Thoughts.

This is me, naked, raw with all my crazy feelings and unsaid words.

[wolkenrausch]

I worry that in the end I will just count the souls I could not save,  instead of the once that moved me,  instead of the once I loved.  How do I stop the losses from turning my heart black?  I have one of two choices:  I can close my eyes  or I will let their ghosts follow me around wherever I go.  To me, there is no inbetween.

On overthinking my future 

[wolkenrausch]

I was your surf around the rock, the storm before your calm.  Don't worry,  I understand.  It’s always fun to meet me,  but it’s never fun to stay.

[wolkenrausch]

When we first saw it, we both fell in love. We loved the high ceiling and the big bathtub, we loved the dishwasher and the old closet that the previous tenants left us. But over time the cracks in the floor started to bother you. You wanted to look at new places because the roof was leaky. You wanted to get rid of the closet and buy a new one. But my floor, my ceiling, my walls are all cracked. My roof has plenty of holes and the light that shines through them keeps me up at night. So many tenants left their closets, their shelfs, their baggage in my home and I can't just get rid of it. There are homes out there that were newly renovated and are completely empty, waiting for someone to put furniture in them. You could have chosen one of them but you chose me instead. So lets paint the walls in bright colors and put christmas lights everywhere. We won't be able to get rid of all the cracks but we can start seeing beauty in the broken parts of our home and learn to live with them.

[wolkenrausch]

Because I like you but you don’t seem to know how crazy I actually am

Words of a selfish person

[wolkenrausch]

Part of me wishes I could tell you a tale,

about a boy drowning in the oceans of my eyes,

but refusing to stop swimming.

A tale about a girl,

and the circles under her eyes getting darker,

cause she can not sleep,

until she is with him.

But my eyes are brown and I sleep well at night.

He doesn’t have to drown and I never have to sleep without him.

I must be a fool for not being able to enjoy it. Or a masochist.

[wolkenrausch]

There is actually a satisfaction in knowing that you have every right to be upset. I wish something would happen to me, that gave me any right to feel this way. But you're still perfect and I'm still just a girl that - no matter what she has - is still longing for more.

at least I have every right to feel guilty now 

[wolkenrausch]

All of my craziness is bottled up inside of me. Scared that if I let it spill, he might leave. A part of me wants to test his limits. Let it all out and see at what point he won’t be able to handle it anymore. Push him away before he has the chance to make me fall in love with him.

You have no clue how insane I am

[suspend]

I love her because of her quirks, not in spite of them.

Matthew Fisher on Tamed by Emma Chase (via suspend)

[wolkenrausch]

Instead of saying the wrong thing, he decides to comment all of my stories with silence. Whenever I show him a part of me, my scars and flaws, he just stares at them and doesn’t say a single word. I never knew that silence could be so loud. It sounds like a stabbing pain in my eardrums. I feel like a rat in a laboratory, like I’m being slowly conditioned to hide everything imperfect about myself. Because no one wants to see your imperfections, while they watch you in your glass cage.

Please just say something

[wolkenrausch]

He strives for improvement. He claims that you always have to keep trying to become „the best version“ of yourself. There is no such thing as perfect, there is always a „better“ somewhere out there. I can’t stop wondering, when will he notice that there are so many girls who would be an improvement compared to me? I can’t stop asking myself, if the day he finds out, will be the day he leaves.

Why am I so scared of losing you? I hate that

[the-sad-boy]

[ashleymacleanblog]

Even after all the pain you put me through, I’d still answer the phone if you called.

(via confessing-emotions)

[wordsnquotes]

I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.

John Green (via wordsnquotes)

[wolkenrausch]

Sometimes love will suprise you. Not in the way it feels but in the shape it choose to appear in. It will come in odd moments and look so unfamiliar. You will have to be careful not to miss out on it. Take all the time you have to get to know love, to make it seem familiar again, because sometimes it will suprise you in the very best way.

Drunk of love at a Wednesday night

[somewhatsomelikepoetry]

I fear that you’ll soon realise that there is so many other and better options than me

(via somewhatsomelikepoetry)

[wolkenrausch]

And when they give every poem you read a meaning, When all the songs you listen to sound like the melody of their soul, then you know it happened, then you know you fell for them.

How to know that you’re in love

[wolkenrausch]

“You’re a coward”, I said. “No, I am a realist”, he replied. “That’s the same thing. Realists are just dreamers, who are too much of a coward to follow their dreams”, I explained.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #3