i have no title and i must post

weirdish, fanish, genderish. in short expect unhinged writing, fandom brainrot, and use any pronouns you like.

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[sepublic]

I do think it’s interesting how the novel Dracula is meant to be a modern setting from its perspective. It’s very much that genre of story about an ancient fantasy archetype finding itself in a modern setting, complete with the rules-lawyering that often comes with modern parodies (that isn’t to say the stories of Olde didn’t have fun with loopholes either though).

Except Dracula is a story that plays itself straight. The vampire himself is not stupid. He’s possibly the oldest vampire of all which means he upgraded from animal instinct and mindless echoes of past memories to someone who’s regained his critical thinking skills. The story begins because he’s already adapted to how the modern world works now by hiring a solicitor who understands modern laws.

He knows now that he doesn’t have to march into London with an army like he used to; He can just buy property and the laws of London are forced to respect that. Similarly he’s already experimented in and discovered loopholes to vampire rules and limitations; Vampires are bound by the permission of owners so he simply uses his solicitor to buy and own a bunch of properties. If he needs to be invited in, Dracula hypnotizes someone to let him in.

Vampires need to return to their grave every dusk/dawn (whichever comes sooner), which causes their coffin to act as an anchor that limits how far from it they can travel? Dracula simply rations the earth of his grave into fifty coffins and spreads them across London so his range becomes exponentially larger.

All of these things make the story almost come across as a deconstruction and it might just be! It’s just that Dracula the novel became such a trendsetter that people nowadays see it as playing things fully straight. It almost feels as if the novel is written with the idea that readers have a basic understanding of vampires and their rules, so part of the thrill comes in the revelation of how the titular vampire is working around these rules. Likewise I’ve heard it used to be a trope in English literature for a traveler to visit some foreign land with a monster and escape by going home. But here the foreign aspect of the story is just the first (and final) arc; The monster’s plan hinges on coming to the UK itself!

So yeah. Dracula isn’t stupid and he reflects the idea that people of the past had just as common sense as the rest of us, they just had access to less/inaccurate knowledge and things worked differently back then. Dracula would be like… That bit of someone showing a medieval peasant a meme as they comprehend it perfectly and aren’t even wowed by the Doritos. If Dracula was set in the 21st century he’d probably understand social media well enough to become an influencer if he wanted to, though the issue of being invisible in cameras wouldn’t help.

[phoenixyfriend]

Obi-Wan sends really old-person texts to Anakin, and Anakin doesn't know how to respond.

Ahsoka: I know how to fix this. Anakin: [gives her his phone] Ahsoka: ☄️ 🦨 ✏️ 🧧 🇺 📯 Anakin: What does that mean? Ahsoka: Exactly.

(Ahsoka chose emoji at random and it means absolutely nothing)

Several days later, Ahsoka sends random emoji strings to Palpatine, because Anakin didn't lock his phone and she's bored and she thought the Pa stood for Padme

(Padmé is in there as An for 😇)

Message from Anakin:🥕🚶‍♀️🔔🏰🚮🐈🧠 Palpatine: What the fuck does this mean?

[mysteryteacup]

Palpatine, after initial shock wore off: Carrot walks bell castle trash cat brain? Wait, bell then trash out of castle because of a brain? Walking away from a carrot? Is this a threat? Is this his way of telling me he knows?

Anakin, walking in with a bad mood and muttering about Ahsoka's phone priviledges under his breath: You're done when I say you're done.

Palpatine, igniting lightsaber: I see. How ...disappointing.

Anakin: surprised pikachu djem so

[wileycap]

A modern day Dracula movie with Benoit Blanc filling in for Van Helsing would fuck severely, actually.

[wileycap]

"why did Character make dumb/tragic/wrong decision??? plot is mid i watched a youtube analysis" my dearest i am pressing my forehead against yours and closing my eyes. there is a name for what you want. what you want is a fix it fic. read one or write one it's so fun i promise.

[yyyyddmmsupremacy-deactivated20]

one person's "ugghh this trope is so overdone" is another person's "oooooohohohohohohohoho"

[amvs]

interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

[amvs]

[walkietalkiesaki]

Fun Fact!

