If You Love Me, Let Me Go

[perfected-grace]

Well I was 5 months pregnant with you. Here is what I realized in those moments:

1. Your dad is comfortable. To him I am home. He knows the roof won't cave in on him and the walls are stable. He knows he will only ever have to share it with things he created. That familiar place will wipe his tears, kiss his scars, and love every single sin away . 

Babies, doesn't mommy deserve that too? What kind of man lives in another woman's house and leaves her homeless? Mommy needed shelter during a storm and daddy told her she should have remembered to bring an umbrella. 

2. Your dad doesn't fear me. I'm not talking ghost or zombies. I am talking about the fear and desperation in your eyes when you realize a faulty human being capable of demise at any minute is your everything. Your world. Every minute you spend with them is a scariest moment of your life because one day you may lose them forever.

3. Your father lives carelessly. I could always tell by the way he sleeps. His back turned from the only indicator of nightfall and grand rising. Nestled on his hand like a newborn. He rest like the whole world isn't burning around him. Nights I spent tossing and turning, nights praying wouldn't rock me to sleep. I bore to death of his snoring. I don't know if you all remember, but mommy never slept at night until she confirmed you were asleep.

4. Your dad doesn't know how to properly make amends. I am sure he learned this from his father. He thinks apologies make things disappear. He thinks love covers not a multitude, but all sins. He thinks acts of love are synonymous with repentance. Remember what mommy taught you, only apologize if you are going to try really really hard never to do it again.

This moment not only defines my life, but yours as well. You should know by now, I would do anything in the world for you. I will cross oceans, fly planes, land on the moon, and dig for fool's gold. In your best interest, I cannot stay in a marriage that is slowly breaking me. As your mom, I owe you something whole or complete. I owe you the lesson of walking away whenever you're worth is being question. I don't want you to be in situations where someone tells you What you saw or your feelings are not real.

I love you both. Always.

Love,

Mom. 

[whithered-roses]

“She’s stubborn and hard headed but god knows I love her. There’s days when she’s grumpy for no apparent reason other than the fact that she’s grumpy. When she’s sick, she’s helpless and all you can really do is hold her in your arms and comfort her till she falls asleep. There’s days when she’ll complain about everything like the weather, people, music, or even you and you’ll just have to deal with it. She’ll complain about the room being too hot, to only result in closing the windows in the middle of the night because she’s too cold. There are days when she shuts the world out, she’ll ignore everyone because she just wants to sit in silence. Sometimes, she’ll claim she can eat an entire cow because that’s just how hungry she is. So we’ll make dinner plans and I’ll pick her up just to have her say, “I ate already, I was too hungry but I’ll still eat a little something.” There are days when she suffocates me with love. She’ll kiss and kiss and kiss, till I beg her to stop. She’ll tickle me until my insides hurt and hold my hand till it’s sweaty. There are days when she’ll claim every part of my body with her lips. And there are days when she’ll need her space and I’ll have to pull a chair up alongside the bed because she just needs her own space. There are days when her hair is messy and all over the place. Days when she’ll cry and you don’t know why but you won’t ask you’ll just let her cry. Days when she’s nervous and jumpy about everything. Days when she yells at me for no reason just to apologize two seconds later. Days when she’s a pain in the ass and pushes my buttons just to settle it with kisses. Days when I’m listening to my favorite song and she’ll talk over it because talking is more important than music. There are days when I need her to make decisions, to do the littlest things like pick a place to eat. She’ll refuse and say “I don’t know” until I give up and decide myself. Sometimes she’ll swear like a sailor and make jokes during times when she should probably be serious. There are days when it’s 3 in the morning and she won’t let me sleep and days when she’s too tired and fast asleep by 10pm. Sometimes she’s clumsy and sometimes she’s a walking contradiction; but she is everything I’ve ever wanted. I’d do everything to have her bad days, her grumpy days, her “I need space days,” her love me days, her laughing days, her clumsy days, and her happy days, because she is everything I’ve ever wanted and I wouldn’t dare trade her for anything in this world.”

