one of those AU's where Tim doesn't want to be adopted into the Wayne family so he decides to be a little shit and convinces the Red Hood of Crime Alley to sign as his legal guardian to piss off Bruce, not knowing that by doing so he is technically being adopted into the Wayne family anyway because he doesn't initially know that the Red Hood is Jason Todd,
anyway one of those AU's except after convincing Hood to sign the papers the highs of teenage rebellion calm down and he's left watching Hood clean up the body of a guy he just dispatched and he's like.... 'shit Bruce might actually fire me as Robin for this.' and then panics about keeping it a secret from the bats to save his job.
To be clear, Hood is a good father figure, and he sure as hell isn't a deadbeat; he shows up. it's obvious that Tim now is under the care of a man who cares and puts in effort; Tim now has to skip training so he can make it back in time for 'family dinners', his teachers are praising that he doesn't seem so tired anymore (Hood does not play about getting a good nights rest) and clearly is getting help in the subjects he sometimes struggles with (english lit), not to mention Tim very quickly learns that it does not matter what dark crime shit Hood is knee deep in when Tim realises he needs something, Hood will pick up his call. it's honestly weird how good at being a dad this guy is. but again, Tim is genuinely in fear for his wellbeing when Bruce finds out he -out of nothing but spite- got himself adopted by the one man in the city that Batman is genuinely struggling to take down. Bruce will Not Be Chill about Tim's new guardian being a murderer, he knows that. so he just keeps skipping around Bruce's suggestion that they meet and refuses to tell him the guy's name (he doesn't fucking know it himself to be fair, which is weird considering he has the spare key to the guys apartment), under the premise of 'he doesn't want his new dad to have to deal with bat levels of paranoia and investigation, B, seriously, mind your own business, he's fine.'
and then of course Tim eventually figures out his new dad is the presumed dead Jason Todd and the whole 'we can't let Bruce know' thing becomes even more important because Tim very much does not want to be in the middle of that and also doesn't that make Bruce his grandfather because holy fuck please no-
the only person who knows is Damian, who visits Jason during family dinner, takes one look at the situation, turns to Tim, and says 'so does this make you my nephew then?'. Tim wants to kill him.
thing is that Bruce is starting to get more and more jealous about how much Tim seems to like his new 'dad', and how well he's doing under the guy's guardianship. this of course leads him to get suspicious and he starts trying to show up more in Tim's public civilian life just so he can get a glimpse of this new secretive 'guardian'.
the issue is that the entirety of Gotham loves Bruce Wayne and are aware that he's always been a 'family friend' of the Drakes for years. so of course they let the man do whatever he wants when he shows up saying he's there for Tim, especially when Tim claims that his new guardian 'doesn't like the idea of being in the limelight and therefor doesn't show up to public events'
the other issue is that Jason has gotten hardcore attached to Tim and is getting more and more bitter about the very obvious attempts from Bruce at stealing his new son, to the point where maybe people knowing Tim is being looked after by the Red Hood of Crime Alley doesn't sound like such a bad idea anymore...
anyway all of this is a very long-winded excuse for how we get to the point where Bruce gets himself admitted as one of the chaperones for Tim's school field trip, only to watch in horror as five minutes before they all leave the Red Hood shows up and proudly declares that as Tim's legal guardian he will also be attending, with the paperwork to prove it. he's been donating a shitton of money to the school for a while specifically for this reason, so the staff literally let him do whatever he wants. essentially Bruce ends up stuck on a school trip with the Red Hood, except he's in civilian form and can't do fuck all about it. worst part is Red Hood very clearly knows Bruce's identity, and is very clearly positively gleeful about the situation he has concocted.
the field trip is camping. Tim sits on the floor and buries his face in his hands for 2 hours straight while Hood and Brucie Wayne trade passive aggressive comments back and forth above him. because they're both chaperones, Bruce and Hood are asked to share a tent. in the evening they make smores and Bruce makes a snippy comment about how Hood won't be able to eat his through the helmet. Hood calmly smushes melted marshmallow into Bruce's hair. as a civilian, there is literally nothing he can do but stare across the fire at Tim in complete betrayal.
that evening Damian receives a text.
Tim: yeah you win you can be robin. cause theres no fucking way i'll be keeping my job after this.
Tim: ur dad might have to shave his head btw.
Damian: genuinely what the fuck is going on over there
Tim: my dad could beat ur dad up any day.
Damian: ??? not arguing but i thought you were camping.
Tim: he brought an axe.
