soldier keep on marching on

you're losing your memory now. bucky barnes. the winter soldier

[glcriouspvrpose]

"Therapy," he echoed, looking at the other man with a confused look on his face, but then Loki remembered who he was talking to. He put what he knew together and it clicked rather quickly. "Ah," Loki nodded, knowing what he was talking about all too well. "I see. That kind of therapy." He waved away the book he was holding just about the time his daughter ran into the room. "Amma's in the garden," he said in a softer voice, watching her go out, before he turned his focus back to Barnes. "How'd it go?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky noticed the young girl that ran into the room and watched as she took off in the other direction. He tensed up a little because he was still scared of snapping at any moment and while he knew that if something happened, Loki would handle it, it still made him nervous. He got a slight flashback of the red room and he had to shake the thought away. He was too exhausted to let himself go down that path after his session with Frigga. "Well, I'm not sure if I feel better or not if that's what you're referring to. It was harder than I was ready for but.. it needs to be done."

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky knew that Steve was worried for him. He understood that. It was definitely strange to be on the other end. Being cared for instead of doing the caring. He knew he was lingering behind him right now and he wasn't going to lie and say this was all going smoothly with no issues but he didn't want to worry his friend. "You can come out you know. I can feel you staring at me from the door."

@cptamerica

[glcriouspvrpose]

Loki had come to get a few of his grandmother's old spell books to, hopefully, help with Thor's dream predicament when he saw him leaving. "Can't say.I was expecting to bump into you here," he said, casually, as he walked up to Barnes. He'd seen him occasionally around the Tower and they'd crossed paths every now and then, but he'd never actually really talked to the other man before now. As he tucked the spell book under his arm, Loki continued, "Should I even ask?" ; @wintrsoldicr

[wintrsoldicr]

"Therapy." He answered softly. It was the truth after all. They had recommended Frigga and he wanted to do everything he could to get all this crap out of his mind. He wanted that freedom to be himself without worry of a trigger or being used against people he cared about. "They said your mother would be the best one to help and so.. here I am."

[wintrsoldicr]

Sleep didn't come easy. He figured that perhaps now that he was having these sessions with Frigga that it might be easier to get more than 2 hours. It was 6am on a Saturday and there was nothing but silence in that moment as he sat down in the common area with a coffee in hand. Too early to drink what he really wanted to, he had settled for this. Bucky glanced up when he heard footsteps and arched a brow seeing her. "Do you ever just sleep in like a normal person?"

@fvlcxns

[cptcvrter]

Peggy's eyes fell to the snow outside and then back to Bucky. All at once, it clicked in her head why he'd had that expression on his face, but she made no sign she noticed. Instead, she laughed at his question and nodded. "Yeah, Tony fixed it. Or replaced it. Whichever, all I know is he spent half the morning complaining about it." She walked with him to the common area and went to make their coffee, humming at his question. "Of course he knows. She ripped the band-aid off before we could have another jacket incident." Peggy gave him a knowing look, but a smirk was playing at the corners of her lips. "He's scared I'm going to lecture him again." She brought two cups over and handed one to Bucky. "No more grey hairs. He's just happy you're happy. I am, too."

[wintrsoldicr]

"I spent all morning complaining about it." He tried to joke to shake the nerves off. Coffee had become a sort of a treat for him lately. He found that he really enjoyed it and it had become part of his routine. Bucky was more than thankful when he got the smell of the coffee brewing. Bucky suddenly looked over at her when she mentioned the jacket. "I learned my lesson, okay? Won't happen again." He put his hands up as he approached closer to watch her make the coffee. "Thanks. For not giving up on me."

[queenmamafrigga]

🌟 - for our muses to stargaze | bucky for therapy purposes @wintrsoldicr

Their second session was held at night. So it was already dark, and this time she did not magically banish the chill in the air. They were by the water tonight, a park bench along the East River. "You grew up in this city?" she asked, looking over at him. "Few know what it's like, to watch a landscape change over a century. On Asgard it's common, but here... Well, suffice to say -- I doubt anyone has seen the world quite as you have, Mr. Barnes."

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky nodded as he looked over the city that he once knew so well. Memories were becoming more frequent. Sometimes he wondered what happened to his sister Rebecca and if she was still even alive. The two were never very close. If she were alive, what would even say to her? "We moved here from Indiana." He explained, "Father was in the Army so I guess it's just something that ran in my blood. Grew up with it." He listened to her words and glanced over at her, "It should be a privilege, right? Why does it feel like a punishment sometimes?" He had become more open about asking these types of questions with her. Realizing that she was never someone who would hold things against him or snap at him, Bucky was slowly becoming more comfortable and trusting.

