the norge expedition would have been 10 minutes long if someone had given amundsen a gun
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@wretchedponies
the norge expedition would have been 10 minutes long if someone had given amundsen a gun
zoo animal
you wouldnt last an hour here
look_at_cherry.png
like can you believe his real life name is cherry
They put this photo of him on a lantern slide for the express purpose of projecting it to an audience so it's safe to say that people have been going "look at Cherry!!" for over a century
As a consolation prize here is something special. Dave K just emailed me and revealed the full script of Tozer's death scene!! Here's a snippet:
(Tozer falls down, his breasts breasting boobily as he falls. Uh oh! Tuunbaq has gnawed off his back legs and now he is bleeding to death. That's got to sting...)
(He starts losing consciousness... This is it... We see flashbacks of his life before the expedition... His life as a child in Somerset Liverpool... His trans brother epically coming out to him... Standing around in a changing room with a bunch of other marines flicking each others balls... Getting his face cradled by Hickey...)
Tozer: Eeeeeeeee! That was fuckin Terrorble! La!
(The light is fading... Then, Tozer hears the beating of wings, he cranes his neck up weakly. He sees her. A seven foot tall valkyrie woman with the wings of a liver bird)
Valkyrie: (with the voice of cilla black) Alright pet! Ready to come and join us in Scouse heaven?
Tozer: Cock a doodle do!
Fin.
ok this redeems everyone
we can all sense your beautiful heart so we really regret having to throw you overboard
i coul dnever be the captain of a ship. everyday id be like third lieutenant ..... do a backflip lol
i’ve been doing research on matthew henson for a lesson i’m teaching later this semester and anyways unrelated i need to beat robert peary with hammers until he dies
Speaking of Robert Peary and airplanes, there's this photo of him that's soooooooooo mustache
How the doose does he manage it. I don't like the fellow but ough I want to steal his mustache
i need him executed and his mustache redistributed to the masses
of the two arctic expeditions that started in 1913, crocker land was generally less disastrous than the karluk (which is. not saying much) but the opposite energies of their rescue missions will always be funny to me
like bob bartlett and kataktovik travel 1100km mostly on foot and as soon as they tell the canadian government what's going on, it sends an ice breaker and asks the russian government to also send a couple of ice breakers and bartlett convinces basically every other captain he runs into to also try to rescue the expedition members if they're in the area
meanwhile the american museum of natural history, already very broke, sends a terrible non-ice breaker that gets trapped in the ice for two years. so the next year they send a second terrible ship that also got stuck in the ice. and then the ice pilot and the museum president (who decided to tag along for some reason) left the ship and moved in to the expedition's cabin, making it a rescue attempt so unsuccessful that it resulted in more people being stranded than at the start. finally in 1917, by which point three of the seven original expedition members had made their way home by walking to greenland and basically hitchhiking home on whatever ships were docked there, the museum finally sent a proper ice breaker with a proper ice pilot. and that ice pilot was our old friend bob bartlett
also crocker land doesn't exist. robert peary made it up, because of course he did
it was all a bad dream
2polar2dashboardsimulator
🩻 drjohnraee
and you laughed you alllllll laughed at me well who’s fucking laughing now?????? who’s laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!
📖 what-the-dickens
K
👛 ladys-jane
U
⚓️ admiraltyofficial
N
🇬🇧 greatbritain
G
🍖 ghostfitzghost
P
🍐 tearypeary
THE POLE AT LAST!!!!
👦 blackborrows
shhhhhh they don’t know i’m here don’t tell the boss
⛓️ shacklez
i have a hankering for some stowaway stew….. hmmmmmmmmmm……..
👦 blackborrows
oh my god
🔖 drfreddyc
I HAVE ATTAINED THE POLE. STOP. I’M PREPARED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT. STOP. NO I DIDN’T PLAGIARIZE JULES VERNE. STOP. SHUT UP. STOP.
