Classic Rants

[classicrants]

The Duchess of Malfi

Act I, scene ii

FERDINAND. Away!

[Exit.]

[lipstickhamlet]

i can't fucking deal with toxic fans anymore. if you're still supporting h*nry b*lingbroke honestly just block me. he LITERALLY d*posed richard the second and refuses to ransom edmund mortimer which is,,,, literally so fucking problematic?? plus i heard somewhere he was going to make a voyage to the holy land to wash the blood off his guilty hand but so shaken as he is, so wan with care, he decided not to go which is uhhh,,, fuckin yikes.

[drfaustus]

happy pride, harry. (inspo)

[trunkofhumours]

I think we need to cancel henry iv guys

[trunkofhumours]

The suppression of heresy act was kinda problematic 😬

[takofukkatsumi]

Reblog this and tell me what was your biggest crying over a piece of fiction. You can be vague if you don't want to spoil.

[lazy-toad]

a cozy loving pair

[saltshroud]

old mock cover

[theprofessional-amateur]

Author/illustrator Trung Le Nguyen has been live posting reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time on bluesky and just hit the first proposal. The replies are basically the sickos meme

Thread here

[theprofessional-amateur]

Incredible stuff happening. I want push notifications for every update. I hate push notifications.

[nothwell]

when life gives you lemons (massive $700 return from Ingram), you make lemonade (put the books up on etsy to recoup the loss)

anyway for the first time ever i'm offering signed books shipped straight to you - limited quantity; once they're gone, they're gone

annotated books are also available and 25% off

check 'em out on my etsy shop

[hardwrench]

victor hugo was out of paris when his beloved novel les misérables was first published, so he telegraphed his publisher “?” to inquire about the book’s reception, to which his publisher promptly responded, “i still think you should have made inspector javert an elf girl”

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

full offense but mina didn't spend the last fucking quarter of the novel doing literally every single fucking thing she could to keep herself in good spirits after her assault (even after she's been deemed unclean by the heavens) and taking everything dracula forced on her (especially the telepathic link) and turning it against him to help her loved ones kick his fucking ass just for dracula adaptations to go "but what if they had a sexy dark romance <3 what if she was the reincarnation of his dead wife <3" what if you go fuck yourself. what then

[batrachised]

"Thank you for your letter. It was as pleasant as a quiet chat, as welcome as spring showers, as reviving as a friend's visit, in short, it was very like a page of Cranford."

-Charlotte Bronte in a letter to Elizabeth Gaskell

[byjove]

King Arthur slept through the Norman Conquest, Edward I’s annexation of Wales, the Wars of the Roses, the English Civil War, World Wars I & II, etc. etc. BUT if Prydain had another giant monster boar crisis, you best believe his ass would be up and rearing to go. 🙄

[byjove]

born to boar hunt, forced to be the once and future king

[byjove]

Britain never has to worry about roving packs of 30-50 feral hogs swarming their small children

[byjove]

The concept of King Arthur experiencing contemporary rural Texas…

[starrynet]

what’s your favorite ship?

titanic

hms terror

uss enterprise

ever given (the container ship that blocked the suez canal in 2021)

captain ahab’s whaling vessel

ship of theseus

battleship monopoly token

mclennon

Voting ended onJul 14

[classicrants]

[nothwell]

fun fact: i had to reduce the textile mill volume to 10% and bump the audiobook volume up to 200% to make the narration audible over the machinery

anyway my gay romance novel Mr Warren’s Profession is now an audiobook narrated by actual human Gary Furlong

if you would like to listen to the whole book you can grab it over on my Payhip alongside my other gay romance audiobook Oak King Holly King and all of my queer romance ebooks

(and if you type “tumblr” into the coupon field you can make everything 20% cheaper)

[katabay]

arthur and medraut

anyway. when I said that medraut looks a little like cei on purpose— this is a surprise tool that will help us torment arthur more later :)

[frankingsteinery]

(running down the streets of ingolstadt with a loaf of bread clutched between my teeth) kyaaaa!! i’m going to be late for professor waldman’s lecture and accidentally perpetuate a multigenerational cycle of pseudo-incest that culminates in the creation of an eight-foot-tall homunculus!!!