Jack Goodwin, the king of shipping

Hello there, and welcome to "The World's Worst Ships"! I am your host, Jack Goodwin, the ABSOLUTE worst at shipping that there ever was, and ever will be! (Twitch: @maji_man, (model made in Vroid) Are there two characters that absoluetly should not be anywhere near each other, to the point where one should be getting a restraining order? Are there pairings in fiction that you couldn't be paid a quadrillion rubles to come up with on your own? Are you sick of all these picket-fence, vanilla pudding, ERENxMIKASA snoozefests that plague the internet? If so, you've come to the right place. Get your kissy-kissy lips on, find a slightly uncomfortable chair and LETS GET SHIPPING!!!

[worlds-worst-ships]

Welcome to the home of the world's worst ships!

WARNING: BY ENTERING/INTERACTING WITH THIS BLOG, YOU AGREE TO ALL CONDITIONS OUTLINED IN THIS POST.

Hello there, I'm Jack Goodwin and this absolute affront to the natural order that I call a blog is where I take a break from the insane content I normally make to bring you fictional pairings that'll make your heart go "aw man, what in the..."

Wanna stay up to date on my video/.streaming content? Go follow @maji-man. Or just click HERE to see all my socials in one list.

Here's a post where I explain the point of the blog. I highly suggest you read it twice or more to make sure you understand.

This will be the last time I explain this.

Hooo boy, am I glad I set my expectations low, because this is really starting to blow my mind. So I'm gonna need you to put down your bubbl

Be warned: If you neglect this post and run your mouth in my comments, chances are I'll make fun of you in my videos and streams. Now then, down to business.

Are there two characters that absolutely should not be anywhere near each other, to the point where one should be getting a restraining order? Are there pairings in fiction that you couldn't be paid a quadrillion rubles to come up with on your own? Are you sick of all these picket-fence, vanilla pudding, ERENxMIKASA snoozefests that plague the internet? If so, you've come to the right place. Get your kissy-kissy lips on, find a slightly uncomfortable chair and LETS GET SHIPPING!!!

I have only FOUR RULES HERE:

You can say whatever you want here, so long as;

1. Its not discriminatory

Any sort of phobia/ism here is not welcome. This blog is for everyone, regardless of ethnicity, orientation or gender identity.

2. Its a joke,

and clearly a joke. We poke fun at each other here. Lets keep it fun.

3. Its true.

I have the power of google, and any misinformation will be swiftly corrected. When you are corrected, either accept it or be blocked. Misinformation and straight up lies are not welcome here.

4: You speak with the understanding that these characters aren't real people, nor do they represent them

These are cartoons. Works of fiction. They're not real. Please keep any deep-seated obsession with character's ethnicity, sexuality, age, background etc to yourself. Acting holier-than-thou and making that the subject of your personal issue with my posts doesn't make you a hero, nor is that the groundbreaking opinion you think it is, it just makes the jokes awkward and uncomfortable for many people here.

Aaaaanyways, now we've got that out of the way (and yes, I will add more rules as the need arises, don't test me)

I'll mostly be using the absolute maelstrom of doodoo I call a brain to come up with ideas, but if you'd like to submit some ideas of your own, feel free. Send it to my ASK box. Nothing illegal, past a certain point, please.

Oh, and the ask criteria/format is in the linked post below. (Anonymous asks are and will always be turned off, cuz I know that this site is full of pussies who can't talk shit on main)

Custom Shipping

So this post will have been linked on my pinned post because recently, something has come to my attention when it comes to your asks... most

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T READ THAT POST, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU WON'T: If you do not follow that exact format, I WILL DELETE YOUR ASKS ON SIGHT.

I REPEAT: I will not even CONSIDER posting them.

FUN FACT: After having this blog for multiple months with anonymous asks turned off, I haven't gotten a single hate message (other than that one kid who got made a fool out of). This is why they're off, in case you wondered.

