'sup

Hey everybody, this'll be a 'Steffie's homestuck and things' blog: that means it'll mostly be hs drawings, but I might toss in some other stuff too, every now and then. Feel free to drop me an ask about anything - she/her or they/them, whichever y'all want to use.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

so i read that post about how kakashi would snapchat while fighting

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

not as happy with these, but at least i managed to slap some color on here. fem!Kakashi w/ a small fem!Obito cameo! also, my pen was freaking out. 

as a side note: i have realized that i’ve forgotten how to draw women.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

SHRIMP! HEAVEN! NOW!

crossing nart with mbmbam is a wild experience, but I couldn’t not make this. This is why you don’t listen to “Best of McElroys” playlists while thinking about naruto. 

Kakashi as Daniel, and Sakumo as his poor, tired mother.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

Rin and Kakashi debate the works of other authors. Obito and Mianto Do Not Approve.

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periods suck, but teammates help.

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Shisui’s hair increases by at least 15% poof when you take off his ninja headband

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I - I have become naruto. It has happened, in the year of our lord 2k19 - I have finally succumbed.

Brace for impact.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt9

Last part of chapter 1! Where the hell the dream part came from, I have no idea.

==>Fall

Though you do not see it, The Caretaker rushes towards you as you crumple to the ground, her face guarded. Though you do not feel it, she lifts you into her arms and carries you back to her hive. Though you do not hear it, she mutters to herself, age old resignation and fury warring with the rebellion against even fate itself stirred by your words.

No, you know nothing but sleep.

==>Dream

Dreaming ever since leaving the game had turned into something of a tossup as to if you would be getting a good night’s sleep or a nightmare. It had taken you and the rest of the trolls (save Kanaya, of course) a very strife-filled perigee before you’d all gotten used to sleeping during the night instead of the day, and even then there were some of your friends who still seemed to lean more nocturnal than not.

You’ve had dreams about the game before, all of you had, though they were mere recollections and fears spat out by your subconscious rather than anything that had to do with any real game mechanics.

It is not even the first time you’ve dreamt of your aspect or of what it might have entailed, had you achieved an actual understanding of it when you still had the chance. It is, however, the first time that you see the bonds.

Seeing may be too strong of a word for what you’re experiencing, given the heavy implication to the act drilled into your thinkpan by sgrub. They’re more like a visualization of a sensation, of a presence you feel all around you, a network, pulsing with . . . something you cannot describe. You can see the push and pull between individuals you can place as the monsters you’ve seen in the Ruins, can feel the rivalries and the alliances, the influences good and bad.

You get the feeling that what you can actually feel is but a small portion of all that is available to you, akin to sitting in a darkened human cathedral and knowing that there existed walls so far outside of your reach you cannot even guess as to where they lay, a wealth of ability that you could access if you could only just find it.

You look down at your hands instead of trying to push towards unknown pursuits and you focus, the streams of bonds flitting just beyond your fingers vanishing. You find that you have your own bonds branching off and returning to you, though you cannot find those they are shared with. You can feel the strength of those close to you, can feel the loss of what once was. You can feel what could be, though only in the manner of the current possibilities spread before you. You can guess the ways these bonds may turn, but not the consequences of such happenings. You can see the potential within those who have just met, but cannot predict the bonds of those who may yet meet.

The bonds in your hands, your bonds, are alive and well, though you do not know how you know such a thing. You can tell they are alive, that they are worried, determined. You do not understand how you understand this, and as you grasp harder for your bonds, for any bonds, they fall from your fingers like liquid. You feel desperate and cheated, desperate and unworthy – you sprint, trying harder and harder to catch even a shred of the warmth and knowledge you felt before, and found yourself falling further and further behind –

==>

You jolt upright, falling off of the huge armchair you’ve been put on. You are surrounded by what looks to you like one of the shittier piles you’ve found yourself in, though not quite the shittiest. Consisting of a mere two snuggle planes and a pillow, it’s no wonder you’re feeling so unnerved from your sleep.

Wait, when the hell did you fall asleep? You’d been having assloads of trouble actually resting for for-fucking-ever, which was the entire purpose behind the movie marathon you’d been having just before all of this crap happened, but you didn’t remember actually conking out.

You look around you to see if your surroundings help you think of the reason you actually knocked out. You are wholly unsurprised when they don’t. The hive you’re in looks completely foreign to you, and for a second you think that you may even have somehow gotten out of the purple cave of fucking doom. You’re in a mostly beige room that is pretty bare in comparison to your hive; the floor is free of piles, there isn’t anything covering the walls, and it feels empty to you.

Your hopes that maybe the whole experience you’d had was just a bad dream is crushed mercilessly as Goat Lusus sweeps into the room, presumably in response to your clattering descent onto the ground.

She makes her way over to you, pausing at a great enough distance for it to be obvious that she isn’t attempting to engage you in a confrontation, and remains standing as she stares down at you. Her expression is firm but not closed off.

*It is nice you to rejoin us from your slumber, young one.

* We have much to discuss.

KARKAT: SHIT

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt8

What’s this, a Toriel v Karkat smackdown? A Goatmom who tolerates Karkat’s excessive swearing??? Revolutionary.  Kinda long, but this is the penultimate part of chapter 1.

