Some thoughts. I was going to wait until they were more in order but nope, just going to splat them on here. Hereafter follow spoilers, spoilers galore, here there be dragons, etc etc, though I'm going to babble about myself first (it'll be relevant) (at least to my mind it is) so no harm done if you look at the first few paragraphs. Still, Good Omens spoilers, here some be. Though honestly a lot more personal stuff than spoilers.
Right. Here we go.
I did a Master's degree in English Literature. The title of my dissertation was Free Will and the Transference of Power, and it was about the tendency in fantasy novels for, at the end of all things, 'magic' in whatever form (actual magic, elves, dragons, gods, Old Ones, etc) to leave the world and for the responsibility of taking care of the world to pass into the hands of humankind. Among a lot of other things I mused on whether this was 'good' or 'bad' or 'necessary'. On the whole I'm very, very, very pro free will and enjoyed writing it all a lot, aside from the stress of "oh shit I have to get this gigantic thing finished or I'll FAIL MY DEGREE AAAAHHH". It's all still stuff I love discussing. (for those who will inevitably ask I used Tolkien, LeGuin, and Susan Cooper as my primary examples of the trope, though I kick myself for not having included Lloyd Alexander and Phillip Pullman and a good many others, but that's a book for another lifetime where I became the academic I really thought I'd become).
When asked about my religious beliefs, the answer is "vaugely Deist," AKA the Clockwork God theory, that some sort of Creator once upon a time set everything in motion and then stepped back to let it run without further interference. I didn't have the terminology for it as a kid but that's been my belief pretty much since I was ten (when I first realized my family was Episcopalean on one side, Jewish on the other, my parents had each abandoned these to become Zen Buddhists {in one case later fervent atheist, the other is now a roshi at her temple}, I went to Presbyterian schools because all the other schools in the area were dreadful, and that while I sort of felt that on the whole there was more likely an overall creative force than not the idea of choosing a particular religious path as True or Fact, just didn't work for me, to say nothing of the idea of an interventionist God, but that is all yet another story albeit one for this lifetime).
Given all that, you'd think I'd be okay with the ending of season three. And in some ways I am. Intellectually I am. It was very Terry Pratchett (himself very much an atheist), had a lot of echoes of the end of Small Gods. And given how much of a struggle it was to wrest the story away from [not named] and back into the hands of Terry's estate, that feels appropriate.
But.
When you get right down to it...in the end, everyone died. Not just died, but ceased to exist. Everyone. Including the angel and demon I've been so invested in for years, whose happy ending I have wanted so, so, so badly. And not just them but their whole world, the one that's been my sandbox during Huge Life Changes, the pandemic, becoming extremely disabled, having to give up my vocation, a host of other things.
So yeah. Mixed feelings, to say the least.
Do I like that in the end Crowley, constantly true to himself, chose to let humans have the power to choose and do things and live without the constant threat of Someday God Will Just End Everything Arbitrarily looming over them? That feels right, yes. Do I like that Aziraphale in the end left the choice to Crowley? Also yes. Am I happy that essentially all fanfic is now canon? Sure. Was it cute to watch a human au of Crowley and Aziraphale become smitten? Always is, that's why I read so much of it. Is there stuff to work with and think about? Absolutely.
But I needed *their* happy ending too. The demon who once Fell from Heaven and is still angry about it and wanting to know why, the angel who loved humanity's foods and music and literature so much he surrounded himself with them constantly, both of the outsiders who found each other against all odds. And instead they and their entire world are just...undone. Replaced by a new version that looks like them and no doubt have their own stories to tell that are worth hearing. But I needed *their* ending, and I really, really wanted it to be something other than self-sacrifice for the sake of humanity.
I suppose, given that Good Omens has always been a story about what it means to be human, I wanted to be about the humans choosing to make their own choices. I wanted the things the humans do to have meaning. So, Adam, again. Jesus/Yeshua/Josh couldn't have been exactly the same (though what would I give for th original six episodes which included Jesus and Adam meeting up and running around), we needed higher stakes, but...that much does feel wrong. Which is part of the point Crowley was making, that the human's choices *didn't* matter God's rigged game, I know.
