Davesprite Strider

A NSFW RP blog for the Planet 413 roleplay group.

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

Well shit. Voland Really screwed the pooch on this one. Dave’s reaction was pretty clear on that one. He released the feathered appendage, looking a bit hurt, and a lot guilty. He hand’t meant to hurt him, well this time at least, I mean he had a whole deer to eat so what would be the point in hurting Dave? Honestly curiosity had gotten better of him this time. and could you blame him? how often does one meet a winged, orange coloured human? Not often and if you said more often than that you’re lying to look cool. but we know the truth. WE KNOW.

“Ah… I’m really sorry lad, I… I don’t knowvw wvwhat came ovwver me, are ya alright? not hurt or nothing right?” shit shit shit SHIT, suppose this meant the whole cave thing was probably canceled … shit, he was looking forward to not sleeping in the mud. and also cooking the food, … Come to think of it he could probably sleep in the riverbed underwater if worse came to worse..

Stepping back from the enraged (?) bird boy, taking a seat on a nearby, fairly clean log. He reclined and fidgeted in his seat trying to get comfortable and trying, in vain , not to keep looking back to the orange creamsicle colored boy nearby. Interspecies diplomacy really wasn’t his strong suit… blowing things up, shooting things THESE were his strong suits. They at least kept him alive, lonely but alive.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Nah, Voland was probably going to end up screwing the bird. Not the pooch. Davesprite relaxed significantly when released though and quickly tucked his wing in away from the grabby hands. It tingled a bit after the overload of touches and sensations but otherwise no harm had been done. He winced slightly at the troll's expression, though. Shit. Maybe he had been a bit too snappy. Then again, Voland had definitely invaded Davesprite's personal space without even a warning. It was not as if he was about to go up and start fondling all those muscles, after all. So he kind of deserved it.

He still found it hard to stay irritated when the other was so genuinely apologetic and remorseful. His wings twitched a bit but no eyeroll was summoned and the tension had eased its way out of his face as he looked up at the alien. "Whatever, yo. It's fine so long as ya don't do it again. I mean, at least not without my explicit permission. Forms all filled out and filed into the proper folders. Legally licensed and authorized to get those claws of yours on these feathery appendages of mine. You're not the first to be mesmerized by my beautiful fluff and color. It's kind of a hazard I suppose but I'm not about to hide them. We're all responsible adults here. Well- adults and teenagers, but after playing a universe destroying/creating game I'd say we're all plenty matured. But nah, you didn't hurt me. I mean some of the tugging made my feathers twinge but you didn't pull any out so that's always a plus."

Davesprite was not about to tell Voland to fuck off over it, though. He was still a powerful, useful ally and a really attractive, pretty interesting person to boot. Besides, he had already sent John the message so going back on the convoluted words now would only prove to be exceedingly awkward. He was nowhere near enraged; the better term to use would be "aroused". Part of him was disappointed by the sudden lack of contact and his lips twitched down into a subtle frown as Voland went off to sit by himself. He was clearly fidgeting. Probably worried Davesprite was going to bite his head off or something. It was almost cute. Fuck, how could a guy stacked like that be so adorably endearing?

After a few moments of silence, he sighed and got to his feet. He shuffled over to join the seadweller on the log whether he liked it or not. There was probably less than a foot of space between them due to its short length and Voland's girth but he hardly cared at that point. Davesprite tucked his wings back before letting them spread out a little into their natural position. The feathers brushed gently against the troll's back and a shiver passed through him again from the sensitivity, but otherwise he did not look at or touch the alien as he spoke. "Dude. Chill. I'm not gonna blacklist you for being awed by one of my best features, okay? Curiosity gets the best of everyone sometimes. I mean, fuck, I didn't exactly run away in terror from you now did I? You could've ripped me in half or decided to just eat me but I stayed anyway to say 'sup' 'cause I was fuckin' curious so take a few deep breaths and relax before you bust a blood vessel. Or whatever it is trolls have."

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

It may have been his imagination but was his new found Avian Friend eyeing him up? no… probably not. What sort of narcissistic prick would think that anyway? He just met the guy and he was already thinking like this? cod, what was he an adolescent again. They’ve had one conversation, it was fairly unlikely, not to mention did sprites or humans even look at trolls like that? He was like some scar covered monster legitimately from space, Fuck Humans probably made shitty movies about people like him, probably not even in color, but thats fine, because his skins fuckin grey anyway.

but his internal monologue of self deprecation and narcissism was interrupted but a flash of pale orange next to him. Honestly the speed at which the bird boy ducked down to the river had him step in to catch him. He didn’t resemble waterfowl and had no idea if he could swim, thought seeing Dave Sprite was only washing up made him feel a bit foolish for the gut reaction, Too many friends falling overboard in the old days, it would seem old habits die hard.

“wvwell no offense meant to ya If’n I ruffle yer feathers on ya I’ll just smooth em back out fer ya, aye?” he had to admit he was beyond curious to what the feathers felt like. where they like soft bird feathers? something different maybe? normally Bipedal organisms didn’t have wings… unless you count certain rust bloods. He reached out to lightly stroke Dave Sprite’s wing… wow… It was soft just like a Birds… “amazin… “

Of course it didn’t particularly occur to him how OUTSTANDINGLY RUDE he was probably being. Fascination had taken place of common sense for the time being. he stroked and felt the various feathers on the wings, from the fleshy thickly muscled shoulders to the delicate tips. Honestly it all hit him how odd this was. He was on a new planet with a new species he had never seen before, and it had wings… “can ya fly wvwith these?” was all he could manage to think of. the look of confusion and intense focus mixed and melded on the cavas of his face.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Nope. This avian friend totally was not eyeing up anything or anyone. Nor was he eyeing down. His eyes were focused on the straight and narrow. Staring stubbornly at the mud still staining his clothes and wings. Mother of fuck. It was going to be a bitch to get that shit out. Trilling out a soft sigh under his breath, Davesprite carefully extended one of his wings and dunked his hands into the water. He lightly splashed the feathers flecked with mud and shuddered as their sensitivity easily picked up on the chill. Slowly, he ran his fingers along the dirty feathers to scrape away the wet dirt and flick it into the river. He was focused on one wing while the other remained mostly tucked against his back.

Davesprite totally looked at trolls like "that". Hell, he had a thing for Terezi back in the day (still probably did) and had found Karkat amusing almost to the point of feeling affection towards him. Not to mention the whole fling he had with Mituna. Hoo boy. He would hardly call himself trollsexual or anything but he easily found them just as attractive as humans. The alien factor merely added to Voland's exoticness and the scars, well... they severely accentuated all those muscles in a way that made his face warm. Davesprite continued to focus on cleaning his feathers in an effort to resist the temptation of ogling Voland further, though he tried to keep up the conversation to make up for his lack of eye contact.

"Ha, real smooth dude. Do you normally pull out the polished glass talk on people or am I just a special ca-" His joking tone was interrupted by a loud, shrill chirp spilling from his mouth as he jolted slightly. The sudden stroke to his over-sensitive wing had shocked him and simultaneously kickstarted a flight instinct that very nearly had him tumbling into the river. Davesprite flailed his arms a bit as orange flooded his face but managed to regain his balance and avoid taking an impromptu dip. His wing was as rigid and taut as the rest of his limbs while he twisted his head around to look at the culprit with a tight expression. Fully prepared to lay the smackdown on the handsy troll for startling him.

Then Voland really got into his curious explorations and suddenly Davesprite forgot his human vocabulary. Instead, a chorus of coos, warbles and gentle trills fell from his lips as he shuddered and shivered against each little stroke. His face was almost the same color as his hair by that point and- whoops, there was a stirring starting up in his loins. Shit. Aside from a few touches that were too hard or eager, Voland's hands felt fantastic on his wing. The palm gliding down the curve on top almost drew a moan out of him. Fingers poking at his extremely sensitive tips made him twitch in a way he could not decipher was good or bad. Around a minute of contact and he was a fucking mess. Desperately, Davesprite loudly cleared his throat and attempted to pull his wings out of the clawed hands without losing any feathers in the process.

"Y-yes, totally!! Of course I can fly they're fucking w-wings, why wouldn't I be able to fly?? Though because of the transition to being more h-human they're very, VERY sensitive so not to be rude or anything but could you please stop t-touching them?? That'd be fucking fantastic! Really! I'm flattered and all but personal space, dude. Seriously. With a-all the times Karkat ranted about that shit I know they have the concept on your planet. 'Kay thanks bye." His voice may have been a bit pitchy during his rant but the desperation and irritation in it were clear as crystal. Davesprite squeezed his legs together and did his best to scoot a few inches away from Voland before he wound up with an embarrassing boner.

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

Well this was… awkward… Having to stand there and wait for a reply with  blood running down your shoulder. Not exactly what dualscar had in mind when he bothered to kill the damn beast. but It was probably unreasonably to start calling a perfectly innocent sprite a faygo chicken then expect to be whisked back to his pad to cook a fucking deer you brutally murdered in front of him… come to think of it that was probabbly a bad first impression… or second impression. The first was, of course, calling Dave a Faygo Chicken.

“wvwell if wvwe havwve ta wvwait I’ll clean up a bit ey? Probably wvwont  make tha best a impression if’n I showvw up covwvered in blood yeah?.” he flopped down the corpse letting the blood drain out and into the flowing river. the thick red diluting to a soft pink in the rushing waters propping the carcass up by the legs. Grotesque but effective for its purpose

Kneeling down at the river side he dunked his hands beneath the rippling surface upstream from the bleeding deer. Cupping the water and splashing his face to rid it of the blood that slowly grew tacky to the touch. Next off was his shirt and plate armors, a quick dunk into the river and vigorous scrubbing removed the stain before it set, he grinned to himself, satisfied that he would at least be able to make a proper impression on at least ONE person today.

setting his shirt over a branch to drip dry he leaned his frame against one of the nearby yews. His chest back and arms rife with scars, and scuffs, a history of pain and torment, of close calls and battles fought, of lives saved and lost on full display. The man’s body was a roadmap of scars, each telling a different story, each with different meaning depending on how drunk the owner of said scars would be upon start of the tale.

