Reminds me of how I was thinking about J
being someone who kinda gets swept up in daily life and routine the accumulation of things—and I hc her, even when established in the polycule, she's the most independent and doing her own thing most of the time, like has her 5 days/week 9-5 schedule like clockwork, hyper focuses on work (that she likes, whatever it is she's doing, while it may be stressful at times, she feels a lot of fulfillment form it, she's very goal and success oriented!), and weekends are her prime social time. She doesn't slow down a lot to take in the big picture of everything and emotionally digest it.. the best way I can put it into words anyway idk.
But like I'm kinda imagining a moment where she's cuddled up with everyone, maybe sleepily watching a movie or something, but she's in the center of the snuggle pile. And suddenly her brain is like "holy shit. I have three partners" and it like shakes her cause it feels like it was just yesterday (and relatively speaking, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't all that long ago!) she was alone, be it the deliberate distance she had to put between her team, being utterly alone after the fallout, or her just.. being alone living here at the start where she felt like it wasn't going to last anyway, nobody will tolerate her indefinitely. Sincere friendship didn't seem all that likely. But somehow she ended up being loved by 3 entire people and they're all there right now tangled up with her because she's a genuine part of what they have
She probably like suddenly starts crying and everyone's like ?!?! What's wrong?!? And she's not even that good at explaining it, but she can get enough out they can glean what she got emotional over so suddenly. And they can just keep snuggling her and letting her release all the emotions, it's a normal and healthy part of processing big life changes to cry and release bottled up feelings (even if they're good ones, feeling immense happiness in a place that used to be a small empty space in oneself is like .. gorging on food when you've been starving for years, it's kind of painful because your body is not used to suddenly expanding to accommodate all that)
Makes me emotional though imagining all the happy crying and love and physical contact. 🥹
There's one amendment I'm making to my hc's about her in fc, which is.. I used to imagine her still preferring space on non-work days more often than not, social time being more sparse, because I picture everyone else getting really rambunctious, and she'd be quieter. Well, I was incorrect about that bit! Did not expect her to have so much rambunctious "immature" energy (immature not derogatory here, but comparing it to how the other 3 are where they can be kind of "childish" because they never got to be ... kids? Mentally? Because of fucked up circumstances. S'why they're so playful and stuff), though it makes a lot of sense when thinking about it like yeah J's situation is very comparable to "eldest daughter who prematurely stepped up into a adult role to take the brunt of abuse and keep everyone in line for their protection. But it's fun cause I did always say she and N have a lot in common ... That was also more than I thought.
But yeah she's got a lot of that pent up, and just like she says in the video... She has to maintain a balance between personal feelings and work. So what I kinda picture now is pre friendship/polycule, J falls into her same habit of distancing herself (there's a lot of tension going on at that point anyway), including on her days off, burying herself in any work she can find an excuse to do.... And otherwise relaxing by drinking (crazy I somehow pinned that. I have 3 WIPs that include J and alcohol in some way)
But after friendship/polycule, I now see her as being way more social with everyone and actively wanting to spend time with them on most days off, and being very much included in high energy/loud activities. I think it takes warning up bit by bit, but eventually she's comfortable enough to be silly with them and it's really really nice to finally be able to indulge in and show that side of her without fear of repercussion or judgement or beating herself up about it.
Oh this one was also kinda in general prior but I think just more active in my mind now—but I think after getting companionship and socialization and stuff, she would drink less frequently and less heavily. Since it's not such a coping crutch needed anymore. :]
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