Its also worth mentioning, some of you are new to the concept of comedy, so I'll write it nice and big for you (if you know what a crackship/joke is, then skip this paragraph): THIS IS A JOKE BLOG. A GIMMICK BLOG. A COMEDY BLOG. I DO NOT CARE EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOUT SHIPPING AS A CONCEPT MUCH LESS DO I EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT 9/10 OF THE CHARACTERS YOU'LL SEE HERE, SO IM JUST MAKING J O K E S. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, THEN YOU HAVE KNOWINGLY CHOSEN TO BE OFFENDED WHICH IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. THANK YOU :)

I REPEAT this is a CRACKSHIP BLOG, so if you're deeply hurt by any of my polls, just know that nothing here reflects me as a person because none of what I post is serious. If anything you see after reading that causes you any emotional distress, it IS NOT my fault. Its funny, but its not my fault.

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Alex Mason (COD Black Ops) and himself

Yknow, if you use your left hand and imagine you're someone else, it feels great

I talk to myself in a Russian accent when I'm whackin' it too

All must die... of pleasure

Where tf did this come from

I'm homophobic... or... uh.... selfophobic

Remaining time: 4 days 1 hour

Me and the delightful Shippit have just this minute completed COD Black Ops and it was a truly hilarious experience which is sure to add to our list of many dozens of inside jokes.

Thank you for giving me an excuse to play this stupid game for reasons other than Zombies @do-you-ship-it-polls, you enrich my life in new ways every day, even if I do have to get yelled and shot at from every angle

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Morgg (Ben 10 Ultimate Alien) and Andrew Tate (Profesisonal Sex Offender)

I prefer them as cellmates

Morgg is the hero we deserve and need for once

I can't believe you made me root for a Ben 10 villain

I'm homophobic

I wonder what brand of soap Morgg uses

Voting ended onAug 9

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Andrew Tate (Bill Cosby's Phonebook) and Chris Brown (Rich enough not to be in prison)

Yknow instead of beating women, they should just beat each other off

Chris should turn the "top g" into the "bottom b" ;)

Nah, Tate's edgy fans would turn gay, and the queer community don't need that

This option is for the pathetic smegma males who saw this and got triggered

Voting ended onJun 28, 2024

Just came up with this five minutes ago and it was too funny not to do. Lets be real, there are no fans of either on tumblr, but still

[worlds-worst-ships]

Oh my god... option 2 was a prophecy

[worlds-worst-ships]

The Andrew Tate Email Challenge

HELLOOOOOO WORLD'S WORST FANS, WE GOT ANOTHER ONE

So as many of you may know, I made >this post< a while back issuing a challenge to the people: make an alt right grifter's public submission box literally unusable. Well guess what... another one of them has been stupid enough to make a public mailbox for us to collectively piss in, and its none other than discount Taken villain Andrew "Cobra" (or earthworm, if you wanna be realistic) Tate!

FEAST YOUR FUCKING EYES, PEOPLE;

Yes, he was actually dumb enough to post this. Publicly. He is actually that goddamn stupid and that convinced he's innocent that he, in full seriousness, posted this.

I honestly thought it was fake. I can find no evidence that it is. Jesus Christ, man. What did he think was gonna happen? Did he think the internet would just let him be?

(For those wondering, he is most likely having his legal team post this bullshit for him, but that's what makes it even better. He genuinely isn't expecting what's going to happen)

Now, I'm far from the first person to come up with this. But I know my followers are nuts enough to make our contribution special. So, here are the rules;

1: Write an email to Andy-pandy in-jail-his-name-will-be-Mandy that starts out seeming legitimate as if its actually from one of his incel sex offender fans, then trail it into the most creative, most scathing insult you can. That way, him or someone on his team will definitely at least read it. 2: Either reblog this post or tag me in your own post with a screenshot of your submission. That way, I won't miss it and you can get your prize, maybe. 3: The winner with the most hilarious, creative insult will have their submission put in my pinned indefinitely. 4: If we do enough, I will make a video reacting to them all. Maybe even get some mutuals involved.