“So howvw long do ya reckon wvwe’ll be wvwaitin ta hear back from yer friend? Not ta be impatient or anythin but I am gettin a wvwee bit peckish, if’n ya’ll pardon tha pun” Yes perfect more bird jokes, because if history has taught us anything about Dualscar its that his sense of humor is perfect and it has no way ever backfired on him; ending with him laying dead by the hands of a manacle clown obsessed with faygo and totally fake massaias… yup… thats just crazy talk.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Yes, clearly Voland was very low on his "Impressions You Give People" echeladder. Thankfully, it would take more than an insult and some mauled wildlife to scare off Davesprite. Especially with a body and potential like that. He was practically a frail birb by all means and was eager for a powerful ally whether John and Jane liked it or not. If they were going to be tightasses about it then he would go find his own cave. Or so he told himself. It was far more likely Davesprite would beg, plead, cajole and bribe the Crockerberts into just letting him keep his damn alien pet. At least they should be more weak to his wiles than Bro ever was.

"Yeah, good idea actually. As excited as they'll probably be for all the food and shit, I doubt Jane would be happy about you getting deer blood all over the cave. Her and John have been trying to keep it pretty clean even with all the mud everywhere. Not sure how long it'll take him to reply to me anyway since he could be doing anything right now. Hunting, sleeping, pissing...." He trailed off as Voland dropped the corpse and then propped it up to bleed out into the river. Effective but grotesque. Davesprite quickly looked away and then did his best not to let his gaze drift back to the mess. Which turned out to be easier than expected with the buff man of a troll half-stripping right in front of him to clean up. Oh.

He totally did not have his eyes locked on those rippling muscles the entire time or anything. Nope. He just happened to be staring in that vague direction while he zoned out waiting for John. Obviously. The slight orange tinge to his face was a coincidence. As was the doubled stirring in his pants. God, having a happy button AND lever down there was just so weird. Davesprite floated over to the river after Voland left its bank to get a drink himself and begin scrubbing the mud off his skin. The fact the icy water helped him to cool down was merely a bonus. And an excuse to not counter every scar lining that toned torso while wondering how each would feel under his hands or tongue-

Davesprite briefly dunked his head in the river to get his hair wet and rose from its depths with a soft gasp. Droplets trickled down from the orange locks and his chin to bounce off his feathery ruff while more clung to the plastic of his shades as he finally looked back to Voland. "Not too long, hopefully. I mentioned the deer so maybe the prospect of a good meal will have him jumping to give me an answer. I don't think they've managed to catch shit besides some rabbits and squirrels. If it takes too long we'll just start heading over there and if we show up unnannounced I guess they can fuckin' deal with it because you just took down that deer with your bare hands like a champ. Rocky ain't got shit on you." He ran hands through his hair in an effort to shake more water from it and gave a little scoff. "Well I'm feelin' Hells of peckish and if you're gonna start throwin' puns at me you better step up your game. My feathers'll get ruffled if you're obviously winging the shit out of it."

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

-+-> This is a message i am sending to several others to affirm that there is indeed other life her other then the jadeblood. Are you, in fact, a troll?

TG: ey yo wassup broTG: pleasure to make your acquaintance tooTG: greetings and salutations and all that fancy jazzTG: dont think i recognize this handle from the trolls thoughTG: you like a dancestor or ancestor or somethinTG: not that im gonna care either way just curiousTG: always eager to meet new trollsTG: the ones ive met so far have been hella chill after allTG: and by sayin that i mean yesTG: im totally a trollTG: with the funky horns and grey skin and shitty temperament all aroundTG: prone to hissin and growlin when i get especially pissy but yknowTG: that shit is definitely a fact yoTG: definitely

[smearrps]

-+-> You are even more verbose then the one who shares this color. Is this common among your type? -+-> I would like to exchange information. Where am I.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

TG: hell yeah im motherfuckin verbose TG: see most people got a bag of tricks TG: well me i like to think outside the box TG: or in this case bag i guess TG: i got a whole damn box of verbs just chillin here by my side TG: like a bunch of eager little barkbeasts just waiting to be used TG: picked up and coddled and plugged into whatever fancy statement comes to mind TG: the only dude i know who shares my color tries to match this shit yknow? TG: pretends hes got his own special box of verb barkbeasts TG: but his are all secretly establishment bought purebreds just for show TG: my shits the real deal TG: mutts and mongrels i saved off the street out of the goodness of my own birby little bloodpusher TG: not really perfect or the best shit on the market TG: but just so lovable and determined you cant help but pity them TG: okay admittedly that metaphor got away from me a bit TG: hit a patch of ice on a chilly sunday morning and spun out of control into a ditch TG: except the ditch was a fucking cliff TG: my tendency to word vomit aside TG: yeah its pretty common among my "type" TG: if you run into any dude with the name strider attached youre gonna get this so be prepared TG: anyway TG: exchanging info is somethin i am always up for TG: youre not the first to ask me this pivotal question TG: and you probably wont be the last TG: but the answer is a little complicated TG: and by "little" i mean so fucking complex no one ive talked to has figured it all out yet TG: or even come close TG: for starters youre not on alternia anymore TG: lets just get that shit right out of the way TG: hell i dont even know if were in the same universe right now TG: youre on a pretty hospitable if shitty weathered planet along with a shit ton of other people TG: some trolls some humans and some others TG: theres this mysterious dude called the overseer who put us all here i guess TG: dunno when why or how TG: if you got anymore specific questions i can do my best to answer them but ive only been here a little over a week myself hahaha

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

Well it seems he had struck a bit of a nerve with the birb, as fascinatingly adorable as it was to see him puff his cheeks and feathers, it was probably best not to start pissing off anyone that had useful knowledge of the place. “Alright, Alright, sorry lad, Didn’t mean no harm, just tha first thing ta pop inta my mind. Cant say I’vwve evwver seen a human like ya, I seem ta recall several fer some reason” he shrugged his shoulder for emphasis of the pointlessness of that bit of knowledge “but I gotta ask,just wvwhat tha hell is a orange creamsicle?”

“Oh is that wvwhat tha hell this thing is? ta be honest wvwith ya I didn’t notice it. I suppose i wvwas too busy bein fuckin’ misserable and covwvered in mud ta notice it..” he returned the thumbs up to Dave “wvwell alright then not too shabby” sure that was useful information should he ever actually find people worth trying to communicate with.

what…. what even was he talking about? it was words, words he understood, but they had no meaning at all “old man wvwho? wvwhat? I… I don’t quite see wvwhat yer gettin at Davwve” Well he understood that he was not on his or Dave’s planet which… was good? I mean it was fairly shitty that neither was home but at least whatever this planet was, it was at least hospitable to life. so hey, not instantly exploding upon waking up is always a big step in the right direction

Oh hell no, HELLL no, no food? fuck that is downright unacceptable. His stomach growled in protest of this most unsavory news. Now more than ever he wished davesprite had been a real chicken after all… even a terrible faygo flavored one or whatever a orange creamsicle one would taste like. Luckily before thoughts of deep fried dave crossed into his mind he heard a twig snap. Darting his head in the direction of the sound he spotted it. A buck, large chested and majestic, wide antlers and standing almost 5 feet high at the shoulder. A true prince of the forrest.

He pressed his hands to Daves mouth and ducked down low “shhh! you’ll scare it away” The fresh source of water seemed to have attracted the animal out of hiding. even venturing through the mire of mud sinking in to its ankles as it struggled to reach the stream…. Perfect. The orphaner grinned a wicked smile, rows of shark teeth on display. Easy prey, practically ringing the dinner bell and begging to be eaten. Without another word he lunged at it, claws and teeth bared. The animal barely registered the attack was happening  and started flailing in the mud before the orphaner was on top of him, ripping his throat out with a  vicious snarl and slash  of his claws; dropping the animal almost on the spot.

hosting the animals on his shoulders, blood dripping from his hands and the once living, almost majestic beast now adorning his shoulders; he walked back to Dave Sprite “Wvwell then.. that takes care a lunch… Do ya got a place ta cook this or are wvwe gunna eat this rawvw? I Don’t care much either wvway but Cooked meat taste so much better aye?”

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Hell yes Voland had struck a nerve and damn it Davesprite was not adorable. It was an instinctive mechanism to make him look bigger. It just happened to look like a shit ton of fluff was trying to devour his face. "Yeah, yeah. It's chill. Whatever. Totally old news so let's move on to the next day's print. Seeing as humans don't normally come equipped with wings and feathers and bright orange hair it doesn't surprise me that I'm a new flavor for you. That flavor being decadent, creamy delicious creamsicle orange. It's basically fruity ice cream on a stick, bro, where the fuck have you been? If you trolls don't have the beauty that is this frozen confectionary of delight and wonder then your entire planet has my fuckin' pity, just sayin'." Yeah, he knew how they looked at pity. The reaction would probably be hilarious.

"Yeah, I know that feel bro, trust me. Wakin' up soaked with mud in a strange place makes it pretty damn hard to notice the little things. Someone had to point it out to me too." At the returned thumbs-up, Davesprite smirked slightly and brushed off his shoulder. Aw yeah, not too shabby birb boy. See, he could totally still do the guide thing without being a sprite. Though apparently he was bound to confuse his target in the process. Granted, it was probably more due to culture clash than anything but his expression still became a bit sheepish at Voland's confusion. "It's... references to something from my planet. Don't think too hard on it, dude. Trust me. Half the words that come out of my mouth are useless bullshit references and memes that barely fit the context so don't read into everything I say, okay?"

