Willow

DnD player, art enjoyer, gay, tired (not my real name for anyone worried)

[skelesass]

decompressing sketch

[kitkisart]

my spark is back hello

[urktola]

they are very pretty🥺🤲✨

[willowlevulett]

So many of yall are so weird about topping and bottoming

[666chevy]

☆

[protemporescitor]

[willowlevulett]

I miss Jill Valentine I miss Jill Valentine I miss Jill Valentine I miss Jill Valen-

[oftirnanog]

I am begging you all to understand what is happening during the Vegas bathroom scene.

the reason shane folds so easily is that he doesn't think he should be upset with ilya in the first place. if he's thinking about it logically—which he is trying very hard to do!—then he thinks ilya is doing the smart thing by staying away. that six months of no contact? the correct move! from Shane's objective perspective. but he's not obejctive about ilya. and he is upset. so then he's also upset with himself for being upset with ilya in the first place. because he thinks he shouldn't be! what the two of them have going on is a very bad idea! and if they talk about it at this point, the conclusion will be that they should stop. so they don't talk. because neither of them can walk away from the other. they are down horrendous and they don't. know. what. to do about it. because they cannot have a relationship. that is what they believe at the core of it. this thing between them is impossible. and yes, they are hurting each other, but they are also hurting themselves. and they know it! but they'll take what they can get! like everyone thinks it's just Shane taking what he can get from ilya, but it works both ways! ilya is also taking what he can get from shane.

I cannot stress this enough—by following shane into that bathroom, ilya. breaks. first. some of you are forgetting about the very specific nature of their situation and how impossible they believe it to be. they literally cannot see an alternative to what they currently have going on. and so the constant push and pull isn't just happening between them, it's happening internally. they are constantly, CONSTANTLY telling themselves to walk away. so when the other pulls back, they're like yeah! smart move, my man, I wish I had the strength! except neither of them can actually maintain that distance because neither of them really does have the strength. they are so catastrophically down bad! they are sick with the wanting. it is killing them. which is how they end up hurting each other and themselves so badly.

[justascrollingghost]

btw do you know how hard it is to act socially awkward when you’re not? how difficult it is to completely restrict your natural body language? how much restraint and concentration it would take to present as autistic when you’re not? Hudson as Shane was so on point he’s completely convinced some of you that his acting is subpar and it’s honestly hilarious

[willowlevulett]

I think about the interview sometimes with Rachel Reid where she's asked "so why hockey for your romances?" And she responded

"I know hockey and I don't like doing research"

I think about it a lot.

[willowlevulett]

When I was reading the book I thought the almost plane crash was so stupid BUT I like the energy.

Listen, Rachel, you had the perfect set up. Ilya loves fast cars, Ilya is kind of suicidal.

From experience, that means sometimes when the road is open and the night air is cool and you have a song on that is puttering softly in the back of your skull, you push the gas down. And you don't even really mean to, not at first. Just all of a sudden you 10mph over, then 15. The road is still empty, the night air is still crisp and singing through open windows. You see the eyes of a deer through the moonlight, here and gone and maybe not there at all. The road is going to curve, you know where the curve is. You also know on the side of the curb is a drainage ditch. There's not a house for another 100 feet.

You ease off the gas, you don't want to, you don't mean it. Its a little late though and you skid through that turn at break neck speed and remember you want to live with all the force of a 2 ton chunk of metal screaming over asphalt. Maybe your tires kick up dirt. Maybe you just squeal rubber into the night air and turn your music all the way up to cover your thundering pulse.

Maybe you didn't slow down in time. Maybe you didn't mean it. Maybe you're still in that drainage anyway.

It was right there.

[willowlevulett]

I wrote it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79700091

[willowlevulett]

Okay, okay if Crosby is the inspiration for Shane then I am kind of sad we don't get more Sidney Crosby in Shane.

Lets talk young Crosby.

Sidney fights. He gets in fights, he joins in on scrums, he will even instigate fights and go down to the ice. He didn't like certain guys in the league and would throw hands if given the chance. He didn't seem to revel in it and would openly state before seasons that he's gonna stay out of fights but then he's shoving a Flyers glove across the ice to be petty.

He is beloved by everyone with his famously autistic mannerisms and being a damn good captain who has been leading his team since he was 20. He does the speeches, he encourages the guys and he keeps them from biting each others heads off.