So again, it's appropriate that I'm frustrated. Life is frustrating. Existence is frustrating. It's all questions without answers but at least in their story now no one is mucking them about (except from a meta standpoint because the writers were and we will and actually it's ALL MUCKING ABOUT ALWAYS). I don't doubt Terry would approve of things not being all neat and tidy at the end. He was never one to shy away from a mess.
But I didn't just want appropriate. I wanted to see them happy. Aziraphale and Crowley, happy and together. I'm grieving right now because I just watched my comfort couple and all their world, all the little details we as a fandom have taken so much joy in celebrating, get erased. And even if it's rebuilt a thousand times and a thousand times more, infinite Anthonys and Asa/Ezra/Alistair/InsertNameHeres, that hurts. It really, really hurts.
I don't blame anyone for having a different reaction; anyone who's happy with the ending absolutely should enjoy it. I think I'm still glad to have watched it, there was a whole lot to inspire and delight me too, especially in the first half (where several things I predicted happened and one thing I'd feared didn't, so that's nice). I am glad for all the cast and crew who put their heart into it and saved it from not having any ending at all. I still wish we could've had the full six episodes even if it'd had the same ending.
But I'm going to be grieving for a while.
I can't quite get my head around the anti-Semitic massacre on Bondi Beach yesterday, and how anyone gets to the stage of twisted hatred that they would murder fellow Australians just having a beach party. At least one child is dead so far. So many families with members torn away or fighting for their lives.
Australia needs to stand together against hatred and racism and sectarianism (and guns, fucking guns) and not tolerate the kind of things that might make people feel terrorism and bigotry are supported. But I know I'm preaching to the converted here. You wouldn't be in my life, even lightly and online, if I thought you were okay with Nazis marching through Melbourne at night. You're good people.
I don't want to go out today, I keep breaking down in tears. I keep thinking of the families and their grief, and how scared people must have been, and how scared people still are, and how scared I am that there will be more sympathy attacks on Jewish Australians or retaliatory attacks on Muslim Australian and how the fuck my country came to this. But hey, I'm a mum, my kid has important things to do, and staying home crying never helped anyone .
I'm trying to remember that when things are dark and ugly and heartbreaking, look to the helpers: Ahmed al Ahmed, with his incredible courage, and the officers who were shot saving lives. There are always acts of grace in hell. And humanity carries Light within us, every single one of us, I still believe it, no matter how hard it is sometimes.
Also, if you use these murders to say "See, Australia's gun laws don't work", you can fuck right off. Whatever I may think about John Howard's other policies, he has saved countless innocent lives, including those of people on that beach who would have died in greater numbers with American style guns in the equation.
This is terrorism and murder and tragedy and don't try to turn it to defending weapons of terrorism and murder and tragedy.
This is great especially for women in the workplace who have learned kinda self-demeaning patterns of behavior in order to not be seen as a bitch. I started communicating this way in my VERY male dominated field and people definitely started taking me at least slightly more seriously. If that makes sense
Even in my heavily female-dominated industry (and office), using this kind of phrasing sees me taken more seriously by management, HR, and clients. I also find that for things like requesting PTO or schedule flexibility, I’m more likely to get uncomplicated agreement from the company if I phrase it as a statement of intention rather than a request for permission. This also goes for asking for accommodations; “X is not going to work, I need Y and Z” is a lot more effective than “I would like Y and Z, if it’s not too much trouble.”
I highly recommend these phrases for any individual. When utilized with good context that avoids adding passive aggressiveness, these phrases convey confidence, assurance, and capability. Those qualities are admirable so people respect you more if they believe you have them, even if you’ve made an error because you’re also taking accountability and proceeding without groveling or getting defensive.
If you speak like you know what you’re doing, people are going to give you a good faith take that you are correct. Likewise, if you apologize frequently for yourself for insufficient reasons or act insecure in your desires or proposals, people presume you have reason to be insecure or apologize.