His gaze shifted down- or, well, practically straight ahead really- to Voland's stomach at the loud growl. Davesprite's own tiny echo paled in comparison to that monster and his expression dropped with slight anxiety. If the troll was starving, would he consider eating him anyway? Even though he was technically a human? He was about ready to put some cautionary distance between them when there was a loud snap. There had hardly been any noise in the area besides the gurgling river and whatever they produced so he heard it easily. Davesprite's head swiveled around a few seconds after Voland's and his eyes widened upon sight of the stunning buck. Wow. That was the first living thing he had seen since arriving on the planet that did not have a handle and opposable thumbs.

It was probably a good thing the other covered his mouth because he was about to make a loud, rambly comment on its presence. He was still a little offended and his feathers poofed up a bit again as he huffed. Davesprite shoved at the giant hands covering half his face and grumbled something that was probably condescending sarcasm. He was about to lick the damn appendage in an effort to remove it but froze at the sight of those teeth again. He shivered and was extremely glad the grin was not directed at him this time around. Hell, he almost felt bad for the poor deer. Whatever Voland was about to do to it would no doubt be terrible.

He was not disappointed. It was like watching one of the Saw movies. Gruesome and gory with blood getting everywhere and nasty sound effects to boot. All that was missing was Jigsaw on a damn tricycle and some cliche thriller background music. Any remaining color in Davesprite's face drained away and had his stomach been host to anything, he was pretty sure it would be all over the ground right now. He pressed a hand to it anyway and scrunched up his face as nausea washed over him. By the time Voland was hoisting it up, he had finally gotten the idea to turn away and take several deep breaths. He was shocked, terrified, slightly disgusted and maybe just a little aroused because wow that was manly as fuck.

He tried to compose himself when he heard the troll returning and coughed a bit in his hand to stop his voice from warbling nervously as he responded. "Uh, yeah. You trolls might have the tools and mind to dig at a raw animal carcass but humans definitely prefer to cook their food before eating it.  Besides, who knows what kinds of diseases the animals around here might have. Not that it'd matter since you got a shit ton of its blood in your mouth already. Fuck. Okay, well, that place I was mentioning before? They've got a fire. I bet if we bring them this massive peace offering of provisions they'll let you chill there and we can cook it up. Maybe even skin it. Like I said, resources are scarce as fuck around here so use everything you got, right? Let me just, uh... message my bro here to make sure it's all cool, okay? Not sure how he'd feel about dropping in unnannounced with a seven foot troll and a full grown deer carcass...." Davesprite tapped away at his wrist-comp to shoot John a message and did his best not to side-eye the terrifying- appetizing- sexy as fuck- view before him too much.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

S0 C4N 1 RU57L3 Y0UR F347H3R5?

TG: woahTG: who the hell is this nowTG: fresh piece of troll waltzin up into my chat space like he owns the damn placeTG: spewin numbers everywhere like a flustered accountantTG: snapping at the thong strap of some wayward stripper in search of love for even just a nightTG: the warmth of another body in his bedTG: or i guess in this case the cold wet groundTG: did my plumage attract youTG: is it troll mating season and the orange was simply too much for you to bearTG: are you aviansexualTG: homosexualTG: well guess what hot stuffTG: im a hybirdTG: vroom vroom motherfucker

[terriblyadroit]

—terriblyAdroit sent 01100110_01110101_01100011_01101011 01101101_01100101.wpt—

PH0N3 53X 15 50M37H1NG 1M 4M4Z1NG 4T 8)

1 M34N 1F Y0U 7H1NK 1M G00D W17H MY W0RD5 JU47 W417 UN1L Y0U F33L MY 70NGU3 1N 4C710N 

1LL M4K3 Y0U 5QU4K F0R M0R3 4ND FL4P Y0UR W1NG5 1N 3XC173M3N7 

1LLL 83 H1771NG 4LL 7H053 N0T35 JU47 F0R Y0U 

3H3H3H3H3H3 1LL 833 8UZZ1NG F0R Y0U 

W3 C4N M4K3 H0N3Y 4LL D4Y L0NG 

17LL 83 7H3 8335 KN335 

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

TG: yeah dude i can tell TG: like no doubts from my end TG: though i have to wonder what else youre amazing at TG: if you could see these brows right now youd be like TG: "shit son" TG: "look at those fuckers go" TG: "reinventing the worm like its nobodys business" TG: now youre getting me all hot and bothered TG: im just quivering with excitement in my feathers over here TG: droppin them all over the place and makin it rain TG: make me sing like a canary oh phone sex master TG: ill warble your willy TG: ill trill your tingaling TG: ill peep your pecker TG: ill chirp your cock TG: and i will most definitely squawk your schlong TG: lets make some beautiful music together dude TG: show this shitty planet how the birds and the bees is really done TG: harvest some sweet sweet honey for the masses TG: im makin a beeline for your present location as i type TG: hope your ready to get wings flappin and hips slappin

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

-+-> This is a message i am sending to several others to affirm that there is indeed other life her other then the jadeblood. Are you, in fact, a troll?

TG: ey yo wassup broTG: pleasure to make your acquaintance tooTG: greetings and salutations and all that fancy jazzTG: dont think i recognize this handle from the trolls thoughTG: you like a dancestor or ancestor or somethinTG: not that im gonna care either way just curiousTG: always eager to meet new trollsTG: the ones ive met so far have been hella chill after allTG: and by sayin that i mean yesTG: im totally a trollTG: with the funky horns and grey skin and shitty temperament all aroundTG: prone to hissin and growlin when i get especially pissy but yknowTG: that shit is definitely a fact yoTG: definitely

[temporal-maid-of-shenanigan-blog]

ashes to ashes daves to daves (even the diet ones)

[temporal-maid-of-shenanigan-blog]

"Oh, we can certainly put him in a suit if you like, I can get Terezi or maybe Kanaya to make one up for him! I’m really sorry about that though, I didn’t realize it was disrespectful, however for trolls…" She pursed her lips before smiling at him. "We don’t do burials or eulogies, when one dies they simply die. The bodies are left for beasts to devour or to decay into the earth. There is no point in mourning in such a way as humans do, not that we don’t mourn of course! If a friend is lost, of course we’ll be upset. However, a body is a body in our culture and there’s nothing more to it than that. Once death is upon you, you’re no longer yourself it’s just an empty husk and even then most times the body is too mutilated to be able to do much with in the way of looking nice or sending off a good farewell too." 

That was the best she could describe it, trolls were far more violent so funerals weren’t something they did. That was why she was so interested in troll culture- sure they weren’t really the least violent race, but they had a lot more compassion than her kind did in some aspects. Its not like they didn’t lack compassion, but it was more so learned out of them, there was no need for it when everyone was bound to die- especially of her caste.

"The lower the caste, the more common it is to die anyway. My blood often denotes that I would die at a young age, most likely from someone of higher status. Sometimes before ever being forced off the planet, sometimes sweeps after leaving- that is the truth for me too! I died, far before the age of six sweeps, thirteen in your years. I was dead during our whole session actually! Though I was a robot for a good portion of it up until I went Godtier on the meteor…" She trailed off, for once a frown taking over her expression for the first time before it disappeared. "I’m alive now though! So I intend to beat out that statistic." 

Aradia laughed a bit as Davesprite spoke, all those puns! On top of the change thing back in his session, it certainly was needed- and she knew it would happen too. That’s how things worked, a straight path for them to follow. “I think you might be overseeing too much into this! I’m certainly overjoyed at the prospect of us meeting. I hope it’s not overkill to say you’ve flown far above my expectations.”

"I can try humming or singing at least! I’m not very good at beatboxing or slam poetry. As for the body, we can easily bury him! Just have to dig deep enough." With that said she held the body out to Davesprite. "Please hold him for a moment so I make the proper arrangements for burying him. It’ll only take a second and I really do not want to drop him as I will pass out." Once he would take his body, she took a few steps away.

Glancing around she found a particularly decent area to bury Davesprite, raising her hands and closing her eyes the ground started to glow. A large chunk of the earth was removed and set to the side in a heap; large enough for a body or two to be placed in. What color there was in her face drained a bit, and the nosebleed came back before she found herself hitting the ground hard. She shouldn’t have used her powers, and she knew it for a fact. This was bound to happen anyway, and she wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up tasting blood- the world went black.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Davesprite shrugged a bit. "Eh, you don't have to. I mean, suits are totally our deal and all but it's pointless to use up materials and go through all that trouble in this kinda setting, isn't it? I don't think other me would mind being buried in his casual duds. Though I'd like to meet up with Terezi at some point anyway.... But hey, don't even worry about it. Culture clashes, y'know? Not about to hold it against you." He gave the ghost of a smile back at her. Even if her explanation on how trolls handled their dead was even more depressing than his own. Davesprite's smile dropped back into impassivity as he tried not to, like, offend her or anything with his response.

"Well... I guess that makes logical sense when you think about it. We probably used to handle it that way too, back during prehistoric ages. Before we got all soft and mushy and spoiled and could like, focus on inane shit like treating our dead as something more than an empty shell. Humans are pretty crazy with how they focus on shit that doesn't really make sense in hindsight but then I guess that's sentimentality and nostalgia for you. Besides, we didn't really ship our population throughout the known universe so I think if we just left corpses lying around to rot on their own we'd be up to our eyeballs in dead people before long. Not that we weren't walking all over mass graves of fossils and skeletons anyway but you know the saying, yo. Out of sight, out of mind."

