Boys I’ve liked in my life:
- A. First guy I liked for real. It was in 10th grade. He was the first boy that I found attractive, smart and funny. I loved being around him. We were in the same friends circle and I hung out with him at school and outside of school, at our friends’ houses. I never told him I liked him but I’m pretty sure he kind of knew. Or, did he? I don’t know. A couple of other girls liked him too, he was well-liked. There was a little bit of drama when another girl told me she liked him and then she somehow found out that I liked him and she got mad. The drama was over in a day. He turned her down. So I got scared and I never got the courage to tell him. A couple of months ago (which means 6 years later...), I messaged him on Messenger and we had great talks. Although he has a girlfriend at the moment.
- G. I’ve known him, what, 6 years now. He’s calm, level-headed, rational, intelligent, funny in a dry and smart way. We’ve ran in similar circles and we keep coming back to each other. As friends. But I’ve always felt that it could be more. No one acted on it. We were quite young at first and we were still figuring out what we wanted, where we were going and who we would meet. It turns out... we didn’t meet anyone else. He didn’t meet any girl and I didn’t meet any guy. So now we’re here. Friends, close, we know each other. And I guess... I want to know him even more.
- T. When I started my first year at this great school I went to, I joined a student club and I met T. Actually, I knew him before I ever met him. I wanted to get into this student club because it’s quite renowned and cool. I looked up members on LinkedIn and Twitter and saw him. He caught my eye ‘cause he’s half Asian and handsomish. His tweets were also smart and tech-oriented which I liked. He was doing an internship abroad at the time and I didn’t meet him until January of that year. When that day came, I was so nervous. He knew me. He had followed me on social media and I could feel that he was intrigued by me. The way we first saw each other for real was so dramatic, like it was scripted. I was going to open the door to the student club’s room and before I opened it, he was inside and opened it at the exact same time. We locked eyes and I was like damn I really do have a crush. After that, I tried to let him know subtly so many times and I think on some level he knew. I’m sure he did find me intriguing but nothing came out of it. A year later, at our student club’s orientation weekend for the generation after mine, we were in a night club on Saturday night in the middle of the countryside. I had had drinks and felt like I needed to act on it. I went up to him and asked him if he was going to flirt with someone here tonight. He then proceeded to break my heart by saying: “No, actually I have a girlfriend.” I was hurt and mad and that actually turned out great because I decided to go up to B. I danced with B and we started getting cozy. I felt T looking at us and I danced even more with B. B then took my hand, led me outside on the patio where smokers smoke, talked to me for a minute and kissed me. For around 10 minutes I would say. Some of our friends had followed us to look at us and I felt so great. That was my first real kiss. I had had a first kiss before, at a party at a nightclub that my school organized, but it was definitely random and I didn’t even catch the guy’s name. Yeah no, B is the one I’ll remember.
- B. My first real kiss, I’ll never forget it. I’ve never liked him per say, I don’t find him that attractive and his political views are very different than mine, but he’s cute when he smiles at me and he’s sweet. J and I did the recruitment interview for B to get into our student club. That was in September 2017. Then we kissed in November 2017. I’ve kept track of him ever since and although I never really miss him, I care about him. A few months ago in early 2020, I was going to a friend’s birthday at a restaurant in Paris and he was on the same subway as mine, going there as well. We caught up - as I had been abroad a lot - and it was cute. I’ll always be grateful that he took my hand and brought me to that patio that November 2017 night.
- J. I’ve known J since 2016. He’s 3 or 4 years older than me and he was in the same student club. A pretty well-known figure in the club, actually. Everyone knew him, everyone liked him and teased him. He was self-deprecating, he had created a persona and even had a nickname that everyone used to call him. He was funny. Particularly funny. He was also a mess. He had gotten to Paris and done these great studies after having been through a difficult childhood. He now was going into seven different directions - art, finance, law, politics - and had seemingly no control over his life. He liked me. It really started that way. I definitely did not have a crush on him and still don’t. He liked me because he likes my type. We had some projects that we did together and got close. We also got close because we both work in the same field. I remember that one gala in 2018 right before I went to New York. It was on a boat on the Seine, we spent the whole night talking and it was beautiful. We’ve always kept in touch - even now - and I like talking to him. When I got back to Paris in 2020, he kept asking me out and I finally said yes. It was the week of Valentine’s Day. I went to his apartment and I totally realized I do not want to be with him. He made diner which was so nice but I saw what a mess he was and how I don’t like it. He was about to quit his job - again, after having quit his first job in London - and was so lost. Now he’s in London again, working hard to get money to support his parents, he says he’s exhausted and I regularly check up on him because I care about him so much as a friend.
- A. In 2018, I met A who is good friends with one of my friends. The 3 of us took a same class, corporate finance. I had heard of him and I knew he was smart and attractive. By hanging out more often, my crush grew even more. Then we started talking via text, even when I was in New York. He had a girlfriend at the time. We kept in touch all the way to 2020. In April 2020, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend. I felt that something was building between us and I started being more straightforward and I thought he understood. Then he told me he started dating someone else. I was like... what the hell and why the hell did you need to tell me. Anyways, I just kind of stopped texting back. And now... he’s been texting me again repeatedly since July 2020. Like, every 3 weeks he’ll be like... hey what’s up. I’m intrigued but also... ugh what does he even want. Update: yep, he’s still texting me and he’s being openly clear that he’d be up to start something. He wanted to talk on the phone but I wouldn’t do it. I’m just feeling doubts... I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable with him. I feel like I have to be someone I’m not with him. We don’t know each other enough. With G, it’s much easier and I feel comfortable.
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