babygirl

when i die bury me with all my ice on when i die bury me without the lights on //blog dedicated to documenting the trials and tribulations of a young female heroin addict 💋

[whitenoisefornow]

I am so glad you are still alive. Please keep fighting.

I’m trying. I’m in the ICU now. I’m so stupid

[whitenoisefornow]

Well it finally caught up with me. I’m at the hospital an have been for over a week. Two surgeries in another on the way.

Due to my careless junkie lifestyle I introduced a serious form of MRSA called MSSA as well as Staphaureus (a staff infection) in my hip, pelvis and back. Similar to how dangerous endocarditis is for the heart.

I would have died if I hadn’t come to the er. I’m still not safe yet. The MSSA is spreading to my spinal cord and blood. We are hoping that the antibiotics help. Or it’s another surgery.

[whitenoisefornow]

STORYTIME

Time to catch anyone who even cares anymore up.

I got arrested for a Capias warrant after being detained at a gas station. I was using heavily, homeless and sick from no heroin.

I was incarcerated in Dallas County MO jail for 80 days before being put on supervised probation.

It was hard and I did fail a drug test. I went back to jail and then realized I needed to stop.

I was clean for almost two years.

As you can see, I looked completely different than I did when I ran this blog.

Look at the weight I put on! Healthy.

However, I will always be an addict. And things started to slip.

It was harder to hide. The weight loss. The money spend. I relapsed months ago and it hasn’t gotten any better.

It isn’t near as bad as it was before. But as you can see I’m getting there. Difference is - I’m trying to get off probation. I have a home a car and a job now.

Why can’t I just let her go.

[whitenoisefornow]

Remember me?

[whitenoisefornow]

I hate liars they dont understand the pain and trauma they have caused or are causing its torture for the person on the other end of that lie... I just want to know the truth please

[whitenoisefornow]

At first glance, what did you guys think this was? Lol.

We use this bad boy for smoking dabs and while it's very ghetto in appearance it gets the job done.

We got some wax here recently and had no rig. Cristopher is brilliant when it comes to whipping up contraptions and using a torn up bubbler, electrical tape, a metal straw and a nectarcollectar head, he had us this to smoke with. Not bad.

[whitenoisefornow]

Pictures of Cris & I totally strung out versus photos of us taken around a month ago being (mostly) clean

At the time I took the firsthotos of he & I seriously didn't know just how bad we really look- especially me with my scars and savage pick marks.

[whitenoisefornow]

Hello all. It has been a bit over a year since I have posted on here. I thought I might as well check in and maybe stay a while.

It feels like a lot has happened since my last post on here up until now.

Not too long after my last post on here, my boyfriend Cristopher got home from an almost five month stint in jail over a 2nd Degree Burglary & Stealing of a Controlled Substance charge. It didn't take long before we were headed quickly off the deep end pretty hard again. We started shooting meth and heroin again to the point of every day use, desperation and brokenness.

For months we waited for every opportunity to use a car to get to Springfield to get high. Our very short attempts at jobs (me at McDonalds and him at a place called Gates Construction) failed and soon we were unemployed, broke and stealing to get right.

Our lifestyle and Cristophers probation didn't mix and after several violations he was looking at getting locked up again. We realized that my 2nd Degree Burglary & Stealing of a Controlled Substance charged had finally been filed (we have the same case/charges) and I didn't go to court.

We were both eventually arrested. He had to do a '120 Treatment' in Prison and after a 70+ day stay in jail I was put on probation. Thankfully those 120 days are over and I have my other half back again.

Currently we live with his little sister Carson in a house we all rent in Seymour. Cristopher is off and on working for Gates Construction until he finds something else and work full time a McDonalds. I've worked at this job for a couple months now... its not easy working a grinding job with a 40 hour work week but I'm proud of myself for keeping a job and doing good at it.

Most important thing to me is that I have Cristopher. He is the love of my life. We have been through hell and back and back again as well as bee. EACHOTHERS hells but in the end we are each other's people and nothing has been or will break us apart. It's he and I against the world.

Drugs?

Yes. I was clean for a month or so when I first got out of jail and so was Cris. We got high once... then twice... now it's whenever we have the car to get to town to buy shit. That isn't but once a week or so.. but it is crazy the killer grip that shit gets on your throat.. quickly.

I plan to be back on this blog for a while!

Here is a picture of me seeing Cris for the first time in five months when he got out of prison & a selfie I took a few days ago

[coconome]

水草の練習がてら描きました

[riley-coyotl]

She wants the leaf

[uptional]

[daisygraves]

the hidden house

[whitenoisefornow]

Carson and I are just chillen // update on me- things are going good still on the road to recovery and now have a best friend and angel in my life

[whitenoisefornow]

Soo Carson and I got dogs.. along with Bo we now have two German shepherd mixes, girls named Dakota and Guiness!! Omg I love them and it's so good for me

[powerfulwizard]

[nitrog3nbalanc3]

[anxietyproblem]