— This probably means I love you (via h0pefulkid-withaninkedupheart)

[a-court-of-pages]

Give me sunflowers, not the sun. Give me late night adventures, not late night promises. Give me a moment, not a lifetime. Give me your love, not your hope.🌻

[oatmilkcore]

here is the thing about being someone’s second choice.

everyone says it’s better than not even being someone’s choice at all, but it’s not.

see,

not being someone’s choice gives you closure. you know it’s not gonna happen; you know to move on, and it hurts but you know. but being a second choice?

it’s being held on by the smallest touch of hope, because maybe, (just maybe,) tomorrow might be the day they change their mind.

it’s abandoning your homework to comfort him after their latest fight, even though in the back of your mind you know he’s gonna make up with her tomorrow, and you’re probably better off finishing that essay.

it’s staying up late waiting to hear from him because what if?? it’s one of his bad nights?? while he goes straight to sleep without giving you a second thought.

it’s only existing when they’ve had a fight and he wants to talk to someone who he knows will drop everything for him.

it’s thinking maybe, maybe he’s finally over her and maybe it’ll finally be you then seeing him post a cute quote and just thinking, ‘oh.’

it’s painful, it’s repetitive, it’s an endless cycle. it sure as hell isn’t better than not being a choice at all. it’s constant dedication to the smallest hopes that it’ll be you

- even though you know it’ll never be you, don’t you? // w.m.m

[stories-i-will-never-write]

Here's the reality of it

Once I had a crush on an older guy. At the time I had known him for two years: one year we were acquaintances and the second year we were really good friends.

The first year when I met him I thought he was attractive, physically. Of course when I found out how extremely smart he was that became a bonus. But mostly, for that entire first year, it was physical attraction. I didn’t know him past the fact that he was older than me, attractive, and intimidatingly intelligent.

The second year I actually got the chance to know him. What his favorite color was, his favorite snack, his birth date, his taste in music, his pet peeves. I even started to understand him- I started to listen to everything he said so well that I learned facts about him he didn’t directly speak. I learned he was insecure, that he was easily made jealous, that he used dark humor as a defense mechanism from real pain. And when he saw past my smiles and my laughter into the sad person I truly was, we grew together. That’s when I saw him past his physical appearance, I saw his soul. And I realized I loved him.

But here was the thing- when I told my best friend that I had a crush on him she immediately began to call me psycho and crazy and asking me if I was “okay in the head.” She told me that I didn’t “like him” but that I might be “infatuated” with him.

It hurt like hell to hear my best friend say that to me. I cried for a week. And a lot of people, believe it or not, would react the same way to me saying I had a crush on an older man. They would agree it was simply an “infatuation.”

That would be the wrong terminology, though. Infatuation means to have “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone.” This almost seemed to correctly explain what I felt… Except for that one word “short-lived.” That’s where the entire word falls apart and where I toss the classification “infatuation” out of the window.

What I felt wasn’t infatuation. It was love, in it’s purest state. Love meaning “an intense feeling of deep affection.” Yes, I admired him. Yes, at times I would feel a great passion towards his being. But what I mainly felt towards him was affection. A deep but gentle fondness and adoration.

I loved him for his intellectual conversation. I loved him for his charming smirks and questionable sense of humor. I loved him for his concerned expressions and worried inquiries. I loved him for his taste in dejected artists and singers. I loved him for his air of confidence in public and his insecurity in private. I loved him for his soul.

And that’s the reality of it. Some people are disturbed at the fact that young people can actually love someone much older than themselves in a deep and passionate way, but it’s not something to be disturbed by. It’s a lesson that love really does conquer all. Even age.

[stories-i-will-never-write]

I am proud of who the me I was when I wrote this. She loved, lived and grew.

[fallenpoets]

You make me...

You make me write again…for better or worse here are my words for the world to read. Don’t forget my world is you.

You make me smile…even when the world is crumbling beneath me and I lose all hope, I smile when I think of you.

You make me sing…all the songs I used to hate I love because you loved them.

You make me think…of a future that is brighter and a night more passionate, you male me think about life being better.

You make me a better person…I question the life I live and yearn to improve upon it.