Got it? Good. Get to work, people.

Anyways, click under the cut so you can see me making fun of some of the pathetic shit he's been having his legal team post on his behalf because its comedy gold;

"WAAAA THEY TOOK MY PHONE AWAY AND WON'T LET ME PLAY OUTSIDE" shut your bitch ass up, nobody feels sorry for you. Literally crying because he's sitting next door to people he's scared of for a change. Speaking of...

This didn't age well, did it Andy? Fucking idiot. Literally asks for this and can't handle it.

Mate, you're single handedly responsible for a big chunk of the cases in the MeToo movement. You're not a political prisoner, just a run of the mill sex offender.

First mistake... he actually thinks there are multiple thousands of people in the UK who both like him AND can write. And trust me, we may have lost all faith in the judicial system, but its because they refuse to arrest anyone without enough evidence to put them away for most of, if not the rest of their life... so I'd focus on being more worried than confused.

To answer the first two questions: don't worry, the judge will explain it at sentencing.

And as for the third question, ask pretty much any American making less than 90k a year.

All I have to say to this one is... if he thinks his ass hurts now, just wait until he gets sentenced.

"wHeRe aRe mY RiGhTs?" I dunno Andy, where were the rights of the girls you trafficked, or the kids you had CSEM of on your devices?

Well why don't you SHUt the fuck up and deal with it like a big, tough man? Hopefully that cannibal's next meal is your ass, you fucking chinless clown.

The fact that he thinks he's societally on the same level as a single one of those people is hilarious.

IRONYYYYY

Should've been more "smart" back when you started your joke of a career.

That's it for today. Andrew Tate is a disgusting piece of shit and I hope he doesn't last five minutes before breaking. My only regret is that the inmates got their shot before me. Same with his nardwart brother. I cannot wait to hear all the news of the horrible things happening to them inside.

[worlds-worst-ships]

I had an idea

Do you lot want a name? Like, a name for the collective for my audience?

I never really did it (Shippit calls theirs the Little Shipperonis) so let's see if you want one too

"I just made that up"- Shippit

What should I call you lot?

The Crackheads

The Cubicle Dwelling Pole Smokers

Newbz

Dewdz

Meth heads

The Swordfighters

Worlds Worst Fans

Other (comment)

Voting ended onJul 17

This is unnecessary, but I recently got an absolute banger of a keyboard and I wanted an excuse to type on it'

Also I genuinely have been wondering

[worlds-worst-ships]

There you go

You are the worlds worst fans

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Jeffrey Epstein (The holotype sex offender) and J.K Rowling (Debatably an author, writes more tweets than she does books, professional transphobe)

They WERE friends, and that's the start of a budding relationship

Neither understands consent or boundaries so it makes sense

Didn't Jeffrey like trans people, though? In the same way Joanne likes bullying?

Joanne probably watches Epstein edits on YouTube

Voting ended onJul 23

They have so much in common, specifically the fact that they pick and choose who has the rights to bodily autonomy (though Joanne does it under the guise of protecting women and children despite lobbying money to end gender affirming care which would ultimately kill thousands of women and subsequently children too), neither have the ability to just enjoy their fortune and seem to be obsessed with using it to fuck people over, and both are just really fucking old, too old for this nonsense.

Remember everyone, gender affirming care benefits us all and keeps T shots in controlled environments and out of the hands of dealers who will sell to kids. Take it from a guy who grew up in an area with more drug crime than legitimate business, you really do not want hormones or hormone medication off the market.

Also, remmeber I set >THIS CHALLENGE< to my audience and its still ongoing so go make your submissions

[aretheyqueer]

Preaching to the choir on tumblr but I just need to talk about this shit.

Trans activist (I believe) and performance artist Freda Wallace went on a debate panel in 2023.

