Graveyard Etiquette 101
What is Cemetery / Graveyard Etiquette?
• Graveyard Etiquette is a term used by pagans/witches/spiritualists, and even those who do not subscribe to those beliefs, regarding how to behave and act within a graveyard or cemetery. Some of these beliefs regarding graveyard etiquette surround respect of others, the deceased in the graveyard, and visitors in a mundane sense. In a spiritual sense this also involves respect of spirits and guardians within the graveyard/cemetery
What is the difference between a Cemetery and a Graveyard, do these rules still apply to both?
• The main difference between a Graveyard and Cemetery is a Graveyard is attached to a church. Specifically, a graveyard is a burial ground which adjoins a church. Meanwhile the word ‘cemetery’ comes from the Greek ‘koimeterion’ which means resting place. Both a graveyard and cemetery are burial grounds for the deceased, the only true difference is a Graveyard adjoins a church and a cemetery does not. This is also important to keep in mind when looking into graveyard vs. cemetery dirt.
• Given these definitions, yes these rules of etiquette apply both to graveyards and cemeteries.
Entering a Graveyard or Cemetery
• Bring offerings for the spirits. Specifically, bring an offering for the gatekeeper/guardians of the cemetery. One of the most common offerings is to bring coins which you would leave at the entrance to the graveyard or cemetery.
• Other offerings include: flowers, herbs, bread, liquor, apples, cleaning up the entrance.
• Do not bring in anything for cleansing or banishment within the cemetery as it can be seen to be rude to the spirits who reside there. Do however enter with personal and spiritual protection on you, preferable a few layers.
• If you work with a deity associated with cemeteries, graveyards, the dead, and/or death you may wish to leave an offering for them at the entrance as well.
What to keep in mind during your stay
• Don’t litter – never leave any garbage in a graveyard/cemetery. If you notice garbage around, please pick it up and dispose of it properly (If safe to do so). Not only is this to keep the grounds clean, but it is a sign of respect for those living and dead within the grounds as well. It can even be seen as an offering to the spirits who reside there.
• Don’t take anything without permission. There is a common saying that “If you take from a graveyard, you’ll leave with more than you took.” Keep this in mind when collecting anything for your spiritual practice from the grounds of a graveyard or cemetery, and never take something from a grave or that was clearly left as an offering.
• Don’t take any pictures of any headstone, graves, or grave markers without consent. If you are unsure if consent was given or were given a clear ‘no’, do not take photos. The same goes for sharing any photos of any graves/headstones/etc. It is also advised to not point at any graves – think of it how it is typically observed to be rude to point your finger at someone, same thing applies here.
• You can clean up a headstone that you visit, this can be as simple as brushing off dirt or dead leaves off the headstone. Remember if you do clean a headstone to not stand on the grave itself, but rather lean from the side. Do not disturb any gifts left by the living if there are any, and feel free to leave something small as a gift if there aren’t. If you so happen to accidentally step on a gravesite, it is best to apologise and say sorry.
• If you wish to leave an offering for all the spirits in the grounds rather than one from a specific gravesite – leave the offering near a central tree and dedicate it to the spirits. This way it is clear it is not meant for one spirit in particular.
Exiting a Graveyard/Cemetery
• It is highly advised in spiritual communities to leave the way you came. Take the exact path you took to get inside the graveyard or cemetery and exit through the same place you entered. If there are other exits it is highly suggested to not exit through them.
• Basically make note of the entrance you took to come in and use the same one on your way out. This is due to a superstition that leaving a different way will allow spirits to follow you home. This is a preventative measure to avoid that happening.
• When you are exiting the graveyard, make sure you are bringing everything you came with (except offerings of course!). This includes garbage, tools, etc. Whatever you leave behind may be claimed by the spirits who reside there as an accidental offerings, and leaving litter is not a kind or respectful thing to do.
• Before you leave it is common practice to give thanks. This will be given to the same guardian you left offerings to on your way in. thank them for doing their job before you go. This is due to the notion that they are the ones to call back anything that may be trying to follow you home.
• Once out of the graveyard then it is recommended to cleanse yourself. If not outside the graveyard, at least before stepping back into your own home. While some practitioners always do a cleanse before stepping foot into their own home.
General Rules to Follow
• If you are visiting a cemetery for witchcraft related reasons, most in the community suggest visiting ‘retired’ cemeteries primarily. These are cemeteries typically 100+ years old that are no longer open to new burials. It is considered respectful to only hang around grave sites where the person was buried at least 100 years prior. This is out of respect for any living relatives, but also to the spirit resting there that no longer has family to visit it. A general rule of thumb is to avoid visiting or working magic near grave sites where the deceased’s family may still visit out of respect for both.
• Do not use mirror within a graveyard or cemetery – this comes out of one of the many superstitions surrounding graveyard and cemeteries. The reason many suggest avoiding the use of mirrors within a graveyard stems from the belief of mirrors being a device that blurs the line between the physical and spiritual world. Mirrors are often used for scrying and communicating with spirits. A mirror has been believed to trap souls and spirits within the glass, causing them to become unable to cross over. This is why you should avoid using mirrors in a graveyard, an also why historically mirrors where covered in homes of the dying or deceased.
• Be respectful of other visitors. It is important to follow the rules outlined by the specific graveyard or cemetery you are visiting, and most of these revolve around showing respect for those also on the grounds. Generally speaking you should keep your volume down, keep control of any children you bring with you, and avoid disturbing others around you. This also goes for spirits within the grounds.
• Speaking of which, you should ‘play nice’ with the spirits within the graveyard. Be kind to them. Graveyard and cemeteries will have a center that all energy will gravitate towards, in essence an energy center. This will be the best place to communicate with spirits as well as to perform any magic you may have been planning to partake in. Be sure to be extra respectful around this area. It is also common practice to leave offerings to the spirits of any gravesite you visit during your stay.
• Do not sit on any headstone. This is due both to respect for the spirit the headstone belongs to, but also for safety reasons. In older cemeteries headstone are old, prone to cracking, and be extremely dangerous to sit or rest on. Be kind to yourself and the spirits there and avoid resting or sitting on any headstone or grave markings.
• It has been seen to be bad luck to wear anything new within a graveyard or cemetery, this especially applies to shoes. It can also be seen as rude to the deceased who reside there.
Some more mundane rules to follow
o do not plant or bury anything
o do not vandalize graves, headstone, or grave markings
o do not disturb mourners or memorial services
o open flames and glass maybe prohibited for safety reasons, this will depend on the cemetery or graveyard. Look up their guidelines in advance if you plan on doing any workings that require this.
o Some cemeteries restrict grave rubbings to better conserve old gravestones.
o Observe the visiting hours. They may not be posted so do your research on this in advance.
o Most practitioners advise not entering or staying in a graveyard past dark as it can be seen as bad luck
Some superstitions regarding graveyards and cemeteries.
O Do not whistle in a graveyard, or your tempt/bring death
o Do not yawn near a grave. It is believed to yawn near the deceased is to welcome them inside your body.
o Smelling roses when there are none in sight has been noted to be a sign of a benevolent spirit nearby.