Don’t forget about this /part 3
Summary: (Part three of my don’t forget about this fanfics. In case you haven’t read them:) Sirius had been really drunk some night several weeks ago. He and Remus kissed and Remus told him not to forget about it. Sirius did and they got into a fight. Now some weeks have passed and it’s full moon again...
Remus Lupin took a look around. Dust was floating through the air, the first weak sun’s rays were shining through the window. Where was he? Rotten wooden floor, the old piano, the smell of mold, rain and wood.
Finally he started to understand. He was standing in the shrieking shack, his shirt torn, his head hurting… it must have been full moon again.
Now he recognized his friends, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter standing only a few feet away. They were both looking exhausted, but relieved that their friend had finally turned back into his human form again. For a moment Remus just kept staring at them, his first instinct was to see if they were hurt… if he had hurt them. Peter looked fine, he only had some small scratches on his arm, nothing too serious. But James, he had a big red bloodstain on his shirt…
“Oh god! Are you alright?” Remus whispered concerned, with a weak voice and walked towards Potter.
“Don’t worry about it”, James told him, trying to cover the red spot with his left hand, so that his friend didn’t have to see it, “it’s not too bad. One visit to the hospital wing and I’m gonna be as good as new.” He smiled a bit in order to comfort his friend, but he was very pale, some drops of sweat were visible on his forehead. No, he didn’t look alright, he looked agonized, Moony thought, feeling the lump in his throat.
He was so sick of this. He was sick of those sleepless nights. He was sick of feeling like a monster. He was sick of hurting his friends, of them playing it down to protect him. It was not fair, they shouldn’t have to suffer every single full moon, just for him, they should never have gotten hurt because of him and they should never get hurt again… It must be so hard, he thought, especially now, that it was only the two of them.
Over two months had passed since the night he and Sirius had had this… moment. And they hadn’t really spoken ever since. They had tried to, the day after, but Sirius didn’t seem to remember anything about that night, which made Remus so upset he ran away and hid in the room of requirement. When he came back late at night, Sirius tried to talk to him, tried to explain so desperately how he remembered now, but Remus… he didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to listen. He told the other boy to leave him alone. And the next day it felt even weirder to speak to each other, just like the day after, or the week after… or the month. At some point, both of them had given up on each other. None of them felt as if the other wanted them to talk or even as if they wanted to have them back in their life again.
It had been a hard time. Not only for the two of them, but for all of the marauders. The atmosphere in the dorm was always so tense. It was so quiet all the time, no stupid jokes, no serious conversations, not even some light talks, nothing. Peter and James always had to choose whether they wanted to spend the day with Padfoot or Moony and they felt torn every single time. And then when the two estranged boys were forced to talk to each other, due to a school project maybe, they only said the necessary, usually not more than single words and parted ways again as soon as possible.
When the three marauders arrived at the dorm again, Sirius had already gone to breakfast, which made Remus feel relieved, but also incredibly sad somehow. Peter took a quick shower before leaving as well, while James came up with some crazy story about how he got his wounds and went to the hospital wing.
Once they were gone Remus took a shower too, before taking care of his own wounds. Most of them weren’t too deep, except for the one he had on his face. Great, he thought, just where everyone can see. While getting dressed he already tried to come up with what to tell all those nosy idiots who were going to ask him about it throughout the day, but his head hurt too much and he couldn’t exactly think straight.
When he was ready he sat down on his bed, all he needed was a little break before going to class. His wounds burned, his head hurt, his stomach was cramped. No he couldn’t join class in this condition. Maybe if he skipped the first lesson, he would feel better afterwards. Plus they had McGonagall and she knows what was going on anyways, Lupin thought to himself, before lying down. With his finger and thump he started rubbing his forehead, hoping for his headache to magically disappear, (which of course, it didn’t,) then opened his eyes again and sighed loudly.
It was only now that he discovered that there was something on his nightstand that didn’t usually belong there. He sat up again. A big red cup filled with coffee, that was still at least a little warm and a bar of his favorite dark chocolate. No way, that couldn’t have been Peter or James. Does that mean…?
Looking around the room again, Remus started to realize other small things, that were somehow different than before. The bed he was sitting on right now had been freshly made and he was sure that he left it all messy the night before. And there on the floor he spotted his favorite woolly sweater, the sweater he always wore when having a hard day. It had been washed, folded and put in front of his closet.
“Sirius”, he softly said to himself, “why did you…?”
He wanted to help me, Remus figured out, he wanted to help but he couldn’t do it the way he used to, so he did… this?
The boy frowned, a little confused he leaned back on the huge stack of pillows again and took a little sip of coffee, then ate the first piece of chocolate, letting it melt slowly in his mouth. Not quite the healthiest breakfast one can have, but after a night like this, Moony couldn’t imagine a better one. It felt as if every sip of the dark drink gave him a little more energy, a little more life, and as if every bite of chocolate made his headache slowly go away.
