts me off it a tiny bit.
I may still play though. Not like I've got many other ideas for how to spend my days nowadays. I've gotta finish Pokemon Shield, and then I can consider a Lego game or two. But Pokemon Violet is still an option, I suppose. I'll keep myself open to it. But the DLC is a whole seperate thing, I suppose. I'll wait to make a decision on that until I've actually started Pokemon Violet, I suppose. And who knows when that'll be? Who knows?
There's still the tepid light of sunset coming in the house. But on the whole, I'd say our house is getting really dark. Beyond that, there's a lot of heat seeping into the house. A lot of heat. Thank gods for the portable fans. I don't know what I'd do without them. But I'm still frustrated there's no DVD player option available to us. With no power, all I've got is the ability to communicate with my dad and write notes on here.
We saw a robin land in our yard before the storm. Then we saw a bird's nest with intact eggs inside a fallen tree branch. I wonder if those two things were connected. They may have been. My stomach pains are slowly going away. The stomach cramps aren't bothering me as much anymore. But I think I'm settling down. I still stand by the remarks I said in fear earlier. But now? Now I think we settle in for the long haul and keep writing or doing other things until power returns.
I started this note at 6 pm. It's now 8 pm. So we've been two full hours without power. Just me and my dad and our dog, sitting in relative silence. I'm sitting in our new recliner, mainly as habit. I moved here earlier out of fear the window would break or something equally paranoid (the really old recliner seats nearer our windows). I'm starting to really regret my seating choices now, though. The sun's going down, and I'm sitting right in the path of it's glare. It's kind of warming me up, frustratingly. But yeah, who really knows when we'll get power back? I guess I still have to keep waiting.
Great. Just fucking great. Apparently the power is estimated to return at 6 am tomorrow morning! Tomorrow morning (the 20th of May)! I'm stressed again. This is the first time in my life that I've dealt with sleeping without power, and it's very distressing. I know I'll live through it, but still. It's very distressing, and I'm dreading it. It makes me want to intensify those threats about moving somewhere where there are no storms from before become way more serious. Way more serious.
I don't like to sleep in the dark. I don't do that. It's not something I feel mentally up for. But I feel like I'm gonna have to be mentally up for it now, and that's so distressing to me. I'm stressed about this now, and I'm just not happy that this has become me and my dad's life. This has become our lives, and that's freaking killing me.
I went up to bed at 10. Me and my dad both did. I think I fell asleep by 10:30 or so. It's hard to say that definitively, but I know that I did get to sleep eventually. So I did it. I slept in the dark! Well…not quite true. My dad had a small battery operated light on in my bedroom, so that helped. And then I just kept yelling to my dad whenever I was nervous and stressed. But eventually I got to sleep.
I woke up at 12:40 am or so, mainly because we got power back then. Power finally returned at midnight or shortly after midnight, so that woke me up. I fell back asleep again shortly after that. Before I fell back asleep, I realized I was sweaty. So I took my shirt off to try and escape the sweat, and then I fell back asleep. Then I woke up again at 3 am. I used my phone for a bit, and then I passed back out. Then I woke up at 7 am, and that brings us up to the present moment in time.
I'm still not feeling great, mind you. I'm still feeling incredibly congested, and I feel like my face is really greasy. I'm generally still having all those standard head cold feelings I always seem to get. I'm still stuffy, frustratingly.
I'm also still really on edge. The storm has freaked me out, and I think it'll take me a while to not fear for my life whenever we get a rainstorm. And I think it'll just be stressful, honestly. But I'm gonna go wash my face in a little bit, I think. I'm feeling weird, frustratingly. sigh…