These are also easier for the other party to deal with. The responses being replaced feel more humble or less demanding when you’re writing them but they’re actually asking the other person to do very slightly more work. For a busy person getting their tenth organise-a-meeting email for the morning, being told a time and checking their calendar to see if it’s free is slightly more convenient for them than being asked to propose a time themselves. Receiving a courteous but self-assured response is marginally less emotional work than getting an apology or insecure-sounding backpedal where they have to spend a second trying to figure out if you’re being polite or if you need reassurance. Not only do these replacement phrases make you sound more competent and confident and give you more control, they also make you very slightly easier to work with, and if you’re interacting with the same people all the time, that adds up.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Crowley was indubitably the hottest guy at the office.
It was unfair. He was tall, he was angular, he was stylish, he was sophisticated; he was symmetrical except where it was cute to be crooked, and he looked young except where it was sexy to show signs of maturity. He dressed to kill and his black hair was always perfect and he wore sunglasses indoors.
Unfortunately, like most hot guys, he came across as a bit of a tool.
But even Aziraphale wouldn’t wish this on a tool. Mary from PR had the poor man cornered at the office Valentine’s Day mixer, and Mary was tipsy, and she was talking, and she was leaning in while Crowley was quite decidedly leaning away.
Aziraphale wasn’t normally one to interfere, but he felt a sort of obligation, both as part of the HR team and as someone who could never seem to find any small talk circles to join. So -- with the resignation of a man who knows that if he doesn’t personally wash the break room dishes, they will remain unwashed -- he approached.
++++++++++
A Good Omens AU, 12.5k, rated E, complete, no archive warnings apply. Enjoy!
Peter Anderson: Hi, my name is Peter Anderson. I'm from Peter Anderson Studio and we created the title sequence to Good Omens Season Two. So this scene is quite literally a continuation from Season One.
An interesting detail with this scene is the fly. The fly is significant because it stores Gabriel's memory.
Gabriel is hidden in every scene. This is the first time we see it.
This goat is half bird, half goat, representing a mistake in a moment of transformation.
In the pickled herring barrel, we have literally red herrings sticking out.
A lot of the gravestones have hidden engravings, easter eggs, all written by Neil.
[This one says: HERE LIES THE FORMER SHELL OF BEELZEBUB referncing Beelzebub having a new face in S2 :), another ones are: EVERYDAY, JANE AUSTEN, Here lies ADAM (the Adam from Adam and Eve is meant)]
Another hidden Gabriel.
Our same character that was trying to escape Hell in Season One titles is also trying to escape here, moving in the opposite direction to the rest of the procession. Except this time he's apprehended and dragged back into the procession.
Our Hell spider from episode four makes a little appearance in the background here.
Can you tell where the bus is going? Director Douglas McKinnon selected Powell and Pressburger's Stairway to Heaven to put on the billboard.
Another thing to note here is the type is all handmade specifically for Good Omens. The Alphabet only exists within the show.
The big floating turnip is a nod to Azirafel's magic tricks.
The Ladies of Camelot poster we pulled from the show.
We added plaques to the back of the chairs and Neil chose who to honour.
[There are: A TALE OF TWO CITIES by CHARLES DICKENS, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by JANE AUSTEN, THE CROW ROAD by IAIN BANKS (twice!) and GOOD OMENS by TERRY PRATCHETT (Neil missing for some reason :) <3)]
Saraquiel made an appearance from Heaven.
Our Space is back from Season One. Aziraphale and Crowley are having a little dance here. A moment of flirtation. There's a tiny planet in the middle that comes into existence at this moment.
Our Scottish tartan hills make an appearance here.
The aeroplane and the airline is a little bit of a clue here.
[THY KINGDOM AIRWAYS 👀]
It's raining love hearts in reference to Aziraphale's attempt at making Maggie and Nina fall in love.
Here are elevators to Heaven and Hell. A wee thing to spot. Here is Gabriel in the lift arriving from Heaven.
We've updated our flags to reference some of the plotlines in Season Two. For example, The Second Coming.
The movie poster artwork changes every week, representing the episode plotlines and the minisodes. We made the posters to look like the time period and in this case we've got a Good Omens version of Buddy Holly.
[The posters are:]
In the snack bar some of our popcorn is actually communion wafers.
There are specific characters from Season One in the boxes watching the movie as the procession goes by. This includes some of our original concept art from Season One.