==>Meet The Caretaker

Holy shit is that somebody’s lusus? Her coloring and protective posturing scream “territorial lusus”, but she certainly doesn’t sound like one to you. You aren’t ruling out the possibility that she is at least very similar to one, and you think that you’ll try to reason with her based on that and what that most likely means for her motives and mindset. She did, however, sound like she meant serious business, and that she didn’t look kindly on potential threats to her people. You draw yourself up onto shaking legs, unwilling to enter into a potentially hostile conversation while curled up on the ground.

KARKAT: I AM KARKAT VANTAS, AND I’M GOING TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLACE AND RETURN TO MY FRIENDS.

*And through what means do you propose to execute this mission of yours?

KARKAT: THROUGH WHATEVER MEANS ARE NECESSARY. I REFUSE TO SIT BY IDLY AND WASTE THE REMAINDER OF MY LIFE AWAY AT THE FIRST SIGN OF FUTILITY, NOT WHEN I HAVE A GOAL WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

*Would you push down those beneath you in order to ascend above this place? To sacrifice others for your own wants and whims?

Her eyes narrow dangerously, and you definitely feel like you’re going to throw up now. Still, you push on.

KARKAT: YOU’RE PUTTING WORDS INTO MY MOUTH, AND I WOULD VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD FUCKING STOP. I’VE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE USED AS MERE TOOLS, AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT ENTIRE DISASTER IN THE MAKING. I WILL FIGHT AGAINST MY OPPOSITION AND BREAK THROUGH MY CHALLENGES, BUT I HAVE SEEN TOO MUCH SACRIFICE TO CAUSE SOMEONE TO TAKE ON THAT BURDEN. IF I HAVE TO, I WILL PUSH TO THE SIDE YOUR PEOPLE, BUT NEVER DOWN.

*And what if it is necessary to forsake our goal for your own, to crush the hope we have left so that you may take your chance to succeed?

KARKAT: THEN I FIND A WAY TO MAKE OUR GOALS ALIGN, SO WE BOTH PROSPER.

*Just how are you going to bring that about, oh little one? How sure are you that you will succeed where so many others have failed, that you will fare better than those who have been working for countless decades to engineer our own freedom?

KARKAT: JUST TRY TO FUCKING STOP ME.

==>Stop engaging in a pissing contest with The Caretaker

Silence reigns in the room, heavy enough to choke you. You’re sure that the figure you cut is far from imposing – the tips of your horns not even reaching this woman’s chest and your body shaking like a shed leaf in the breeze, you just hope that your words have been enough. You would really hate to find yourself on the bad side of the lusus of apparently every monster in this place, the Ruins, you recall. Goat lusus kinda scares you, even though you aren’t sure of how dangerous she is.

She quirks an eyebrow at you after a fucking long ass period of contemplation. She no longer looks ready to tear you limb from limb, which is great, considering you’re already kind of frazzled. Gog, it’s been a long day.

*Where did you come from, young one?

KARKAT: I WAS IN MY HIVE, TALKING WITH MY TWO HIVEMATES BEFORE I JUST WOKE UP HERE.

This, for whatever it’s worth, startles her.

*Is your, hive, placed on a mountain?

KARKAT: NO??

*Do you perhaps remember falling before you awoke here?

KARKAT: NO, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TELLING ONE OF MY FRIENDS WHY HIS TASTE IN MOVIES IS A STAIN UPON THE HISTORY OF EXISTANCE WHEN I JUST SUDDENLY FOUND MYSELF IN A REALLY DEEP HOLE? HONESTLY, I THOUGHT THAT MY OTHER FIREND HAD JUST KICKED MY ASS HERE BECAUSE SHE GOT PISSED AT US, BUT I’M PRETTY DAMN SURE THAT THAT’S NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL.

*Do your friends also not have any knowledge of how you came to be here?

KARKAT: I HAVE NO IDEA, I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO CONTACT THEM AT ALL SINCE THEN.

==>Don’t panic

No, you’re not going to panic again in front of this important figure, no matter how much your throat itches and your eyes sting at the prospect of something happening to your friends because of you. Instead, you fight to focus on literally anything else around you. Ugh, you’re completely exhausted.

Peering around the room as Goat Lusus mulls over the information you’ve given her with a worried look on her face, you see that all of the monsters who had shown up before were unfortunately still here. In addition, it seems as though even more had come to crowd the room; apparently they all wanted to get in on seeing whether or not your one-sided shout off would come to blows or something. Well, fuck them for being so easily fucking entertained, but at least they weren’t yelling up a racket like a crowd of this sort would have if they were trolls.

How long has it been since you last slept? A few weeks? You can’t remember.

The ghost from before is slowly absconding the fuck out of here by sinking through the nearby wall, and you don’t blame them for wanting to get the hell out of this awkward mess.

