Whispers in Silence

A quiet space to breathe, to write, to just exist. Some days I feel too much. Some days I feel nothing at all. This is where I leave my thoughts; softly, honestly, quietly 🕊️

[whispers-in-silence]

Choosing Myself This Time

I’ve made a decision: by the end of this month, I’m going to leave both the employment agency and my warehouse job.

Yesterday, while I was in the shower, I suddenly started crying. I think that was the moment I realized how much my current situation has actually been affecting me. I knew I wasn’t happy with it, but apparently, it was taking a bigger toll on me than I wanted to admit.

The hardest part is the complete lack of privacy. Having to share a bedroom means there’s almost never a moment when I can truly be alone and recharge. And I’ve realized that I don’t want to keep ignoring how that makes me feel just because my current situation is supposed to be temporary.

After finishing my studies, I made a promise to myself: I would start taking better care of myself and listen to my own feelings more. For a long time, I was used to pushing myself through uncomfortable situations because there was always something I wanted to achieve. My degree, my move abroad, my plans for the future. There was always a reason to just keep going.

But I don’t want to live like that anymore.

Sometimes reaching a goal isn’t worth sacrificing your well-being along the way. ❤️

On Friday, I had another job interview. It actually went well, although I left with the feeling that they might expect more from me than I could realistically deliver right away. Maybe I’m wrong, though. For now, I’ll simply wait and see whether they invite me for a second interview.

The journey there also made me think about my current situation. It took around two and a half hours each way, and I spent about €50 just on transportation. 🚆 That’s another reason why leaving my current accommodation makes sense. I’d rather find something closer to Amsterdam and continue my job search from there.

Tomorrow I have the day off, and I’m going to use it to figure out my next steps. I also want to follow up on some of my applications and see where things stand.

I don’t have everything figured out yet, and leaving without having my next job secured is a little scary. But staying somewhere that is slowly draining me doesn’t feel like the right choice either.

This time, I’m choosing to listen to myself. 🌿

[whispers-in-silence]

Unexpected Connections

Next Tuesday, I have my third and final interview. After that, the company will make its final decision about whether they want to hire me. I still need to prepare, but surprisingly, I’m not nervous at all.

Normally, job interviews make me anxious, so I’ve been wondering why this one feels different. Maybe living abroad has made me more confident. Maybe I’ve grown as a person over the past year. Or maybe it’s because, deep down, I know this isn’t my dream position. The role doesn’t really match the direction I want my career to take or the skills I want to develop. Even so, I would happily accept the offer if I got it because it would be a huge step forward from where I am now. At the same time, I’m still hoping another company will reach out with a position that aligns more closely with what I’m looking for.

Work at the warehouse is going well overall. Last week, I was called into the office because I returned from my break eight minutes late. It wasn’t intentional I simply misjudged the time. The rules here are incredibly strict. Even being one minute late results in a warning, and if it happens again, 24% of your pay is deducted. That honestly feels excessive.

What I find funny is that I clock in two minutes early almost every day, and nobody seems to care about that. But the moment you're late coming back from a break, it suddenly becomes a huge issue. 😅 At the end of the day, though, I try not to let it bother me too much. This job was never meant to be permanent, and I remind myself that it’s only a temporary step toward something better.

Today, I had lunch with a few of the girls I’m living with. I made chili con carne, and they absolutely loved it. 🌶️ It made me really happy. We spent the afternoon talking, laughing, and simply enjoying each other’s company. Moments like these make my current situation so much easier to handle.

Last weekend was another highlight. I had a professional photoshoot with a girl I had never met before, and it only happened because of a random encounter the week before.

I had gone to the library for the first time when a guy noticed that I seemed a little lost. He offered to help, and we ended up talking for hours. He was genuinely interested in my story, why I moved to the Netherlands, my career goals, and the challenges I’ve faced while looking for a job. Before we left, we exchanged phone numbers because he wanted to send me some useful information and job-hunting tips.

One piece of advice he gave me was to add a professional photo to my CV. Then he told me that his girlfriend is a photographer and offered to arrange a photoshoot for me...completely free of charge.

Honestly, I couldn’t believe it.

The photos turned out so much better than I ever imagined. 📸 I’ve always thought I just wasn’t photogenic, but I’ve realized that maybe nobody is. Sometimes you simply need someone who knows how to bring out the best in you.

She made me feel comfortable from the very beginning, guided me through every pose, and knew exactly how to make everything feel natural. The results were incredible.