The duck playing the accordion is from a newspaper headline that someone is reading in The Dirty Donkey from one of the episodes.
[this is also from the Good Omens book :): "Daily Mail. 'Letter From America.' Um, August the third," said Newt. "Just after the story about the woman in Worms, Nebraska, who taught her duck to play the accordion."]
Each episode is showing a new movie on the screen, each one selected by Douglas, and has clues about what's to come.
The season one foam box tumbles in the background.
The big mountain is made of all the ingredients from Season Two and a couple of remnants from Season One. We are heading towards the biggest Easter Egg, which is the lift. We're heading towards the Second Coming..
Everyone knows the poinsettia. Amidst the holly, ivy, mistletoe and pine, there are flowers, too. Lots of people are familiar with potted cyclamen, forced indoor paperwhite narcissi, potted azalea, even the jasmine and orchids that are all pushed out by florists and supermarkets in time for Christmas.
However, what many fan fic writers don’t always understand is the fact that the winter climate in England is MILD. Thanks to the gulfstream, snow is unusual and so are frosts- at least before Christmas. So, let me introduce you to some more unusual plants that are in British gardens which flower at this time of year.
This is Helleborus Niger; the black hellebore is often in flower at this time of the year and for that reason is also called “The Christmas Rose”.
“Christmas box” Sarcococca confusa, is a dense, winter-flowering evergreen shrub, bearing tiny sweetly scented, pure white blooms, in contrast with dark green leaves. Grow it in moist but well-drained soil in sun or shade, ideally near a path or in your front garden, where you can appreciate its stunning scent.
Viburnum x bodnantense ‘Dawn’ is a fantastic winter-flowering shrub, bearing densely packed clusters of rose, pink or blush white, sweetly scented blooms, on bare stems. It’s perfect for growing in the front garden or near an entrance or walk, where its fragrant, pretty blooms can be best appreciated. The Royal Horticultural Society has given it its prestigious Award of Garden Merit (AGM). The scent is utterly amazing, we can smell it from anywhere in our front garden.
Chimonanthus fragrans “Wintersweet” is an ornamental shrub from Japan originally, in cultivation in Korea, China and the USA as well as England. Flowers solitary or in small groups, almost stemless, borne in winter at the joints of the previous summer’s shoots. Highly fragrant, the outer tepals almost transparent yellowish-green, inner tepals shorter, dark reddish purple. We cut a stem or two and bring it indoors to waft near the PC where I write.
Jasminum nudiflorum or winter jasmine flowers in shady and cold places when little else is in bloom. It’s reliable and pretty, but, alas, no scent!
Wallflowers come in two varieties. The one native to North America is NOT the one that grows in England. The wallflower (genus Erysimum) includes about 180 species of plants belonging to the mustard family (Brassicaceae). They get the common name from their habit of growing from chinks in walls. The one in Britain is the Aegean wallflower (Erysiumu cheiri), which is native to cliffsides and meadows of southern Europe and is naturalized in Great Britain. There are varieties that will flower in summer, spring, autumn or winter. This one is a “sugar rush”, which blooms now and then again in spring.
And then there are the primroses. This is the wild/garden variety that will naturalise under hedges and along verges. No scent, but pretty!
Except for the Christmas box photo, the rest of the photos were taken today. I pruned my Christmas box back hard in the autumn to encourage a bushier growth, and lost most of the flowers as a result!
So, your fan fic characters should go walking at Christmas time (and a LOT of Brits will do this), these are the flowers they will see blooming.
OK so I have been trying for the longest time to make sense of why the fuck they KEPT GOING WITH THE MAGIC ACT when they realized they couldn't do miracles. And I think I've got it.
Once again, it boils down to misunderstanding and miscommunication (surprise surprise):
I fully believe Aziraphale thought he was doing Crowley a favor by offering to do his magic act. Crowley’s in trouble with the theater, the alcohol he was going to sell is ruined because of Aziraphale’s shenanigans at the church. To take some of the pressure off Crowley, he offers to perform.
