Maybe you and I are happy in a parallel universe somewhere. I hope so. I must be the greatest fool that ever lived. Honestly, I think so. Every single day I think of you. It’s laughable. Knowing you are in the same city, walking on the same street as me is such madness. I can not reach out, only yearn inside pathetically hoping that you will feel me and send sone secret soul communication. Sometimes I dream we are still one. I dream many things, but often I dream that. I will never know such tenderness again, this I know is true. I have made peace with this fact. I have so much to offer you. Now that I know how to give it. Would you accept it all from me? This time I am able to truly give. I have learnt what that means. The Himalayas helped with that. I have healed the shadow parts of me. I have done the work with the guru with the mirror with the monks and the clowns. I am free. I know what I have done is unforgivable. I am so sorry. So much shame. I was a scared scared fool of a child. I love you beyond measure and beyond any rational scope of anything. I am so desperately hideously ashamed. But I am proud of the work I have done. I have surrendered to everything. I accept it. I am empty if all and fucking purified. The sadness will last for lifetimes that is certain. I know I have let go. I am soon returning to India. Sometimes in the quiet of my meditation I find myself drifting, searching for you on some astral plane. It’s all fucked up. It’s all so simple of only you let yourself feel it. Everything is just energy right and you are within me. I have surrendered. I have let go. I have given up the dead but you are still connected and I do not want the shaman to cut the chords. because in my heart in the very depths of my being I know we are not over. I love you. I just couldn’t love myself. Return to me, live with me. You can have all the keys, all the money all the things I couldn’t give. Tomorrow I hope I wake to you at my door, I will say ‘come in, come back to bed, have a fortune cookie, Pashmak has been waiting for you’. We will build a house by the sea. The Aegean perhaps. I will give you the jewels of my heart. And I will never let you go. We will be equals and partners forever, just you and I together. No more demons no escapes or distractions. Just us. Connected. Honest and radically real and It’s as simple as that. What did I write? I don’t know. I surrender, lover of lifetimes my soul yearns for you, if you can hear me calling my darling please let me back in 🤍.🙏🏻
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