Now, that all the other Griffindors had classes, it was completely silent in the dorm. All you could hear was the birds outside singing happily to greet the day. Remus drowned the sound by sighing loudly once again. Not an annoyed sigh though, rather one letting out all of the stress, all of the pain…
It was the first time in weeks that the young wizard had experienced such a silence. Sharing a room with your friends is great, of course, but you never have a minute for yourself (unless you’re a fxcking werewolf who has to skip class every once in a while, Remus thought).
But now he was alone, now he had time to think, think about everything that had happened lately. And by everything he meant Sirius and all the things that had happened between them. He was still angry. Sirius had hurt him really bad, he knew how much he meant to him and still… No he didn’t miss talking to Padfoot at all. He didn’t miss his stupid jokes, or his stupid pretty face, or playing with his stupid long hair while listening to Queen songs together and he totally didn’t miss that stupid smile Black had, or rather used to have, every time Remus walked into the room…
Okay fine, maybe he did miss him.
Maybe he missed Sirius’ smell, that unique sweet odor combined with the smell of cigarettes and lemon tea (“Just because I am a dark, bad ass rebel doesn’t mean I can’t value a good cup of tea, Moony!”). Or maybe he missed sitting way too close to him every single time they sat together and maybe he also missed that stupid smile, that he, Remus smiled every time Sirius entered the room.
But what was the use of admitting all that? Sirius probably didn’t miss him at all, Remus thought and once those words appeared in his head, he felt as if his heart broke into thousands of pieces, as if it ached horribly. He took another bite of chocolate, this heavenly chocolate that Sirius had gotten him.
Yes, exactly, Sirius had gotten him that chocolate. Maybe, Moony thought, maybe there was a chance, even if it only was a small one, that Sirius did miss him as well. And maybe, even if all of that was just in his head and the other boy just wanted to be nice, wanted to be polite or helpful, maybe the chance was worth giving a shot.
He took the last big sip of coffee, put on his jumper (fxck school uniforms, today’s a jumper day!) and put the rest of the chocolate in his pocket. Who knows what the rest of the day might bring, if I end up sobbing ugly on the toilet because I interpreted my love’s actions wrong, I might as well eat the rest of this!, he thought to himself while grabbing his backpack and running towards McGonagall’s class room.
He was already walking through the corridor, when it occurred to him that he was going to interrupt her class now, having everyone’s eyes fixed on him, on his wound. And what was he going to do anyway? Storm into the room, recite some French love poem and carry Sirius outside like a bride? Oh boy, he should have just waited in his room for Padfoot’s class to end, but then again he felt as if he’d go crazy doing nothing now. And so he knocked on McGonagall’s door.
It was Longbottom, who opened it. He looked at the wound in the other Griffindor’s face for a moment, his mouth slightly open, he looked shocked, but tried his best not to show it by sitting down quickly again.
“Good morning, Pro… Professor”, Remus stuttered a bit. Having the whole class watching him as if he had just arrived from the future to pronounce the apocalypse didn’t help the already pretty anxious boy.
“I… I knocked my head… in the… in the shower this morning and felt a little dizzy. So I came later. I’m… I’m sorry.”
Knocked your head in the shower, what the hell Remus, this doesn’t look as if you had knocked your head in the goddamn shower.
“Of course Mister Lupin. I hope you feel better by now. But would you be so nice and sit down so that I can continue with my class?” Professor McGonagall replied with her posh voice.
You’re still an idiot, he thought to himself while walking down the aisle and sitting down on his usual spot… right next to Sirius.
Sirius looked tired.He probably had spent most of the night lying awake, thinking about what he could do for Moony (or at least that’s what Moony liked to imagine). His tie was hanging loosely around his neck and his hair was tied into the messiest bun in the world history of messy buns. He looked like mess, a quite pretty mess though, Remus thought.
Sirius glanced at him carefully, then, when discovering that Remus hadn’t brought any of his stuff, slowly slid his book towards his friend, so that the other boy could follow the class. Remus grabbed a pencil and started writing on one of the pages:
Sirius smirked, when he saw the little message, took out his own pencil and answered:
You know for what, idiot, Remus scribbled quickly
For a moment they both just sat there, pretending to listen to the Professor, while actually trying not to stare at one another and make this more awkward than it already was. Should I write something else? What if I annoy him? What if I annoy him if I don’t write anything what if-
Before Remus could decide what to do, Sirius had already picked up his pencil again and, without looking at the page, he quickly wrote:
He was worried. Sirius Black was still worried about Remus’ wellbeing and that little thought alone made Remus smile widely. But then he remembered…
You should be worried about James.