Damian: fucks sake jason
i want damian to bond with tim because tim's the only grave brother he has. like, dick and jason are idiots. they came straight from the golden era and have been through so much bullshit in their lives that the only thing they have going for them is their level of whimsy; so they treat everything like it's a scooby-doo adventure. damian grew up having to be jason's impulse control at the league and by the time he gets to gotham he's so fucking tired. dick isn't any different, because dick takes one look at damian and goes 'yeah this kid hasn't smiled once in the past five years i need to give him a childhood' and he just will not take anything seriously. in damian's mind, dick is just jason if jason was real fuckin' bendy, and damian's so over that.
but tim? fucking- joined the squad to stop batman from killing/suiciding himself on the street? had the deaths of all his loved ones faked as a fucking 16th birthday present? fucking joker junior? yeah tim doesn't have time to fuck around. damian considers tim a rival right up until they're working together on a case and tim says 'ok no messing around if we do this right we can get the job done in three minutes no bullshit,' and damian decides right then and there this is his favourite brother and they will be best friends.
au where Damianâs on ok-enough terms with his motherâs side of the family that they keep in contact, and on a phone call with Raâs he finds out about Tim having lost his spleen; a fact which Tim did NOT alert the rest of the bats to due to a mixture of him not remembering that it might be relevant and him not wanting to deal with all the questions/shock of it all. luckily for Tim, Damian grew up in the league and has dealt with/seen so much shit in his life that he too does not really think Tim being spleenless is that important, and doesnât think to bring it up.
unfortunately, Damian is also the youngest brother and is, in essence, a little fucking shit. so a couple months later when Red Robin has to meet up with Batman, Nightwing, and Robin to discuss the ring of illegal organ harvesters that Robin and Nightwing have just infiltrated, Damian hands over a gift bag with a clearly bitten-back grin and falsely-innocent expression.
Tim opens the back and genuinely bluescreens.
âI- I uh,â Damian chokes back a giggle. âI heard you needed one of these.â
Timâs face is so uncomprehending that Dick snatches the bag away and moves to open it, complaining about how Damian had made them stop at a craft store on the way over to buy the bag and he still doesnât fucking know why-
he looks in the bag and screams.
âWHY DID YOU TAKE- WHAT EVEN IS THAT?â
Tim stares forward blankly, in pure awe at the levels of comedy his little brother is bringing to the table. âItâs a spleen. Heâs given me a spleen.â
Damian collapses into a fit of laughter to the point of crying while Dick, horrified, tries not to throw up over the mangled rotting organ Damian had stolen from the illegal-transplant ring. he doesnât stop laughing for the better part of an hour and Bruce has to talk to Damian about the dangers of messing with case evidence, especially when that evidence is actual human remains.
obviously the question of why Damian thought it would be funny to gift Tim a spleen of all things brings about the knowledge that Tim does not have his original, which Tim is not happy about. the worst part is Tim canât even be mad at Damian for it because thatâs genuinely the funniest fucking joke heâs ever heard of in his life and heâs only pissed off that Damian of all people thought of it before he did.
ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because heâs Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.
ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and heâs just like âfuck yeah thatâs cool.â and starts exploring.
thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes âuh, July i guess? thatâs when mom and dad get back.â it is early February.
thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes âok this is funny as fuck i promise i wonât snitch to Bruce.â
Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album thatâs just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.
Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has âreplaced himâ unknowing theyâre already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes âyeah sounds about right for him.â
Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides âabsolutely the fuck notâ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.
Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Timâs old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says âok this is funny as fuck i promise i wonât snitch to Bruce.â
the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced âthis is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.â
eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne whoâs spent the past three and a half years under Jason Toddâs influence and sombrely declares âthe cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.â
first time the batfamily get to hear Jasonâs genuine uncontrollable laughter post his identity reveal as Red Hood is six months in, two weeks after he finally agrees to patrol with them on a semi-regular basis. post-patrol Jason has to come back to the cave for a debrief and as theyâre all cleaning their gear, Damian and Jason start casually chatting about the differences between the LoA and Gotham.
âI prefer here because the training facilities in the cave are much smaller,â they hear Damian tell him. âAt the compound we had acres of land dedicated to each trainable craft; not to mention the inner halls under the mountain.â
âI mean at least growing up there gave you diverse surroundings?â Jason points out. Damian looks up from his katana with narrowed eyes, squinting over at him.
âDiverse? Jason the only diverse thing about my childhood was you; you were the only white man for fucking miles. For two years straight I thought you were an albino like Uncle Dusan until mother pulled me aside and told me I had to stop acting like you being American was a birth defect.â
Jason laughs so hard he accidentally shoots the gun heâs cleaning and shatters the screen of the batcomputer while Timâs halfway through a report, which then makes him laugh even harder. Bruce canât even be mad about the damage, heâs just so happy he gets to hear his son happy again.
conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 36 (masterpost here) (league days edition)
*distinct Damian-sounding cackles*
Jason: -yay or nay,
Tim: don't do this to me,
Jason, insistent: yay or nay.
