World’s Okayest Behavior Strategies
I work at a Community Day School (AKA: where you go if you’ve been kicked out of school) and we deal with negative behaviors on the daily, hourly, and seconds in between. It’s our bread and butter.
Maybe you’ve got a kid in your classroom this year with behaviors much more extreme than you’re used to dealing with. Here’s a short list of phrases/strategies I use in common situations we experience with the majority of our population that you might want to try out.
1. When a student is refusing work. “You’ll be earning (recess/table points/incentive) as soon as I see you give that serious effort.” This gets partnered with a planned ignore and works really well if you have a “must do” system in your room- You get ___ if you finish your work, and you’re denied ____ when you don’t and instead work to catch up.
I don’t give the negative behavior much attention because it doesn’t really effect me. It’s going to suck for the kid if they don’t figure it out, so I can give true empathy for them when their classwork strike doesn’t pan out the way they’re hoping.
The phrase serious effort also gives you an out for when you see their attitude make a 180. YOU get to decide what the expectations for success in the classroom are, not them.
2. When a student is disrespecting me in front of the class: “Your opinion matters to me and I’d love to have a conversation with you about how you’re feeling. Let me know when you’re ready to respectfully talk.” A lot of times the students are so worked up that they can’t hear all that, so I’ll use: “Let me know when you’re ready to tell me what you need,” or even, “Tell me what you need.” They’ll scream, “I am!!! You’re not listening!!!” and I’ll say, “Let me know when you’re to calmly tell me what you need.” 9/10 times this works. The other 1/10 usually escelates to the next bit....
3. When a student crumples up work/throws a tantrum: “Let me know when you’re wanting to be a part of our classroom,... Students who are a part of this classroom go the cafeteria for lunch,...Students who are a part of the classroom use their words,..Please join us and be a part of the classroom.”
I’ve had kids hear this and use it as an invitation to destroy most of my classroom, throw chairs, or ruin other people’s items just to get a reaction. The initial statement only works if you’re 100% ready to do a planned ignore for continuing negative behavior, but you know where the line is to intervene. I try to kindly tell me students what the line is if they get close and what I would do at that point: “If you throw that chair, then I’ll have to call an officer. What do you need?”
I absolutely love my job. That being said, I go through these phrases on the daily and it becomes tiring especially as I use these phrases over and over again. One thing that helps me stay fresh in the moment and give authentic empathy to these type of situations is to remember something I was once told: Each student wakes up in the morning wanting to be loved. While love is giving boundaries, love is also listening. There is a reason for their behavior, and it’s not their fault that you haven’t figured it out yet. Their trauma and experiences should shine like a badge of courage when you witness a student meltdown, because there’s nothing braver than fighting for protecting yourself. That’s what most of them are doing in these moments of destruction and defiance: Staying alive.
One last strategy we use at Community Day School: Know your limits, know theirs, ask for help.