You make me whole…you fill every void inside me, you silence the voices in my head that whisper and scream at all hours. They are silent when I think of you.

You make me do things, feel things, and want things that were only imaginary, but now are within my grasp. I can never thank you enough for the impact you have on my life.

You make me… whole.

~submitted

[juansendizon]

“I like you in a if you’re happy then I’m happy kind of way, and if you’re sad, I will never invalidate your pain because your sadness and my sadness can sit together in silence, look at the stars and become very close friends. I like you too as a friend but with flowers, making out and me not caring if we have conversations about the universe for hours because of the way you glow when you talk about the things you’re interested at. I like you, and you like me too but not in the same way, not in the same place like the mole on my left shoulder and the other mole on my right arm. I guess no matter how much I may like you, want you and eventually love you; we will never be together in a way that will make my sun set & rise for you. I like you because you’re an old soul too and you’re so amazing than anything beautiful ever, and I’m just being honest just like you are being honest with your feelings. I like you so much, and I just want to let it all out so these feelings won’t overwhelm me tonight. I like you, and I also like sleeping knowing that I’ve tried and there’s no space for regretting but only acceptance, peace and especially gratitude for passing by someone as special as you. I like you, and you make me happy whenever you’re just being you, and I want you to be happy despite me not being a part of it, Anne. I like you enough not to say goodbye, so this is a hello or a good morning if you’re already sleeping sound and just woke up and read this, or maybe this is a love letter that means, whatever happens, will be for the better.”

— Juansen Dizon, A Love Letter as a Friend

[starryskies175]

I just wish....

I just wish that my parents weren’t so overprotective. That they didn’t shelter me so much. That they didn’t raise me to punish me for their own mistakes in life. I mean they show me love, and teach me right from wrong. But they live in their own worlds mentally. In their minds a 16 year old teenager or any teenager is an idiot. We can’t think for ourselves, we make bad decisions, and we are most likely to screw up in life. Well guess what? Regardless of your age from birth to death we are all going to screw up someway in someshape or form. And we are not incompetent. Some of us are complete dipshiz but alot of us have potential to educate ourselves and make something great of ourselves. They also believe that the worst thing an honors, marching band, science team kid like me can do is get a boyfriend. Just that. Get a boyfriend at 16 years old. Is a godforsaken sin in their minds. That i’m going to screw up and drop out of highschool. God knows where all this came into their minds, but they believe it. And i’m living with it.

You know I just wish that the parents of this day and age could understand their kids a little better. That they would just hear them out. That they would raise them how they wanted to be raised in their childhoods. That they would trust us. God knows that we all screw up, that we sin. Thats why he forgave us and gave us his son to be our savior. So why can’t parents understand that with their children. Where is the forgiveness? And the understanding? And just the acceptance? God accepts all people. Regardless of race, sex, whether you are gay, straight, bi, your culture, religion, or beliefs he accepts us all. Now why can’t parents of today accept us like God does? I just wish….

[delestre]

im not trying to say i had an unhappy childhood or bad parents – quite the opposite

but i am saying i kinda resent parents that are like this and i pray that the people in my life who become parents don’t act like this

So let me start this by saying that I was always the kid with the weirdly overprotective parents.

Keep reading

[4am-reflections]

I will not make any apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.

4am

[1dietcokeinacan]

Today? Cancelled. Tomorrow? On thin fucking ice

[king-of-a-queen]

“Second chances have never been a problem with me… I tend to give 7 or 8 before I realise I’m a fucking idiot.”

— Story of my life.

[creatingbliss]

‘Glow Up’ Tips

It’s kind of long, but here is a list of tips/ideas I feel are most important to improve yourself/glo up this summer (or anytime for that matter). -Nat

Take up a new hobby/skill (such as)

Learn how to play an instrument

Learn a new language

Learn how to manage stress

Take a course (online or elsewhere) in something you’re interested in

Build better habits (like)

Skincare routine/Taking care of your skin in general

Self-care routine (Not necessarily face mask and bath bombs, it could be anything from clipping your fingernails to setting aside time to read or do yoga etc)

Working out/Exercising every day

Break bad habits (like)

Going to bed really late

Eating lots of ‘junk’ food/drinking sugary drinks

Cut down screen time

Read!