Titanium not only is crazy durable, but it noo magnet! Thas wy Dock chok jjiun spi; surgyr ad pater noster, qui es in cœlis; sanctificetur nomen tuum: Adveniat regnum tuum; fiat voluntas tua, sicut in cœlo, et in terra. Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie: Et dimitte nobis debita nostra, sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris: et ne nos inducas in tentationem: sed libera nos a malo.

[amvs]

dude got hit with the ol’ Lorum Ipsem beam😞

[squareallworthy]

Fun fact! Titanium is often used for medical implants because it's *dodges lorem ipsum beam* because it's strong, nontoxic, won't corrode inside the body, and best of all, *dodges* bone will directly grow onto it! This is called "osseointegration" and it means that your titanium artificial hip, dental implant, or whatever will have greater *dodges* greater mechanical stability and will ARRRGGH! aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit!

[amvs]

[grieverlogan]

hope u grow fast and be strong

[hollypunkers]

kind of obsessed with the idea of the rest of the gaang leaving Toph and Zuko to watch over some cooking food and when they come back its burned and Katara starts fuming but Toph and Zuko are like “we’ve never stepped inside a kitchen in our lives and only have one eye between us, if anything it’s your fault”

[cypresstheworld]

[theloserarmy]

Top: If it bakes for 15 minutes at 350 degrees than it should only take 1 minute at 5,250 degrees

Zuko: I can do that

[paddy-nic]

Zuko: makes the "one eye, your fault" comment

Toph: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE?!

[atlaheritageposts]

atla heritage post

[imifos]

stab scene intimacy coordinator

[felixfeliccis]

Preach I guess

[felixfeliccis]

OH I HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD

[fatsexybitch]

[nick-nonya]

[kurulover]

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

[petricorah]

your honorrrrrrr they like did nothing wrong [id in alt]

[wileycap]

Ohh i'm just looking for a place to hang my hat :) (you notice the tiny noose poking out of my pocket. in the backseat of my car is a whimpering stetson.)

[wileycap]

Me: (watching a bumblebee land on a math textbook open to a difficult equation, which it can't solve) Bumblebee? More like dumblebee haha

(the bee turns to me and gestures to the equation, clearly communicating "okay, so you solve it then." I start to sweat.)

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

[cheaphalloweencostume]

*peeks in the replies* *gets really nervous and locks my house up and leaves*

[cheaphalloweencostume]

well, i mean more like La Piscine or Mulholland Drive,

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i think i am going insane

[mrblackhaironthestreet]

Apparently it is impossible for Tumblr users to think of a not ageist way to describe their tastes, because everything must always be compared to how inferior children are -- despite the fact that it is pretty much never the choice of any child or children when media aimed at them is dumbed down etc.

Things when bad: kids and children are involved!

Things when good: this is very Adult this is specifically Adult only Adults can understand or want this

[cheaphalloweencostume]

i literally just don’t want to watch Kung Fu Panda

[cheaphalloweencostume]

okay we’ve come all the way back around. let’s pack this up. this post is done. “who asked” you just walked into my post that i made on my blog..? who asked YOU?? am i losing my fucking mind?????

[lady-of-math-and-rope]

"I want to watch movies where the writers assume the audience can handle complex themes and sensitive material."

"Do you mean porn? Or are you being ageist? You're ageist if you don't like Kung Fu Panda."

[somepomegranatetea]

she's platonic about it but in my opinion, stratt 100% treats grace as her dead wife. she keeps a tacky fox trinket in her coat pocket. there's a framed photo of him in her study . he's grinning goofily in it (bc he's a dork). new guy like: is that her husband? / no, dumbass, it's dr. ryland grace, 1/3 of the hail mary mission. / oh, fuck. were they... ? / yeah, it's unclear. black-and-white montages of grace messing around in high-level meetings play every time stratt contemplates committing more environmental crimes. she looks up at the night sky and vaguely wonders if he's enjoying his space ramen. that's her dead wife. she killed him.