He’s gonna be fine, Moony, Sirius comforted him without hesitation.
“Am I right Mr. Black?” The high pitched voice of McGonagall made Sirius look up again.
“Ugh, yeah, Professor. Totally. You’re making some really good points!” Sirius answered provocatively, obviously having no idea of what was going on.
“I was just saying”, his Professor repeated herself with a strict tone in her voice, “how you, Mr. Black and your friend Mr. Lupin as well, are wasting your potential by doodling and sketching in your book!”
“Well… you’re not wrong Professor-“
“Then, start paying attention again, Mr. Black!” McGonagall cut him off immediately and continued her lesson.
Sirius sighed and started taking notes again and Remus followed his example. They talked again, he thought, or maybe not talked but they wrote to each other. Sirius was fine, Sirius wanted to communicate again. That was good that was progress, that was… amazing. He felt his cheeks getting warmer the more he thought about it. One more look at the book just to make sure it was real, before continuing taking notes for class again.
Just sitting so close to Sirius felt weirdly exciting. And then every once in a while they almost touched. While writing Sirius’ hand would almost touch Remus’ elbow and every time it happened Remus’ heart felt as if it skipped several beats.
Then, finally, when Professor McGonagall wrote the name of a new spell on the board, Sirius used his chance to start writing something on the page of his book again. Lupin moved his head to the right and the left, attempting to read it while the other boy was still writing, not seeing their Professor coming closer.
“Uh hum!” She cleared her throat to get the boys’ attention, before closing the book and taking it with her.
Nooo, don’t! Remus almost shouted. He wanted to know so, so badly what his crush had written for him. Even though it was only a stupid note in a stupid schoolbook. After weeks of ignoring each other, he wanted nothing but reading that note. But he couldn’t. He had to wait and even though every single minute felt like torture he had to stay calm.
When inhaling he could smell that familiar odor of lemon tee and smoke and when exhaling he already missed it. He could feel Sirius being close and all of a sudden he had so many things to say, so much to explain, so much to apologize for, but now, that he finally had the courage to, he couldn’t! He just wanted to, no, he needed to know if Sirius felt the same. He needed to know right now if Sirius still liked him the way he said he would that night. What if he had changed his mind, what if everything was different after not talking for so long… He needed to know… but he was caught here, in class. So close to the boy of his dreams not able to even say a single word.
That’s when he suddenly felt Sirius’ hand around his wrist. At first he didn’t get who had touched him, he almost pulled his hand away. But then he let him take it, let him lay it down in his lap. What was that? Some kind of a weird hit on? Some bad attempt at being romantic? But then he felt the cold tip of a ball pen writing on his hand. He had to smile a bit, since it was tickling him. Sirius only wrote five words, then he waited for Remus to pull his hand away again. And Remus did, even though every single brain cell of his told him to keep his hand lying in Sirius’ much bigger, much warmer one. He immediately looked down at the smudged handwriting.
Skip next lesson with me?
Even though he tried to, Remus couldn’t stop himself from smiling. After all, Sirius was probably the only person who could make him smile like this after such a night. Trying to hide his smile, Remus covered his mouth with the hand Sirius had just written on, while the other boy glanced at him waiting for a reaction. Carefully, just slowly enough so that nobody else could see, Remus nodded.
Yes, he was definitely going to skip that next lesson. Who needs potions class anyway? No, as soon as McGonagall would finish he would grab his backpack and Sirius’ would grab his and they’d just run outside together.
Together, after so long. Would it all work out, Remus asked himself. Would they both be forgiving and talk it all out. What if not? But right now, that didn’t matter. All that mattered to Remus in that exact moment was that any minute now they’d walk out together.
Together… wasn’t that a beautiful word?
@of-stars-and-moon @todays-quote @wewhohavefailed @dude-bro-tm @siriuslyxblack @remus-la-swearwolf @wolfstar-matriarch @nerdyqueerfangirl @kierabee123 @knduniverse @queenofhellish @meandminniemcg @fayerye (they’re not that sad this time i guess so i hope i’m slowly making it up to you :) ) @flawlessflatline @therealhmmlingle @blackwolfofhogwarts @jencala @rjpea @a-queer-kids-blog @maraudersvs @seriouslyblacklikemysoul @rosielupin @rosielupin @padfootlupinblack @wynd27 @full-moon-008
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(I hope you enjoyed it, I really put a lot of work into it because it was requested so much. (I have like a thousand drafts on my laptop because they were never good enough and I still don’t think this one is but I guess I finally had to post a part three...) I have been way too busy to write lately but I missed it so much and I loved working on that one so thanks to all of you for keeping me motivated and asking for it all the time.
Thanks in advance for every reblog and comment. Your nice words always make me really happy!)
