This is opmfs @thesunshineboy2 first chapter of a book he’s making, When we were wallflowers pls pls read the first chapter🩶🩶
The opening of “At last, it was senior year” coupled with various descriptions of their surroundings with the faded green paint and how tape is keeping plastic cracks together in reference to the setting of a park/child’s area, it symbolises Andrew and Jonah’s childhoods fading into adulthood. The cracks can symbolise the 2 boys facades they want to keep up as well as a reflection of their loosely held mental state.
The contrast of Jonah and Andrew smoking whilst children and adults play together in the park visualises the innocence that someone young, free and uncaring may hold in contrast to someone exposed to the ugly realities of the world. The shared cigarette suggesting they’re sharing and bonding over this pain. “Don’t kill it” in reference to not dropping the cigarette shows this might be the final one left on them and if it faded and dies on the ground, it can reflect Andre’s desire of still wanting to hold on for that while longer.
You see more imagery reflecting the childish nature of the 2 boys such as Jonah’s laughs and teasing to Andrew who ends up fighting with Jonah in retaliation. It suggests the 2 boys might feel like a tall child. They feel old and exposed to the hardships of the world early on but channel this frustration similarly to a child who doesn’t know how to output their emotions healthy therefore resulting to more physical outbursts.
This can be a reflection of conflict from inside the home, the isolation at school that they endure in different ways.
As they approach the abandoned merry go round which is also broken and wrapped in vines it’s symbolism to Jonah and Andrew’s isolation of feeling isolated and a dnaodned by society, broken after being used and disregarded. Jonah and Andrew messing around on it until they stop can reflect of the bullying they both endured, it’s similar how the bullied become the bully as they mess with this already broken merry go round just to leave it, mirroring their isolation.
The black beetle which Jonah crushed could allude to this loss of resilience to keep on living, henceforth his suicidal ideation. This could be because of his dreams to go in the army however his medication prescriptions despite not being provided and his major depressive disorder and with some extent, his ADHD. The one dream he held, possibly a reason to live was crushed like that beetle, he has nothing left to lose.
Andrew’s actions of fisting a vine to reluctantly letting it go can be a symbolism for physical bullying, realising he should stop and reflect like he does further into the chapter. The reluctance could perhaps show remorse Andrew might hold for his actions as he is shown to be very ‘heat in the moment’ with his actions.
Him trudging to Jonah highlights to undertone of dominance that Jonah may hold over Andrew being the less reactive one of the both of them. It could be suggested that he uses Andrew’s ‘hot’ personality to control silently.
Andrew saying “do you think anyone goes here” to Jonah’s response of “Once upon a time”, a common opening to fairytales, suggests the hidden mystery of the location they’re in as well as the frequent references of childhood innocence and despite the hardships endured, at the end of the day, they’re truly failed children at heart.
The reference to a suicide path which Jonah mentions, foreshadows a route they might encounter in the near and upcoming future. Despite the route implied Jonah wants to take, Andrew’s actions of walking away from an edge shows he isn’t ready to take his own life like Jonah is.
In contrast, Jonah is running freely spreading his arms which are described as wings, it can suggest the freedom of the acceptance he may feel of knowing he will take his life as well as the want to be free of the conformity required to fit into society. The description of wings can allude to angels, foreshadowing that Jonah would be remembered as an angels whilst Andrew is remembered as a devil.
As it says Andrew was forced to chase Jonah, it implies again that he isn’t ready to take his life like Jonah is but feels obligation to catch up and stay by Jonah’s side until the very end. Andrew yanking Jonah back from running can imply that he doesn’t want Jonah to obtain this freedom(alluding to suicide yet) until Andrew himself is ready, this therefore gives the impression that Andrew doesn’t want to feel obligated to catch up to Cals implied freedom and acceptance of taking his life alongside him soon.
The mention of the heartbeats slowing and the 2 boys laying on the grass and give foreshadowing to their dying breaths but the mention of Holden hour being somewhere, coupled alongside this description symbolises the warmth and nostalgia they both might feel due to the upcoming transitions of life. Typically, this would be that they are about to turn into adults and are approaching their final year in high school however this transition could be instead that their childhood will die, so will they. Another thing the golden hour can allude to within the context of this story is their nostalgia referring to childhood, the term ‘golden age’ can go hand in hand with this. The golden hour being ‘somewhere’ and the connotations of childhood can be that their innocence and typical support is drifting out of reach the closer they are to turning 18.
The initials carved into the notebook ‘AH’ and ‘JD’ shows an undeniable intimate connection between Andrew and Jonah, whether it implies to just be platonic or romantic connection. No matter the type of connection it shows the unconditional love and loyalty they have for one another even if their relationship is rough around the edges. The description of ‘jaggedly’ shows the highs and lows their relationship has encountered but stick together through and through.