Tim: LEAVE ME ALONE.
Damian: *still cackling* it's not- it's not that hard-,
Tim: YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT. YOU NEVER GET TO FUCKING DECIDE THAT.
Jason: Timothy Jackson Drake, i say this with all the love in my heart; it has been forty five minutes-
Damian: *broken wheeze*
Tim: NO BECAUSE- YOU PUT STAKES ON IT. YOU CAN'T JUST-
*connecting ping*
Tim: -YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE ME STAKES AND THEN ACT LIKE THIS ISN'T WAY MORE STRESSFUL NOW!
Dick: awwww yeee boi we getting steaks after patrol? I'm coming.
Damian: nO- *breaks off into more cackles*
Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGHTWING.
Dick: ...what the fuck? why am i not allowed to go to dinner with you guys?
Damian: oh my- *wheeze* ohihaveasTITCH-
Jason: we aren't going to dinner, goldie. we're playing league days and RR's mad about it. again.
Tim: I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS ARE GASLIGHTING ME ABOUT THIS NOT BEING AS FUCKED UP AS IT IS.
Dick: oooooo~ league days! what's the prompt?
Tim: yeah- fuckin let me hear the original prompt again. i need to think.
Jason, bemused: kiddo? floor's yours.
Damian: *delirious giggles* *high pitched* oh shit, ok wait hold on, fuck-,
Dick, absently: oh shit that guy has a gun- ok go ahead i'm listening i'm just-
*gunshot*
Dick: *laughs* *faintly* missed me bitch- *grunt* *fighting noises*
Damian: *clears throat* for my ninth birthday, my grandfather took me on a quest which, as my grandfather planned from the beginning, ended with the CEO of the Totino's pizzaroll brand kissing my boot and offering to give me his pet iguana.
Dick, incredulous: -sorry?
Jason: *uncontrollable wheeze* *muffled* Tim...?
Tim: ok. well saying it a second time didn't fucking make it any saner.
Damian: admittedly this was one of the occasions where even akhi and i were side-eyeing each other like. maybe it's time to get grandfather screened for dementia.
Jason: in my defence, i didn't think he'd take my idea so seriously.
Dick: how was- how was it your idea?? how did this- oh shit- *thud* HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?
Tim: i am no more sure of this than i was forty-five minutes ago.
Dick: AM I NOT GOING TO BE GIVEN CONTEXT FOR- ACK *gruesome squelch*
Damian: the fuck...?
Jason: yeah man that sounded fatal, you good over there wing?
*a beat of silence*
Dick, weakly: *cough* assistance. possible lung pierced. docks. now.
*a beat*
Tim: motherfucker-
Damian, professionally: i'm closest, on my way Nightwing. Hood, alert Batman; he's got the batmobile over in the Diamond District with Catwoman tonight. he can take Nightwing back to the cave.
Dick: *weak coughing* don't you fuck-ing dare- I NEED TO KNOW IF IT WAS A YAY OR A *cough* nay,
Tim: you see what fucking happens when you start talking about your childhood, Robin? Nightwing dies.
Jason: YOU ASKED. TO PLAY. ANOTHER ROUND.
Tim: I DIDN'T ADD STAKES TO THE GAME.
Dick: do i not get steak because i might pass out?
Tim: I- what?
Jason: s' thinkin about meat again,
Tim: oh. that wasn't the stake, Nightwing.
Damian: i'm here- holy- yeah Jason, get father now.
Jason: i texted him.
Damian: you texted him!? fucking nobody in this family understands the idea of urgency- ORACLE.
*ping*
Barbara: Batman is ten minutes out Robin, i alerted him of the situation.
Damian: THANK you.
*disconnecting ping*
Damian: *over the noise of fabric* at least somebody is being helpful. Nightwing stop moving i'm trying to apply pressure-
Jason: he's been through worse, pussy. the golden era seemed so bright because we were all loopy from blood loss half the time. a random-ass punctured lung? i've seen him beat Booster Gold in darts tournaments with those.
Dick, faintly: barbeque...
Jason: see?
Damian: we're not having a fucking barbeque Richard.
Dick: Tim didn't- he didn't give an answer.
*silence*
Tim: an answer to wh- oh fuck off, Nightwing.
Dick: if he gets it right i want steak- ow, Damian!
Damian: *unapologetic, slightly smug* sorry.
Jason: you heard him RR. he's on his deathbed and his last wish is you finish the round. yay or nay, did Robin get a boot kiss from Jeff Harmening?
*three seconds of silence*
Tim, pensive: take away the stakes-
Jason, instant: nope. you get it wrong and i want you ready to go, next gala, in that bathtub.
*another two seconds of silence*
Tim: i... pick... yay.