🦅 falconscotts
jsyk if you still fw @/shacklez after the whole mcmurdo sound situation you are the scum of the earth. that’s not even mentioning the hordes of wealthy widows he has trailing after him like have some DECORUM you have a WIFE and CHILDREN if you still choose to follow him you’re dead to me idc. they might cancel me for this i don’t CARE the only way he’s ever trying for the pole again is over my DEAD fucking BODY!!!!!!!!!!
⛄️ pengwilson
they’ll just never admit their fave is problematic it’s so pathetic 🙄
🦅 falconscotts
come here
🍐 tearypeary
he says what.
❄️ amundzen
i can’t believe fred would do this he’s dead to me don’t fucking talk to me about it i’m done i’m so done
❄️ amundzen
post cancelled he still want me 😝
🥫 goldnerco
leaching my poisonous substance. and brother. it’s corrosive!!!!!
🥶 franklinexofficial
what does this mean
🥶 franklinexoffcial
come back what does this mean
⛓️ shacklez
over my dead body he says……….
⛓️ shacklez
okay would it be totally fucked if i…….. no like would it be messed up if. okay wait hear me out. no like would i be a bad person. no like wait.
⛓️ shacklez
dug up the divorce papers to fire me up i no longer have any compunctions i’m on the move nothing can stop me
🐎 socksthepony
fuck you 🪦
⛓️ shacklez
i’ve been stopped
⛴️ theotherross
happy wife happy life amirite 😋 sorry guys i can’t make it on this one have fun without me!
⛴️ theotherross
😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
you know dr freddy c had the craziest polar pussy of all time dude he literally just reskinned five jules verne novels frankensteined together into the wildest batshit account of how he totally got all the way up there for sure guys and went back home to everyone in the world crawling around begging to suck his dick and peary is in the corner with a gun in his mouth but nobody gaf it’s not about him ! it’s freddy’s day baby ! and then of course they locked him away forever and ever and he only gets to see roald on their marital conjugal visits because of all the lying and conning et ceterfuckingaaaaa…….. and they said a promiscuous little fraudster could never step foot on the north pole well he DIDN’T but isn’t it soooooo fun to talk about
polar exploration dashboard simulator
🔖 drfreddyc
they call me the attainer. the way i attain these. poles. peary you can suck on my throbbing polar COCK!!!!!!!!
🍐 tearypeary
you will die like a dog
🍒 cherriesgarrard
yayyyyy i love my friends i love the ice yayyyyy this world is so beautiful and true
🍒 cherriesgarrard
MY FUCKING TEETH
🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial
HELP
🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial
HELP
🥫 franklinexpeditionofficial
HELP
⛴️ theotherross
brother i’m on the way
⛴️ theotherross
brother i’ve given up
⛓️ shacklez
my two polar exploring girlfriends. and yes, they traverse the frozen wasteland.
⛓️ shacklez
neverrrrrmind nevermind they fucking unionized the irish can’t have shit fuck this stupid baka life fuck you i hate you both fuckkkk you
🦅 falconscotts
get invalided idiot 🫵🫵🫵
⛄️ pengwilson
🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
🇧🇪 degerlache-belgiums-boy
EAT YOUR SLOP LIKE A PATRIOT
🔖 drfreddyc
too late i’m already baking people
❄️ amundzen
i’ve been baked
🪙 le-cointe
honk schnoooo 😴🧨 honk schnoooo 😴🧨
🫀 emile-danco
NO!!!!! MY PREEXISTING CONDITION!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!
🐧 belgicas-pet-penguin
told you so 👻
📜 peglarpapers
eerfreve eht hserf os werg ti c nepo eht c eht c eht
🛷 leopoldmcccclintock
whagttttthe fucckkkjkkkk
🏝️ beecheyislandofficial
🪦🪦🪦
🏝️ beecheyislandofficial
🪦🪦🪦 🪦
🏝️ beecheyislandofficial
um hello?????????
