a catalogue of staying
💖 a love letter to myself for surviving. one day at a time. one hour at a time. one breath at a time. 💖
this year I showed up for myself in big ways, in small moments, in ways that hurt, but will hopefully help. this year I…
-practiced boundaries, not perfectly, but actively
-chose clarity over avoidance
-asked for help, even when it nearly broke me
-took risks that terrified me
-started over. again and again and again
-stayed with my feelings way longer than is comfortable
-never stopped telling the truth
-walked away from people and things that couldn’t meet me, care for me, or hold me
-asked harder questions of myself, those around me, and the systems around us
-named needs I used to swallow
-resisted old narratives
-continued to hope… though it was often disguised as desperation
-chose moments of living, joy, and whimsy among the darkness
-laughed until I cried
-cried until I laughed
-experienced moments so beautiful they made me grateful for another day
-let myself reach for softness
-continued to freely offer love and kindness
-listened to my body
-honored possibility
-borrowed light from others when I needed it; offered my dwindling light to others when they needed it
-created moments of safety and regulation for myself
-chose rest over self-abandonment
-offered myself grace while learning (sometimes, still practicing)
-let myself feel the ache of losing a version of myself I can’t go back to
-held nostalgia and resentment at the same time without demanding resolution
-accepted that I need different things now
-let sadness be an escort instead of an enemy
-grieved an old self without erasing her
-made peace (well, trying) with the in-between places where identity feels half-built
-held space for a future self who might feel lighter
-noticed the world kept turning
-noticed I was still here, still going, still fighting
Even when I didn’t recognize myself. Even when I missed who I used to be. Even when I feared there was nothing ahead to grow into it.
Even then, I stayed.