*silence*
Jason: aw fuck man-
Damian: correct!
Tim: W- REALLY?!
Dick, simultaneous: SERIOUSLY?! oh- ow, shouldn't have done that, ow,
Damian: *faint smack* stop trying to sit up.
Tim: I GOT IT RIGHT?! MOTHERFUCKER I GOT ONE RIGHT- *instant voice drop* dude you really let the ceo of Totino's kiss you?
Damian: it was a birthday gift. i felt bad.
Tim: wELL I GOT IT RIGHT. I GOT IT RIGHT I GOT IT RIGHT-
Jason, over Tim's yells: congratulations, kid. no bathtub for you.
*connecting ping*
Bruce, panicked: i'm almost there, how is he doi-
Tim: -I MADE LEAGUE DAYS MY FUCKING BITCH AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK. WE WIN THESE MOTHERFUCKER, WE FUCKING WIN! THESE!
one of the batkids gets dosed with truth serum and they immediately use it to try to get the others in trouble. not the non-drugged batkids using it to their advantage mind you, but the drugged one.
Dick: B i have to tell you something and you have to remember i literally cannot lie. Jason's on drugs. i saw him taking drugs you need to punish him. he's on drugs.
Bruce:
Jason from across the cave, THE most irritated they've ever heard him: I TOOK AN IBUPROFEN YOU FUCKIN' JACKASS.
-
Damian: father, usually i am not a snitch because Jason trained that out of me at the league, but i am under truth serum so i feel i have no choice but to let you know that Timothy is neglecting to tell you about injuries he gets on patrol again, despite your interventions. he clearly has no respect for you and this should be addressed.
Bruce, grave: Tim, is this true?
Tim, immensely confused: wha- NO?!
Bruce: Damian is currently unable to lie to me, Tim. please, be honest.
Damian: he even did it tonight, he does it all the time father.
Tim: what the- WHAT FUCKING-
Tim: *pauses*
Tim, incredulous: yOU MEAN THE FUCKING SPLINTER I GOT FOUR HOURS AGO?!?!
Bruce:
Bruce: ok but you didn't deny the no respect thing.
Tim: no comment.
-
Tim, through the coms: B, i've been dosed with truth serum. also Jason's killing again.
Jason, just accidentally stepped on a snail but loves to disappoint Batman: and i'll fucking do it again, what are you gonna do about it?
â SYNOPSIS: Every other brother. You look at every other brother but him. Is he just not good enough for you? Not pretty enough? Do you just not like him like that? Tell him, what will it take for you to shine your smile his way for once? For you to look at him with just an ounce of the attention you give them? What will it take?
Tell him.
Please...
â TAGS: older!damian wayne, older!duke thomas, everyone is 18+, slightly suggestive themes, jealousy, possessive behaviour, yearning, so much yearning, did i mention there's jealousy?, like crazy amounts of jealousy, angst, he pins you to a counter, and begs for you to just look at him once, background!batboys x reader, oblivious!reader, pathetic!tim, reader is not a batsib
â A/N: tim's been craving your attention for a while nowâhow come you read oneshots on every other brother but him..?
line divider: @cafekitsune, left art: @/_athenoot (instagram), middle art: @/_NIGHTFAR_ (twitter)
Tim's seen the way you look at the others.
The way you shrink into yourself, all bashful and shy, when Damian brushes close, leaning in to whisper a soft 'Habibti' into your ear.
The way your smile grows just a little too wide when Dick winks your way, saying something or the other with lidded eyes and a coy smile.
The way your gaze lingers on Jason's muscles when he fixes his bike, so obvious that he himself sees, smirks, and flexes until veins pop out and your pupils blow wide.
The way your laughter echoes just a little longer than usual when Duke cracks a quick joke, grinning and leaning ever so slightly closer to you with a soft, small glow emitting from him.
Tim's seen it all.
And he. fucking. hates it.
It makes his stomach churn. Douses his insides with gasoline and strikes a match nearby.
It makes everything around him shrink, focus, tunnel in until all he can see is you and whatever brother it is that has your attention right at that moment.
It makes his fists clench; makes it so that he nearly draws blood and locks his jaw in place with how set it is.
An awful feeling, sickly and green and leaving him all but wondering: why? Why don't you ever look at him that way?
That light that dances in your eyes; the way your smile turns to mush and your shoulders sink like you're slowly melting into a puddleâwhy is it never because of him?
Is there something his brothers have that he doesn't? Something that makes you notice them more than him?
He can't stand it. Can't stand not being the one circulating in your mind, when all you ever do is cloud his.
Day after day, night after night, your voice echoes in his head; sweet and shy; sarcastic and funnyâa mix of the two, more than both, so much personality wrapped in such a lovely package.
But none of it ever for him.
