Queer Women and Sterotypes
Why is it that so many queer women prefer to have casual fashion senses and appearances, or are more on the masculine side of each of these? Hereâs what I think.
There are some stereotypes that exist about what it means to âlookâ like a queer woman. Many of these stereotypes stem from famous lesbian celebrities, such as Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie OâDonnell, Ruby Rose, and Melissa Etheridge. These stereotypes include a bevy of things. They have a hairstyle is is usually more associated with men, often of a short length no longer than their forehead. Their preferred fashion sense is highly casual - they do their best to avoid wearing skirts, dresses, and heels, and if they do, itâs as rare as a blue moon, so they will probably wear a suit when forced to dress up. They prefer little to no make up. Fancy jewelry and purses probably arenât their thing. They enjoy wearing beanies and snapback hats, and do so often. The only thing in their closet are flannel shirts. Their noses are pierced. They have a fair number of tattoos, or are pretty much covered in them. They may also have more weight to them. There probably are more stereotypes out there, but from my experiences these are among the most common.
Other stereotypes concern dating habits. Because of Ellen and Portia, many people assume that you need to balance yourself out. That is, if youâre highly feminine, you need to be with a more manly woman, and vice-versa.
So why then do many women who are queer actually fit the stereotypes? People with same sex attractions often find themselves having to come out time and time again, mainly because they are erroneously labeled as straight. Many queer girls get frustrated with this, feeling that coming out once should be enough, or is unnecessary altogether. Thus, as a way to dodge having to come out so repeatedly, they alter their appearance in such a way that holds to the stereotypes, so people can assume their sexuality correctly without having to ask or be corrected. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do so. I believe this is why many queer women fall in the middle of the feminine/masculine scale - they want to make their queerness obvious while still holding true to their femininity. So they make themselves causal and masculine enough to tick peopleâs gaydar, yet remain feminine enough for society to recognize and respect them as women.
As a feminine lesbian, I am often annoyed at the notion that feminine women cannot be gay, that only manly women are gay. There was a time even in my life where I too held to this notion. When I first ealized my sexuality, I was very naive about it. I immediately denied any thought that I am gay simply because I am a highly feminine, fashion conscious female, and did not want to change that. I in no way wanted to, and still donât want to look anything like a man. I also did not want to date a manly woman, because I thought if it was true that I am gay, I would want to be with someone just as feminine. Those are my preferences, which conflicted with my false notions of the definition of what a queer woman is. It wasnât until I saw Santana Lopez on Glee that I realized I can be as feminine as girl can get and be gay at the same time. I was relieved that I did not have to choose between the two. As Miss Missouri 2016 Erin OâFlaherty has said, âI just had to decide that yes, I was gay, an no, that did not mean I had to give up my love of high heels, makeup, and dresses.â
Now, I actually donât mind coming out again and again. Whenever someone tells me I donât look gay, I smile and take it as a compliment, because it lets me know I am being as feminine as I desire. I love debunking the stereotypes by being very feminine, especially with my fashion sense. The only reason I hesitate telling people, especially men, that Iâm gay is because Iâd rather not be a part of some sick sexual fantasy.
Sadly, many people hold to the sereotypes, because the aforementioned celebrities, and others alike, are the only queer women they are exposed to. Because of this, they assume that is how queer women must look like, point blank. So when they think a queer woman doesnât âlookâ gay, they assume the woman is either lying or deceived, because the stereotypes are too engraved in their minds. What more people need to realize is that there is more to being queer than appearances.
The only definition of a queer woman is being a woman who is sexually attracted to other women. Thatâs it. Appearance is not a part of the definition. Queer women come in all shapes, sizes, and femininity levels, just as straight women do. Women can look and dress like Barbie and be gay. Women can look and dress like Ken and be gay. Women can look and dress like anything a woman can look and dress like and be gay. Being a feminine woman doesnât automatically mean straight. Being a masculine woman doesnât automatically mean queer. There is no one set way women have to look like to be queer.
My advice to queer women out there is this: Dress how you really want to, regardless of your sexuality. Dress the same way you would if you were straight. If you desire to be more girly, then by all means fill your closet with skirts, dresses and heels. If you desire to be more of an Ellen, thatâs fine too. Wear you hair short or long, whatever style you think looks best on you. Have as little or as many piercings and tattoos as you desire. Date whatever kind of women you really like, regardless of your level of femininity. Two highly feminine women can be just as much an amazing couple as two manly women can. Please never feel forced to have to fit the stereotypes.
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