[fvlcxns]

"Well, I feel like we should stay close-ish. Just in case there's some kind of world-ending emergency they need us here quick for." Sam dropped her arms from his waist so she could reach up to wrap him around his neck. "Unless you want me to fly you in every morning." She smirked and leaned up to kiss him again, before taking both of his hands in hers. Leading them over to sit on her bed, Sam asked. "So where were you thinking?"

[wintrsoldicr]

"While that may be fun, I'm not sure it's the smartest thing." He explained with a chuckle, "Plus, the metal arm is kinda heavy." Bucky stared down at her with his smile lingering on his face and didn't hesitate to return the kiss. He wasn't thinking of anywhere too far. Just enough for them to have privacy and avoid any awkward encounters. He walked over towards her bed and took a seat but put his arm around her once more. "There's some apartments that aren't too far from here. At most 15 minutes. I was going to jokingly suggest Brooklyn but I feel like that's a little too far. We can make plans to go see them on a less busy day where we can have some time to ourselves after. I feel like we've been swamped with everything here lately. I miss you."

[queenmamafrigga]

She had guessed as much, but given the nature of their meeting, thought it more than prudent to ask. "You don't strike me as a man who puts anything off," she noted, rising from the bench. She plucked a small pouch seemingly from the air itself. Inside was a crystalline powder, which she began to sow in a pattern around the bench where Bucky sat. She paused a moment, standing right behind him. "And you carry the heaviest burdens, so no one else has to." Even his aura had a weight to it, a sense of duty, something that went beyond country or kingdom. Something smaller, but ten times as powerful. A duty to people. Frigga stepped around, finishing the pattern on the ground. She smiled at him. "I don't think I've ever sensed someone as loyal as you before." With a wave of her hand, the small pouch disappeared and the pattern began to faintly glow. "This will take time. And at times, it may seem painful and you may not understand why it hurts. But I will promise you this, Sergeant." She met his gaze, as darkness began to fall around them. "If ever you want me to stop, I will stop," she promised, her words soft and firm in the way only a mother's can be. "You are in control of this process. You are leading it. We are doing this for you, and it is your choice." The pattern at their feet glowed brightly -- and then everything went completely dark.

Frigga took a step forward, confident despite the black nothingness surrounding them. She found him as if she'd known the entire time where he was, and the moment she took his hand, the landscape changed. They weren't standing. They were laying down, blinking up at a grey-white winter sky. They were on a mountainside. In the distance a train whistle screamed, and a faint puff of black smoke drifted through the air. "This is where it begins," Frigga said, squeezing his hand and looking over to him. "How did you get here?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky gave a nod to her comment. There was no use in postponing this any further. He just wanted to be better. He wanted to reclaim his life because while despite the fact that he was happier-- he was still afraid but he did his very best to put on his best face for those he loved. Bucky's gaze followed her as she stood up. His heart was racing now and he felt that heaviness in his chest but he made sure to take a deep breath. He watched as the dust spread through the air and settle down around him. Bucky listened to her words and stared ahead now as he felt that panic wanting to take over. He wasn't usually so vulnerable. Even before hand. Bucky had always been someone to take care of others and rarely let himself be taken care of. His lips pressed together in a thin line and he was at a loss for words. Like his voice had left him. That was when her tone change to something more serious. Her words had depth to them. A promise. He stood from the bench when everything began to get dark around them and nodded in response. "Okay." Another deep breath as he stood frozen in place. Bucky did not do well being in the unknown so when she took his hand and everything changed, it took him a moment to focus on the different scenery. No sight of the blue sky as the clouds covered it. Mountains made of rigid rock and snow piercing through them. The cold wind coming down from the mountaintop. He suddenly can't breathe right because this is where they found him. The sound of the train whistling brings him back for a moment as his fingers press down against the coldness of the snow. Her words repeat in his head until he finally finds his voice. "I fell."

He remembered Steve's face being the last he saw as he tried his best to save him. At the time, Bucky didn't know that he had already been given the serum while they had held him captive before Steve found him. He glanced to the side to see the rail that had broken off the train. "He tried his best. I never held it against him-- there were bigger things to fight for at the time.." He glanced back at her, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember what happened next but his mind was blocking it.