Davesprite rubbed a bit awkwardly at the back of his neck as Aradia went on to explain how she had a short lifespan and was dead for most of her existence and other awful shit she seemed perfectly content with. It made his issues sound like a scraped knee, to be honest. He could not imagine being dead or a robot for a majority of his session before finally ascending to godhood. Being a sprite was hard enough. "Sorry to hear that. Sounds like a crappy situation all around, I mean, besides getting turned into Trollinator at some point. But hey yeah, you're hella amounts of living now so might as well embrace the fuck out of it. I'm talkin' just received a giant plush bear from your crush after he beat the shit out of a game of ring toss embracing. Down with the establishment. Row row fight the powah and be more than a statistic. You go troll girl."

He laughed a bit himself, though it pitched up into slight raucous cawing as she coupled some pistols and a wink with her puns. God, it was so stupid but so, so good. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. I probably am. And I'm not even a seer. Shit. Time to tone it done, fo' sho'. Meetin' up with you's been pretty damn awesome I gotta admit and if you keep up the bird puns like that you're gonna rocket up my friends list's echeladder without a doubt." Though Davesprite sombered a bit as the focus of the conversation was brought back to the corpse. He stared down at the proffered body with obvious hesitation and discomfort. If looking at his own corpse was weird, holding it was bound to be even worse. However, Aradia was offering to do the manual labor for some reason, so who was he to refuse holding some weight for a little while?

Davesprite took his own mutilated body into his arms and swallowed hard, then proceeded to do his damned best job of not looking directly at it. The corpse was ice cold and stiff and he thought he felt some dried blood flaking off onto his arms which set his own feathers to stiffening. Tamping down on the sensation he tried distracting himself with what the troll was currently doing. "Woah, woah, hang on. Pass out?? Don't feel the need to stress yourself I mean damn you already got a nosebleed. Just sit down and take it easy. We can figure out a way to bury him later-" His voice died as he watched the ground glow the same hue as the blood from earlier. Telekinetics. Of course. The realization hardly made the feat less awe-inspiring.

"Holy shit." Davesprite felt the ground vibrate gently beneath his feet as the ton of earth was dropped; then heard the smaller thud that followed. His head swiveled around to find Aradia indeed passed out cold on the ground with blood streaming from her nose. He gave a quiet squawk and rather unceremoniously set (half-dropped, really) the corpse in the freshly dug grave before rushing to her side. "Hey! Hey! Aradia?? Shit. Shit, shit, what do I do? I should wake her up. And- and stop the bleeding, duh Dave. Fucking Hell." He crouched beside her fallen form and rolled her over onto her back; pulling the troll into his lap. Davesprite carefully opened Aradia's mouth as a breathing source before pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. Tilting her head back would only result on choking her with her own blood, so he had to make the busted veins clog up instead. His free arm cradled her neck as he glanced furtively around but they still seemed to be alone and relatively safe.

"Hey, c'mon. Shitty planet to Aradia. Come in Aradia. Do you read me? Fuck. Houston, we have a problem."

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Rough Landing

[disposedheir-blog]

Alright. John could concede that Davesprite’s eyewear were cool. Possibly cooler than the dude who’s nose they were perched on! That was like a 99:1 possibility in fact. Poor Davesprite. Outshined by a modest piece of eyewear that touched Ben Stiller’s “weird, sort of gaunt” face at once place. It’s okay, though. John might not be able to use the bird school’s diploma for toilet paper- since apparently birds couldn’t afford paper, so John assumed, and went divebirbing for dumpster cardboard- but Davesprite could definitely use it as a hobo sign, advertising himself as bearer of the coolest shades and the most thoughtful gift ever. End of story.

"Uhm, Davesprite, don’t shoot the messenger here, but there’s an even bigger contender for the title of Sir Mr Dr Tries Too Hard and you can find him in two easy steps! One, step in front of a mirror and, two, stare long and hard at your reflection and wonder how you blow harder than the Heir of Breath himself." He’d be more offended if Dave wasn’t so blatantly biased. And he didn’t get the pleasure of talking to Rose when she went certifiably grimdark, so he didn’t know how Rose was capable of spewing nonsense and screaming into a pillow in the most adorabloodthirsty display of frustration ever. So. That proved something. John didn’t know what, but it definitely proved something.

Unless John saw this mythological diploma that granted Davesprite all these legal rights, he was gonna call complete and total bullshit. Because that’s exactly what this sounded like. Exactly what it was. Striders and Rose, and probably Terezi, could be so full of shit! Naturally, John had to be at least a little bit skeptical. 

"You both are cranky, how’s that?” John suggested, nudging Davesprite with his elbow- the one free of a bundle of dead rabbit. “And uh, ew? Trolls are so weird,” he laughed. “I don’t want him to hate me, y’know? I want us to be the friendliest of friendleaders.” And it was awkweird that Karkat might be harboring some kind of alien lusty hate boner for him. John couldn’t quite explain it, because he did really like Karkat. The guy was too funny and John’s reverse trolling antics were the best cross species prank series in the history of Paradoz Space were targeted directly at one (1) Karkat Vantas. John couldn’t just ignore that sheer amount of awesome.

The Striders could play cool as much they wanted, but John was wise to how Davesprite was tripping over himself. The guys actually thought that John was gonna leave him in the middle of a pseudo swamp! He didn’t know whether to be insulted or super sorry. He’d let it go for now. After all, he still owed Davesprite a royal kick to the tailfeathers for pulling that crap on Jade. Jade was fucking amazing??? Why would he break up with her. It didn’t compute. The only reasonable explanation was that Davesprite was a dumbass.

"Gosh, thanks Dave. I don’t know how I would survive without you! Am I swooning? I think I might be. Our metaphor bakery thanks you. The extra sesame seed is on the house." Although, John didn’t really need protecting? Since he was practically top tiered as Breath, he was finding it pretty dang easy to get the hang of his current limited grasp on wind. Nightmares happened, sure, but. Kind of standard, he guessed. As much as John didn’t want Davesprite stressing about him, he knew Davesprite would sulk for eons if John shoot down his knight in shining armor, feathers and all. 

"I mean, okay, just saying one troll out of all of them is pretty lame odds. But Terezi wouldn’t do anything crazy. Well. She would, but not like bad crazy. More like eccentrically helpful and maddeningly unconventional. And I met Meenah once! She seemed genuine when she said she didn’t want to kill me! Like a compulsive gambler trying to reform! That’s something. And I know not everyone will attempt show up, or manage to show up." John waved his hand airily. It wasn’t airtight, but John had an aversion to airlock anyway. It was all nuances. They’d hammer out the details later. (Heh, pun combo x2, that could go straight into the prankster’s gambit.) "But I really am hoping Karkat shows up. Or Roxy? They’re pretty good at handling people. In their own ways, heh." He shrugged a shoulder, shooting Davesprite an expectant look. "That enough realism? Or is this mother hen impression gonna keep on keeping on?"

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Wow John. Did you not know? It was the dude that made the shades, not the shades that made the dude. For real. Talk about not being up to snuff on his stuff. Back to human school with him seeing as John totally could not get into bird school. For birds. Who could totally afford paper; cardboard was actually more expensive- and sturdy. No dumpster diving was necessary to obtain the materials for their gorgeous diplomas. Davesprite would do no such advertising gimmicks for John even if the gift had been hella rad and no one would end shit but him. End of fucking story. For real that time.

Well John might not have been all that offended but Davesprite certainly made a show of being such. Puffing his feathers up and scoffing dramatically as his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He pointedly directed his gaze away from the other with a huffy, upturned nose. "Wow John. Wow. Way to be a prick. And here I thought you were doing so well at the whole friendleader thing. Isn't Breath supposed to confidence or some shit? Guess it makes sense with all the hot air pouring our your ears. Someone nab some balloons. Make that shit a mode of transportation. 'Cause someone's trying too hard at being an asshole. A real blowhard for sure. This birb tries just the right amount and always with the best intentions in mind, thank you very much." Davesprite having never heard Rose spew aggravated nonsense into a pillow proved jack shit, John. Seriously, trying too hard there, bro.

Sorry John. Davesprite left his diploma in his other set of wings. Totally got left behind with all his other shit. Could not be helped. If he was a good friendleader he would believe the sprite. Along with every other Strider and Rose and even Terezi- well, okay, maybe not Terezi after that one time. The incident that had brought him into the alpha timeline in the first place and eventually gotten him there. Yeah. Definitely call total bullshit on a majority of what the blind troll said. No reason to be skeptical of his bros, though! Trust in friends, John.

"It's a shitty compromise, that's how that is. Damn John. What is this, shit on your bro variety hour? Or is all the mud just severely putting a damper on your normally chipper and blaise mood? I'm actually starting to feel wounded over here. Maybe I just don't like the feeling of mud drying onto my feathers. They're sensitive. Not to mention I'm starving, and sore, and thirsty as a motherfucker. I woke up on this weird ass planet with all my gear gone to have you dump a load of exposition on my ass. You can't exactly expect me to be excited or happy about it- hey, watch it." Davesprite chirped at the elbow. He rubbed lightly at the spot with a hint of a frown and let his other arm drop by his side. Only to roll his eyes at John soon after.

"Yeah, they are pretty freaky. But in a cool way. Like, it could be worse. At least they aren't the type of aliens that wanna probe our asses or dissect us or some fucked up sci-fi shit like that. I know you don't want the guy to hate you but I think it's a little late for that. Dude's been harboring a massive grudge against our whole species since before we were even born. Don't ask me why you especially make him wanna jerk himself to a furious finish but I doubt anything's gonna change that any time soon." He replied with his own bit of skepticism. Davesprite had a feeling John wanted to be more than just the "friendliest of friendleaders" with Karkat but at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from what the troll wanted. Not that he was about to open up that can of worms.... mmm... worms.... shit, he was hungry.