One thing that impressed me even more was her experience photographing people with darker skin tones. Unfortunately, not every photographer knows how to light or edit those photos properly, but she absolutely nailed it. Every single picture looked amazing.

I’ll definitely be going back to her in the future, and I’ll happily recommend her to anyone looking for professional photos.

We’re already planning to meet again soon because she wants to show me around Tilburg. 😊 Of course, I said yes.

That’s all for now.

Until next time. ❤️

[whispers-in-silence]

Holding On to Hope

I’ve been living in the Netherlands for almost a month now. It’s hard to believe how quickly time has passed. Even though I’m still waiting for things to fall into place, I haven’t lost sight of why I came here in the first place.

I’ve been applying as much as I can, but so far I’ve only received rejections. It’s frustrating, and some days it’s hard not to question myself. Still, I did receive one interview invitation, and that gave me a little hope.

The company is a startup that was only founded three months ago. The first interview went well, and tomorrow I’ll find out whether I’ve made it to the next round. There are three interview stages in total. The position isn’t exactly what I’m looking for, but I would still accept it. Right now, my biggest priority is leaving the agency and taking the next step toward the career I actually want.

There has also been another change at my accommodation. Vera is no longer my roommate because she was given a single room. Since last Sunday, I’ve been sharing my room with someone new. Surprisingly, I think we get along much better. We have more in common, and living together feels a lot more comfortable than before. 😊

Yesterday, I returned from a short three-day trip to Germany. I had a few appointments I needed to take care of, but I also got to spend time with people I’d been missing. It was wonderful to see my cousin again, and I also met up with my best friend. We went to a traditional Bavarian restaurant because I was craving Knödel...real German comfort food. 🥨 It was exactly what I needed.

Now I’m back in the Netherlands, ready to keep moving forward.

I really hope next week brings some positive news about my applications. I know I’m capable of more than my current job, and I’m determined to find the opportunity that finally allows me to start my life here the way I imagined it.

Until then, I’ll keep going. One application, one interview, and one step at a time. ✨

[whispers-in-silence]

Finding My Place

My first week at the agency has officially come to an end. It hasn’t been easy to make friends here, especially if you’re not from Portugal or Spain. Around 80% of the people come from those countries, and naturally they prefer speaking their own language instead of English. I completely understand it, but it does make it harder to connect with others.

Luckily, moving into the new accommodation helped. We were divided into groups of six, with each group sharing three bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a toilet. Through this smaller group, I finally started getting to know a few people.

The two I get along with best are Eva and Vera. 😊 I really enjoy talking to them, and it’s comforting to know that they feel the same way I do about having to share a bedroom. None of us enjoys the lack of privacy, and it’s nice to have people who truly understand how exhausting it can be. Sometimes, simply knowing that you’re not the only one struggling makes a big difference.

Yesterday and today, I also applied for several promising engineering positions. 💼 I’m really hoping something works out soon because my goal is still to find a job that matches my qualifications and move on from my current situation as quickly as possible.

Today, I explored the area around my accommodation. There’s a beautiful river nearby with a walking path alongside it, and it was nice to get outside for a while. 🌿 I also wanted to visit the local library, but it closed earlier than I expected because it was Sunday, so I’ll save that for another day.

Tomorrow I’m on the afternoon shift, which means I can finally sleep in a little. 😌

I’m trying my best to stay positive and optimistic, even though it hasn’t always been easy lately. Starting over in a new country comes with challenges I expected and some that I didn’t. But every day I remind myself why I came here in the first place. This is only the beginning of my journey, and I know these difficult moments won’t last forever. One step at a time. ✨

[whispers-in-silence]

Settling In ... One Step at a Time

I’ve been living in my new accommodation since Sunday, and I started working on Monday. This week I’m on the morning shift, and next week I’ll switch to the afternoon shift.

The job itself is actually good, but the company is very strict about the rules. In some ways, I understand it. They want people to actually work instead of wasting time. But some policies feel a bit excessive. For example, if I return from my break just one minute late, 24% of my pay for that break is deducted. Because of that, I constantly find myself checking the time.

The accommodation provided by the agency is... okay. I’m living in a house with six other people, and thankfully everyone has their own bedroom. The biggest downside is that the house is quite dirty. Then again, with so many people constantly coming and going, I suppose that isn’t too surprising.

Unfortunately, I have to move again next week because the employment agency has reorganized the staff accommodation. This time, I’ll have to share a bedroom with someone else. As an introvert, that’s honestly one of the hardest things I can imagine. Having my own space is incredibly important to me. It’s where I recharge after work and enjoy a little peace and quiet.