Even now, as he sits on the edge of his couch, gaze dead and set square on you and the demon head chatting away in the corner, he can't help but feel that ugly churn in his stomach, only amplified tenfold by the previous events of the nightâall interactions, all with his brothers, none with him.
Tim watches as you excuse yourself with a smile and a brush of your fingers against his brother's arm, heading straight for the kitchen with a pep in your step.
He waits for a beat, blinks to break free of his own stare, then gets up and follows right after.
You bite down on your lip, trying and failing to find a glass you can use to quench your thirst in this giant, godforsaken maze of a kitchen.
Okay, maybe it's not a maze, but it is a hell of a complicated storage system.
"Where the hell does Alfred put all the glasses?"
A clink answers your muttered question, and your eyes flick up, a cup ready and waiting on the kitchen counter.
"Oh, thanksâ"
Using the counter as leverage, you pull yourself back up before whirling around and being met with a wall of heat pressed almost right up against you.
"âTim?"
You blink, but he just stares back, gaze lidded and heavy, not saying a word.
"Uh, you good?"
Still, nothing.
You try shifting in place, the air a little too hot, a little too damp, but he halts you, placing one hand on the counter to your left, and one hand on the counter to your right.
Your breath hitches.
Then he speaks.
"What do they have?" he asks, almost desperately.
"Huh?"
He repeats, "What do they have..." before adding in a near whisper, "that I don't?"
He leans close, breath heavy and warm, damp and weighted, like he's shouldering the world and letting just an ocean slip out.
"That makes you look at them that way and not me?"
His voice shakes when he speaks, as though desperate for an answer, for a look, for anything, and with each word, his arms seem to flex more, veins protruding from the corner of your eye like cracks in a dam.
"Why don't you give me the same look you give all of them..?" he breathes out, expression scrunched up, pained, like you've plunged a knife through his heart instead of just standing there, leaned against the counter with wide, bewildered eyes.
"Whatâ? Tim, what are youâ?"
He cuts you off, or maybe he doesn't hear you speak in the first place, too wound up in that farâaway, yet still somehow intense gaze he's trained onto you.
"Why don't you love me..?"
It's then when his hands slip to your sides; then when your eyes go wide and his fingers curl up, scrunching the fabric of your shirt until it's all bunched up in his grip and crinkling under his knuckles.
"Why won't you look at me..?"
"Tim, what are you on about?"
He shakes, trembles, and his curled up grip slowly inches behind you, clenching and unclenching in little crawls around your waist like he's afraid to let go, like you'll disappear if he does.
"Please," he whispersâagain, too far gone to respond to you, "tell me..."
You blink as he draws you closer, arms fully curled around your waist now, hips fully flushed against yours.
"What will it take..?"
So close, you're forced to look into his all-black eyes, and find your reflection staring straight back at you.
"Just one look..."
You almost jump when you feel something against your bare waist, glancing down to see the sliver of skin under your shirt being caressed by his fingers, grazed in circles that send heat down and spread around between your thighs.
"That's all I want..."
He draws your gaze back up with a shaky breath.
"That's all I ask..."
You blink, and he somehow pulls you even closer, back forced into a curve to avoid knocking into his nose.
"Just one look."
Then he finally buries his head into your neck, and whimpers one final, breathless time:
alternatively Damian keeps Jason a secret once he gets to Gotham so he can keep getting away with stuff.
like, Damian grew up attached to Jason's side. they know each other better than they know themselves, and Jason especially has a certain affinity for knowing exactly what Damian's thinking at any given point.
of course. he's also Damian's older brother. was he a bad influence? yes. but he was also a protective motherfucker that was an EXPERT as ruining Damian's fun whenever he decided to act responsible. Damian couldn't do SHIT without Jason knowing.
but then? they get split up. Damian's sent to Gotham. Jason gets caught up with the outlaws and then Crime Alley. Damian is, for the first time since his beloved brother rose out of the pit, without the Red Hood's supervision.
the bats are sweet of course, they try their hardest; but they have no idea what Damian's life was like pre-Gotham. it's not like Talia gave Bruce a manual of how to take care and rule over a rebellious Damian Al Ghul. the only knowledge they ever get about how Damian lives comes straight from Damian's own mouth.
Damian uses this to his advantage. he feels as the youngest of a shitton of overbearing older siblings, he at least deserves that.
Bruce, catching Damian with a bottle of whiskey straight out of his office cabinet: Damian! you can't drink, what are you doing!??!? do you WANT me to take Robin away??
Damian:
Damian, three glasses in and pure bullshitting: ...grandfather would demand i drink alcohol twice weekly to ensure my tolerance of intoxication stayed up to his standards. is that not the case here?
