Back on my bullshit @winterstaryu - Tumblr Blog

gingik

templetv-deactivated20260211

hey can you come over and surgically remove this heavy, aching rot from my heart? we can watch a movie afterwards

nostalgic-teddyy

Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

internetgreatesthits

mono-red-menace

unknown-but-existing

i feel like this is more funny

textfaucet

Bootie shorts that say “my eyes are in here”

ayeshaclitorica-deactivated2019

Jennifer’s Mind

makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

makingtrouble

This is getting notes so let me just say

Himb 💞💝💘💖💞💝

pyxxie-nyxxie

Crochet Cthulhu. If you even care

phantomrose96

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.