[cptcvrter]

🧣 - for our muses to get snowed in ; @wintrsoldicr

"Well, that doesn't look like it's letting up anytime soon," she mused as she walked by the window, standing beside Bucky. Peggy pulled a face and looked at him. "Come on." She slid her arm around his and tugged him gently towards the elevators. "You can keep me from doing a mountain of paperwork by telling me how apartment hunting is going while we get coffee." Peggy smirked. "Steve didn't burst into flames when she told him. I was shocked and proud."

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky had a hard time with snow for the longest time. The more therapy sessions he had with both his therapist and Frigga, the more he was learning to let those feelings that washed over him whenever he saw it go. However, he was a little fidgety at the moment. Fingers tapping against his leg as he stared out the window in silence until he heard her voice. Bucky glanced over his shoulder as she walked up next to him now. He glanced back at the window before following alongside her. "Is the coffee machine working again? The other morning, it looked like it was going to explode." He said with a chuckle. Bucky nodded, "So he knows now. Well, that's a plus. Did he get any more grey hairs from it?"

[fvlcxns]

"Hi," she said with a smile after she opened the door. Sam was still smiling into the kiss, her arms coming to wrap around his middle when they pulled apart. "Hmm," she hummed, as if actually thinking over whether or not she could go. "I guess I could make time for that, yeah." She looked up at him and smirked, giving him a gentle tug and walking him backwards inside her room. "You have any places in mind?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky knew that Sam's schedule was usually full which is why he came to ask instead of just assuming. If there was no time, then he could wait but he was a little more than just excited with their future plans. He made sure to close the door behind him when she led him into her room and chuckled, "That depends on how close you want to stay to here?"

[queenmamafrigga]

"I imagined that was the kindest word for it," she said, with a smirk that was more than a little reminiscent of her sons. Bucky's face though remained startlingly neutral, blank -- guarded. He was a soldier, after all. "There are walls upon walls in your mind, and we have a long siege ahead of us, my dear," she said, using terms she thought might be familiar to him, might make the most sense. Frigga paused a moment, studying him with kind eyes. "Your fear," she said simply, directly. "Comes from what most fears do. That which you don't understand." She raised a hand in front of her, and seemed to draw smoke together out of the clear air. The smoke formed a face, a shadowy silhouette of the man beside her. "Magic. Your own memories. Both forces beyond your control, for now at least." The smoke-Bucky seemed to twist in on himself as she spoke, twisting and twisting inwards until it faded away completely. Frigga slowly moved her hand across the air, fingertips leaving an iridescent trail behind them. "But magic is just an energy, a flow of power that some can tap into. The spells I will use are complicated, but I can explain them to you before we begin. We can take all the time we need. Unless you prefer to dive right in?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky understood what she was saying. It was an ongoing battlefield in his mind and despite the strides he had made, there was still days where he'd wake in a cold sweat. There were days where the screams still came but they were now a lot fewer and in between. However if he and Sam were going to move in together and start a life together then he needed to get his mind grounded as most as he could. His eyes focused on what she was showing him now. The smoke felt familiar. That's how his mind felt on the worst kinds of days. His lips pressed together in a thin line at the image. It felt a little too close to home but these things were meant to be uncomfortable. It was then that he realized he was holding his breath. Bucky slowly exhaled and then looked back at her. Bucky wasn't the kind of person to stall. Whatever needed to happen, needed to be done. He shook his head, "I rather just.. do it." He explained, "The sooner that this.. control is taken away.. the better for everyone."

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky had been a little busy these past few days. Meeting with Frigga and attempting to keep up with some sort of training to keep his hands and mind busy. Still, their conversation lingered in his mind as he walked to her room. He was no longer afraid if Steve saw because even for the first few weeks, he was still a bit cautious but they had been together long enough now that he hoped Steve knew just how much Sam meant to him. He smiled up at her when she answered the door. He leaned in to give her a peck on the lips first, "Hey. I was wondering if you.. might have some time to maybe go apartment hunting?"