Bruce:
Bruce, devastated: *quietly takes bottle* ok well... you aren't in trouble... but please don't do that again...
like. they have no way to prove ANYTHING Damian says is wrong. Damian is getting away with EVERYTHING. so when Red Hood starts getting into trouble with the bats of course Damian is 'loving' enough to not let anybody know that Jason's alive. he doesn't want his big brother coming around and snitching on him.
of course, Dick is too persistent. Tim is too lovable. Bruce is too apologetic. and Jason misses his kid demon brat too much. it was only a matter of time. the first time he gets foiled is precisely a week after Jason fully makes good with Bruce and agrees to start coming back to the manor after patrols. it's almost 2 AM, Damian has school in the morning, and he wants to finish playing that video game Tim got him hooked on a few days prior.
"I'm going to start up the Xbox in the main living area, if you plan on socialising please keep to the kitchen," He informs everyone, shrugging off the last of his Robin gear and heading towards the stairs. everybody else only hummed their agreeal, not even blinking at his behaviour. Jason, however, instantly snorts, stopping Damian in his tracks with a heavy hand on the nape of his neck.
"Uhm, 'scuze me you little shit," He says, raising an eyebrow down at the scowling child pointedly. "I don't think so. You know your bedtime is 10PM."
"We went on patrol," Damian gritted out quickly, reminding him. "Bedtimes are null, surely you know."
Jason laughed. "And surely you know that Ra's told you that on the occasions when missions kept you up later than 10, you havta' go to bed the second you're finished with no electronics or caffine. Patrol's the same deal habibi, up you go."
"Wait..." Dick interuppted, sounding confused. "Damian had a bedtime at the league?"
Damian shut his eyes in resignation, knowing he was caught.
"Course he did," Jason said skeptically. "You think Ra's and Talia were stupid? No way he would have gotten through training without passing out if he wasn't made to get enough sleep for his age. They were harsh, not illogical."
Bruce furrowed his brow, now starting to sense that he'd been duped. "But he told me that he had been trained since birth to not need as much sleep as children his age; that he'd been modified in Ra's labs to do so and had never had a bed time or curfew."
Jason looked at the confused faces of Tim, Dick, and Bruce as if they were stupid. His head whipped down to stare at Damian, who refused to make eye contact.
"...Fuck you been telling these guys, Day?"
Damian spun on his heel and quickened his pace up the stairs without a word, eager to escape. He stopped just after rounding a corner, holding his breath or eavesdrop right as he heard Tim inquire, "So uh... yo, Jason? I have a question about whether or not Damian was allowed to smoke cigarettes at the league. Because that's what he told me and Dick."
"You've been letting him smoke cigarettes-?" Bruce started, scandalised. Dick's voice cut him off.
"He TOLD us that Talia LET HIM."
"And you believed him?"
"Hey hey hey, you're the one that believed it was part of his home culture to eat nothing but caramel covered pancakes for dinner every Thursday!"
A pause. Sounding betrayed, Bruce asked, "...So is that not true?"
"Jesus fucking Christ." Damian heard Jason drawl from the cave, sounding both severely unimpressed and slightly amused. "Kid's been fuckin' runnin' circles round you lot, ain't he?"
Some character designs with someâŠatypical color choices? I guess. I donât know whatâs going on in that area.
This is Nimona and her supervillain friend (He doesnât have a name yet, Iâm working on that). Nimona is his sidekick/squire, theyâre like the Batman and Robin of slightly Medieval villains, but sheâs actually way more evil than him. He does what he does to make a point, and he doesnât really want anyone get hurt - Nimona just gets a kick out of destroying stuff.
Iâm going to attempt to make a two page comic with them? Weâll see how this goes.
Jason: it is so unfair that Damian gets to have all these pets. like, where was the fucking in-house zoo when I was Robin?!
Dick: to be fair Jason, you were like, terrified of owning pets as a kid. remember when i nursed that sick pigeon Bruce hit with the batmobile back to health and you were scared to even feed it?
Tim: sorry- B hit a bird in the batmobile!?
Jason, waving him off: yeah old news- Dick i had REASON to be worried about owning pets back then, i'd been traumatised!
Dick: *wheeze* you had not- you had not been traumatised,
Jason, completely serious: it ruined me.
Dick: *wheezes again*
Tim: what's he talking about?
Dick: he uh- *cough* he caught a mouse once when he was like, 7, and kept it as a pet,
Jason, mournful: Sir Reginald...
Dick: *snort* but the mouse was sick when he caught it, so it only lasted like, a few days before dying-, and- and apparently- *giggle* he told me this story when he was like 14 and it's the funniest thing-
Jason: -the worst memory of my childhood- *turns to Dick* you know i watched her die in front of me like a month afterwards and this was still the worst memory i have of her?