It takes you a disgustingly large amount of effort to force your vision back on the biggest possible threat, and when you see her face the only thing you can make out is the concern in her eyes turning to sharp panic before your sight goes dark.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt7

Time to shove all of that leadership focused character development that he didn’t get in the comic onto My Good Good Boy. KK learns a bit about the Underground, yells, and startles someone we all know and love. (Goatmom, it’s goatmom. ‘m not gonna beat around the bush abt it.)

We’re officially more than halfway through the first chapter!

==>What about the rest of them?

You address the room at large.

KARKAT: SO WHY HAS EVERYONE DECIDED TO CRAM THEMSELVES INTO THIS SPECIFIC DEATHROOM ALL THE SAME TIME? BECAUSE IF YOU JUST WANTED TO OGLE, THEN YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF.

A couple of them look confused, the ghost next to you shifts uncomfortably.

*they probably just wanted to make sure that you were okay. . . . .

*you fell down and everyone got really worried about you. . . . . . . . .

Now you feel like a jerk, but you’re not going to back down. Not until you know what they want from you. You turn to the ghost.

KARKAT: BUT WHY THE HELL DO THEY CARE? NONE OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME

*It’s been a long time since any monsters in the Ruins have fallen down, new one. Even if we know not where you came from, it is fate that we would not wish on anyone – if we can help prevent you from shattering, we will.

The monster who stepped forward spoke, antenna twitching at the group behind them.

You still don’t quite understand. You can tell that they’re being earnest, but they have to want something from you to go this far, right?

KARKAT: BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

*Nothing other than for you to keep on living, to retain your hope and drive for a better future. It is a want that we have for all of us monsters trapped within the Underground.

It figures that you would run into what has to be the only other species in the multiverse that’s as carefree with their pale solicitations as humans. Hold up, did this guy just say trapped?!

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU’RE TRAPPED?

*I mean just that – ever since we were chased and sealed within these caverns, not a single monster has been able to reach the surface once more.

*Neither science nor myth has been able to breech the seal. No monster aside from the King has any hope of breaking free; they would only meet failure, I am sure of it.

*Not even the King and Queen’s son, Asriel, was unable to stay on the surface, and he had had a power that goes beyond what any monster could conceivably obtain or even yield. If he was unable to, with his otherworldly power, then surely it is fruitless for the rest of us.

KARKAT: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THERE ISN’T AN EXIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THIS SPRAWLING HELLSCAPE? THAT NO ONE’S EVER BEEN ABLE TO REALLY GET OUT? THAT’S BULLSHIT!

*For which exit do you seek, new one? For there are two, to our knowledge.

*To exit the Ruins, one would have to seek out and present your case to The Caretaker. To exit the Underground, however, one would need a very dangerous and deadly power to do so on their own.

*King Asgore has been collecting what we need in order to break the barrier that traps us, and it is surely only a matter of time before the last one falls into his possession.

*To shatter the barrier and leave on one’s own would take a miracle.

KARKAT: WELL THAT DOESN’T SOUND SKETCHY AT ALL

KARKAT: BUT JUST BECAUSE IT’S ALMOST PAN FRYINGLY DIFFICULT TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS EXIT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO DO SO, RIGHT?

KARKAT: IT CAN STILL BE DONE, EVEN IF EVERYONE THINKS THAT TRYING IS A HUGE WASTE OF TIME

KARKAT: WE JUST HAVE TO IGNORE EVERYONE’S EXPECTATIONS AND DO IT ANYWAYS, BECAUSE THEY WERE STUPID AS SHIT TO GIVE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

KARKAT: THEIR DUMB ACTIONS JUST DRAGGED EVERYONE ELSE INTO A SELF-SUSTAINING CIRCLE OF PREMATURE, SELF FULFILLING FAILURE! THE ONLY WAY FOR EVERYONE DOWN HERE TO GRASP ONTO EVEN THE FRAILEST HOPE IS TO BREAK THE LOOP, TO GET YOURSELVES THE FUCK OUT OF THE MINDSET THAT JUST PERPETUATES GRIEF AND RESIGNATION! 

KARKAT: IT’S POISON TO YOUR CONVICTION AND YOUR MOTIVATION TO FULLY DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, AND IT HAS NO PLACE IN THOSE FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT AS THEIR FREEDOM! ANY LEADER WHO STANDS BY AS THEIR TEAM IS RIPPING THEMSELVES APART BECAUSE OF IT IS A SHITTY LEADER WHO CAN ONLY CAUSE DEATH AND FAILURE, SO YOU HAVE TO TOSS THAT KIND OF THINKING OUT OF THE FENISTRATED PLANE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW AND GET THE HELL BACK TO BEING A COMPETENT AND HEALTHY-

You cut yourself off. Your rant had taken a strong swerve into what Rose dubbed your “leadership issues”, and you kind of feel like you want to throw up. The monsters around you are silently staring at you in something akin to awe, and it makes your skin itch.

*I must confess I have not heard such talk from anyone within these ruins for quite some time. Who are you, young one, that I do not recognize you as one of my own?

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt6

WARNING: Karkat gets a panic attack in this one. It’s in the second arrow command to ==>Are you quite alright?

