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breaking up with mark (angst)
"let's end this with wishes that are lifelong." you said, finally looking at him.
tears were welling up in his eyes, clearly on the verge of breaking down. now that you looked at him, you couldn't look away.
this is not how you wanted your day to end, but you knew deep down that it was inevitable. your stay in korea was about to end and with the type of career mark was pursuing, there was no realistic outcome where the both of you could be together.
you didn't know when you'd be back and the possibility of staying in contact through texts and calls was slim. especially considering how busy he had been and how you'd felt lonelier day by day.
slowly, you started feeling like a ghost in your own relationship, present but fading.
you knew it wasn't his fault, nor did you want to hold him back from his dreams. you couldn't help but wonder how your life with him would've turned out if he had chosen a different career. then again, would mark really be mark if he wasn't this creative, hard-working musician that you fell in love with?
and regardless of his career, you were also moving away to pursue your own dreams and achieve your goals.
the last couple of talks you had with him led nowhere, only stretching out what you both knew was coming.
maybe a fresh start really was the best way to solve this issue.
still, you wondered if mark felt the same.
eventually, you got tired of overthinking and guessing, so you finally called him.
"hey love, could you maybe come over after work?"
"i'm sorry, i'm really busy-"
"mark, it's really important… please." the shift in your voice was noticeable to anyone. or maybe it was the tears you had been holding back, slowly burning your throat.
"o-ok… uhm, i'll try to hurry."
"i love you." those words stung more than usual.
"i love you too." you hung up the phone.
and now, it was time to wait.
you had been thinking about how to approach him for days, but you never found the right time.
how was he going to react? would he stay calm, or would you both end up crying?
you remembered the first night he held your hand under the streetlight outside your apartment. how his fingers trembled, how neither of you said anything, but everything felt right. you wondered if he still thought about it or if those small, quiet memories had been lost in the noise of everything else.
as you waited, you looked around the room, remembering all the memories carved into the walls, the laughter that used to bounce between them.
how could something so full feel so empty now?
after hours of just staring at the wall and contemplating, your doorbell finally rang.
you got off the couch and opened the door. mark had 'tired' written all over him.
"hey babe," he greeted you with the bit of energy he had left.
you kissed him and invited him inside.
mark let his body fall onto the couch, sighing in exhaustion.
"i could fall asleep right now," he joked.
"i wish you wouldn't," you said and sat down next to him.
he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you down with him.
"let me at least cuddle my girl for a bit."
you felt dread loom over you.
you were slowly doubting your decision to break up, but deep down you knew you had to tell him before it was too late.
"what's going on? you've been odd ever since you called me earlier." of course, he knew something was up- how could he not?
he could feel what was coming, but he wasn't ready.
he had been in denial since your phone call. maybe even earlier- maybe when you had brought up moving away a couple of weeks ago. but he had convinced himself that if he just worked harder, finished the album faster, maybe just maybe you'd still be there.
you both sat up in silence.
you couldn't look at him. you refused to see what face he was making. if you saw it, it would be too real.
your heart started beating faster, like it was going to fall out of your chest.
"i think we should break up," your words cut through the silence.
"yn, what are you talking about?" mark started panicking. he really wasn't ready.
"let's end this with wishes that are lifelong."
"no- wait. we can fix this. just give me some time until the album is out."
"and what will you do the next time you have to prepare for an album?"
you could see the gears turning in his mind, trying to come up with a solution that didn't exist.
"we already struggle to spend time together the way it is now. but with me moving away and living in a different time zone, how are we supposed to fix this?"
tears were streaming down your face.
you were frustrated- frustrated at him, at yourself, at the 'destiny' mark always talked about.
destiny was supposed to bring you together to grow old together, but instead, it put you together just to rip you apart.
was this just a lesson you were supposed to learn from?
"i don't want to miss you more than i already did the past months."
mark finally realized how neglected you felt.
"i'm not saying this to hold you back. i want you to flourish and find all the success in the world. but now… i need to choose me."
your voice cracked, but your words held.
mark pulled you into a tight embrace.
"i'm sorry i wasn't able to be there for you more. i'm sorry for being naive and thinking everything could go back to normal when i finish my album. i'm sorry for making you feel like a burden. i really, really love you. even if i haven't been able to show it, you are my everything."
how could the world have been so cruel?
mark kissed your forehead softly before slowly letting you go.
he put his hands on your shoulders.
"look at me," mark whispered.
you slowly lifted your head.
"thank you for loving me."
you nodded, unable to speak.
"but it's ok now. even if i let go of this love, i will always wish for you to find the love you deserve."
you could hear your heart break into little fragments that you could never retrieve.
"i love you, yn." he gave you a little squeeze and smiled with tears in his eyes.
mark was mesmerizing. even in pain, he was beautiful.
this was the boy you fell in love with. and no matter what, your heart would always hold a little space for him.
"i love you too, mark." you returned the smile as best as you could before breaking down again.
the last page of your shared journey.
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
discoholicmusic
vaporwave
ellievsbear
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