Hey, hey, hey. Davesprite had no idea what kind of ground he stood on with John. Things had been swell on the ship for like the first two years, but then he broke shit off with Jade for her own good and suddenly the place was wrought with tension. He felt disconnected from both of them and John only ever seemed frustrated or angry with him. Hell, he did screech into space at him one time. That was some serious not-friendliness. Then things had gone to Hell and Davesprite had never really seen John again until now. So part of him was worried the other still hated his guts or whatever. Thankfully, that did not seem to be the case, but he remained wary and cautious none the less.

The corner of his mouth quirked up a bit as John played along with him, though. "Hey, it ain't no thing, Johnny boy. Just doin' my spritely, knightly duties as your bro. No need to swoon or thank me. I'm more than happy to help a damsel in distress any time. Especially if it's from delicious baked goods. I'll take the extra sesame seeds though. Feels like I'm hungry enough to decimate an entire silo of corn at this point. Fuck. I hope you guys have somethin' edible at this cave of yours or I might contemplate mud pies." Just kidding. Davesprite would starve before trying to eat mud. Gross. John may not have felt he needed protecting, but he totally did. And Davesprite was just the bird for the job. He would totally not stress over the other. Just... be concerned, and watchful. Sulking was not even in his vocabulary, no sirree.

He was totally staring at John with a dubious expression and quirked brow, though. "Genuine, right. Isn't this the troll that liked to toss her trident at innocent bystanders? Somehow I doubt transferring from some dream bubbles to a shitty planet in the middle of nowhere would be cause for reform." His nose scrunched up a bit at the waving hand and just how flippantly optimistic the other was being. Geez. "Hardly but fuck if I'm gonna keep pushing it. Clearly, you're a lost cause. Beyond helping. I'll take my 'mother henning' elsewhere to someone who'll actually appreciate sound sprite advice. You keep doin' your confident windy do and expanding the Crockerbert cult. It'll be all the sweeter to say 'I told you so' later." Davesprite's stomach gave a low grumble and he placed a hand over it; time to be ironic.

"On another note: are we there yet?"

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

He looked at his hand a moment, confused… what… what even was that? did he try to tickle his hand? are hands even ticklish? he looked like a human… are human hands tickleish? well maybe weird sentient bird hands where? …. for that matter where there more sentient bird things? “wvwell yer tha first…. fago colored.. chicken, human thing that i wvwas suspectin’ ta find so I recon’ tha makes us evwven ey?” not that he had intended or expected for that matter to find many more Sapiavien Fagous™ (fago colored chicken humans)

and COD DAMN IT before he could even process the priore rambling to inquire what the everlasting Fuck a Solid Snake had to do with him and the lack of the fetting filth off himself he had to yet agian sort out his name. He heaved a sigh “I can see wvwhy ya’d get tha name wvwrong lad… lemme spell it out fer ya. “he turned to the yew tree that was beside him and carved his name into the bark. V-O-L-A-N-D “There ya go lad. Vwvoland ya understand?”

“Nowvw then Tis a pleasure ta meet ya lad… uh Dave right? Ya said ya met others here ey? seems ta me yer in tha knowvw” he looked down at the smaller whatever it was… that would be somethin he needed to sort out “so wvwhere are wvwe? I knowvw it aint Alternia… I can remember that much at least.” he leaned himself against the tree, head cradled in though “But I cannot remember anythin else relevant.. I know i havwve a mark on my neck but not wvwhy, I knowvw a humans but Cod damn if’n i can figure out wvwhat you are… no offense lad I just nwvwer seen anythin quite like ya.. an I used to hunt monsters; I’vwve seen a thing or twvwo”

The question of time soon found its answer, the sun had drawn high in the sky by now, the diluted yellow glow shined behind the dull grey clouds, only serving to taunt them all with hints of warmth and hopes of drying out the swampy marsh that seemed to permeate the entirety of the planet. The orpahner’s own body didn’t miss the march of time, and his rumbling stomach marked the noon hour. “ Don’t suppose ya go anythin ta eat do ya?”

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Davesprite found himself snickering again as Voland stared at his hand in obvious confusion. Nice. Pretty much the initial reaction he expected. He supposed a handshake like that would be Hells of weird to trolls. He was expecting a question about it, but instead he got called a faygo-colored chicken. Immediately, Davesprite's feathers puffed up a bit in indignation and- well- incredulity. He had been teasingly called a chicken numerous times, but he definitely was not the color of Faygo. The only edible things he should be compared to were oranges or orange creamsicles.

"Hey, hey, hey. Lemme set some shit straight for you Vwoland. One, I'm not a chicken. If you insist on callin' me a birb then at least make it a crow. For accuracy's sake at the least. Two, and this one's even more important, my coloring ain't nowhere near that shitty soda. I am a delightful orange plucked fresh from a Florida tree. Squeezed and mixed with cream and frozen into a creamsicle to delight all the little kids with just how ice cold I am. As in cooler than bein' cool, got it? So if you absolutely need to call me shit like that, make it creamsicle crow. Still not my name or species but it's a Hell of a lot better than Faygo-colored chicken God damn."

He tilted his head a bit when apparently the miscommunication happened to be mutual. Leaning in to watch those nasty claws slice through the tree bark like butter. Damn. Well, if Voland ever happened to die for whatever reason, maybe Davesprite could jack the claws to make a weapon with. Perhaps Aradia was onto something when she plucked other him's corpse. Wow, it was probably rude to think shit like that when said person was standing right there, though. "Voland. All right chill. Complete comprende, bro. I'll shoo away any stray w's and you just remember what I said about the fruity aviaries, okay?" He provided a thumbs-up for further emphasis and was honestly just relieved not to have been devoured or mauled just yet. Maybe his luck really was turning around.

"Yup. Dave's the name I like the best though there happens to be another dude runnin' around with it. Just a heads-up to avoid future confusion. He's more your conventional human though so it's not like you'll mix him up with me or anythin'. We just happen to look alike. I'm way more handsome though by far." Davesprite preened a bit with a small smirk before continuing. "Yeah I've met with a few peeps. Messaged others. You can do that, y'know. With the computer on your wrist. See it?" He leaned over to point a finger at said device and then leaned back to rub a hand through his hair with a soft exhale from his nose. Where to even begin. He was really stretching his sprite legs apparently even though he no longer was one. Now he knew how John felt.

"Yeah, I'm in the know, all right. I mean, at least more than you. Guessin' you're a newcomer or some shit. I've only been floating around here for about a week. Alternia's... the troll planet, right. Okay. Well, yeah, you aren't there. You're on a different planet entirely that's probably nothing like it. More like my planet, to be honest. Not that it's really a comfort or anything. The memory thing seems to be affectin' some people but you'll probably get over it. At least the personal shit. Don't be concerned about the hows and whys you got here 'cause no one knows that crap. So far as I've seen, anyway. It remains a mystery the likes of which even Mystery Incorporated probably couldn't solve. As hilarious as Mr. Overseer bein' Old Man Jenkins would be."

Davesprite shrugged; making his wings rustle with the movement. "I'm what happens when you turn a sprite into a human, I guess. Haven't met any others to find out for sure. Just know I'm pretty much  a human with a set of wings. And some funky colors. Definitely nothing close to a monster." He glanced up at the sky and trilled softly under his breath. Several hours had passed since he left the cave but he doubted John would be worried. He tended to come and go as he pleased, after all. Dropping his gaze back to Voland, Davesprite scrunched up his brows with a frown. He was pretty peckish himself but he had probably eaten more recently than this guy thanks to the Crockerberts. He was unsure how they would react to him dragging a seven foot tall troll to their cave for a snack, though.

"Nope. Sorry big guy. Food's kinda scarce around here and what there is you either gotta forage or hunt for from what I've seen. The former of which is pretty damn hard with the snow still thawing and all this mud. The animals are starting to come back but we're hardly dropped here with any weapons so catching them is hard. Though, I might know a place you could get a little something.... It wouldn't be much, but it's better than nothing. Except you have to promise to behave yourself and not freak out the nice humans who live there because no offense dude but you're a little intimidating what with the height and the crazy teeth and purple armor." Then again, he could just pester John about it ahead of time. Hmmm... not a bad idea. If the troll wants to take him up on his offer, anyway.

[timaeustestifyiffing-blog]

A Distinct Brobability

[timaeustestifyiffing-blog]

If Davespite really wanted to believe his wings safe and snug, then by all means. Dirk wasn’t really going to pop that little happy soap bubble of delusion. Least not right now. Maybe soon. Dirk was feeling uncharacteristically sympathetic toward his alt Bro’s sprite form. Especially, because he seemed boorishly vanilla. Who doesn’t love a good sounding? Wusses. And wuss did not a Strider make.

He had pulled a mental kill switch, shutting down the observed similarities and the subsequent comparisons. Dave was not his Bro, and it was unfair to hope that the parallels went beyond the smattering of freckles across the bridge of the nose, the loose easy stance. He could easily ignore the orange pallor and poofy ruff, if he overlayed a pressed suit over the orange tee in his mind’s eyes. It certainly didn’t help any with the disassociation. All it wrought was a pang of dissonance and a sense of finality, both. This wasn’t the same Bro that went down spitting straight into the Batterwitch’s bejeweled face, but it was still Dave.

What he had to do here was maintain a level of distance between himself and Dave to ensure that no hindering emotional processes got in the way of the top priority. He shuffled sideways, so his right arm was tilted away from Dave, passing it off as a casual reposition. Just a normal shift in the middle of a conversation that held no more meaning than two dudes getting their introduction on. If Dirk was simultaneously angling his shitty tattoo away from a specific party’s gaze, then that was just the cherry atop his hastily assembled sundae. The one that was desperately trying to go unspotted despite it’s spot front and center on the parlor’s menu. Boy, that sundae is SOL, Dirk’s so glad that sundae is strictly metaphorical, but simultaneously not. He’d rather the sundae get its punkass spotted and devoured than the copy’n’paste job of Hella Jeff he’s got permanently inked on his skin. 