Why isn't Shane this way in the book? Like I get Rachel needed time for other things but where is my boy getting into petty scraps because other players piss him off? Where are the soft but commanding corrections from their long time captain? Where are the moments of Shane being an honest to god captain?

Where's the interview where Shane has to awkwardly explain to an over enthusiastic interviewer that his thighs and ass are too big so he custom orders his jeans?

We could've had more is all I'm saying.

[willowlevulett]

I want my fictional couples to rip each other to shreds. I want there edges to be blurred and flayed apart where arguments are a spinning, dizzing array of what is at fault. I want it to feel like two birds locking claws and plummenting to the ground. Who lets go first, who draws blood, who smashes into the ground.

I want my fictional couples to be so wrapped around each other that they cut marks into the other. I want teeth and screaming and blood and to tumble together in an exhausted heap of love and gore and sweat.

But in real life? You wouldn't catch me near these people with a ten foot pole. Catch my looney tunes ass leaving a dust cloud in my wake. No fucking way.

[willowlevulett]

I love stories about survive, survive, survive

Survive because you have teeth. Survive because you can scream. Survive because you can figure out how to map the path of blood and heat and suffering with a piece of paper and a charcoal pencil. Survive because you can, you can, you can

Survive to spite the woman who welded you in to a iron casket. Survive because you're clutching a necklace from a dead brother. Survive because you want, you want, you want

Survive to see the next sunrise. Survive because you want to believe there will be another sunrise. Survive because you can't help it. Survive, survive, survive

[willowlevulett]

The story is what if the only way to save humanity is to wade through a ocean of their blood.

The story is what if the only way to save yourself was to do it blind and with the mechanical grunt of an engine instead of your own hands.

The story is what if you should've died years ago and you know it but by the god you don't believe in, you want to live.

What if that was the problem? What if that is why humanity gets a chance?

Your selfish desire to claw your way forward is the only reason you made it to this point. And this point is wrapping the last hope of humanity in a dingy life jacket with the hope it'll make it to the surface.

What if it's all true at once.

Its selfish to want your life to continue.

Its why we survive as a species in the first place.

The story is survive, live, claw and try until you can't. Until its to help the person behind you. Then go with grace and anger burning up the bit of oxygen in your lungs.

[willowlevulett]

When I was reading the book I thought the almost plane crash was so stupid BUT I like the energy.

Listen, Rachel, you had the perfect set up. Ilya loves fast cars, Ilya is kind of suicidal.

From experience, that means sometimes when the road is open and the night air is cool and you have a song on that is puttering softly in the back of your skull, you push the gas down. And you don't even really mean to, not at first. Just all of a sudden you 10mph over, then 15. The road is still empty, the night air is still crisp and singing through open windows. You see the eyes of a deer through the moonlight, here and gone and maybe not there at all. The road is going to curve, you know where the curve is. You also know on the side of the curb is a drainage ditch. There's not a house for another 100 feet.

You ease off the gas, you don't want to, you don't mean it. Its a little late though and you skid through that turn at break neck speed and remember you want to live with all the force of a 2 ton chunk of metal screaming over asphalt. Maybe your tires kick up dirt. Maybe you just squeal rubber into the night air and turn your music all the way up to cover your thundering pulse.

Maybe you didn't slow down in time. Maybe you didn't mean it. Maybe you're still in that drainage anyway.

It was right there.

[willowlevulett]

I cannot emphasize this enough that communication is not the biggest hurdle for Shane and Ilya in season 1.

Them communicating that they want to be in a relationship is step 1 out of 100 terrifying steps. When one opens their mouth to say "i want this" then they're both tumbling down the long, terrifying descent into "how do we do this and stay safe".

Shane and Ilya could've told each other on day one that they want a long term relationship and it wouldn't have changed the culture they are in, the fact that Shane does not accept that he is gay and that Ilya had responsibilities back in Russia.

Shane cannot handle the fact he is gay, that he wants Ilya, that he's just fundamentally different from everyone around him. So he runs.

Ilya cannot handle being abandoned, losing another person in his life, losing his homeland. So he runs.

That's it. I do not consider this story as miscommunication trope because communication is not the big problem. Its not the end all be all of their relationship. Its step 1. And step 1 was very very scary.