Dick: *cackles*
Tim: of- wait, you mean Catherine Todd? what-
Dick: he- this lil' fuckin mouse died, right? and- and Tim, our Jaylad over here, devastated by his new best friend's death, carried the poor thing over to his mom to ask her to help him plan a funeral, and Catherine Todd, woman that she was-
Jason, faint: woman that she was,
Dick, louder: WOMAN THAT SHE WAS, TOOK ONE LOOK AT THIS GRIEVING SEVEN YEAR OLD, and she went 'he probably hated you, you must have made his last few days alive complete hell.'
Tim: *snickering* no fucking way- Jason-
Jason: and you wonder why i'm like this.
Dick: *laughing*
Jason, completely casual: you know i remember her holding two different needles in one hand as she said those words- looked like fuckin- edward scissorhands or something. like who needs two? your bitch ass wasn't sharing.
Dick and Tim: *collapse with laughter*
Jason: ok- YOU CAN'T FIND THAT MORE FUNNY.
Tim, crying: i just- i really like the concept of you failing at keeping a mouse alive for longer than a weekend, and still a couple years later you were like, 'yeah i reckon i could handle the responsibility of keeping Gotham safe'.
Jason:
Jason, struggling not to smile: ok well- alright listen. and you aren't allowed to laugh.
Dick, already amused: what?
Jason: well the thing is that i did drop Sir Reginald at one point while i had him, and there was a moment when i was on that balconey with Philipe Garzonas after he dropped where i was just like 'shit not again-'
i do find it funny the concept of all the batkids agreeing that tim is the most likely to eventually snap and go full supervillain on them all. like i bet damian and jason get together and decide that to lower the risk they should ragebait the fuck out of him at any and all opportunity to try and steer him away from overreactions. and i bet it stresses dick the fuck out.
-
Jason: *trips Tim for no reason* whatcha' gonna do? kill me again?
Tim: can you give it a fucking rest- *tries to get up*
Jaosn: no *shoves him back down*
Dick, furiously whispering after Tim leaves: can you stop pissing him off you know he's a flight risk-!
Jason: that's the point. if we piss him off enough he'll get used to it and he'll stop thinking everything should be retaliated with via supervillain revenge. we're lowering the stock value of his rage.
Dick:
Dick: are you fucking kidding me-
-
Damian: *walks into the batcave and silently shoots Tim with a paintball gun*
Tim: OW- YOU PIECE OF-
Damian: deep breaths Timothy. remember your mental exercises.
Tim: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'LL-
Damian: *shoots him again*
Tim:
Tim:
Damian: *cocks gun in warning*
Tim: ...i'm going to go. do some gardening. and meditate.
Dick, after Tim leaves, face pale: why are you testing him like that he's going to kill us all.
Damian: Todd and i have a schedule to ensure premium anger management training.
Dick: THATS NOT GONNA WORK.
Damian: and yet he's gardening right now.
-
*during a JL meeting the batkids had to help out with*
Tim: -so that's my plan, are there any objections?
Jason: yeah, that plan's fucking stupid. like seriously, did you even try?
Damian: literally the most pathetic attempt at displaying intelligence i've ever seen. no wonder your original parents stopped calling.
Tim: *stares at the two blankly for fifteen full seconds*
Tim: ok well anyway-
Diana, leaning in to Dick: ...what was that about?
Dick, white-knuckling the table, blood pressure through the roof: they're. trying to train him.
Batkids: *All hanging out on the floor of the BatCave, silently reading to themselves.*
Jason: *Breaking the silence suddenly* Have yâall ever read fan fiction about ourselves?
The rest of the Batkids: âŠ
Duke: ⊠Thereâs fan fiction? About us??
Tim: Oh yeah. Lots of it. Also tons of fan art.
Dick: Yeah, I have a love/hate relationship with those. They make me feel both honored and violated, usually at the same time.
Jason: Some of them are so funny. We should read one tonight.
Babs: *Raising an eyebrow* Arenât they pretty raunchy?
Tim: There are some clean ones. Iâll find one for later.
Later that evening
Tim: Alright yâall, this story has the highest rating on Battpad and it says itâs family friendly. Letâs see how this goes.
Moments later
Dick: Ok, thatâs just creepy.
Jason: How did they know I like Jane Austin and listen to classical music before bed? I donât like that.
Tim: They literally named Red Robinâs alter ego Jimothy Duck and gave him a caffeine addiction. How??
Dick: I just want to know how the HECK it pinned me as a patterned socks guy. Most of my close friends donât even know that.
Damian: I, for one, am just offended they made my persona obnoxious and annoying when I clearly am not.
Jason: Naw, this is just too creepily accurate. Who wrote this?
Tim: Some gal named RottinâMilk.