It’s another long one guys, and Karkat ain’t doing so great tbh

==>Chart course

After being transportalized ass-first into even more of the ostensibly fucking endless leaf piles that plagued this place an embarrassingly large number of times, you manage to memorize the arrangement of the piles in the room you keep falling into. You also flipped off at least two signs and no more than seven piles before you make it through the room, at long fucking last.

The few inhabitants you saw were of absolutely no help at all, only standing around and ogling at your impressive strategy and progress without releasing even a scrap of assisting information, the useless bulgemunchers. You heard them talking amongst themselves, so at least you know that they can speak in a language you understand, even if it is the disgustingly vowel littered one the humans use.

==>

You run into another rock based puzzle next. Good taintchaifing gog, you are fucking fed right the fuck up with all of these goddamn shitty puzzles. You feel like you’ve been down here for so long that you’re surprised that the heat death of the universe hasn’t killed you yet, and despite all of this you’ve made fuck-all progress on getting the grublicking shit out of this hellhole, bombarded at every fucking turn by puzzle after useless goddamn puzzle. You’re so fucking furious right now, you need to take a minuet to calm yourself the fuck down. Fuck, you could just scream right now.

You don’t even know if you’re doing the right thing by running bulge-first into all of these ridiculous puzzles, if it’s even helping you get closer to getting out of here. The only thing you have to reassure yourself with is a non-conversation you had with a goddamn frog. Your phone hasn’t worked right ever since you woke up here, and you have absolutely no way to contact your friends. You’re almost certain that if it had been one of your other friends who’d had their sorry excuse of an existence dropped here in your stead then they would likely have blasted their way through all of this bullshit and have the matter dealt with in under an hour. Meanwhile, you were just blindly flailing around all of these fucking puzzles like a goddamn fool, and you could really use your moirail right now. Or just about anybody, really, though you would rip your linguistic muscle out with your bare hands before you admitted that aloud. Gog, you haven’t been this emotional in sweeps – of course this would all hit at the most inopportune time. Current you is such a jackass.

==>Boy?

You feel something push against your foot, but you don’t have the energy to care. Is it really too much to ask for a fucking break? Just for a bit. The next bump against your leg garners even less attention than the first did, though you spare a brief moment to wonder just when you sat down. Semi-distant conversation and the sound of skittering footsteps floats through your hearing sponges, but you don’t really register them. You shut your eyes – they were starting to sting, and you couldn’t see anything anyways.

You curl up to make yourself as small as possible, like a wriggler just experiencing their first daymare. You feel as useless as you did back on the fucking meteor.

==>Are you quite alright?

You CANNOT be KARKAT VANTAS at this time, as he is currently UNAVAILABLE. Seeing as you don’t have the ability to SWITCH CHARACTERS and be someone else at this time and that Karkat would rather not have you staring at him right now, he would be quite grateful if you decided to be FUTURE KARKAT instead.

==>Karkat, be future Karkat

You are now FUTURE KARKAT, an INDISERNABLE NUMBER OF MINUTES in the future. You appreciate the cooperative and mindful manner in which you switched to being him now rather than being past Karkat. He would very much like it if you never mention this to anyone ever, and assures you that he will talk it out with his moirail as soon as he can conceivably set up a feelings jam with her.

==>Come back to yourself

The first thing you notice is the music. Floating in and out of focus for a while, it sounds like when Dave would be too lazy to remove his headphones from his husktop while making you listen to his music and would just take them off and play his music at max volume so both of you could hear it. You think that you can hear someone humming quietly along at some points, but it takes you some time to piece together that they’re actually singing.

You blink and slowly take in the sight of your knees, which your face was so close to that you’re surprised that they hadn’t started to merge together into one horrifying conglomerate. The singing cuts off abruptly as you lift your head slightly, enough to take in the sight of the fucking purple hell that you haven’t managed to escape from. Your head thunks back down into your knees, and the humming picks up again. A nudge to your foot pulls your attention, and you roll so that you can see what assmunch keeps bothering you. It looks like an orangeroot with a face on it.

The orangeroot pushes what looks like a smaller, faceless version of itself towards you along the ground. You stare at it blankly.

*you should probably eat that . . . . . . . . . . .

You continue to stare blankly at the small orange root and its offering.

*or you could not . . . . . . that’s fine too . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it doesn’t really matter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Fuck that, you’re gonna eat it now. You release the death grip your hands had on your pant legs and pick up the vegetable, shoving it into your mouth without even wiping it with your shirt.

*oh . . .

Orangeroot guy looks pleased with this outcome, then buries themself partially underground and fucks off to a nearby group of orangeroots. Now that you’re looking around, a good number of these weird creatures have gathered in the room, far enough away that you didn’t realize they were there at first. The music that’s been playing gets softer, and you turn towards it.

*oh . . . . hello . . . . . .

The person next to you, they’re a ghost, you guess? They don’t really look like any of the ghosts that you know, but you’ve seen weirder things. You know not to just assume. At the very least, they look transparent to you. They also have a pair of similarly transparent headphones around what you could call their neck, if you wanted to apply standard physiology to someone without a body.

==>Converse

KARKAT: WERE YOU PLAYING THAT THIS WHOLE TIME?

They look abashed.

*I just thought it might help . . . . I’m sorry . . . . . . .