Recently, on July 12th, JK Rowling shared an upskirt image of Freda taken by Maya Forstater during this debate. She took the opportunity to bodyshame, and then doubled down on why it's okay to share the photo by using the same arguments rapists make about their victims.

Full twitter thread I am referring to is here, this is a part of it:

JK Rowling is whining on Twitter that Freda, a trans woman with a small platform, won't debate her properly. In frustration, she shares a 2 year old photo taken by a fellow TERF which she claims is of Freda flashing the audience. I have cropped the image for this post.

When called out on it, Rowling doubles down.

Note the wording here.

"Fred chose the fishnets and miniskirt."

"Fred was free to wear whatever he wanted to that filmed debate."

Does that not sound familiar? "But what was she wearing" is such a common sentiment among rapists that this feels like parody.

She argues that because Freda wore what she wore, talked about sex on stage, and is a trans woman, she wanted this.

(Tweet from screenshot)

Note also the difference in their following. Rowling's tweets are getting thousands of likes, the one starting the thread having 36k, while Freda's get a couple hundred at most. Rowling has a habit of responding to posts with little to no traction without even censoring usernames. Another notable trans woman she has done that to is bluefolf who was swatted not long after.

This post is about JK Rowling, but her fans and fellow terfs agree with her, sharing things about how real women are hyper-aware of the lengths of their skirts, and sit in ladylike manners.

Can't make this shit up.

Pedantic note: Whether it counts as upskirting or not, whether anything intimate was visible or not, does not actually matter when JK Rowling is repeatedly implying that Freda was flashing people during the event. When she looks at that picture, she sees something inappropriate. She decided to share it for millions to see specifically in order to humiliate her. The intent behind it is clear.

[worlds-worst-ships]

JoKe Rowling is a disgusting piece of shit and I openly think less of you if you can't see that

Consent and boundaries don't just apply to conventionally attractive cis women

As Joanne and the company she keeps (so Epstein) have proven, it should apply to anyone and everyone and can be violated by anyone and everyone

[worlds-worst-ships]

You can literally post gay porn with dong-in-ass action on this site but my Sonic x Arin fanfic is too far. Nice.

Literally, look in the NSFT and the gay tag and you'll see things that'd kill a soccer mum in one glance.

Basically every queer adjacent tag on here is full of all manner of knobonknobbery. But Sonic swinging rings around on his bellend is just too far

[worlds-worst-ships]

One year sharing a prison cell... do you ship it?

Yujiro Hanma (Baki) and Conor McGregor (rapist/former MMA fighter) (With another picture of him crying over his broken leg just for fun)

Perfect

I love it

I'm going to put my homophobia aside for one day

UM ACKSHUALLY HE DIDN'T GET ARRESTE- ok nvm, I'm just a weirdo

Voting ended onJul 21

For those unfamiliar with Yujiro, he doesn't have a discernable sexuality, only that he views anything weaker than him as a woman. As such, when Conor inevitably tries to fight him in this scenario because he's a loser, Yujiro will just smoke him in one puff like a cigarette.

FYI, I fucking despise Conor McGregor and can't wait for someone to notice the pattern with his legs getting injured, full pelt Muay Thai kick him in the knee, shatter the whole leg and finish him for good so that anyone can jump him without worrying about him being able to fight back. Every fight he's had since Dustin Poirier has been completely embarrassing.

Fuck Conor McGregor, god isn't real and doesn't clear his record. I hope he burns in life, then again in hell, and I would love five minutes in a room with anyone who still supports him.

Genuinely hope he falls on his neck and snaps it in his next fight and every single person who brought tickets to support him doesn't make it home from the event. I literally do not care. I will laugh at their families for raising a piece of shit.

