Fascinated by the fact that Mulder starts giving Scully quick, casual kisses after the cancer arc. Like heās realised that her life and his lifeāthat life in generalāis too short not to be affectionate with her. The first X Files kiss is the Memento Mori (4x14) forehead kiss in the hospital, which comes right at the height of Scullyās determination and resilience in this episode. Sheās decided sheās not going to let her cancer get in the way of her life, her work, or all the things sheās planned to do. And for Mulder, this is the sign that he hasnāt lost her. Her cancer took them both by surprise and whilst Mulder has always been aware of the danger their work puts her in, I donāt think he really thought about what it would be like to lose Scully until this episode. His kiss is full of relief.Ā āCome on back,ā he says, pulling her into his arms. Come on back to work, come on back to me.
His next kisses are when Scullyās cancer comes back. Heās been watching her more carefully since her release from the hospital, more than she probably likes. Every nosebleed is a reminder, every time she goes glassy-eyed and dizzy in the office. Her cancer comes back and Mulder throws away his cover for her because he canāt be losing her again.Ā But sheās being moved out of the ICU, which means sheās getting better, and Mulder canāt help himself. His lips are all over her in Redux II (5x02), on her cheeks, her hands, even the presence of her mother canāt stop him.
The FTF hallway almostĀ kiss comes next, āScullyā¦ marry meā from Chinga (5x10), the Arcadia fake-dating affection (6x15), theĀ āin case we never meet again (but also you donāt know me)ā Triangle kiss (6x03), not to mention theĀ āI love youā when he wakes up at the end. A lot of these are jokes, sure, but Mulderās always been one to joke and he doesnāt start making these sorts of jokes until after the cancer arc. Itās not quite like he doesnāt care anymoreāitās Scully, of courseĀ he caresābut he doesnāt care as much about what she thinks or feels about his affection like he did before the cancer. Iāve always thought of Mulder in the early seasons as someone who really wanted Scullyās opinions and input, on just about everything. He valued her insight so muchĀ that I think he let her in almost too quickly. Iāve always thought that Mulder pushed her hard in the early seasons, not in a bad way at all, but he pushed her to analyse his evidence and his work, to critique him and give it her full, legitimate attention. He wanted her to seeĀ what he was doing, and to validate, not his work per se, but himself, his effort and his passion, because no one else had ever even bothered to come down to the FBIās basement before she did. And once she did, he couldnāt get enough. Scully is his skeptic, his scientist, hisĀ ārigid in a wonderful wayā (3x13). She made him a whole person.
But life is too short and so he lets go of all that. Mulder has loved her and nearly lost her for so many years now that itās enough that sheās just here with him. He gives in to his impulses and he kisses her freely, expecting nothing in return, not even her attention (not that heās ever expected anything in return, itās Mulder). He kisses her because he wants her to experience every form of love that anyone could ever want to give her, because she deservesĀ it. He doesnāt care if she loves him back, if she hates him, ignores him, couldnāt care less, just wants to be friends. He loves her. Scully deserves love.
So itāsĀ āI love youā even if she laughs at him, āmarry meā even when sheās talking about witchcraft,Ā āhips before handsā even if itāsĀ a lame excuse to touch her, itās kiss after kiss after kiss even though heās stopped asking āwhat do you think of me? do you love me too?ā. As long as sheās not pulling away from him or showing signs of discomfort, heās got no reason to stop, because there is no world in Mulderās mind in which Scully doesnāt deserve it all.
āSo itāsĀ āI love youā even if she laughs at him, āmarry meā even when sheās talking about witchcraft,Ā āhips before handsā even if itāsĀ a lame excuse to touch her, itās kiss after kiss after kiss even though heās stopped asking āwhat do you think of me? do you love me too?ā
You killed me with this. Iām dead, op.
Sharing to mark Scullyās birthday š ā¤ļøššŖ©šāļø