KARKAT: NO, IT DID HELP

KARKAT: IT HELPED A LOT, ACTUALLY. DID YOU WRITE THEM?

You gesture to their headphones. They seem to shrink into themself.

*. . . . yeah . . . . . . .

You manage to quirk your lips up a tick.

KARKAT: IT’S PRETTY GOOD. BETTER THAN MOST OF THE STUFF THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS ALWAYS HAS ME LISTEN TO.

*. . . really?

KARKAT: YEAH, HIS USUALLY HAS WERID BACKGROUND SOUNDS THAT HE TRIES TO MIX ­IN BUT NEVER REALLY BLENDS RIGHT.

KARKAT: THAT OR SOME REALLY AWFUL SLAM POETRY LYRICS HE JUST KIND OF WORD VOMITS ONTO THE SOUNDTRACK.

KARKAT: SOMETIMES HE MIXES BOTH INTO THE SAME SONG, AND I THINK HE DOES IT ONLY TO BE IRONICALLY BAD HALF OF THE TIME, THE DUMB FUCK.

*music sometimes helps me when things get bad. . . .

*sometimes my cousin would sing to me if he found me during. . . . . .

*. . . . . . . . .

*. . . . . . . . . . .

*you’re looking better . . .

You grimace and viscously wipe your arm across your eyes to get rid of any of the moisture that stubbornly remains there, but don’t refute their claim. You turn your attention back to the disquietingly large gathering of the various things you’ve run into since you started – there were even a bunch of rocks that looked to be shifting slightly. You knew those fuckers could move, you totally called it.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, a Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt5

Part 5, here we go. This gets us just shy of halfway through chapter 1.

==>Onwards

Other than that short scuffle, the next issue you run into is when the floor falls out from underneath your feet and you land solidly on your ass in a whole new room. You land directly in a pile of candy red leaves, and consequently leap up from them as if they had burned you – even after years of not having your blood color be a cullable offense, the sight of it out in the open still sets your teeth on edge. The room you find yourself in has two exits, neither of which seem in anyway appealing to you. You take the one to your left because you ended up closer to it when you jumped up, and you would rather not have to go bulge deep in the leaves more than you have to.

You go through the door. When you’re not blindsided by falling, you realize that as you step into the inky black that even your gander bulbs can’t see through you feel almost as though you’ve stepped on a transportalizer. This feeling is compounded by the fact that, immediately after you make that connection, you find yourself back where you were before you fell.

==>Reflect on this possible connection

You are absolutely not going to look any further into the similarity, because you don’t care. You’ve got other shit on your nutrition plateau to deal with.

The ground before you, now that you’ve been given cause to inspect it, is slightly darker than the rest of the floor. The air above seems relatively normal, and if the transportalizer effect only extends throughout the discoloration, you’re fairly sure that you could just jump over it.

==>Test your hypothesis

You take a running jump and land on the other side with little fanfare. You can’t believe that actually worked, but you’re glad that you have a way around dealing with some of the bullshit this place is likely to sling in your face.

Unluckily for you, you can’t just jump your way over the puzzle you find waiting for you in the next room – you are faced yet again with the psionic field/spike combination. At least the solution seems relatively simple, seeing as there’s a pressure plate and a rock that has a bulge blistering track leading straight to it.

You walk over to the plate and step on it cautiously. The spikes retreat. You are instantly suspicious, and rightfully so. As soon as you pick up your foot from the mechanism, it refuses to stay latched in the down position and pops back up, along with the spikes in front of the doorway. Just fucking great.

==>Encounter an interruption

As you’re walking back, you bump into something that wasn’t on the floor when you last looked. It looks like . . . shaped slime? Honestly, you’re reminded of one of the fruit and gelatinous combinations Jane sometimes brings Jade, which she promptly shoves down yours and Dave’s throats (why she finds certain fruits to be intolerably annoying, you have no idea, but you have nothing but understanding in finding infuriating amounts of frustration in the most mundane of objects). The slime initiates a Fight and wiggles at you. You feel very uncomfortable, somehow disengage yourself from the fight, and move quickly around it.

==>Continue your puzzle solving

Stoically ignoring the sign on the wall, you pick up the rock. It’s lighter than you thought it would be, and you just drop it onto the pressure plate, causing the spikes to disappear. You make your way to the spikes quickly, because you wouldn’t put it past this place to somehow make the rocks move off of the pressure plates that a noble and highly respected troll put them on.

You pass by what appears to be a singular ocular orb with appendages and a different but still weird looking bug, both of whom glare at you as you just try to get out of this puzzle infested room before your rock decides it wants to take a walk and leave you stranded.

You emerge from a narrow path into a wide open room, the floor of which is the same color of the patch with transportalizer-like properties you were able to jump over.

Unfortunately, there is approximately no way in hell you will be able to jump your way over this clusterfuck of a puzzle. Cheating was never really your thing in the first place, so you decide to just beat the puzzle on its own terms.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt4

Ey part 4, back to 600-700 words per part

==>

The next room is mercifully puzzle free, and you quickly cut across it, moving to a tighter passage that has yet more fucking illegible advice welded into the wall. You nod hello to a frog thing that you pass, unsure of whether or not they are the same one that you saw earlier or not. It ribbits back at you, but makes no move to try and start a fight.