At length, Dave wound up hitting a topic that would make the dissonance-resemblance reacharound paradox acutely painful. Dirk tightened up his jaw and nodded, shrugging his shoulders to distract from the tension in his face. His shades were large enough, perpendicular from the natural planes of his face, to distract a lesser being from any takeaway that might slip past his pokerface. Not that it happened often. Dirk was naturally pro at bland stare offs. It was his resting face. So let Dave continue with his uncomfortably close metaphor about Hollywood glitz. There was no impending meltdown here. Dirk was cool, like the depths of the ocean. (Minimal signs of life and pressurized to the point of imminent implosion.) 

Dave’s adorable limerick helped jerk him out of his inward collapse. It took him a moment to recalibrate, grasp onto the rhyme, follow the rhythm. But when he did, his lip twitched upward. This kid. “Do the tabloids call ‘em chicken legs,” Dirk replied, sardonic, tilting his head inquiringly. “Because I see their perspective. One flash of thigh and everyone’s blind. ‘Boss ass bitch’ is definitely subjective.” He felt nominally more in sync after igniting a couple sicknasty flames. He could breath again, lungs decompressed.

"Sweet." He eyed Dave for a long moment, weighing the merits of his personality. Logistically, this iteration of Dave could be bereft of all the hella rad things Dirk had come to surmise from hours upon hours of browsing Dave_ebubbles. He’d have to keep on pressing for information while assembling a character judgement, without letting his personal bias taint his assement. "Aside from being bent and prepped for getting fucked over in the least pleasant context possible, I mean. Nothing beats waking up with no means of defense and no prior knowledge to your situation." Worlds different than the Game, when Dirk was weaving an intricate network of puppet strings to catch them should they fail their session. Not that it was a successful plan of action, but Dirk knew the stakes. There was always the hope, he could rework his plan, save his friends, and emerge, crowned prince of shitty reality warps. Walking in blind and brouncing off the parameters of his new situation until he triggered his own demise was not his ideal situation. "Considered yourself hired, although I’ll need to see some credentials." A cardboard diploma, mayhaps? "If you could forward them to me ASAP, that’d be bitchin’. There’s also the matter of your work uniform. I’m not sure how things were done at our SBURB branch but here in the wherethefuckistan, we like our ex-sprite to maintain a groomed, professional appearance with slight fetishtic undertones. I have little doubt with those newly reacquired gams you’ll have no issue with the stockings, but I feel inclined to inquire. How do you feel about lace? In direct association with your undergarments?"

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Yes good leave the poor birbs happy soap bubbles alone. If only he had some real ones to wash off all the damn mud. With how coated he was in the stuff Davesprite was probably looking pretty damn pitiful. It was no wonder Dirk felt all sympathetic. Or maybe that was just because he was covered in mud too. As for his tastes under the sheets, just remember it was totally rude to judge, bro. Just because Davesprite was not interested in shoving metal rods up his brand new dick hardly meant he was vanilla, anyway. He liked having his feathers rustled when it came to the horizontal tango. Not that his pseudo-brother needed to know that shit. Davesprite wished he had a mental kill-switch. However, unlike Dirk, he was not a robot. His mind tended to run a mile a minute in whichever direction it damn well pleased and there was not shit he could do about it. So attempting to stop seeing the other as another version of Bro was entirely impossible. All he could do was try not to focus on it. All of the rambling banter and ironic metaphors and references were certainly making it easier. Not the same Bro who went down fighting off the likes of Bec fucking Noir by any means, but it was still Dirk. He was just fine planting his feet right where they were. For one, it was harder to feel the mud squishing between his toes if he stood still. For two, he was hardly a bird to enjoy intrusions in his personal space and he had an idea Dirk felt the same. He had shoved his own hands into his pockets and made no other movements beside a rustle of wings here or a twitch twitch of the head there. Just like a bird. Never able to hold entirely still. Especially while observing something- or in this case, someone. If Davesprite caught sight of some color on Dirk's arm, he was not about to mention it. Bro had no tattoos but all the scars on him might as well have been a suitable substitute. He took no issue with some skin ink, anyway. He was oblivious to some of the inner turmoil his ramble caused, but not the twitch of upturned lips. His own mimicked the action and he rolled his shoulders in a way that fluffed up his collar feathers almost in a preening gesture. Eat it up, bro. Then Dirk flip-turned Davesprite's words upside-down and came back at him with his own little rhythmic verbage. His brows rose in pleasant surprise and the tiniest smile slipped onto his lips as the trade of rhymes helped him to relax as well. "Nah this ain't KFC, don't try givin' me a lickin'. Jump to their perspective and I'm bound to get kickin'. Only thing I'm blind to is all their bitchin'. Subjective you cry as you look at my thighs but this shit's objective 'cause I'm just that hella fly." God. It felt so good to get the beat off his tongue and sling some sick fires again. He was pretty eager to see if Dirk would throw back a response, but first things first. He had some information to dish out. "Hey bro listen I completely understand where you're coming from. Sucked ass waking up in a puddle of mud and slush with nothing but the clothes on my back and a sick pair of shades. Luckily, I ran into the Heir of Egderp before wandering around like a shivering little bird for too long and he gave me the lowdown on the situation. Which I'm now gonna convey to you apparently. Granted, without all the dorky movie references and Nic Cage swooning. You're welcome in advance for the abridging." Davesprite's expression became smug. Even if he knew Dirk was not his Bro, it felt pretty nice to have something over the other. To know more than he did for once. Even if it was really not all that much and hardly useful besides having a name to curse and knowing one was not alone in the shitstorm. "Kickass. Guess who's no longer gonna be collecting unemployment checks from the non-existent government. This bird right here." He removed the hands from his pockets to jerk both thumbs at his own chest and then patted himself down a bit melodramatically. "But- oh wait, shit, it seems I've misplaced the diploma I rightfully earned from bird school. Y'know, for birds. I'll have to get back to ya on the credentials I'm afraid. I'll totally shoot you a copy via these handy little wrist-comps once I get my hands on it, no problem." The thumbs morphed into pistols and a wink sent in Dirk's general direction; granted, his were far less wibbly-wobbly than a certain island boy's. He also had no idea he might be hitting another stress point with the move and so kept the ball rolling. "Are you kidding? These high thighs strut stunnin' in thigh highs. Got no tailfeathers bunching me up back here. Just legs for days and booty, booty, booty, booty rockin' everywhere. Y'found me, Sburb's New Booty. If y'get it together and bring it back to me, I'll totally consider lacing up something other than my shoes. But I'm tellin' you now it better be orange or that's a deal-breaker. All of my fetishistic gear and accessories must be some shade of the best damn color in existence or I refuse to wear them. Plain and simple. Though, you seem like a Floridian fruit kinda guy to me anyway. What d'ya say, boss, care to see some high class bird in a set of orange frillies? And I don't mean the doilies in your granny's tea set." Davesprite dropped his hands to his hips and performed a perfect cant to his waist to go along with his words. Eyebrows rising and falling in a staccato waggle while he smirked deviously at his fellow Strider. His plumage had puffed up further and his wings spread slightly in a manner that screamed showing off for all the lady birds.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Rough Landing

[disposedheir-blog]

Seemed like the criterion for getting access to bird school for bird was a feathery boa and a penchant for fucking English (but not not-Grandpa), so John was pretty much okay with this turn of events. He would to inform Davesprite, however, that a diploma from birb school was good for one thing and one thing only. John would use that diploma as really nice toilet paper.

"Uh huh. You are doing a really good job of convincing me, Davesprite! I am so convinced. The most convinced." John smirked. Really, Davesprite, it was just some dirt and water mixed together. It wasn’t even slushy at this point, so Davesprite couldn’t complain about frostbite. He didn’t see the big deal. Plus, he doubted Davesprite had his marriage license, and John didn’t want his holy matrimony to be a shame. Maybe it’s best for everyone if they didn’t rush things. Besides, the mud was giving him strong hints that it’d disappear when the weather got warmer. And John was a long term kinda guy, if he was being honest. 

His hypothetical happy ending had originally been a beautiful wife and a loving child, two story house with a white pickup fence. Attending soccer games and science fairs. Over time, he never really could picture his wife. It used to be Rose, but eventually that crush got crushed beneath the weight of the Game. Now, his dream encompassed a life off this doomtrap planet, with no more interruptions from otherwordly entities. Once was enough and twice was just excessive.

It was still funny thinking about how he used to reenact the reunion scene at the end of Con Air. Thinking about his ole wifebeater and shredding guitar solos made him miss Casey a little, who often reprised her role as Poe’s daughter. But that was an old wound. John had gotten over the loss of his daughterlizard years ago. No normal salamander could ever hold a candle to his dear, sweet Casey.

More immediate was his ache for the Lalonde sisters. Rose was definitely unavailable for a reassuringly disturbing analysis, but he hadn’t gotten word from Roxy yet. She could be busy, kicking ass and unraveling the mysteries of their new planet, and thus having way too much fun to answer his message. John preferred to follow that train of thought, because there was no iteration of Lalonde that wasn’t deadly in their own right. ‘Least John knew Rose’s mom was still up and at ‘em. That was a pester he wasn’t about to forget anytime soon.

"That’s the spirit," John said, still sniggering behind his encouraging smile. What a fussy bird. "And I’ll not have you speak such untruths about my fellow friendleader. Dude’s hilarious! He just can’t bring himself to send me a goddamn message because he’s too busy being hilarious and huffy." Ngnn. There were too many uncertainties where his friends were concerned. Was it really too much to give a shoutout to the friendly neighborhood palhoncho? But at least he knew for sure that Dave and Jade and Jane were alright. And Mom Lalonde and Davesprite too, now.

