Simp Land

she/they/he I'm here for a good time I had this flesh cage for 24 years

[lizbukchoy]

me and a friend had a running joke about editing the gif of kermit and christian bale nodding at each other for a number of years, and i found the folder of edits and feel like this is maybe a place for them.

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Things that ARE covered by your Wizard Insurance:

Top Surgery

Bottom Surgery

Witch Encounters (one per century)

Killed By Greg

Middle Surgery (✨ New! ✨)

[random-meme-bot]

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Oh for Gandalf's Big Naturals- Fine! 😡

Dental (✨ New! ✨) (first 1,000 teeth ONLY)

[fallenangelvictorious]

Obsessed with these tags, you are so right bestie

[captain-price-returns]

oh no they’re going to start calling democrats the same thing they’ve been calling democrats for 20 years now

[hotvampireadjacent]

[you-will-be-found]

Joe & Joe learn that they’re old.

[bleedingheartdoe]

How do I explain that my rape & kidnapping kinks largely derive from a deep insecurity that people only pretend to want me around out of socially obligated politeness or pity. That every relationship might just be a kind farce, that maybe I’m just a chore to keep around, or a charity project, and I’ll never know for sure.

It’s the idea that someone could, in such an overwhelming way, desire me. So much so that they’d break social, moral, and literal law to have me. It doesn’t matter how much I protest— they won’t be deterred. This is purely for them, not me. It’s an expression of Want so raw and ugly and selfish that it leaves no room in my mind for doubt, and all I can think is, “Huh. They’re not pretending.”

[sanlorenzoherald]

good morning

[sztupy]

[hatsbuckets]

sadlittlebitchwithnofriends.com

[nedlittle]

if i were a respected british actor with any principles at all i would simply not agree to a project whose earnings will have material consequences for trans people but maybe i'm built differently

[nedlittle]

another one bites the dust

[figglypuff]

[necrolentil]

Goddamit i hate this fucking post. I hate it because obviously if “twelve” followed the same pattern as the other teen numbers it wouldn’t be “twoteen” it would be “seconteen”. Think about it. It’s not “threeteen” it’s “thirteen” as in “third”. It’s not “fiveteen” it’s “fifteen” as in fifth. So with that in mind, you count “first, second, third, fourth, fifth,” and so on, so eleven would be “firsteen” and twelve would be “secondteen” or “seconteen”. “Firsteen, seconteen, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen….” It just drives me absolutely mad everytime i see this post that this obvious pattern was overlooked and i cant hold in my rage anymore.

[improper-integral]

[amygdalae]

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

[destinationtoast]

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

[halfbloodfanboy]

[poohkeepsee]

you're as beautiful as the day i lost you

[elsdiaries7]

why is he lowk hitting the

[grey-rkjt]

Ted saying there isn't a lot of dating among men's football players and Alice just shrugging and saying "Not that you know of"...

And Jamie continuing to haunt the narrative...

This could mean nothing.

[whitachi]

Kermit the Frog would be an ideal assassin because if caught he would need to be tried by a jury of his peers (Muppets) and you would not be able to find a Muppet who does not have a pre-existing opinion on Kermit the fucking Frog. case thrown out. kermie can kill again. it's easy being green

[ohbeckoh]

I don't know, I think his chances are still good on getting out but if the court put in the work they could fill the box.

[whitachi]

not letting these tags get away

[thatonecaseohspartaremixer]

Cursed and blessed tags.

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

[mysteryteacup]

*Scrolls past*

*reluctant sigh*

*scrolls back up*

*rebogs*

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

No one is brave enough to depict the clones without balls

[ahsoka-in-a-hood]

everyone loves their whump-maxxed kamino where children are ground up for dropping a plate or sneezing but no one wants think about the common practice of castration

[phoenixyfriend]

LOCATED A NERD WHO KNOWS THINGS. Per @sroloc--elbisivni, @the-lunar-system, @nyansense-the-nyanbinary

[catboyandroid]

Everyone say thank you to trans femmes for showing us a version of femininity born from joy and desire instead of just through coercion

Everyone say thank you to trans mascs for showing us a version of masculinity born from joy and desire instead of just through coercion

Everyone say thank you to all people outside of the cis gender binary for showing us a version of gender born from joy and desire instead of just through a simple frame work in which our oppressor have used to kill, erase, and censor us.