Here's the thing, though. Aziraphale DOESN'T think he's a very good magician. Just look at how nervous he is! He has zero confidence. Even the coin trick he does for Crowley, he's shocked and delighted when it actually works because he doesn't think it's going to. He's pretending for Crowley's sake because he's trying to get Crowley out of the hot seat with the theater.
That's also why he chooses such a dramatic and dangerous trick for the stage: he has to make it good for Crowley.
Meanwhile.
MEANWHILE.
Crowley sees Aziraphale's offer to do the magic act purely as another one of Aziraphale’s whimsies. Which of course he is going to indulge, because he's a lovesick fool. He goes into FULL SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND mode, builds up Aziraphale's confidence, agrees to do the highly dangerous trick because Aziraphale wants to, because he thinks Aziraphale thinks he's good at magic, because he thinks Aziraphale really wants to get up on stage and perform, and he just doesn't want to see Aziraphale embarrassed... (Sound familiar???)
So. We get to the stage. Aziraphale doesn’t actually want to be there, but he's doing it for Crowley; Crowley doesn't actually want to be there, but he's doing it for Aziraphale. BOTH of them are complete idiots, because they're so enamored with each other and so fucking COMMITTED that neither of them wants to back down when they find out they can't do miracles. They just really want to make their husband happy--so badly that they're willing to risk discorporation for it.
In conclusion: they are idiots and I love them but THEY NEED TO COMMUNICATE JESUS CHRIST
(aka why this character is imprinted into our souls, as in Aziraphale’s as well)
I was thinking about Anthony J. Crowley, as people do, wondering why I became so fond of a demon snake in sunglasses from a fantasy comedy. Yes, he’s a cool demon snake in sunglasses shaped as David Tennant, and that’s might be enough, but other than that… how could this happen? What charm does this character exude that attracts so many of us? (Yes, Aziraphale, I'm talking to you too.) There's not a right answer - people relate to fictional characters for multiple reasons. But I want to talk about the undeniable aura of romanticism that Crowley embodies and that, more or less consciously, many of us perceive.
First of all, when I talk about romanticism, I don't mean the term in a sappy, cheesy kind of way. l’m referring to the magnetism of those larger-than-life characters, who are capable of great feelings, actions and passions, often misunderstood and with a sense of self-loathing, but kind-hearted and willing to perform acts of self-sacrifice. Is it really possible for our demon snake to have some traits of the romantic hero archetype? Let’s see.
Troubled past. Since romanticism and tragedy are usually connected in fiction, it isn’t uncommon for romantic characters to have a tragic past. Crowley was once a powerful angel, a star maker, but he was also naïve, childish and a little bit silly. We see him admiring the stars, giggling and wrinkling his nose. He was innocent. He was sure he was loved by God. Then he dared to ask some questions and Heaven rejected him, cast him away from his stars and gave him eyes like those of a snake to prevent him from seeing those same stars clearly again. This heavy trauma, never truly overcome, is still affecting Crowley’s present: the cynicism, the weariness, the distrust, but also his vulnerability are consequences of that. The worst part?
“I only ever asked questions. That's all it took to be a demon in the old days. Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan. Okay, I know you're testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn't test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”
In moments of suffering, Crowley still raises his head and dares to ask Her questions, questions that will obviously remain unanswered.
The outsider. Romantic heroes are almost always outsiders. There is something that sets them apart from everyone else. Our former angel, former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell, a non-human being living amongst humans certainly falls (no pun intended) into this category. Not human and yet more than human, Crowley has a sense of freedom and a strong personality: he defies conventions, he cannot live according to the laws imposed by the system, but only on his own side, however lonely it is. We see his tendency towards isolation: a demon different from the others who wanders the Earth, without a proper home, who needs a safe space to rest and so lives in his car, in a constant survival mode.