👤 thomas-morgan-deactivated18540522
don’t ask.
❄️ amundzen
dr frederick cook and i shared one beautiful night of passion on the polar ice in 1898 he pretended to be the south pole and i claimed him for norway it was the greatest night of my life but i wish it had hurt more alright commandant i’m just going to slip this under your door feel free to ask followup questions but the answers will be thorough and i will make it as bad as possible for you ok goodnight see you in hell yes i still quit. kill yourself you trifling whore. 📝💋 xoxo
The first person to set foot at the North Pole… Matt Henson Monday.
Matthew Alexander Henson was born August 8, 1866 in Nanjemoy, Maryland. His parents died while he was still a boy and he studied for six years at the N Street School in Washington, D.C. At the age of 12 years, he moved to Baltimore where he found employment as cabin boy under Captain Childs on the steamship Katie Hines, bound first for China. Henson traveled widely aboard the Katie Hines, proving himself not only to be a capable seaman but also a talented linguist.
Back in Washington D.C. in 1887, working as a store clerk, Henson first met Robert E. Peary, who hired him as a “body-servant“ for a surveying trip in Nicaragua. Henson showed his skill and capacity again in this new environment and his responsibilities grew in turn over the course of the trip.
Matthew Henson apparently made an impression. As Peary planned for his North Greenland Expedition in 1890, he called on Henson once again. This time they were heading North…
Henson wrote in his autobiographic account of the 1908-1909 North Pole expedition, "A Negro Explorer at the North Pole":
"There is an irresistible fascination about the regions of northernmost Grant Land that is impossible for me to describe. Having no poetry in my soul, and being somewhat hardened by years of experience in that inhospitable country, words proper to give you an idea of its unique beauty do no come to mind. Imagine gorgeous bleakness, beautiful blankness. It never seems broad, bright day, even in the middle of June, and the sky has different effects of the varying hours of morning and evening twilight from the first to the last peep of day… Artists have gone with us into the Arctic and I have heard them rave over the wonderful beauties of the scene, and I have seen them at work trying to reproduce some of it, with good results but with nothing like the effect of the original."
The Peary-MacMillan Arctic Museum
"[Peary] was in such a hurry that he even bypassed his customary stops at the Danish settlements. He no longer felt they were necessary. The Danes had no settlements in North Greenland. He had been the first to look upon much that lay there; to him it was, as he would declare it in his diary, "Mine, mine by the right of discovery, to be credited to me, and associated with my name, generations after I have ceased to be." It was occupied only by "his" Eskimos, to whom he had given so much, and whom he now thought of as instruments placed there by providence to aid him in reaching the North Pole."
Cook & Peary - The Polar Controversy Resolved. Robert M. Bryce, p. 210
this passage is so insane to me. it speaks VOLUMES abt the way peary viewed polar exploration. it was sooo much about fame and glory to him that he thinks all of northern greenland should be forever associated with him! even though there's PEOPLE living there! and in his blind furious sprint to glory he manages to surpass the period-typical amount racism of ignoring the indigenous people but he even considers his fellow white people useless because he himself is better than them!
Frederick Cook & the sun, a story told by me
As I was reading Madhouse I grew more and more fascinated by Cook's love for the sun (and Roald). And since my brain is infected by every lyric Will Toledo has ever written I made this. Enjoy
Special thanks to @roaldamundsen. Most Cook pictures were taken from your blog:)
Frederick Cook//Designs for Ceilings with Central Sunburst//High to Death by Car Seat Headrest//Madhouse at the End of the Earth by Julian Sancton//token//Madhouse at the End of the Earth by Julian Sancton//Cook and Amundsen//Cook and Peary: The Polar Controversy Resolved by Robert M. Bryce//Sunburned Shirts by Car Seat Headrest// Madhouse//Cook and Amundsen//Gethsemane by Car Seat Headrest//Twin Fantasy (Those Boys) by Car Seat Headrest//Print//Cook and Amundsen//Madhouse