Possibly the worst thing about being intersex, for me, was that I was never 'allowed' to be either gender growing up, and yet I was forced to be both at the same time.
My father would constantly viciously mock my body hair and other 'masculine' traits to disprove the idea that I was a 'real girl', but then he was the same man who screamed at me for six hours when he found out I was trying out presenting as male when I was trying out different gender presentations as a middle schooler and tried leaning into masculinity for a bit, then he'd treat me like a boy again when he'd tell me not to cry because 'men dont cry', then he treated me like a girl again when I developed breasts and he clearly decided I was attractive to him.
My mother refused to teach me how to do my makeup or buy me dresses and once she realized I was never going to get a period she practically gave up on treating me like a woman at all, but then when I told her I might try leaning more masc as a teenager she was suddenly so adamant about gendering me as the girliest girl in the whole world, then once I realized I was a woman she seemed to flip right back and cut off my whole length of hair ostensibly because it was 'matted' but probably because she doesn't like me presenting as a woman.
My peers would scream at me for wearing dresses or mock me for wearing makeup because "boys don't do that" and I was seen as a predatory or mockworthy boy dressing up, but then that didn't stop my male peers from leering at me and making sexual passes that revolved around me being 'female'.
My transmasc ex would play up how aggressive I was while making himself look like an innocent widdle guy in comparison, playing on the fact that I was intersex and transfem and therefore he could twist me into being "masculine and scary" when needed, but then he'd put the emotional labor and sexualization and condescension of womanhood onto me just as easily.
It's like no matter what you do, people are determined to oppositely gender you. 'Woman' enough to sexually harass and assault, 'man' enough to be harassed for even trying to present as feminine, 'woman' enough to be burdened with all the emotional labor of my family and relationships, 'man' enough to be painted as the horrible pushy aggressor no matter what I did.
I was simultaneously both genders and neither gender, whatever hurt me more, whatever the people hurting me got more gratification out of, and I think that's something a lot of intersex people experience. The combination of misgendering, malgendering, and degendering, because the only thing anyone really sees you as is a freak to be abused and rejected no matter what you do.