Self-help*, fiction, non-fiction, how-to books

*Sarah Knight’s The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving A F**k, Get Your Sh*t Together, and You Do You are at the top of my list along with You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero

Get a new look

Clean out your wardrobe and add new pieces

Get a haircut/look for new ways to style your hair

If you’re into makeup play around with different looks

Get a piercing or tattoo if it’s something you’ve been meaning to do

Hydrate!

Because we all knew it was coming. Summer can get extremely hot so fight off dehydration by keeping water at hand

Get a job/fix up your resume/start saving money

Easier said than done, I know, but @yournewapartment has tons of tips on job searching and all that other fun adult stuff (it’s my absolute favourite blog. I’m always learning new tips and tricks to win at life from it)

Get organised

Organise your spaces/belongings (bags, bedroom, apartment/house, storage, etc)

Invest in a planner/bullet journal/notebook to keep track of events and to-do’s (your phone works too but personally I prefer a physical copy)

Focus on your mental health

Work on ending toxic relationships (romantic, platonic, or familial)

Or work on not being the toxic part of a relationship

If you need professional/medical help to manage your mental health take the steps to do so

Let your main focus be on you and doing what’s best for you, not what negatives people have to say about you

Have some zero days where you don’t do anything besides focus on you/do the things you want to do

Get to know yourself/Do a self-assessment

Think about who you are and who you want to be

Think about your immediate goals and goals for the future

To both of those things ask yourself how are you going to achieve them/set SMART goals

Identify your likes and dislikes

Fight negative thoughts/learn to accept your flaws (it’s hard and you may fall back into that pattern of thinking every once in a while, but as long as you keep fighting you’ll start to see progress)

Make memories/Go on adventures

With your family, friends, by yourself etc

Often times we can get so caught up in our hustle that we forget to relax and have fun- therefore set aside time to do something relaxing/fun every week or two such as going to the mall, out to eat, or curling up at home with a good book/movie.

[partysaurusrexxx-deactivated201]

Diet Health:

Worlds Fastest Workout Video

Britney Spears Abs

Kim Kardashian Butt

Victoria’s Secret

Erin’s Workout

Selita’s Workout P1 & P2

BODY ROCK

Cardio Exercise

Get Hot Cardio

Kiss My Tight Booty

Feel The Burn

Tight, Toned, Trim

INSANITY

Fit Test

Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Cardio Power & Resistance

Cardio Recovery

Pure Cardio

Cardio Abs

Core Cardio & Balance

Max Interval Circuit

Max Interval Plyo

Max Cardio Conditioning

Max Recovery

Insane Abs

Max Interval Sports Training

Upper Body Weight Training

Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred:

Level 1 Level 2 Level 3

Ripped in 30:

Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4

6 Week 6 Pack:

Level 1

Level 2 Banish Fat Boost Metabolism No More Trouble Zones Yoga Meltdown

Carmen Electra:

Aerobic Striptease

Fit to Strip

In the Bedroom

The Biggest Loser:

Biggest Loser 30 Day Jump Start Workout

Biggest Loser Cardio Max Workout

Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga

Biggest Loser Boot Camp Workout

Turbo Jam:

T3 - Totally Tubular Turbo

Cardio Party Mix 1

Cardio Party Mix 2

Cardio Party Mix 3

Fat Blaster

P90X:

Chest and Back/Ab Ripper X

Plyometrics

Legs and Back

Yoga X

Cardio X

Kenpo X

Shoulders and Arms

Core Synergetics

Stretch X

Chest, Shoulder, and Triceps

Back and Biceps

Tone It Up:

Bikini Abs & Thighs

Sandcastle Workout

Bikini Blast Circuit Workout

Bikini Beach Bum Workout

POP Pilates:

Intense Ab Workout

Saddlebag Shaver

Tricep Toner

Butt Blaster

New Body Make Over

Back Attack

Inner Thighs and Calves

Inner Thigh Insanity

Stretching for Flexibility

Summer Slim Down pt 1

Summer Slim Down pt 2

Arm Attack

Lower Belly Pooch Attack

Thighs, Core, and Shoulders

Legs and Thighs

Beginners Total Body

Crazy Core Workout

Serious Standing for Legs, Butt, Obliques

Love Handles Exterminator

Obliques Ultimate

You’ve Got Abs Challenge!