[worlds-worst-ships]

OH NOOOOOOOOO

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Yani Neko (Chainsmoker Cat) and Natsuki Ishibashi (Tamon-Kun's B-Side)

Nya

Imagine the fucking dosshouse that they would live in

I can smell this ship

I'm a weirdo who fancies Yani so I ship it

Voting ended onJul 18

I know people have massive boners over the cats in Chainsmoker Cat but I find every single one fucking disgusting

Edit several hours later: Someone genuinely explain it to me. Why do you all love her so much? Why do you all wanna dip your doinkers in tar? Why? Trust me, as someone who grew up around smokers and unknowingly dated a smoker, she will absolutely reek. How did I unknowingly date a smoker, you ask? Well, I genuinely thought she had a medical condition that made her smell like death and taste like shit on a bonfire, so it never occurred to me, and she saw fit to lie about the fact that she smoked to me too.

So why Yani? Even the grossest among you could probably do better. I promise you, she will stink out your house and make your knob smell like mackerel. She literally draws on the floor in poo. Don't be a girlfailure, be a womansuccess.

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it? ("Master, my pits are crusty" edition)

Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars) and a burnt sausage

Vienna

Is it called Frank?

That's his bellend after he went on holiday to Mustafar

That's MY bellend after a holiday to the beach

How would they divide up the assets?

Voting ended onJul 18

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Bugs Bunny (Looney Tunes) and Jax (The Amazing Digital Circus)

Boing, boing boing ;)

Jax? More like Brazillian wax

Where is that royal scepter going?

I don't ship it. Rabbits belong in pies

Voting ended onJul 18

[worlds-worst-ships]

I had an idea

Do you lot want a name? Like, a name for the collective for my audience?

I never really did it (Shippit calls theirs the Little Shipperonis) so let's see if you want one too

"I just made that up"- Shippit

What should I call you lot?

The Crackheads

The Cubicle Dwelling Pole Smokers

Newbz

Dewdz

Meth heads

The Swordfighters

Worlds Worst Fans

Other (comment)

Voting ended onJul 17

This is unnecessary, but I recently got an absolute banger of a keyboard and I wanted an excuse to type on it'

Also I genuinely have been wondering

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Dark Helmet (Spaceballs) and Count Binface (British Politician) (No Americans, I'm not making it up)

That's gonna be one clanky kissing sesh

Dark Helmet probably has a dark helmet if you know what I mean

This is genuinely a fantastic reference and I'm proud of you

There's no way that's allowed

Voting ended onJul 16

Oh, you don't think this is serious? Did anyone tell you that Count Binface has been informed that he won't be allowed to wear his suit in Parliament if he wins? Why would they tell him that if there was no chance of him winning?

Seriously. I am going to tag every single british tag relevant to this that I can think of. If you live in Clacton, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VOTE FOR BINFACE. PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOU. I WILL DO ANYTHING. I NEED NIGEL FARAGE TO LOSE TO A GAG CHARACTER.

Plus 99s being 99p instead of a fucking tenner for a change would be nice.

This is genuinely real by the way, he is a genuine political candidate. England is not for beginners.

[worlds-worst-ships]

I did not expect this one to go crazy

[worlds-worst-ships]

Do you ship it?

Dark Helmet (Spaceballs) and Count Binface (British Politician) (No Americans, I'm not making it up)

That's gonna be one clanky kissing sesh

Dark Helmet probably has a dark helmet if you know what I mean

This is genuinely a fantastic reference and I'm proud of you

There's no way that's allowed

Voting ended onJul 16

Oh, you don't think this is serious? Did anyone tell you that Count Binface has been informed that he won't be allowed to wear his suit in Parliament if he wins? Why would they tell him that if there was no chance of him winning?

Seriously. I am going to tag every single british tag relevant to this that I can think of. If you live in Clacton, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VOTE FOR BINFACE. PLEASE. I'M BEGGING YOU. I WILL DO ANYTHING. I NEED NIGEL FARAGE TO LOSE TO A GAG CHARACTER.

Plus 99s being 99p instead of a fucking tenner for a change would be nice.

This is genuinely real by the way, he is a genuine political candidate. England is not for beginners.