[fvlcxns]

She smiled when Bucky took her hand, keeping close to his side. After everything that had happened right at the start of their relationship, she was worried they'd never get back to where they could be here. She was glad everything had worked out and Bucky was able to relax like he was. So when Bucky mentioned he wanted to step out, Sam looked up at him, brow already raised before he could explain. But Bucky could read her like a book and already answered her unasked question. She followed him and, once they were outside, came to stand in front of him. Sam studied his expression as she and slid her arms around his waist. "Are you sure you're okay?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Once they were somewhere else, he tried to relax but he was a little nervous. It was unusual to feel this but it was a big question that he had been thinking over for a while now. Maybe he should've waited until tomorrow where they could go somewhere to eat and talk things out but the idea had came to him during the night and he couldn't shake it off. "I was thinking.." He chuckled, "Shocker, I know but.. I was wondering how opposed would you be to possibly.." He reached down and put his arms around her after she closed the space between them, "Moving somewhere else... together?"

[fvlcxns]

"You're annoying, babe." Sam rolled her eyes, but she was smirking. While they were still somewhat alone and not surrounded by the party crowd, she stopped walking so Bucky had to, and leaned up to kiss him. Smiling into it, she pulled back a second later and nodded. "But I am always right, yeah." She settled herself against his side when he dropped his arm to his waist, only smiling again, to herself, when Bucky opened the door for her and waited for her to go in first. She reached back for his hand and laced their fingers together. "You just seem like you were nervous about something," she commented, once they were inside. "That's why I asked if you were okay." She turned around in his hold and tapped his nose. "You have a this little nervous look. Not as bad as Captain Grandpa with the forehead crease, though." She dropped her hand and smirked. "Yours is cute, at least."

[wintrsoldicr]

Bucky never hesitated to return her kisses. Always a lingering smile behind them. He knew that Steve would be giving him a look if he were around but there was no denying just how much Bucky loved Sam. No questions. No doubts. He embraced her hand almost instantly after walking inside and taking a look around at all the different people that were attending. Some familiar faces. Some not so familiar. He now looked down at her and smiled to himself. Leave it to her to figure things out. He took in a deep breath and then looked towards the balcony that was rather empty. "Let's take a little walk, hm? It's nothing bad so.. don't freak out on me, okay? I just.. well, let's go somewhere a little more quieter for a moment."

[peppcrxpotts]

She was glad to see him being more comfortable around people. Glad that he wasn't locking himself away and forcing himself to stay away from people. She knew this was good for Bucky. Good for him to learn to mingle and talk to be able to reclaim his life once more. Sam was good for him. There was no denying that. When he approached her, she chuckled. "If there was a costume contest, I'd vote for you both."

(@wintrsoldicr)

[wintrsoldicr]

He'd be a liar if he didn't say that Pepper had a big part in his recovery. The woman had the patience of a saint and he could understand how that was needed, considering where she worked and with who. Bucky chuckled, "It was all Sam's idea. I'm surprised I haven't ran into Tony or Steve yet." He looked over her costume and tilted his head with curiosity. "Who did you come dressed as?"

[queenmamafrigga]

@wintrsoldicr

Despite the November chill in the air, the garden around them was warm and thriving. "Magic," Frigga explained. "I don't usually expend quite this much energy for such frivolous things, but I thought a calming atmosphere would help our work today." She turned to the serious looking man, James Barnes. No, he went by Bucky, as she recalled. Frigga offered him a small smile, sat at one end of a small stone bench. "I understand your memories can be... rather intense, correct?"

[wintrsoldicr]

Therapy was one thing. He could do therapy. He had somewhat control. Just somewhat. There were still a lot of things that Bucky blocked out. A lot of things that his mind wasn't ready to face. He didn't know her but he had a feeling that he could trust her. He glanced around and was still quite amazed at her abilities. Despite everything he's seen, magic was still something that took his breath away and it was a little hard to believe. Yet here it was, right in front of him. He didn't have much of an expression on his face and that's usually how it was around people he didn't really know. It was a precaution. Something he couldn't quite turn off. After all, he was still a soldier at heart. "Intense could be one way to refer to them." He stated in a soft tone as he sat on the other end of the bench while looking around still.

[glcriouspvrpose]

"If Rogers sends me off to look for that missing file, I'm going to tell him to shove it up his Star Spangled ass," Loki grumbled, walking into the common area of the Avengers floor. He plopped down on the opposite end of the couch. "I'm not going back down there." ; @wintrsoldicr

[wintrsoldicr]

"Missing file?" Bucky asked while looking up from the Hydra report that was last given. He wasn't allowed to go on said missions yet but he could still look over and try and find any details to be able to help them like that. "How many times has he made you go?"