Painful present. That fragile, peaceful existence on Earth, always on the verge to be destroyed. Not satisfied with taking his stars away from him, heaven isn’t done with Crowley yet. There’s always something - the armageddon, Jimbriel, the Metronome - that comes to haunt him, to freshen up his heavenly trauma. Endowed with a strong personality on one hand, victim of circumstances on the other - a textbook example of a romantic character - Crowley feels that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want love. Despite his attitude "I don't need anyone, I can stay on my own and run away if necessary” he ends up for always staying and doing everything he can for his Angel. That’s why when Aziraphale tells him “you’re at liberty to go” we see Crowley sitting in his car, exhausted and defeated. Those words mean “you have the liberty to go and be alone, because you’re worthless”. This is not what Aziraphale meant, but it’s what Crowley heard. Of course this sense of unworthiness comes back in the last 15 minutes, when Crowley, after Azira’s rejection, really feels to be unloved and unlovable. Nothing but a tempting demon after all.
Dramatically brooding. “What's the point of it all? Heaven, Hell, Demons, Angels. That it's all... well, pointless”. This is unavoidable. Textbook romantic characters usually are tall, dark, handsome, and brooding. The grumpy ones with a heart of gold. And Crowley is no exception. He’s indeed grumpy - Muriel can confirm it - he has trust issues, he reacts sharply when Aziraphale calls him nice, because he sees that word as a reminder of his angelic self. Crowley is the one who is supposed to be the bad guy but, despite what he has suffered, is still kind. However the struggle can become dangerous.
“I want insurance.”
“Out of the question.”
“Why not?”
“It would destroy you. I'm not bringing you a su1c1de pill, Crowley.”
“That's not what I want it for. Just insurance.”
We know that Crowley will use the holy water against Hastur. But that brief moment, as he softly says “why not?” makes you wonder what Hell did to him that a fate worse than discorporation became an option. And why Crowley seems to accept it with such a calm resignation.
Dramatic bitch (affectionate). Aka, oooh lord heal this bike. Basically the funnier side of the previous point. I talked about larger-than-life characters. Everything and I mean literally everything about Crowley is up to eleven. The snarky remarks, the cool clothes, the… I don't know how I should call them… Crowley’s sounds - do yourself a favor and watch this - the swag, the walk™, the conflictual relationship with chairs (to be fair, this can be a David Tennant’s thing), every single one of his movements is over the top. And, even when he sits doing nothing, Crowley still stands out. (Especially if he sits leaning so much to Aziraphale that he might as well turn into a snake and wrap himself around him like a scarf.)
Which leads to the next point.
Magnetism. The thing with romantic characters is that we are attracted to them. Otherwise, what would be the point? And Crowley of course is attractive, but he's much more than that: he's magnetic. Whether he's yelling "you're out of order" at a bunch of demons, or making fun of a bunch of angels, Crowley exudes charisma. His emotions are profound and attract those around him: the sheer force of wonder with which he looked at the stars was enough to attract Aziraphale. You can imagine beings of all kinds following him, you can think of him as a leader: he could be a duke of hell if he wanted to. And if you're still here, reading this mess just because I'm talking about Crowley, then you too have surrendered to his magnetism.
Connection with nature. What does convey the idea of romanticism more than the nature as a living, infinite force? Crowley may have been cast out of Heaven, but he sure loves God's creations. Let’s see: goats, ducks, whales, dolphins, unicorns, gorillas (what are they putting in bananas these days?) and… nightingales. Crowley seems to be connected to all living beings and fiercely tries to protect them - in the series, at least. Maybe because they’re innocent, like he was when he was an angel. Not to mention that he’s a snake and that his plants are a reflection of himself.
Most of all, Crowley loves humanity. As the serpent of Eden, he literally kickstarted humanity, giving it the freedom of becoming what it is. He’s shocked by the Flood, he protects Job's children, he tries to avoid the Armageddon. Crowley is an immortal being, he has seen the best and the worst of humanity since from the beginning and still loves humans and their inventions (like his Bentley or… romantic movies).
Imagination. Romantics believed that imagination was the contact between the immensity of the universe and the mind of every being. Thanks to the connection between the mind and the physical world, the imagination is the key to the creative process. And it’s also what set Crowley apart from the other demons, what made him do his “hellish work” with very little malice, what allowed him to survive, driving the car into the fire of the M25.
Crowley, once a star-maker, is still a creative force. Because, deep down, he’s still an optimist, who tries to create love between Nina and Maggie. He’s still silly and a bit naïve. And, deep down, he’s also an idealist, who gives to Aziraphale the means to understand the system's flaws.