"Yeah, we broke it off a long time ago."John shrugged, turning and heading back toward the location of base Crockerbert on foot. Until Davesprite got off his lazy ass, he’d have to hoof it like a mere mortal. "But never fear, Jane is a much better roommate, I think. Although we don’t have the necessary ingredients to open our own bakers, see also: ew, my worst nightmare?" He waved Davesprite along with his free hand, indicating the birdboy should follow him to relative safety and a warm fire for the night. "And how do you know whether everyone’s aggressive or whatever? Like I know Karkat wouldn’t go around slaughtering people. I know it in my soul, Davesprite. I can feel the repressed kitten cute radiating off the guy." Which brought to mind the time John had ambushed both Karkat and Dave into a tender bro embrace in one fell swoop. It was legendary. "And, I mean, we all have a common enemy, and it’s douche in the sky with diamonds. If we can redirect any murder happy- if there’s even any- towards the Overseer, then who’s to say it’s a bad thing?”

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Do not be jelly, John. Just because Davesprite was gifted with such a fabulous fashion accessory while all John had was a pair of dweeby glasses. Besides, fucking English was pretty fun (both of them, winkwonk). Also, seeing as all bird school diplomas were printed out on cardboard to be the true essence of irony, Davesprite would advise John not to use them as toilet paper. Not only would it be ineffective as fuck, but it would probably be Hellaciously uncomfortable to boot. "John, you are the literal poster boy for trying too hard. Maybe lay off the sarcasm until you can handle its finer points and leave the tricky linguistics to the experts. Aka every Strider in existence plus Rose. And maybe Terezi. On a good day. No offense to the troll girl but sometimes the sarcasm can go right over that horned head of hers and damn if I don't know there's a cultural difference acting as an obstacle but the point stands." Davesprite quirked a brow. Really, John, it was fucking mud and it was sticking to his everything. Maybe he was a bit of a freeze baby. Maybe that was why he had been blessed with all these damn feathers. Weather aside, he totally had his marriage license. Know where he got it from? Fucking bird school. For birds. Caw caw motherfucker. As for happy endings... Davesprite honestly had not given it much thought. He had figured as a sprite and thus technically a game construct, he would end with the game. He had not been expecting to head on through the door with all the rest into the new universe. He was relatively certain the other sprites had felt the same way. Just sharing some innate sense or intuitiveness to help cushion the fact they could not move on with their respective charges. Davesprite had accepted it a long time ago, while having three years to think himself to death on that ship. It played a large part in his eventual decision to break things off with Jade. He had been fully prepared to get left behind while the other Dave went on ahead to claim his well-earned happiness. Now, it seemed he could not even be wiped away with that small peace of mind. John drew Davesprite out of his musings and soon after managed to coax out an eye roll from the bird boy. "Yeah, hilariously pissy. You say I'm being a cranky bird. Ha! Karkat invented the damn word. He's probably not responding to you just to be a prick. Last I checked, it sounded like he had the biggest hateboner in all of Paradox Space for you. I doubt getting tossed into a new game changed that shit, bro." He was hardly amused by learning this tidbit, though. Had Karkat drifted apart from John, too? Was he avoiding him? The kids in general? Perhaps it really was for the best if he refrained from messaging the troll. He looked over in slight surprise and anxiety when John started to move again. He leaned forward; then hesitated, pulling back. Davesprite still was not one hundred percent sure he was welcome to join the Crockerberts. His fists clenched lightly at his sides and his composed face flickered only slightly as he watched the other boy's retreating back. A response was on the tip of his tongue when the heir actually waved him along. His eyes widened slightly and his wings twitched but he quickly did his best to hide the reaction as he strode after the bespectacled teenager. For the first time, he hardly even noticed the mud as he trailed after whom he had always considered to be his best bro. "Look forward to meeting your teen Nanna, John. Too bad she can't bake all her delicious goodies to her little heart's content. I would be all over that shit. Your best customer; hands down. Not to worry, Egbert. I'll eat up all those nightmares so you can rest easy. The birb is on the case." Davesprite's teasing, lilting (almost birdsong-like) tone returned with the relief of being invited back to some shelter and warmth. Though he scoffed at John's reeling optimism and blind confidence in the virtues of literally everyone. "Well I can't freely admit to knowing for sure without being a dirty liar. But it's easy to draw certain conclusions about a large chunk of those that might be inhabiting the planet, John. Just because Karkat wouldn't go on a murder spree, that doesn't mean everyone else will diligently follow in his footsteps. They didn't in SBURB, did they? Some of these people, they have tigers and lions and vicious Hellbeasts repressed deep inside them. Is there a chance they would be totally okay with directing some of that pent-up bloodlust at our mutual enemy? Yeah. But trying to coordinate literally dozens of people into channeling their efforts towards that goal without stepping on a few toes and sparking a few fires is a nearly impossible feat in and of itself, John. Not even including the factor of it being a one-friendleader or even two-friendleader job. It's great you got a plan and confidence but try to be at least a smidge realistic here for your ol' buddy Dave, would ya?"

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

S0 C4N 1 RU57L3 Y0UR F347H3R5?

TG: woahTG: who the hell is this nowTG: fresh piece of troll waltzin up into my chat space like he owns the damn placeTG: spewin numbers everywhere like a flustered accountantTG: snapping at the thong strap of some wayward stripper in search of love for even just a nightTG: the warmth of another body in his bedTG: or i guess in this case the cold wet groundTG: did my plumage attract youTG: is it troll mating season and the orange was simply too much for you to bearTG: are you aviansexualTG: homosexualTG: well guess what hot stuffTG: im a hybirdTG: vroom vroom motherfucker

[terriblyadroit]

3H3H3H3H3H3H3 1M N0 4CC0UN74N7 8U7 1 837 1 C4N F1L3 Y0U JU57 R1GH7 8)

1M Y0U53XU4L 

N07 7H47 7H3 4V14N 7H1NG 15N7 4 7URN ON

1 GU355 Y0U C0ULD 54Y 1 H4V3 4 7H1NG F0R FURR135

F347H3R135 1N Y0U4 C453

H0W 4B0U7 17???? 1 C4N 3L3C7R1FY Y0UR B0DY

8U7 N07 L173R4LLY

1 M34N 1 L173R4LLY C4N D0 7H47 8U7 7H47 1 W0N7 UNL355 Y0UR3 1N70 R0UGH PL4Y

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

TG: oh damn TG: im just getting all sorts of hot and bothered over here TG: taking office roleplay to the newest extreme TG: latest trolls gone wild sensation TG: taxes edition TG: and by taxes i of course mean my newly attained dudebits TG: in conjecture to your hella filing scenarinnuendo TG: coupled with the best damn sexuality ive ever read TG: in fact TG: everything youre sendin is hittin the right notes TG: seems im dealing with an expert smooth talker TG: the likes of which bird boys can only dream of TG: sittin pretty in their nests and longing for a mate to really preen their underbellies TG: shall i continue with the avian refs to really get you going TG: or maybe i should use some furry pick up lines TG: just cause its feathers instead of fur dont mean it doesnt apply TG: we can have a howling good time together TG: catch some tail TG: tie a knot TG: hahaha okay no jade would kill me if i kept going TG: though your proposition does sound pretty damn TG: electrifyin TG: just look at me pull a danny zuko TG: shiver and shake and fall to my knees praisin our shitty overseer TG: you definitely have my attention ill give you that TG: though if you want me to give back you best be throwin a name and some digits my way TG: and for the first time in the history of cliches by digits i mean coordinates instead of a number TG: which is actually hella disappointing cause somethin tells me phone sex with you would be ridiculously amusing

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

[imperialorphaner-blog]

Thank Cod he found a river, the mud was starting to grit and harden and only served to hone a fine edge to his growing frustration. Squatting down to cup the cool waters in his hand, bringing them up to his lips and taking a drink. Nice. didn’t taste like shit. Life was one Iota better. Standing up ready to jump in he saw…. the fuck is that thing?

Whatever it was the coloring was about as subdued as a stripclubs neon sign, fuck He was sure he had seen that same color orange in the Grand Highbloods putrid collection of vintage fago… what even was that guys obsession with it? it was just soda… nasty soda. Well the bird man thing  before him must have been a fan… seeing as he fucking painted himself neon orange. But then again who was Voland to question one’s fashion sense, Admittedly Violet purple cape and Noble regalia was not exactly  the high of subtle. but at least it was sort of dark colored, this guy practically glowed in the dark.

He shook his thoughts from his head, and squinted. this was ridiculous, might as well just go over and talk to the whatever it is, would be better than just staring him down all damn day, and hey maybe he’d get some information on this shit covered backwater, that would be a plus. worse came to worse it was some sort of giant orange chicken with no brain whatsoever…. and in that case he would eat it. …well,hard to say what outcome he was really hoping for now…

Without further ado he dived into the water, thoughts of what a giant orange chicken might taste like flashing across his thinkpan. Fully submerged he darted across the river in seconds flat, the seadweller was in his natural environment now and hey! the mud was finally washed off of him in the current. the day just kept getting better! maybe the orange guy would be some sort of indigenous bird after all!

