rmm

another pathetic poet

[wisteriawench]

please: an entry

and i’m sure i’ve done something wrong in this lifetime or the last for nobody kind would be cursed like this

i want to fear death not beg for the next how could someone be born so forlorn?

i will repent either way just in case and although i’m still unsure my sins i assure my knees are bruised and i am so so sorry

but i don’t know god so i end up begging my mother to tell me why she made me so where she went wrong how to fix it

please mom i am so so sorry

—rmm

[wisteriawench]

i’ve always wanted to be a writer so why am i not writing

[wisteriawench]

i want so much more than i’m able to get. i have so many ideas that i could never express. so i wonder, if the medication doesn’t work, was i made to always be just out of reach? for my fingers to only graze every dream, every opportunity? will my palms always come up empty, no matter the callouses? were my dreams always just a cruel trick? were they always just another’s accomplishment shrouded in my own desire?

could i ever escape my own ability to watch as it all leaves me?

[wisteriawench]

i love my mom, but i hate her daughter. i hope she can understand. i don’t want to hate her, but she’s nothing like i hope.

[bongjoonhoe]

Blink Twice (2024) dir. Zoë Kravitz

[wisteriawench]

anyone who ever reads my posts better be on a phone or istg. just saw how my poems look on the computer and to say I'm frightened would be an understatement.

[orchidame]

There is no stronger force than that of a girl’s desperation to write about her male hyperfixation.

[wisteriawench]

“I am not gentle nor am I soft, but I am kind and consumed by the urge to be good.”

— R.M.M., untitled

[wisteriawench]

one pump chump

there is no slow decent into madness, like one may expect. instead, womanhood comes hard and fast—like a one pump chump.

i suppose that’s why my father was so underprepared for my sudden growth; the loss of girlhood he was sure i would have had forever.

alas, my jeans wouldn’t button up and my chest begged for support and i bled with the full moon and the man who lived upstairs found his way into my room.

if puberty had not taken my girlhood, it would have been taken either way.

—rmm

[wisteriawench]

unavoidable symptoms of girlhood

you remind me of your mother, with your demeaning tone and extra pounds sighing in the clothing section

how is it encouraging each other’s hunger? does it bring you closer?

—rmm

[lomltaylor]

[wisteriawench]

candied woman

i wasn’t soft enough for you to pick me apart but you bit hard enough i cracked and underneath i was soft and sweet then you found my centre and you tore it out with your fucking teeth but i oozed nothing you ever wanted and yet you still took the best parts of me until i was nothing but a shattered candy chewed into obsolete

—rmm

[wisteriawench]

my own hellscape

i don’t recognize my own voice nor do i have a single muse so i am walking through the kitchen again

too many things i could use watch me bleed out and bruise

i’ve never been so desperate to go but i hear the views are worse below and the guilt will consume

so i walk back to my room

—rmm

[metamorphesque]

the biggest betrayal was giving us humans the ability to dream

[metamorphesque]

the biggest blessing was giving us humans the ability to dream

[wisteriawench]

parasocial (i know the people in my dreams)

i know the people in my dreams sometimes we (i?) fall in love or chase eachother through dormitories or watch weddings through glass doors as i tell them the secrets of my sleep

today, the man nods but looks through me he knows something i don’t and his longing gaze holds omniscience i’ve never known conscious

i don’t see the signs of falsity until i’m far from him and it’s only when i wake will i comprehend how they will always know me better than i know them

in every moment of dreaming, i will appear empty-handed and forgetful but still he engages with me, eyes of disconsolacy asking me questions to continue the line he already knows i will forget to ask again, as i did yesterday and the day before that

and although my consciousness feigns a loss of hope from the people in my dreams i still wonder if it makes me divine for how sleep manifests the anthropomorphism of my thoughts

but most of all, if he only lives for tonight or if he becomes another for tomorrow and how i will miss him either way

perhaps this paints me lonely or recognizes a potential for heroism or suggests an evaluation

either or i know the people in my dreams and i know the backdrops are only for tonight and there was no weddings or men wondering but as they’re there they know me and i’ll be back

—rmm

[maybe-itsforthebest]

- j (x)

[wisteriawench]

i learned disappointment as every other girl did from the mouth of my father filled with poisoned promises and dull teeth never would they cut always would they bruise but he did not have to pierce my skin for i am already poisoned from the inside out and you cannot escape your blood unless you bleed yourself dry i so desperately try

—rmm