Your easy progress ends as soon as you exit the passage into a room full of water and spikes. You backtrack into the previous room, but even after searching under the copious greencreeps your efforts prove to be fruitless. Returning to the spiked room, you see if you can find a way past the spikes without any handy switches. After banging your hands around the air above the spikes, you find out that not everywhere has a psionic field around it. You decide to try and navigate a safe path by going where the psionics aren’t preventing you from moving forwards.

==>

The platforms that the spikes are on aren’t large enough for you to put your foot down around the spikes, and you wish that you had thicker shoes.

With no options presenting themselves to you, you cautiously put your foot down on top of one of the set of spikes that didn’t have a field over them. To your surprise, there seems to be a horizontal field on top of the spikes, allowing for them to be stepped on without making a brand new hole in your foot. Combining this with the way that the pressure your foot put on the spikes pushed them into the ground, you just found your ticket to crossing the trap without impaling yourself or fucking drowning. You make it across the platform, only smashing your face into a psionic field once.

==>

You end up walking for what feels like forever, since the room you’ve found yourself in apparently stretches on a rudely long distance, the lack of puzzles or traps more than enough to put your teeth on edge. You can’t get yourself out of that room fast enough, though you’re not willing to give in to your nerves and start running, and finally exiting is a relief.

You’re greeted with the sight of yet another weird frog. You know that there’s no way all of these are the same one that you first saw, and hope that this one continues their streak of not flipping the fuck out and attacking you.

Lucky you, it just croaks cordially as you pass it by.

Further in, there are yet more piles of uncomfortably red leaves all over the ground. You don’t like looking at them, so you head into the opening in what you presume is the northern wall. Inside is some kind of curved food holding device resting on a pillar, surrounded by yet more of those fucking leaves. You’ve seen enough of Aradia’s Troll Indiana Jones movies to know that there is no way in hell you’re going to even take another step closer to that pedestal.

Backing out of the room slowly, you make it to about halfway through the room before something comes flying at you from beneath the leaves.

==>FIGHT?

Well shit, it looks like you’ve found yourself in the middle of yet another fight. Your opponent looks like they’re ready to flee at any moment, a small flying bug-like thing that reminds you of one of those pocket monster things John had tried shoving down your throat last pedigree. You’re pretty sure that you can just bare your fangs at them and they’ll leave you alone, though you’re not sure if this means that you’re going to be seeing more fights from the various things that live down here. You’re not thrilled at the prospect of the frog things being the only peaceful, non-annoying thing you run across as you blunder your way to what is hopefully your freedom from this cave thing.

You try to do the diplomatic thing, Acting so you can wave at them. They emit a tiny squeak and start to cry, but the two of you are no longer in a battle. That’s good, you think? The little bug is still there, though.

KARKAT: HEY, DO YOU KNOW-

They flee, diving back under the cover of the leave pile closest to you. Apparently you’re not going to be getting any help from them, then.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt3

Boy is the Underground not a fun place for someone who doesn’t like puzzles. Now featuring more ppl than just kk, and a fight, here’s part 3! It’s a bit longer than the first two parts.

==>Proceed

Much to your chagrin, you are immediately confronted with not one, but two illegible signs as soon as you step through the door. One is actually a small wooden sign that has been handwritten and . . .  welded to the stone floor, you think? Eh, that just means that you were right to be on your guard – someone obviously inhabits this place, and it’s just a matter of time before you run into them. There are also three switches, and a row of spikes blocking the pathway at the far end of the room. You need to sit down for a couple of ticks before your all-consuming rage makes you do something stupid, like yell loud enough to alert your possible enemies of your presence. While you’re down here, you may as well check out the streams running through the room; they look like they’re made of water, but you’d much rather be certain before you step on any possibly collapsing bridges. You pull out an empty bottle of apple juice that you’re absolutely sure came from Strider, fill it with the liquid, and capchalog it. It self-labels as “bottle of water”, so it looks like you’re in the clear on that front. With that out of the way and no other ways to procrastinate in arms distance, you heft yourself to your feet and decide that it’s time to deal with the puzzle.

==>Solve

First, you walk immediately to the spikes impeding your path, grateful when you confirm that the bridges do not, in fact, collapse under your feet and send you into the waters below. You still don’t know how to swim, despite Jade and Dave’s instance that you let them teach you. Even though the spikes themselves aren’t quite high enough to fully stop you from maneuvering yourself over them, they appear to be surrounded by some kind of psi-field, more similar to something Aradia could do rather than what Sollux’s powers. With the easy method unavailable, you resign yourself to flipping yet more fucking switches, seeing as there doesn’t seem to be anything else for you to “solve” in the room besides them.

It takes you an embarrassingly long amount of time to figure out how to reset the switches, and you feel like the world’s most incompetent wiggler when you realize that you just need to exit the room the way you came and re-enter. On your second try, the spikes retract into the ground as soon as you press the second switch down, and you’re free to continue on your journey to get the fuck out of here.  

