Whitty Quips

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen." ~The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via sami_grayce)

[ghostsandgoblins]

[watson-emma]

#he’s so smiley (◠‿◠✿)

[plantyherbivore]

I met these two ladies in Switzerland. They were hugging and licking each other, like best friends.

[tumblingtumbleleaves]

[imsooffendedwoahwhatsthat]

[b-salamander-deactivated2023021]

x

[slimetony]

[chasehunter-deactivated20210824]

can you believe there are people who play the sims without mods

[gutrotten-deactivated20150414]

[writing-prompt-s]

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

[endreams-s]

Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?

Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.

Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok

[honeypressed]

Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts

Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes

Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks

[moonreflectioninthefragglepond]

A++ addition

[tetsuskitten]

Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?

Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great

[tigerliliesandcherryblossoms]

I LOVE THIS

[vmohlere]

Oh no, murder comedy is my jam

[sizvideos]

[perissologist]

THIS TURNED OUT SO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTED

[lord-palmerston]

you missed the best bit

[bayek--of--siwa]

Kassandra is just going around Ancient Greece seducing women and having dudes pay her to sleep with their wives.

[pbgoatt-deactivated20230911]

Game of the year

[primordial0riginator]

Our house in the middle of our

House

[sargassosky]

[somecunttookmyurl]

beshedsda

[whitepeopletwitter]

[atrisk]

“drake?”

“yeah?”

“wheres youtube?”

[weloveshortvideos]

Fashion people are always lying for no damn reason b 

[surprisebitch]

i wish this was longer

[mitski-miyawakis]

when the teacher asks u bout that reading u were supposed to do for homework

[logarto]

overwatch doesnt have any lore its all about lucio being cool and reinhardt being a sexy himbo thats IT!!!!

[winstonsuggestions]

Aren’t you… Forgetting someone? *tries to not look hurt*

[logarto]

winston i am so fucking sorry i genuinely forgot ur an overwatch character for a moment you feel like a brother to me