But Crowley is also capable of…
Great passion. *thinking about how to write the ALT description of the gif, giving up… it is what it is, read it or not, let’s move on*
We have seen how deeply Crowley feels with his entire being. He is passionate in all his emotions: the desperation when he believes to have lost Azira in the fire, the despondency with which he tries to turn to God in his flat, and of course the immense extent of his heartbreak in the last 15 minutes. Even the emptiness that Crowley experiences after losing Aziraphale to Heaven at the end is itself an all-consuming emotion, not a lack of one. And, if I were Mr. Brown, I would think twice before trying to hit on Aziraphale, so as not to incur the wrath of Mr. Anthony JealousofhisAngel Crowley. But, when it comes to Aziraphale, we must talk about…
Repressed feelings. Crowley may not be aware of his romantic feelings for Aziraphale (maybe), but everyone else can see them clearly.
“You've been together long?”
“Who?” (*facepalm* who? Come on, Anthony)
“You and your partner.”
“Oh, no, no, it's not... it's not like that.”
“It certainly looks like that from here. So you've just recently hooked up. You got a husband? Or a boyfriend? Is the book selling your bit on the side?”
“He's not my bit on the side. He’s far too pure of heart to be anybody's bit on the side. He's just an angel... I know.”
The way he says “I know” will be etched into my mind forever. Aside from that, we see how Crowley holds Aziraphale in high regard and at the same the level of his self-loathing. Aziraphale has such a pure heart, how could he, a demon, dare to think he could be with him? The scene is constructed as a moment of great epiphany: we see Crowley walking away from Nina mumbling the word "love". It's as if he's thinking: so… all this time… I've done nothing but love him?
The next scene is the one of the picture above. The most romantic scenario you could ever imagine: a French bistrôt, the red wine, the fairy lights, the red rose. (The rose is haunting me. Crowley's table is the only one with a red rose: did he choose it on purpose? Did he miracled the rose because he saw in a movie that red roses equal love? Why… ok, enough about the rose). Crowley literally whistles to Aziraphale to make him join him, but the angel - despite being totally smitten - doesn’t have time, because he’s organizing the Ball. The Ball which is just an excuse to have his Jane Austen-esque romantic moment with Crowley. The whole thing is so convoluted that I want to cry.
Then Crowley goes to deal with Jimbriel, because if there's one thing we know about Crowley it's that he loves to play the…
Knight in shining armor. For his angel in distress. A classic romantic trope. Crowley is brave and rescuing Aziraphale makes him so damn happy. Whether that means appearing into the Bastille, or hopping on the consecrated ground next to a font of holy water, our good old fashioned lover boy doesn’t leave Aziraphale on his own. And this isn't just about Aziraphale: Crowley stops time to delay Satan, leads the humans out of the bookshop surrounded by demons, risks and presumably suffers torture from Hell for helping Elspeth. Crowley is heroic in the most literal sense and has a remarkable sense of self-sacrifice.
Forbidden love. An epic, star crossed, forbidden love between an angel and a demon, hereditary enemies. They are each other's forbidden fruit. Forbidden and out of reach. But Aziraphale has disobeyed God, giving the flaming sword to Adam and Eve. He has proved to be willing to learn. He has offered Crowley an actual shelter, underneath his wing and in his bookshop. Aziraphale finds pretty Crowley’s yellow eyes, those eyes that Crowley believes he has to hide. Despite what someone (and Crowley) might think watching the final 15 minutes, Aziraphale wants Crowley exactly for who he is. They influenced, inspired and shaped each other for centuries to the point of becoming an “us”, a microcosm which is only the two of them. We see them help each other in situations of great danger, but we also see glimpses of intimacy, of domestic life, of what it could be if heaven and hell were out of the picture. We see them together at the Ritz, while the nightingale song is playing and Crowley is looking at Aziraphale like he’s more beautiful than his lost stars. And maybe with a bit of desire.
Ok, maybe a lot of desire.