==>

The next room, to your immense relief, doesn’t appear to have any puzzles in it. Instead, there is something that appears to be a weirdly shaped mannequin of some sort, and a large white frog. When you entered, the frog and the dummy both turned towards you.

==>Converse

*Ribbit

You feel like smashing your face against the wall. Of course the first thing alive that you find can’t properly converse with you.  What the hell, you figure, you may as well dive bulge first into this stupid charade.

KARKAT: HI

The frog looking thing doesn’t react any further than letting loose another croak, but it seems jovial enough towards you, you guess. It hasn’t attacked you, anyways, and the weird face looking thing . . . in it? under it?? doesn’t look threatening. The mannequin just stands there.

KARKAT: I DON’T SUPPOSE EITHER OF YOU TWO KNOWS HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE, DO YOU?

Both of them continue to stare. This is getting you absolutely nowhere. You sigh and unequip your sickles; you really don’t think that these guys are going to strife with you, and you were starting to feel like a tool waving them around in casual conversation, ignoring the fact that your conversing partners were a weird frog and a dummy, neither of which actually speaks. The frog hops over to you, croaks a couple of times, and then tilts its head towards the open door leading further into the cave.

Huh.

KARKAT: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I HAVE TO SLOG THROUGH AN UNKNOWN NUMBER OF ROOMS IN THIS WEIRD UNDERGROUND JUST TO FIND AN EXIT?

*Ribbit

KARKAT: AND THERE’S ABSOLUTLY NO OTHER WAY TO GET OUT

*Ribbit

KARKAT: WELL FUCK.

You guess that was helpful. At the very least, it was about as helpful as a discussion with Dave when he feels like being an absolute douche. You still know fuck-all about how to get out of here.

The frog hops away through the door, and you pause to watch it go. You have no idea how it’s connected to the little rock-like thing under it, and your observations don’t help you one bit in figuring it out. Turning, you stare at the mannequin. It stares back. You guess you could say something to it before you leave, just to avoid being a complete asshole?

==>Initiate FIGHT

What. The. Fuck.

You have no idea what’s happening right now. You guess it could be a really weird form of strifing? But the mannequin hasn’t moved at all?

Looking at the four options you’ve apparently been afforded, none of which start with the same letter, weirdly, you try and figure out which you want to use. You could always fight, you guess, but if this mannequin can talk to the other things that live down here, you have a feeling that your journey would get unnecessarily complicated. You like to think that you’re at least a little smarter than Eridan when it comes to not killing things you’re not supposed to. You’re not sure what acting would do, but it may be helpful. Since you don’t really want to deal with your sylladex right now, especially not if this weird strifing format fucked with it, you leave the items option alone, and fuck if you’ve ever given up a fight before. There’s no way in hell you’re picking mercy.

You switch over to act, checking out your options. Your options are to check this guy, or to talk to them. You really want to know what this guy’s deal is, starting a fight with you out of nowhere.

==>Check the dummy

You Check the mannequin.

*Mannequin. 0 ATK, 0 DEF. It’s a mannequin, you think?

That was completely useless. You immediately try to act again, but you can’t.

The mannequin just stands there for a bit before you’re able to do anything. Ugh, you’ve never liked turn-based fighting, it reminds you too much of those FLARP games some of your friends used to play before the shit hit the whirling bladed device.

==>End this and continue on

You figure that you may as well do what you came here to do, fight be damned. You select Talk.

KARKAT: IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU, NOW LET ME GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Your fight immediately ends, which surprises you, and you abscond the fuck out of there.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt2

Part two! 

==>Observe drastic change in scenery

Well, huh. This certainly is a drastic change in scenery. The room before you is lit brightly enough that even your human hatefriends would have had no problem navigating it, though not bright enough to pain your gander bulbs. The fact that everything is a concerning shade of violet is putting you very much on edge, coupled with the irrational leap of logic your thinksponge makes when you see candy red leaves scattered on the floor without any discernable source. You tighten your grip on your sickles and continue towards what seems to be a structure built into the, courtyard, you guess?? A large engraving hangs above the open doorway ensconced between what looks like two greencreeps, though you can tell that they’re not like the ones on Alternia when they remain immobile after a few seconds of observation instead of growing and consuming the stone beneath them.

==>Heed the words of wisdom

Yeah, you can’t read this at all. It’s written in a language that is neither Alternian nor English, and unlike some of your douchbag hatefriends, you do not have the ability to read and understand every spoken or written language under the blister chafing sun.

==>Disregard unknown carving

You decide to proceed anyways; whatever was written there is probably useless, and you are absolutely sure that the language barrier will never be a problem ever again on your underground journey.

==>Encounter a problem

Fuck.

You’ve encountered your first closed door, and if sgrub has taught you anything, it’s taught you what a fucking puzzle looks like. You have had it up to your gogdamn gander bulbs with useless fucking puzzles, and you swear that if you encounter another one of the godforsaken deathtraps you are going to preform one of the most acrobatic fucking flips off of the handle that anyone has ever seen – you will win medals for your flip, outshining the rest of your competition by yards, leaving them to weep in their inadequacy and spend the rest of their miserable lives routinely executing pitiful attempts at even simply flailing off of the handle whenever they think on your world-shaking performance. Fuck do you hate puzzles.