The girl I’ll be sharing with started at the company at the same time as I did. I contacted her before moving here, and she’s genuinely kind. We simply have very different personalities. She loves talking and often repeats the same stories or asks me questions that I couldn’t possibly know the answers to. She also tends to skim through her emails and then comes to me asking what she’s supposed to do.

I don’t mean that in a negative way. We’re just not on the same wavelength. And that’s perfectly okay. Not everyone is meant to become a close friend.

My assigned mentor hasn’t been particularly helpful either. There have been several cases of miscommunication, and I’ve either received incorrect information or important details weren’t passed on to me at all.

Thankfully, I went to the employment agency's office today and asked my questions directly. One of the staff members was incredibly helpful and answered everything clearly. That was a huge relief. 😊

On the bright side, I’ve been able to take care of a lot of important administrative tasks. I received my BSN number, opened a Dutch bank account, and ordered a Dutch SIM card. 📄📱 That means I can finally start applying for engineering jobs again.

Another thing I’ve started is learning Dutch. 🇳🇱📚 Every day, I learn a few new words and then practice them with an app. For now, that approach works well because I want to build a solid foundation first. Once I feel comfortable with the basics, I plan to find a tutor so I can practice real conversations and become more confident speaking the language.

Overall, things are going well. It’s definitely not a perfect situation, and some parts of it make me uncomfortable. But maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. Discomfort has a way of pushing us forward, and right now it’s motivating me even more to find a position that matches my qualifications and build the life I actually came here for.

This is only the beginning. 🇳🇱✨

[whispers-in-silence]

I Made It

Yesterday evening, I finally arrived in Breda. For now, I’m staying in an Airbnb over the weekend, and on Sunday I’ll move into my new accommodation.

It feels surreal to finally be here. I successfully finished my master’s degree, and now I’m actually in the Netherlands. Looking back at everything that happened over the past year, I’m proud of myself. There were so many moments when things felt uncertain, but I kept going. I guess it really is true: if you truly want something and are willing to work for it, you can achieve more than you think. ❤️

I let my friends and a few family members know that I arrived safely. My mother doesn’t know, though, and for now, I’d like to keep it that way. She has never really been supportive of my life decisions, and I don’t want that to take away from this moment. Right now, I just want to enjoy what I’ve accomplished.

I’m also excited that I’ll already start working on Monday. My temporary job is through an employment agency, and I’ll be working in a Calvin Klein warehouse. 📦 It’s not my long-term goal, but it’s exactly what I need right now. It gives me stability, an income, and time to settle into my new life here.

One of my biggest weaknesses is that I struggle to switch off. My mind immediately jumps to the next goal, finding a job that matches my qualifications. But... maybe it doesn’t have to be like that.

For once, I want to enjoy the present instead of constantly thinking about the future. There’s still plenty of bureaucracy to take care of before I can seriously apply for engineering jobs anyway. Things like getting settled, sorting out paperwork, and adjusting to life here all take time. There’s no need to rush.

Something else made me really happy today. Before moving here, I reached out to another girl who would be starting at the same company. We introduced ourselves by email, exchanged phone numbers, and finally met in person. 😊 It’s such a comforting feeling to know someone from day one. Starting over in a new country can feel lonely, but little moments like this make everything seem much less overwhelming.

For now, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. 🇳🇱✨

[whispers-in-silence]

One Last Adventure Before Moving On

It’s been two days since I got back from my trip to Stockholm and Helsinki, and I’m still thinking about it. It was such a beautiful experience. Together with a group of friends, I took the train to Stockholm, where we spent three days exploring the city. After that, we boarded an overnight ferry to Helsinki, which already felt like an adventure on its own.

We spent another three days in Helsinki before taking the same route back to Sweden. Looking back, it was one of those trips I know I’ll remember for a very long time. We saw so many beautiful places, shared countless laughs, and created memories that I’ll always treasure.

Out of the two cities, Helsinki completely stole my heart. There was something about the atmosphere that made me feel at home almost instantly. While I was there, I even made a spontaneous decision to get two small, simple tattoos. 🖋️ They’re not just souvenirs from the trip, but little reminders of this unforgettable year I’ve spent in Sweden and everything it has meant to me.

Since getting back, I haven’t really had a chance to rest. Instead, I’ve been packing up my apartment and preparing for my move to the Netherlands. 📦 It’s been busy, emotional, and a little overwhelming, but at the same time I’m excited for what’s ahead.