The cheap blue pen used which refuses to write and draw and was found discarded on the floor could be a representation of the stubbornness and reluctance Andrew and Jonah have to opening up, showing the social reclusion they both have within the institutions the are apart of with in society such as within the family, peer groups and education settings.
Since early on in the chapter, Andrew has expressed his dislike for authority much more than Jonah who seems to express and indifference. Jonah’s indifferences compared to Andrew’s clear disdain could reflect his dreams of wanting to enlist into the army. Referring back to Andrew’s disdain for authority however, when we look at the choice words such as ‘fat’, ‘retard’, ‘uses big words to be condescending’, some could be words of how Andrew sees himself.
The word retard he describes the teacher, this can be the soul destroying insecurity he has that his grades went from A’s to D’s and F’s in that transition from middle school to high school. Him also expressing his dislike for his teacher using words like ‘temperamental’ could show that another way of how he doesn’t like how others use words he doesn’t know the meaning of yet due to that sense of feeling behind which we also see when he was visibly annoyed when Jonah also used temperamental.
The word fat despite no implication that he ever had issues with his weight or body, it still can serve as reflection that he’s insecure with aspects of his appearance.
“I wish the went down”(Andrew) > “like the sun”(Jonah), what they have said can infer that they want their current stage of life to end and turn into the new beginning. This differs to the use of golden hour earlier as that showed more childish nostalgia whilst this reveals the more impending end of life they both crave.
The date Andrew wrote in the margin wasn’t told so this could reveal that a date will be revealed later on in reference to an event of plans their scheduling to happen.
“Smarter than God” Jonah provokes Andrew knowing his aversion to religion his response being “God is a concept”. Andrew’s disdain for religion could be because of the authority it holds over people both on this physical earth and Gods alleged power over everything in existence which we cannot control.
The existence of Gods true attributes prevalent within Mackeen’s inconsistent triad (omnibenevolence and omnipotence) can be questioned when Jonah questions why God makes him crave holding the barrel of a gun in his hand. It’s provocative as it questions the true extent of gods lovingness and shows his lack of intervention which could prevent these thoughts in going through Jonah’s head.
Referring back to Jonah’s dreams of enlisting in the army and him stating about the craving of holding a barrel of a gun, his ambitions could be a way of trying to indulge into his homicidal thoughts without much legal trouble.
The route towards the train tracks can be shown as a path to suicide as many people take their life by trying to get hit by a train, these tracks could mean Andrew is finally giving into the same thoughts of suicide Jonah craves as we see a shift in dynamic. The dynamic which has shifted is that Jonah is now following behind Andrew on the tracks which can allude to the beginning of Andrew’s acceptance of this fate that Jonah has as well.
The stars winking in the sky can show secrecy in reference to the date Andrew has written down but also serve as a guiding light towards a path even if this path leads 2 young boys towards their demise. The stars above can also serve as a provocation of God to both Andrew and Jonah and then the reader as he ultimately knows the path they’re going down.
The difference between the boys body language is stark within the forest. When Jonah is described to spread his arms like wings it’s like he embraces and accepts his surroundings within thick lonely and isolated land on top of the train tracks whereas Andrew displays closed body language showing he’s still hesitant in opening up to his surroundings.
It once again links to how Jonah is welcoming the freedom suicide provides whereas Andrew sees it as a fearsome step to take.
The description of Andrew’s hefty boots shielding the railway, the use of ‘sheilding’ can imply feelings he’s trying to conceal and urges he’s trying to suppress in contrast to Jonah’s more open and careless almost childish body language.
Whilst we see Jonah being the more accepting of this fate, we see hesitation of when he stops walking and turns back to Andrew. THSI ultimately represents their codependency and that they would not be able to function without one another.
The mundane talk of attending birthday parties that’s included reflects a normalcy within the scene, the use of party associated with youth and a childlike atmosphere. Alternatively this takes a dark turn on the usually happy event as with both boys smirking after Jonah said “I’m dying 17.”. Shortly following on by this Andrew says “does death scare you?” Which emitted a childish response from Jonah of that of an energetic and playful child as it said he ‘raced ahead’, ‘howled’, ‘swung his arms around’ and ‘jumped’ saying “death excites me” as if it’s a game or a present waiting to be gifted to him on his birthday or Christmas.
Andrew’s usual running is now described as trotting which can allude to he might not need to catch up with Jonah’s plans as much as he did in the beginning, its shows a lot more openness to death.
We see a rare instance of vulnerability to Jonah which is when he expresses how he wishes not to go back home implying conflict within his family or another factor of fear on why he doesn’t want to go back with Andrew’s response of “then don’t.” ending on a blunt note of the chapter which can foreshadow the upcoming days that Jonah will quite literally not come back home. This dynamic shift shows again Andrew seemingly being more in control in this moment.
I can collude from the title that due to the connotations of misfortune wallflowers have, it related to the themes of suicide but also the unity of Jonah and Andrew with their loyalty to each other even through the hard times throughout their lives.