Popping out of the water with a splash, he practically sprang from the water, landing a foot or so away from The Birdman of whereverthefuckthisis. Looking over at him, slicking his wet hair back across his skull; and with his shark tooth grin and sharp eyes peered down at the shorter being “Wvwell Hello… Wvwasn’t expectin’ ta see anythin’ else fer a wvwhile.” he fully turned to face the subjectively short (for everyone is considered short when you’re seven fucking feet tall) man.He outstretched his hand “Tha Name’s Vwvoland “Dualscar” Ampora”

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

At first, Davesprite thought he might have been in the clear. The troll had dropped down to drink from the river rather than address or even look at him. Still tense, he was just beginning to back away when the other stood back up and looked right at him. He froze again; every feather on his body going rigid as his expression pulled tight. Shit. It was staring at him. Probably scoping him out and trying to judge if he was a threat or not. Davesprite wondered what was going through the stranger's head. If asked, his first guess certainly would not be fucking Faygo. What the Hell. Distantly, his mind drifted to the serial killings going on. This probably was not Sawtooth since Aradia had little knowledge of him. He also doubted the troll was Meenah because the name simply did not fit the face. He could be wrong on both fronts or- at the very worst- this guy was a third, unknown killer. That would be just his luck. Though the troll stared at Davesprite for so long he was almost tempted to finally call out something just for a change when they were abruptly diving into the river. He jumped and emitted a soft "peep" of surprise before scrambling backwards. Shit, shit, shit- that was right, there were trolls who were seadwellers. He had completely forgotten. Davesprite was caught in debate between flight or literal flight and spread his wings in time for them to smack into the same yew trees he had just stumbled through a minute ago. He hissed at the reverberations it caused and quickly tucked them back in with a wince. By that time, the troll was out of the water and practically in his face. Or, as much as he could be when over a foot taller. Yeah, dude looked even more massive up close. From this proximity, Davesprite could take in the details distance had blurred. Fins, gills, a scar on his face and an outfit in royal purple that screamed Troll Darth Vader. All he was missing was the mask. Remembering troll telekinetics, he really, really hoped this one did not have them or it might end up getting real Star Wars around here real soon. His wings twitched nervously as he attempted to keep his face smooth and devoid of emotion. Except that grin with those teeth was fucking terrifying and the violet eyes locked onto his own orange made his skin crawl. Like a killer whale staring down a sea lion. The condescension and arrogance rolled off the troll in waves and Davesprite figured it was understandable with a silhouette like that one. Then the guy opened his mouth and he found himself unable to suppress a quiet snort of amusement at the stutter. It along with the seafaring accent sort of cracked the badass persona he was going for and it was taking everything he had not to just laugh in his face (more like chest). Davesprite had a suspicion "Vwoland" would not be nearly so amicable if he did something like that. "Sup. You're hardly the first person- or troll- I've come across here but I wasn't really expectin' to see anyone around either. What with the weather and terrain bein' absolute shit and all. But then water attracts all of God's creatures and damn if it ain't nice to see some not the color of dirt or reeking like week old fish sitting in the sun. Seeing as you're no longer covered in mud like some Solid Snake rip-off I'd say this source is a damn good one too." He ceased his rambles to look at the hand offered to him. Way bigger than his own with grey skin- of course- and some wicked-looking yellow claws. Seeing them made him miss his own talons, a bit. They sure would have been useful in this place. "Chill to meet you, Vwoland. I'm Davesprite. But uh, I prefer Dave. DS if you'd rather." Rather than give the hand a shake, he promptly slapped palms with it, stuck, then slid out to wiggle his fingers in the most ironic way possible. The corner of his mouth twitching up in amusement. He had always wanted to try that with Karkat or Terezi to see their reactions but he supposed this random ass adult troll would do just as well.

[imperialorphaner-blog]

The Return (of the Fishman)((ya know Dualscar))

Well this was uncomfortable; the cool drip of water running down his face, and soon joined by its icy brethren from on high. Voland groaned softly, eyes slowly opening as the world came into focus. The ground was wet and soft, and damn well cold. Pressing his hand to the cool oozing mud the lanky Orphaner propped himself up with a groan. His body was heavy, heavier than he remembered; and made of a thousand aches and pains, most of which was centered around the base of his skull.

Looking around with a look of utter disgust planted on his face he took in his surroundings. Trees, fucking trees everywhere; as far as the eye could see, every crevice, nook, and cranny of this living canvas sprouted the annoying, bare, bark covered foliage.And then there was the Snow. Not enough to fully paint this canvas a pristine white, but so haphazardly applied in every which way that would make Jackson Pollock envious. Muted whites stained black and brown and the overpowering smell of waterlogged soil completed this scene of discomfort.

Forcing himself to stand on two shaky legs and propped against a tree, Voland stated to formulate a plan. and try to recall just where he was. A sharp pain in his head sent electric bolts of pain down his spine. Vague wispy images flashed through his mind, specters of people and places. feelings he couldn’t place…. he quickly decided remembering …. whatever it was that he couldn’t forget to remember…. was not the top plan for the evening…or late morning… it was hard to what time it was exactly.

However getting rid of the oozing mud sticking to the back of his head, and pretty much the rest of him, did strike Voland as a particularly worthwhile endeavor. With heaved sigh he trudged off in whatever direction felt best. The squelching sound echoing in the silent woods, punctuated periodically by the dripping sloshing sound of snow thaw.

After what seemed like an eternal slog through the mire the sounds of marching gave way to that of rushing water and the hope of getting himself cleaned up. “Wvwell…. this’ll wvwork”  a shark toothed grin parting his lips as burbling river  drew before him.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

Davesprite had finally found something new in his travels. Well, two new things, technically. First, he came across a legitimate forest. Not a field sparsely dotted with trees, oh no. Trunks littered the area as far as the eye could see and the view would probably be lovely if the snow was not still thawing from their branches. He supposed even that was pretty in a way but the aesthetic was nowhere near enough to make up for- you guessed it, more mud and slush. Ugh. It was even worse than the plains as Davesprite slipped between the trees due to all that had gathered in their boughs.

However, he was a bird on a mission. He remembered John mentioning their water source had been contaminated due to all the mudslides. He figured in exchange for having a place to crash on occasion, the least he could do was keep an eye out for a replacement while he wandered aimlessly around the wastes. So far he had shit luck but maybe a change of terrain would prove fruitful. Or the universe and Overseer would continue fucking with him. Either way, it was at least worth a shot. Plus it was a comfort to be surrounded by trees. Davesprite felt less exposed. More at home among the bark and branches. He ran his hands across several trunks and was actually contemplating climbing one when he heard it.

The distant sound of rushing water. He instantly perked up and lifted his gaze from where it had been scowling at his shoes; which seemed to be more mud than material at this point. "Well it's about God damn time!! With all the water flooding everything you think it'd be easier to find a fucking body of it but noooo." Davesprite had to make sure it was worthwhile though before he went messaging John and sending out coordinates. He picked up his pace a bit; carefully sliding around trees while tucking in his wings. It was easy to follow the sound closer and closer to its source in the relative silence of the empty forest. Part of him wondered if it was too cold to take a dip and wash the gunk off.

Then he was bursting out from between a particularly thick set of yew trees and onto the bank of a gurgling river. Davesprite stumbled a bit as his wings got momentarily caught up in the narrow space but soon enough he had regained his balance and was grinning down at his find. "Fuck yes. Fuck yes! Look at this thing. It's perfect. Sure there's some dirt in it maybe but with water moving this fact it's gotta be clean. More than enough to bathe in and drink. I'm a fuckin' genius." Because intelligence totally had something to do with sheer dumb luck. "I bet its source is up in the mountains. All that melting snow.... Question is, do I message a bro first or stick my face in and gulp down an ocean's wor-" He paused as he came to an abrupt realization.

On the opposing bank of the river stood a massive figure. How massive we talking here? State of Texas massive? Maybe bigger. Oh shit. There was at least seven feet of troll standing on the other side of that river. He was built from the look of it too. Maybe an adult? Davesprite had never seen an adult troll before but if someone asked him to picture one, this would be close to his mental imagery. He slowly tensed up as instinct kicked in; feathers puffing to make him appear larger as well. Though in reality they probably just made him look more adorable. Blinking rapidly, he vaguely wondered if the other might fail to notice him if he held still-

Tch, yeah right, Davesprite. He was one giant, glowing, neon orange sign in a background of white and brown. Only a blind person would miss him. Not including Terezi because she would smell him coming from a mile away. Unsure of the temperament of adult trolls, he slowly clenched his fists and stared the other down. Watching for some movement, or a greeting. At least there was a river between them in case the stranger did decide to get aggressive for whatever reason. Plus he could always try to fly away in a pinch. He bit back the "sup" tingling on his tongue and rustled his wings a bit in anticipation.

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

S0 C4N 1 RU57L3 Y0UR F347H3R5?

TG: woahTG: who the hell is this nowTG: fresh piece of troll waltzin up into my chat space like he owns the damn placeTG: spewin numbers everywhere like a flustered accountantTG: snapping at the thong strap of some wayward stripper in search of love for even just a nightTG: the warmth of another body in his bedTG: or i guess in this case the cold wet groundTG: did my plumage attract youTG: is it troll mating season and the orange was simply too much for you to bearTG: are you aviansexualTG: homosexualTG: well guess what hot stuffTG: im a hybirdTG: vroom vroom motherfucker

[willfakedavepleasestandup]

1 S33 TH3 OR4NG3 SOD4 1S B4CK 1N TH3 G4M3, PL34S3 D3L1GHT M3 1N YOUR WOND3RFUL T4ST3FUL WORDS >:]

TG: aw hells yesTG: terezi long time no fucking squawkTG: i was just about to pester your ass you knowTG: but damn beat me to itTG: then again since when is that even a surprise hahaTG: yep orange soda here to representTG: cant keep this bird downTG: but sugary beverages and shitty rebirths asideTG: how the hell have you been faring in this wild untamed wastelandTG: john mentioned you like once when i met up with himTG: but it was mostly just giving you shit about your wily womanly waysTG: i told him not to mess with the seersTG: i told him dawgTG: but for real how are you doingTG: i know youre a grade a certified bonafide badass and all but i heard theres a lot of nasty shit going aroundTG: hope youve been kicking ass and taking names like usual