Tomorrow is the day. A new country, a new home, and another chapter of my life begins. 🇳🇱✨

[whispers-in-silence]

The End of an Era

Yesterday was my last day at my part-time job. It made me a little emotional because I genuinely enjoyed working there. My colleagues were incredibly kind and supportive, especially when it came to balancing work with all of my university responsibilities. They always showed understanding whenever I needed time for my studies, and I’m really grateful for that.

Before I left, they even gave me a farewell gift. 🎁 I honestly didn’t expect it, and it touched me more than I thought it would. It reminded me how lucky I was to work with such wonderful people. If I ever find myself back here in the future, I will definitely reach out to them again.

Today, I started clearing out my apartment. Two friends stopped by and bought some of my furniture, which was a huge relief. 🏠 Moving is stressful enough without having to figure out what to do with everything you own, so I’m very thankful they were able to take a lot of things off my hands.

I also sent a message to my company supervisor regarding my master’s thesis. He wanted me to give my presentation again tomorrow and explain the extensions I made to the model. Under different circumstances, I probably would have considered it. But I had already finished my employment, I wasn’t being paid for this additional work, and it had never been agreed upon that I would present my thesis internally at the company.

So I decided to decline. Sometimes it’s important to set boundaries and recognize that not every request has to become your responsibility. After months of studying, writing, defending my thesis, and preparing for a move to another country, I think it’s okay to put myself first for once. ✨

Right now, I’m trying to focus on the next chapter ahead while making the most of my remaining time in Sweden. 🇸🇪

[whispers-in-silence]

🎓 A New Chapter Begins

The last three months have been incredibly tough. I spent that entire time working on my master’s thesis, sitting in front of my computer every single day, including weekends. The constant stress and pressure of finishing on time drained almost all of my energy.

A week ago, I successfully defended my thesis. 🎉 I’m relieved that my studies are finally behind me. I genuinely enjoyed the master’s program itself, but the amount of stress pushed me close to my limits at times.

🤔 So, what comes next?

To be honest, I first tried to relax and simply start living again. But that’s easier said than done when your mind is full of plans, worries, and unanswered questions. Since I don’t want to stay in Sweden and would rather move to the Netherlands, there is a lot I need to figure out.

I’m currently in another transition phase of my life. My student income has ended, my part-time job is over, and I have to leave my apartment at the end of the month. There are many things that need to be arranged, and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t scare me a little. 😅

So far, I haven’t been able to find a job in the Netherlands that matches my qualifications. Part of the reason is that during my thesis I simply couldn’t focus on anything else. It’s also difficult to find opportunities when you’re not living in the country yet and don’t speak the local language.

🚚 A Temporary Detour

I’ve decided to take a transition job for the time being, and surprisingly, I found one very quickly. The position includes accommodation, which is a huge relief. 🏠

The pay is only minimum wage and it’s a full-time job, but honestly, I don’t mind at all. I’m grateful to have found something that gives me both an income and a place to stay. On top of that, I’ll receive support with health insurance and other important practical matters.

Of course, I’ll continue applying for positions related to my field while learning Dutch at the same time. 📚🇳🇱

I’m really excited to see where this new chapter will lead me. ✨

Until then, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my time here in Sweden. 🇸🇪

[whispers-in-silence]

🤎 Last Days in Holland 🤎

The rest of my days in the Netherlands turned out to be really beautiful. I visited a spring garden, which was something I had been looking forward to. The tulip fields weren’t quite in full bloom yet, I was a little too early, but honestly, it was still worth it. There’s something calming about just being there, even if everything isn’t at its peak.

I also spent some time in Haarlem, and I think that place completely stole my heart. I’d easily call it my favorite from the whole trip. There’s this huge market, full of life and little things to discover, and the city itself just has such a nice atmosphere. It felt lively but not overwhelming, the kind of place you can wander around for hours without getting tired of it.

I made it to Rotterdam as well, and even stopped by The Hague for a bit. But I have to admit, I didn’t stay too long there. I was completely exhausted from being out and about the entire day, so I ended up heading back earlier than planned. At that point, my body was definitely reminding me that I hadn’t really slowed down since the trip started.

Overall, it was such a lovely experience. One of those trips that just feels good from beginning to end, even with the little moments of tiredness in between. And now, two friends from my University are actually on their way there, which feels kind of surreal. I was able to give them some tips and recommendations right away, which made me weirdly happy.

I really hope they enjoy their trip just as much as I did.