Longing. Aka, can I watch? When I said they are each other's forbidden fruit, I didn't mean it only metaphorically. Prohibition increases desire. Aziraphale’s enjoying (himself) the food - despite heaven’s repressive teachings - and Crowley is (sexually) into watching Aziraphale while he’s allowing himself to have pleasure. This is not about the food, it’s the loudest subtext ever. And it’s not even that subtle. We have a flashback about it. And I know that the ox ribs scene isn’t supposed to be sexual, according to NG, but… or he’s making fun of us, or someone REALLY misunderstood the assignment. Crowley and Aziraphale are both into this. The romantic concept of the forbidden fruit has a strong sexual undertone. Freedom from Heaven’s oppressive system - from Adam and Eve onwards - also includes the freedom to choose whether and how to explore sexuality. Aziraphale knows that Crowley takes a voyeuristic pleasure into watching him eating and proceeds to eat in front of him on every chance he gets. We see him moaning while he enjoys his scrumptious meals and we see Crowley staring at him clearly turned on: the whole thing has an obvious sexual connotation and you can’t convince me otherwise.
This, on the contrary, isn’t sexual.
Tragic ending. Here we close the circle with the beginning: a tragic past, a tragic ending (for now).
"And I would like to spend..."
The pathos of this line, the way Crowley’s voice breaks, the attempt to conceal the tears, even the awkwardness: this is romantic. Tragically, desperate, heartbreakingly, but unapologetically romantic. Crowley allows himself to be vulnerable, showing himself without the barrier of sunglasses, and tries to explain what’s in his heart. Deep down, I think, all he wants is to be reassured to be loved, to be worthy, to be safe. But the moment he starts to speak he already feels defeated and that kiss which could have been the catharsis of previously repressed feelings ends up marking their farewell.
Whether the term is used in its most literary, in its more trope-y or in its most classic sense, from his tragic past to his rejected confession, Crowley is a romantic figure. His emotionality, his imagination, the creative strength, the need for freedom, the conflict with the system, the bond with nature, the being over the top, but also the pain, the suffering, the heartbreak in the last minutes contribute to making him a character more complex than you might expect from a fantasy comedy.
His relationship with Aziraphale is equally steeped in romanticism, perceivable, with ever greater intensity, in each of their interactions over the centuries. Whether it's subtext or what we see plain and simple on the screen, the love is there. Even the kiss, which isn’t supposed to be romantic in itself is a moment when “they’re at the center of their universe and everything is spinning around them”. One of the most blatantly romantic imagery you can ever imagine.
(Since along the way this post seems to have turned into a love letter to Crowley… yes, Aziraphale may have ghostwritten it.)
we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).
there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.
we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.
then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.
now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.
i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.
that's exactly what he does.
he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".
glasses? on
emotions? off
hotel? trivago
i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.
by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:
aziraphale notices.
they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.
look.
he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.
aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).
the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.
can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?
because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.
anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3
oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.
and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?
easy answer: no.
alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.
After Mary's death, John and Sherlock have found an awkward rapprochement; late one evening, Sherlock finally shares some truths about the consequences of being shot by his best friend’s wife.
“I should have imagined the possibility of more than one person with a reason to seek out Magnussen. And therefore the possibility of violence. Had I been properly on my game, I might even have counted Mary among their number. I fear my usual objectivity was coloured where you – where she was concerned. There was always… Well. Suffice it to say I awaken each day now with the reminder that I was an idiot.” Now the bitterness is bare in his tight voice, in the repeated clenching of his right hand. “I could have saved Mary. I could have saved you from her, before I had to collude instead in a fiction that would spare you heartbreak, until I could run the truth of her to earth. I could have saved myself this.”
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Sometimes you write yourself into a corner, and sometimes you’re a little too clever for your own good, and you have to sleep on it.
A storyteller gets a nighttime visit.
“Aye, I can see thou know’st me. Thirty and more years we’ve been acquent, and can I not pay thee a call when thou need’st some sense drubbed into thee?” There was something teasingly familiar about her sharp features. In the first, pale rays of light her dress showed black-brown, wide-skirted, bibbed and cuffed with coarse lace; her hair loose over her shoulders –
“You’re dead,” he said, recognition dawning. “You blew yourself up, and half a county with you. Also, I – we wrote you. You’re not real.”
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