Thank you for showing us the existence of a history before and a future ahead.

[uraniumbluebonnet]

[nepenthean-sleep]

straight white people making a romance movie: haha what if it was illegal to have sex? wait what's lawrence v texas. wait what's mclaughlin v florida. wait what's loving v virginia

[ninewheels]

As preposterous and stupid as this fucking movie's premise sounded (for a light-hearted rom-com, and not The Handmaid's Tale) I didn't want to think about it too much until the movie actually came out, and then I could see if it was somehow more intelligent and subversive than the trailer let on, but guess what, it's even worse!

One Night Only review: Pull out from this sex-negative rom-com

If this is what it takes to get a rom-com greenlit these days, maybe we should just let them die.

Sex workers are thrown under the bus, shown only as thieves who fleece men in the woods at night, while queer sexuality is relegated to a few scenes with Allie’s roommate (a woefully underused Quintessa Swindell) and a handful of pans past blurry same-sex extras making out in the background. “This night is for the straights,” Swindell’s character says to Allie, before saying that queer people have worked around straight laws for centuries.  This is supposed to be a nod to queer resilience, but largely comes off as straightwashing the history of anti-LGBTQ legislation in this country that led towards raids of queer clubs and incarceration of queer people in the not-too-distant past (let alone the current barrage of anti-Trans and LGBTQ legislation currently in the works and on the books). It’s also ignorant of the long and fraught fight for the normalization of age-of-consent laws, which, by the way, did not happen in all states in this very country until 2003. Yes, that’s not even thirty years ago.  By the end, our intrepid protagonists have not had sex with anyone, because this is a film about Romance with a Capital R (and I guess sex is not part of romance!) and for that very same reason they ultimately embrace the fascist state of things. They aren’t the only ones who refuse to fight back. No one in this cursed film is protesting this mandate beyond “repeal” signs in various windows and some creative graffiti (...) (...) If we are supposed to believe that the film is making some subversive statement about the state of sex and bodily autonomy in this country, it cannot end with its leads embracing their chains. That’s just warmed-over conservatism running around in sheep’s clothing.

[nepenthean-sleep]

yeah i wrote this post having only seen the trailer, but jesus christ. was this movie a psyop LMAO??

also, for the unaware: mclaughlin v. florida was a 1964 supreme court case that struck down a florida anti-miscegenation law that criminalized cohabitation (and thus, as implied, sex) between white people and people of color of opposite genders. anti-miscegenation laws made marriage and sexual relationships between white people and people of color, most often specifically black people, a FELONY in several states in the united states up until the 1950s and 1960s. though it was already struck down by the supreme court, the state of alabama didn't repeal their law until 2000! there were THREE ATTEMPTS at codifying anti-miscegenation into the us constitution!

like yes, the issue here is partially straight white people's ignorance on the united states's history of homophobic policy, but it's also really important to recognize that arguably the majority of the issue here is straight white people's ignorance of the united states's history of codifying eugenics and antiblack racism.

the premise could have been interesting as a serious dystopian story, especially taking that history into account, but it wasn't written that way at all. this movie should never have been a fucking romcom making light of the violence the united states (and many other countries) has enacted on any kinds of sexual relationships it deems undesirable.

[nepenthean-sleep]

can y’all maybe reblog this version i feel like people are forgetting about the racism and just focusing on the homophobia

[arctic-hands]

[Plain Text: "can y’all maybe reblog this version i feel like people are forgetting about the racism and just focusing on the homophobia" End PT]