Wilmot The Merchant

🕰️ 14th C. |📍Traveling a realm near you! Guild-Certified purveyor of fine silks, exotic spices and suspect potions. 📜 Posts forged en-route!

[wilmotthemerchant]

Why does every baron think he can charge a toll at every bridge???

[wilmotthemerchant]

I believe my apprentice may have been eaten by this goblin, but… I’ve already appointed him as the replacement.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Why, if anyone knows of a practiced seamster, I’ll soon need a garment tailored— a uniform, about, uh.. three feet tall.

[wilmotthemerchant]

I believe my apprentice may have been eaten by this goblin, but… I’ve already appointed him as the replacement.

[wilmotthemerchant]

As my caravan makes ready to depart for Flanders, I’ll be looking to commission an escort, of sorts.

Ah, but— in light of certain… regrettable incidents, you see, I shall have to refuse Barbarian resumes.

[wilmotthemerchant]

What are your thoughts on Gnomes?

Dastardly little fellows.

[wilmotthemerchant]

I shall not be accepting any trades in ambergris at the port this morning— not until I’m recovered from that whaler who scammed me with a bundle of lard.

On the other hand, I’ll pay good coin for some lobster. I’ve a hankering.

[wilmotthemerchant]

And, in case anyone was wondering, the Silk Road is scarcely silky in the slightest…! In sooth, it’s equal parts mire and jutting stone… and blood, should the brigands descend upon ye. Or if my apprentice squanders my ledgers again. And catalogues twenty turnips as squash.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Being a steadfast and reputable merchant myself, I’ve without question familiarized myself with seasonal marketing events.

However, now that some time has elapsed, I feel it’s safe to finally voice my professional opinion that Boxing Day sales are, well, a ludicrous custom. Do you consumers think that the value of your wool and bread decreases simply because a religiously significant carpenter celebrated his birthday yesterday? If anything, I’d say that the prices of your furniture, then, should be more.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Sincere apologies for my lengthy absence— I commissioned a wizard to place a curse on my caravan so I could take time off.

Meanwhile, I’ve also hired a second, less experienced mage to dispell the curse. It’s taking him a delightfully long time.

Anyway, I thank you all for your continued understanding. And, please don’t wish the poor sod any good luck.

[wilmotthemerchant]

I’ve heard chatter at the bazaars lately about a certain “Umamusume: Pretty Derby,” wherein a cast of maidens-fair dost race as noble steeds.

I haven’t a clue what alchemy your “anime girls” invoke to conjure the aspect of the horse, nor do I partake in these games of chance, but my heart is somewhat warmed, indeed. At long last, the dignity of the horse is celebrated.

It seems as though these ‘Umamusume’ honour well the working horses that bring us our fine mercantile goods, thus I, the merchant Wilmot, give this “Pretty Derby” my full endorsement.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Success beckons feast, but feast beckons heartburn.

Sounds like a proverb, but in sooth it’s my solemn hest… though you may have sold your wagon’s worth of wool, don’t overdo it with the mead.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Most Overrated Trade Good of the Season?

⚱️ Venetian glass

🧂 Saxon salt

📜 Spell scrolls

🧵 Flemish linen

Voting ended onOct 30, 2025

[wilmotthemerchant]

An elderly apothecary at my stall has made it known to me that he is highly opinionated on the subject of ‘pronouns,’ and while his commitment to insular thinking is all very well and interesting, I would rather he return to trading me his medicinal him/herbs 😐

[wilmotthemerchant]

Overheard a patron proclaim that “any merchant worth his salt restocks his wares each day…”

Ha. Verily?

Do these customers believe that I furnish their magic items from thin air? That I work miracles at the stall? Next they’ll expect me to turn their flasks from water to health-potion like some merchant incarnation of Christ.

[wilmotthemerchant]

You have already mentioned doing business with the skeletons, do you not fear how the wizards will react?

nay

[wilmotthemerchant]

I’ve noted a growing number of undead at the markets as of late. And, I must say, though these skeleton constructs are distinctly unendowed with any form of, say, vocal organs, they’ve proven to be… refreshingly convincing barterers.

[wilmotthemerchant]

Whilst many grow ever the more enraptured by talk of this so-called Skeleton War, I, and many other merchants no doubt, am left to ponder… what ill effects will this conflict bear upon my trade routes???Aye, I can feel a migraine developing.