Tim: âŠ
Tim: Wait
***
Steph: *On the phone while on patrol* Listen, Tim, galas are boring ok? I wrote it in the bathroom for kicks and gigs. How was I supposed to know the world would love making fun of you too??
Au where nobody tells 10 year old Damian who Jason is. And the way they talk about him, Damian just assumes Jason is like a raccoon or something.
Damian: Grayson, why does Pennyworth leave food on the counter every night?
Dick, on his phone, not even paying attention: Oh, that's for Jason.
Damian: For 'Jason'?
Dick: Yeah. Sometimes he sneaks into the kitchen at night, so Alfred started leaving food out for him.
Damian, confused: I've never seen anyone here.
Dick: Well he doesn't always come. And last time, Bruce caught him crawling through the window and scared him away so, who knows when he'll show up again.
Damian, definitely thinking of a raccoon: So then Pennyworth is feeding a random stray that crawled out of God knows where?
Dick, annoyed: He's not a 'random stray', Damian, he's family, and he has been living in this house for way longer than you have.
Damian, trying to remember how long do raccoons live for:
Damian: I hope he doesn't die soon.
Dick: ????!!
*Later that night in the Bat-cave*
Tim, typing away in the computer:
Damian: Drake. Have you ever met Jason?
Tim: Uh. Stupid, annoying and looks like a skunk? Yes, why?
Damian, picturing a mix between a racoon and a skunk:
Damian: Is he friendly?
Tim: Well, the first time I met him, he attacked me, so...
Damian: Hmm... What did you do to provoke him?
Tim: What did I do toâ Bitchâ
Tim: Nothing! He just didn't like me taking 'what was his', or something.
Damian, nodding: You invaded his territory.
*The next day*
Damian: Father, when do you think Jason will visit again? I want to meet him.
Bruce: Um. I don't know, Damian. He doesn't come here often.
Damian: Why?
Bruce: Because he lives somewhere else.
Damian: Why doesn't he just live here with us instead? He would be safer.
Bruce, wincing: I don't think he would like that, Damian. He's not confortable here.
Damian: But, maybe if I befriend him I could convince him to stay.
Bruce, sighing: I don't thinks so, Damian. You have have to respect his wishes.
damian, in the middle of the night, standing in the kitchen doorway half asleep after exhausting patrol, sees a big figure in front of the open fridge, silently prepares for battle:
jason, in the middle of the night, hunched beside the open fridge in the manor's kitchen, locking eyes with tired deadly looking kid in pajamas: ...hi
jason, slowly moving his hands where the kid can see them, taking a second glass: ...want some orange juice?
damian, frowning: speak your name and intentions, intruder.
jason: ...i thought you, you know. knew already.
damian, frowning even more, now slightly confused: knew what?
jason, slightly ashamed: that i sometimes visit manor's kitchen at night because alfred's cooking is godsend and i don't have time for grocery shopping?
damian, going through ten stages of confusion, grief, disappointment and other emotions: you're jason?
jason, slightly indignant now, but still a little ashamed: yes? who else?
damian: i thought you were a raccoon! not some adult-wanna-be.
jason: first of all, what the fuck, second of all, how dare you.
bruce, walking in, haven't yet realised who is swearing and what is happening: language.
The Riddler probably has such an up and down relationship with the Robins because they all tend to tackle things differently and heâs always so thrown by how they handle his riddles.
The Riddler: To free Batman from my trap, you must answer this riddle, little bird. I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?
Dick, eight years old and freshly Robin: *thinking really hard*
The Riddler looking at Batman dangling upside down: ?
Batman: He just needs an extra minute.
The Riddler:
Batman: English isnât his first langauge.
The Riddler, feeling a little bad: oh, thatâs⊠take your time, buddy.
Jason, twelve years old: *lifting a hand*
The Riddler: -uh, yes?
Jason: Can you repeat that? The riddle?
The Riddler: um, yeah, sure. I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?
Jason: Yeah, youâre a map but when youâre talking about multiple species of fish, which you probably are, you can say fishes. If youâre using fish, youâre only talking about one species.
The Riddler:
Jason: I just think you should know that. You know as a âgeniusâ
The Riddler: The more you take, the more you -
Tim: Footsteps, whereâs Batman?
The Riddler: No, you have to let me-
Tim: Nuh-uh
The Riddler: The fuck do you mean ânuh-uhâ? Who raised you?
Tim, on two hours sleep, with two essays due on this fine Thursday night: *fucking launches himself at The Riddler*
The Riddler: I wear a mask but not to hide,
Steph: It's you. You're the answer.
The Riddler: You have to let me finish.
Steph, mimicking him: YOu HaVE tO LEt mE FIniSH
The Riddler: I have-
Damian: *launches himself at the Riddler*
The Riddler: Batman, fuck, FUCK, heâs fucking biting me-
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