Is it any surprise I like me some Greek Mythology?
I hate the modern depictions of Helen/Paris/Menelaus.
Menelaus was a good man, Helen was manipulated by Aphrodite and Paris is…Paris. Fuck that guy. Not literally, he doesn’t deserve it.
Paris: Any advice for your dear husband as he goes out to duel?
Helen turns to Paris. She is wearing a ‘Team Menelaus’ hat, a ‘I love my real husband shirt’ and her right hand is covered by a ‘Menelaus #1’ giant, foam hand.
Helen: Die. Preferably, screaming.
Paris watches Helen stand atop the walls. She raises her shirt, flashing her boobs in Menelaus’ direction. On them is written ‘Kick His Ass, Baby’.
The entire Greek army stares. Except Odysseus. Menelaus gives them the death glare. The entire Greek army awkwardly looks away. Except Odysseus.
I also love the idea of Odysseus and Menelaus being Ancient Greek Wifeguys.
Odysseus walks into Menelaus’ tent. Menelaus looks up hopefully.
Menelaus: *hopefully* Wife?
Odysseus: *shaking his head* Not wife.
Menelaus: *sadly* Miss wife.
Odysseus: *sadly* Miss wife too.
Several hours and jugs of wine later…
Agamemnon steps into the tent.
Odysseus and Menelaus: *drunk and crying hysterically* Want wife!!!
Agamemnon backs out of the tent.
I also, also feel like Helen may harbor some resentment towards Aphrodite.
Aphrodite appears in front of the Palace in Sparta.
Aphrodite: *smiling happily* Hey, gurl!
Helen immediately runs up to her and decks the divine being in the face. Aphrodite goes down like a sack of bricks. Helen returns inside. Menelaus looks between the unconscious Goddess and the threshold of his home. After a moment, he follows his wife inside and closes the door. Aphrodite lays there for several hours.