Words of a Jade-Lilly

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Cruelty is a Kindness

Love.

Love has many ways of making you feel like nothing can harm you.

But with a few simple words, it tears you from the dream you were having.

The dream where you are able to grow old with someone, that someone who understood the lifestyle you wanted and most importantly that someone who understood who you are to the core of your being.

And between the two of your souls, you felt a connection that you thought was long gone after so many heartbreaks. But with the distance that they gave you unwillingly and the text saying “Hey we need to talk about something important. It’s about us”, what is a girl suppose to feel except anxiety and her heart breaking all at the same time. 

After a couple of hours, she hardens her heart and expects the worse, but to simply be told that she isn’t worthy by the people who she believed to have supported this new budding romance. That means the judgment being passed on her without truly knowing her.

But even for her knowledge and her connection to many cultures, it wasn’t enough so it just means that she has to find someone who is willing to go beyond just their understanding and prove that this cruelty is a kindness.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Today is one of those days where I’m disenhearted by the idea of love. I gave entire being to someone who I thought was ready for that kind of love. But at last, I was wrong yet again. Why do we hope that the love we are looking for it just waiting and willing . Even if we are prepared for it mentally, physically, and emotionally, we still find someone who doesn’t/won’t choose to find those things in themselves. And then men ask why we choose to be a “hoe” or choose to have a “Hot Girl Summer”. It is simply because we get shut down when we open open up our hearts.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

I am Moving Art

Rip me from the canvas that once controlled this painted face. For the colors of this story coexist with a reality that is beyond the boarders of this frame. I no longer want to be still in this dried palette of disarray. I am moving art.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Past memory

Going through these photos they make me feel so much pain

How was I smiling through this and yet I was afraid of my pain so I hurried deep with in me

Hoping it would never find the light

Why was I lying to myself for so long

Thinking I was good enough

To be at that school

To be around those privileged people

To live a life that was never mine

Maybe I lied to myself for so long thinking I was always worthy

But yet here I am siting at the bottom of my ocean filled with the long nights of tears and heartbreak that I created thinking I was worthy

I was broken and drowning.

I didn’t want to help myself.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Mind of Hell

my heart has been torn again and again. not by the pain of life, but the pain created with my mind.

We all have our demons and mine just took the form of you. and then it led to me running into the rabbit hole in my wonderland that just really was my hell. my secret prison filled with the thoughts of anguish and betrayal.

and when I finally began to heal, another demon came in the form of death. death of my heart and that’s where I am moving from now.

healing hasn’t been easy but it’s a slow and steady river that has come in the form of finding happiness, in the little moments. petting a puppy, being kissed like I’m the only girl in the world, being with a family that has no judgment from your past. those moments they make the will of living worth it.

in this place that is a hell on earth, I find myself, looking forward to these moments. But then again life itself is a hell all on its own.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

the silent killer

Words are worse than a killer with a gun.

They give you poison that encircles your mind.

And you slowly dust away until those words are left.

We are plagued with attempting to understand what each human goes through.

But life fools us into believing that everything is as it should be or that it’s by the divine or just call it “plain ol’ “ destiny.

We try to outdo our expectations yet some times we fall short, of every goal we had. And what we need is time to heal our wounds from the battle within our minds. Those words came back to haunt us. It slowly killed us, and now we feel broken and that we are beyond repair. The machine I became was shot in the dark with the bullets of those words.

[poems-and-word]

[poems-and-word]

[buttonpoetry]

“Sorry that I haven’t been fashioning my sadness loudly enough for you. Sorry that I have been learning new words for survivor and they are all my own name.”

— Meaghan Ford,  “We Don’t Tell These Stories For Fun”

[poems-and-word]

[poemswords]

[poemswords]

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Happiest Girl in the World.

seeing a text from you now gives me joy when it uses to break my heart.

It seems you have turned my sadness into joy. And has made me look forward to the future with you. Building our lives together and growing together. It seems you have become apart of my family, how easily you get along with my father with his dumb jokes and how much you already try to please my unruly sister. On top of the fact that my mother can’t wait to spend more time with you.

It seems you have turned my sadness into happiness, and I’m smiling all the time because of your dumb jokes and your goofy smile. Thank you for making me the happiest girl in the world.

[wordsofjade-lilly]

We fell apart in the most beautiful ways- like the way the stars fall from the sky, leaving us with wishes.

Fallen Stars, Unknown

[wordsofjade-lilly]

Hard pills to swallow: Not everyone you want in your life wants you in theirs, so don't bend over backwards trying to force them to stay when they could really care less if you're not around or not.

Word Porn

[wordsofjade-lilly]

When you are good enough you are good enough someone can think you are good enough and someone else can think of something else about the same you. the point is you will never be good enough if you try to please everyone but you will always be good enough for yourself

payformycoffee

[wordsofjade-lilly]

You don't have to unravel gracefully

Alison Malee