On being an activist... an Intactivist
Absolutely everyone who knows me, knows I’m not shy about voicing my opinion, especially on issues I believe passionately about.
If you are a friend of mine on social media, you may have even considered “unfollowing” me in order to avoid political posts.
I believe I’ve toned it down somewhat over the years because I know not everyone cares to hear my views on every subject. But when it comes to certain issues, I simply can’t stay silent. And actually, I think, in many cases, silence is absolutely worse than speaking out and potentially offending some people. Progress would never be made if we sat silently by while other people’s rights are violated or neglected.
Gender equality. LGBTIQ rights. Black Lives Matter. Refugee rights. Voting access. Women’s access to abortion and reproductive decision-making.
And, more recently, intactivism. I would say I was an Intactivist (a person against routine infant circumcision, who believes boys are born perfect and that circumcision is an absolutely unnecessary, cosmetic procedure) well before becoming a boy mom – I just didn’t know there even was such a term before.
Whether or not to circumcise Thom was not even a discussion point for us. His daddy is intact (or ‘whole’) like 70-80% of boys and men worldwide, and has never had a single issue. I believe in body autonomy: I did not pierce Ava’s ears – she can decide if and when she gets that done. Likewise, if Thom thinks his penis is ugly down the track, he’s welcome to choose circumcision. #HisBodyHisChoice
I do not believe a healthy, functioning part of a body should be removed. I do not believe circumcision is “cleaner” (boys are just as capable as girls of cleaning their bodies). I do not believe a boy should be cut simply because his father is, to avoid any possibly awkward conversation about why their bodies are different (can you tell me how a child’s body is like that of their adult parent’s body anyway? And also, what a perfect opportunity – one of many on our parenting journey - to discuss difference and acceptance, not to mention the value of education and challenging outdated cultural traditions).
Foreskin has 16 functions and contains more than 16,000 nerve endings. An infants intact penis requires NO special cleaning – you simply wipe it like a finger (the foreskin is fused to the glans until – it depends on the boy – at least age 4, after which a pull back, clean with water, and replace is all that is necessary. Much like a girl’s vagina). Infections can happen and these can be treated with antibiotics, as any other infection would be (we don’t cut our girls if they have multiple UTIs, why would we cut our boys?) Statistics show that 98% of those boys and men who were kept intact remain that way their whole lives; legitimately medically-necessary circumcision is rare. Routine Infant Circumcision (RIC) is uncommon in many other industrialized nations - circumcision rates in the UK, Sweden, Finland, Australia, New Zealand, Canada for example are all low and shrinking every year. And it’s completely unheard of in the East. There are even movements within Jewish and Muslim communities to end the practice of RIC.
If I’m brutally honest with you, I believe routine infant circumcision (circumcision that is conducted without any medical reason, without a child’s consent) is genital mutilation and a violation of that child’s human rights. A small number of infants actually DIE during this procedure (the exact number is unclear, but frankly any death is unacceptable given this is not a medically necessary surgery) and complications are commonplace (circumcisions can be ‘too tight’, painful adhesions can form, any remaining foreskin can refuse to the glans needing to then be re-circumcised – and more). The psychological impact on a baby is also not fully understood, but is theorized to impact bonding, breastfeeding and cause emotional trauma. Not to mention the immediate concern that a baby has an open wound in a diaper full of urine and feces (a perfect combination for infection). I also challenge any parent considering circumcision to watch a video of the procedure. Your tiny newborn, strapped to a table, given (usually, and not always) a sugar-coated finger to suck, clamped and cut in his most vulnerable place. I literally want to vomit and scream at the horror of it.
So yeah, I have a strong opinion about the topic. But I have tried to avoid posting too much about it because I estimate about 70-80% of the boy moms I know circumcised their boys. And I don’t want to make anyone feel badly for the choices they made – choices I know they made with the best interests of their child in mind.
Every single mother I know well is a fantastic mother. I do not want to make anyone feel criticized or shamed. I do however want to educate because I want to save future babies.
But I also don’t understand how you can properly research the subject of circumcision, and still choose it for your child, knowing all I’ve stated above. I know a lot of parents don’t even realize they have a choice (because the practice, especially in America, is still fairly common), and I believe many have already made a decision and pick and choose their research to back up that decision.
I’m motivated to write this post today, because a woman I have never met (though who is part of a local parenting group on Facebook) reached out to me today to let me know I’d changed her mind on circumcision after she came across a post I made (looking for intact-friendly pediatricians locally). She has a beautiful 1-year-old boy, who was circumcised, because of cultural traditions. She is now a regret mom and has begun discussing the subject with her husband and wishes she’d had more information before her son was born. She would make a difference choice for her son today.
This truly makes my heart happy. It does work: having difficult conversations really can reach other people. It can change minds. It can save babies.