==>Read cryptic hint

You go over to the sign embedded into the wall near the closed door, for all of the good that that does you – like you said before, you can’t read this script for shit. Literally nothing has changed between the last time you tried a couple of seconds ago and now, you have no idea why you thought that would work. Honestly, even if it did somehow work, you’re sure that, with your luck, it would have just been a stupid riddle or something equally useless.

==>Interesting

That’s not even a command, dumbass. Besides, you find nothing about the situation you’re in to be interesting at all. Pan blisteringly infuriating, obviously, but in no way mentally stimulating. You decide to disregard the sign as well as all upcoming signs with a violent passion. Fuck illegible signs and the puzzles they showed up with.

Since there are a series of compressible tiles in the ground, you figure that you’ll just mess around with those until something actually works. You figure out pretty quickly that, if you get the combination wrong, flipping the switch just resets the tiles rather than somehow sending you to your imminent demise, which is rather nice compared to the shit that sgrub gave you whenever you messed up one of its puzzles. After five tries, you manage to step on the right tiles and open the door, which is honestly less trial and error than you thought you would have to endure to make any progress.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

I’m thinking about posting a fic on here - it’ll be a homestuck/undertale crossover. Right now I’ve only got two chapters written, (unbeta’d), but I also have a full overview finished.

I’ve also done some art for it, so that may be something that I’ll post in the future.

(The first two chapters total 16k words, and they only cover the first plot point I have in my overview. It’s going to be a massive story, if the same pattern keeps up for the rest of the chapters)

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

i did it motherfuckers. i’ve got all of the first chapter queue’d up and ready to GO. it’s 9 parts total for the first chapter, and they’ll all be tagged with “ATAHWAAFTOM” aka the shorthand title “A troll a human wriggler and a fuck ton of monsters”.

enjoy, fuck-os.

[why-is-this-a-thing-now]

A Troll, A Human Wriggler, and a Fuck Ton of Monsters Ch1 Pt1

This is gonna be a Homestuck/Undertale crossover that’s taken over my brain lately. It’s not beta’d or proof-read so it’ll be a bit rough, but I really wanted to share it. Def inspired by the amazing crossovers already written, but I’ve tried to make the general plot line my own. 

Since the chapters are long as hell, I’ll be posting them in smaller parts. I didn’t write it to be broken down like this, so some of the transitions between parts are going to be awkward.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are currently in the process of TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE. The last thing you remember is PARTICIPATING IN A HEATED DISCUSSION with Jade and Dave in your SHARED HIVE during a TOTALLY SWEET MOVIE MARATHON, but seeing as you now find yourself at what appears to be the bottom of an ABSURDLY DEEP CAVE, you figure that something must have happened between then and now.

Seeing as you haven’t done anything to piss off Jade recently, you’re not really sure what exactly lead to your sorry ass being dumped in some random as fuck cavern. It’s pretty dark in here, but not much more than the forests that used to be near your hive back on Alternia; also, you landed in some sort of miniature horticulture patch that you just know is infesting your clothes with its infuriating pollen nodes. You in no way feel like hanging around in fuckall nowhere, so you pull out your palmhusk in order to ascertain the whereabouts of your friends so they can get you the fuck out of here. The good news is that your palmhusk is able to get a decent signal despite being under who knows how much fucking rock. The bad news is that you can contact literally none of your hatefriends – every single name is grayed out. You refuse to acknowledge what caused the names of your friends to gray out the last time it happened, because even the suggestion that somehow they’d all been killed is absolutely fucking ridiculous; most of them are godtier, there hasn’t been anyone to fight in a long time, and at the very least Rose would have said something if shit was going to hit the whirling blade device. Rather than sit around and panic over the absolute bullshit that must have taken place to land you here, you decide that your valuable time is much better spent trying to find a way out of this hole you find yourself in.

==>Look for means of escape

On closer inspection, if one can call it that, you surmise that the opening near the ceiling of the cavern that had been shining light down on you is at far too great a distance to actually be a conceivable method of escape for you, what with your lack of douchbag floating powers. Trying to climb the walls without any climivigation gear would be stupid, and you’re not that desperate.

There is, however, an excavated tunnel that looks rather similar to a hallway to your right.

==>Go there

You go there. Of course, you have to fight against the flowers that seem to stick to you like greencreeps to an unfortunately positioned hive wall, and even once you’re free, there are still a veritable army of pollen nodes stuck on your clothes that no manner of self-flagellation and flailing like a dumbass can fix. God you hate annoying yellow flowers. It is a new hate, but one that you feel will not diminish any time soon.

==>

You come across an ornate entrance that leads further into the cave. You have no idea if further into a hole in the ground is where you want to go, but it seems as though you currently are out of any other viable options.

==>Enter

Entering through the doorway, you equip your sickles, seeing as you are clearly not the only living thing to be roaming about down here. The area you step into is not as large as the last, and there’s only just enough light to illuminate a small patch of grass on the ground in the middle of the enclosure, though you can’t find its source. You continue onwards.