There are things I like, things I'm interested in or fantasize about, that are so often tied into porn. And it sucks, because that's not why I'm into them.
Intimate medical care. I've always loved playing doctor. It was my favorite game as a child, but I only ever wanted to be the patient. And I still love it for the same reason. There's a power balance, but there's also the element of care. I don't feel this way about typical medical providers, but I often wish I had a doctor or nurse friend who could take care of me (especially regarding needles)
Cardiophilia. This falls under the intimate medical category, but it's more specific. I like when someone listens to my heart and lungs with a stethoscope. I like having my pulse checked. The heart is so often a symbol of love and letting someone close to you listen or feel is special. I'm not trying to put my heart in danger for it either, just what it does on its own.
Needle sticks. Also falls under intimate medical care. I've loved having to take a subcutaneous birth control this year because once every 3 months or so, I get to lay down and relax while my husband gives me a little poke in my tummy. I like the idea of getting all of my vaccines in my butt. Poke me with a bunch, like in acupuncture. I hate it in the real world, it's my biggest source of anxiety. But as an act of care from a friend or family I love it.
Spanking. This one is definitely sexualized and I get it. It makes sense. But that's not what I'm into. The first time I brought this up to someone, it was because I couldn't get over my own guilt of hurting someone. I enjoy it for discipline between consenting adults. But I enjoy it mostly for therapeutic purposes. When I feel guilty. When I feel overwhelmed. When I'm trying to work through things mentally. And I think it's unrealistic to expect tears every time. Just make my bottom sting and blush, and that's all I need.
Forced Exercise. I've met with personal trainers, and it never works for me because they generally only want to push muscle building. I also don't exercise much because I don't like being watched and it's mental torture for my adhd. I like the thought of someone dragging me to the gym and assigning me functional exercises to do and making sure I do them. Bring me along to new activities that will surely give me a workout but aren't boring. Make me work my core until my belly hurts because "it'll improve your spine". But also helping me eat healthier.
Cuddles. I'm a very physically affectionate person, and I've always been. Play with my hair, rub my back, pat my head. Cuddle with me. Just do it.
It can be so difficult to live with these interests because they are often sexualized immediately. That's not what I want. I'd love to find friends to explore these things with me. Not romantic partners. Friends.