Flat Abs Challenge

3 Minute Ab Challenge

Slimming Inner Thighs & Calves

Standing Pilates for Legs, Butt & Obliques

Super Butt Workout

Yoga

Dashama Sun Salutations video

Dashama Sun Salutations 2 video

Dashama Hip Stretches

Tara Stiles Bend It Like Tara video (my favorite stretching video)

sadienardini 40 minute yoga weight loss videos  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

exercisetv.tv Yoga Fitness Plus 45 minute video

exercisetv.tv Beginner Yoga 20 minute video

exercisetv.tv Yoga Sculpt 30 minute video 

exercisetv.tv Yoga Fitness Fusion 45 minute video

Yogis Anonymous Hurts So Good Power Yoga 95 minute video

Yogis Anonymous Blissed Flow Yoga 90 minute (love love love this one!)

Post Running Stretch video from FlexibleWarriorYoga

No Equipment Home Workout

Couch to 5K

[imgonnamakeachange]

reblogging this again for everybody. DO THE 30 DAY SHRED.

[asrielsarchive]

You will only regret the workouts you don’t do.

[illustrans]

“I do not speak of love lightly, nor do I say the words, I love you, to anyone that hasn’t made my heart reverberate with emotion.”

—

Love, for me, is the bonding, of not only the physicality of two people . . . 

but an entwining of two souls forming a spiritual union, becoming One under the skies of the heavens.

Yet, as I grow older, I have come to understand that I cannot expect everyone to look at love the way I do. 

I have also learned with time that love does not come with a directional guide, nor is it ever promised to last. 

These revelations make it so that I do not fare so well with my sensitive heart and gentle spirit.

However, as I peer out onto the calmness of the water before me … 

I realize that all we be ok, and that one day; I will find the “One” who looks at love the way I do.

love will find me. | ©Tyler Anzan Cota

(via reflectionsoflove)

[poems-of-madness]

“Darling age of 20, you are honey sweet and dangerously tender. You are not a kid anymore, you are bold enough to wear high heels, you are adventurous enough to let God in your heart. And your past wakes up at night and watches you sleep and it forgives you. You have good hands and less friends. You bathe in oils and clean the house. You are about to get married and you keep your phone conversations long while you keep the towel wrapped around your head. Your poetry is not just poetry but statements , marriage vows, legacies. Darling age of 20, you haven’t always been modest, you haven’t always been thoughtful with him. You are still a cage of tigers. And when he loves you good, really good, you are a mermaid with beautiful long legs. You have an alluring voice and it consumes him. It makes him want to marry you. You are not a scandal anymore in this town, and you’d have given all your ages, all your youth to feel like you feel now. Darling age of 20, you are still exquisite 17, and romantic 18, and curious 19 but you are his 20 now. You are a decade older. You are a revolutionary era. You are the queen coming to the throne. And if they don’t adore you anymore, you will close your empire on them. Dear darling of 20, you’ve never been more in love than you are now.”

— Dear Darling Age Of 20 by Royla Asghar 

[amandasaltarelli]

“What are you supposed to do when you are falling in love with someone, and your whole body is being drained. What are you supposed to do when you feel yourself losing your sanity because you feel so empty by the end of the day. How are you supposed to explain how you feel to someone who feels no where close to how you feel about them. I’m losing myself trying to love him. I’m losing my sanity, because I’m so caught up with him. I wait by my phone, waiting for another text, and it’s never quite fast enough. I feel like I care more, I feel like I want this more, and I feel like he doesn’t give a fuck what happens to us. I feel like i bother him constantly, I feel like I annoy him every time I overreact. I feel like he’s soon going to get sick of my uncertainty of myself. Eventually he’s going to forget the reasons why he ever fell for me in the first place. I’m waiting for this heart break to come, just like our over due earth quake.”

—