[whispers-in-silence]

First Solo Trip, Mixed Feelings

I’m on my very first solo short trip in the Netherlands, and honestly, I was so nervous at first. I had this fear that being alone might feel boring or lonely… but I have to say, I’m actually really enjoying it.

Sometimes you just have to go for things, even if you can’t find someone to join you.

I was pretty exhausted when I got here since I left right after my presentations and barely got any sleep. So once I arrived at my accommodation, the first thing I did was just rest for a bit. After that, I made a little plan for what I wanted to do and see the next day, and then I went out to explore the city of Almere.

It’s really beautiful, and it has such a calm, peaceful vibe. My first day here was genuinely lovely, even though I was completely drained. And honestly, I was more than ready to crawl into bed and finally get some proper sleep.

[whispers-in-silence]

Next week I have three presentations, and speaking in front of people has never been something I’m good at. Just thinking about it already makes me nervous.

I’m planning to spend the weekend preparing as best as I can, practicing in front of the mirror, going through what I want to say, and trying to feel a bit more confident with it. I know that preparation is probably the only thing that will help calm my nerves.

I really hope it will go just fine. Maybe not perfect, but good enough.

[whispers-in-silence]

I will finish my master’s degree in 88 days 🎓. In some way, I feel happy and proud, but at the same time I’m also a little afraid of the next chapter in my life.

Where will I end up? Will I like my job? Is there really such a thing as work–life balance? Will I feel happy and content with the life I build?

Right now, I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I guess that’s part of stepping into something new.

[whispers-in-silence]

I joined a question session for one of my courses because I had a few things I wanted to clarify about the assignment I’m currently working on. It helped a lot to talk things through and get a better understanding of what is expected.

After that, I spent some time brainstorming ideas for my master’s thesis. Using the work intranet, I was able to come up with a possible title and start outlining some thoughts about the research question and the overall structure. Just getting those first ideas down already made me feel much less stressed.

I also received the grade for one of the courses I took last semester, and I’m really satisfied with the result. It honestly reflects the effort I put into the course, which feels very rewarding.

In the evening, I worked for five hours. So unfortunately, I didn’t quite manage to stop being productive after 6 p.m. like I had planned. But considering how much I was able to get done today, I still feel pretty good about it.

Tomorrow I need to start preparing the presentations for my current courses, so another focused day is waiting for me.

[whispers-in-silence]

Today I really need to focus on university again. My first priority is figuring out my master’s thesis and defining a clear topic. In two weeks I have to submit my mission statement, which suddenly makes everything feel very real.

On top of that, I also need to start preparing the presentations I’ll have to give around the same time. There’s quite a lot piling up, and honestly, I’m not feeling very motivated right now. But I know I just have to push through and get started.

At the same time, I’m trying to be a bit more mindful of my own limits. I promised myself that after 6 p.m. I won’t do anything related to university or work. I want my evenings to be time for things that clear my mind and help me relax, so I can keep my stress levels under control.

[whispers-in-silence]

Lapland Adventures

Yesterday around noon I came back from my Lapland trip, completely exhausted. The trip itself was only four days long (not counting the travel days), but I used every moment to experience as much as possible.

The activities I joined, organized by Time Travel, were: a day trip to Narvik, visiting Abisko National Park, meeting the Sami people and their reindeer, and cross-country skiing.

Out of all of them, cross-country skiing was definitely my favorite, even though I fell down so many times and ended up with a few bruises. What really made it special were the people I met during the trip, especially the group that was there for that activity. We laughed so much the entire time, and even the instructor was clearly enjoying it. At the end he actually praised us for completing the entire planned route, which apparently doesn’t happen that often.

On the second night I also had the chance to see the Northern Lights. That means I can officially cross something off my bucket list.

Moments like this make me really proud that I took the step to study abroad. If I hadn’t, I would never have had experiences like this or met all these wonderful people.

[whispers-in-silence]

A Small Trip to Norway

Together with a friend I met at university, someone I’ve grown very fond of, I took a short trip to Norway. It was such a beautiful little getaway, and we had so much fun together.

Norway is very well known for its art. What I found especially nice was that you don’t really need to spend money to experience it. So much art can be seen outside, simply walking through the streets. There are installations, sculptures, and pieces you can just stop and admire while exploring.

Many of them also share small bits of history, so while you’re looking at the art, you’re also learning about the stories behind it. It made the whole trip feel a bit more meaningful, like wandering through an open-air gallery while discovering pieces of the past.