"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Not today Justin
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$LAYYYTER
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@theartofmadeline
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@writeinmysoul
I literally cannot listen to Noah Kahan often. Because every time I start listening to him, other music stops existing. And he’s all I listen to for weeks if not months. The last quarter of last year was nothing but him. And now I’m back in it again.
I want to go to New York to see broadway shows. 🙃
I need it to not be impossible to get Noah Kahan tickets. Between the pricing and just the general difficulty to get access to tickets at all, I’m a little frustrated.
Therapy got canceled Tuesday due to weather. So I’m sitting in feelings that would be best shared there. Didn’t want to trauma dump on main, so I thought I’d try writing something for the first time in years. I’ve been wanting a tattoo that said “lonely creature born without a place” for years now, and I thought I’d try to expand on that. Since it’s part of how I’m feeling. Not loving this so far, but it’s something.
This feels both so close and so far from what I want it to sound like. And I can’t find the line of cohesion I want. Feels like I’m different directions with this and am missing the lane that merges. So it’s frustrating me. I miss when I was a better writer and wrote more. But anyway. Here’s this so far.
Lonely creature
Born without a place
Aching for a home
But fearing the intent
Of not being chosen
Creature
Where are you
Abandoned creature
Left without a trace
Longing to be kept
And hating the silence
Of being forgotten
Creature
Take my hand
Watching for a kindness
That doesn't leave a bruise
Searching for a doorway
It doesn't have to lose
As a queer, it really be non-queer people that make me wanna be homophobic, cause highkey, they be gay asf.
Just kidding, but only partially.
Actually. That might just be my heterophobia. Forgot about that. Lmao.
As a queer, it really be non-queer people that make me wanna be homophobic, cause highkey, they be gay asf.
Just kidding, but only partially.
Sometimes the lack of like, in real life friendships, especially in person able to hang out with someone, kind of friendships, really puts me in a depressive mood. I enjoy being alone more often than not, but I also enjoy being with people I enjoy. And it makes me sad when I realize I don’t really have too many people I can just call up, especially indiscriminately, and even fewer people to actually do things with and get out the house with.
“The girls are fighting.” And it’s literally just my autism and ADHD.
Something I really hate reading, especially in fics, is when someone is talking and says maybe one sentence or even two and then it’ll say “he/she rambles/rambled” or something along those lines. Like bro. Rambled where. Stop that.
Latest tattoo. Inspired by St Jude for the boat as well as lyrics from the song by Florence + the Machine, the bird in reference to St Francis. Both st Jude and st Francis in part because of Jude St Francis from A Little Life.
Trying so hard to follow a normal conversation routine. It’s hard.
Sometimes, well often actually, I wish I were better at being a person. I wish I knew how to not only feel but also understand and express emotions. I wish I knew how to exist and interact with people and feel the friendships you see on tv. I’ve almost always accepted and taken pride in my ace and potential aro identities, but sometimes I wish I could feel the kind of affection and give the kind of affection you see given so easily in movies and books and shows, and I understand that it doesn’t have to be a romantic thing, but it so often feels like that’s the only option, and I’m comfortable with the knowledgeable that a romantic relationship, let alone a sexual one, may never be the kind of thing I want, but then I feel like I’m going to be missing out on all these things that people act like are the end all be all. And tho most of the time all I want is probably a qpr, or even just to live with a friend and get to have actual time with that friend, most people I’ve met still prioritize a relationship to their friendships 100% of the time. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore honestly.
Just, a good 95% of the time, I’m so happy with my ace/aro identities, but then every once in a while, it feels like I’m lacking something. But I can’t even say it’s just the ace/aro, I think it also has to do with the autism/adhd and all of it combined. With not always understanding social cues and social situations. With not understanding feelings more often than not. With hyperfixating or having absolutely no interest in anything. And so much of it. And idk. I’m constantly losing the point.
I just want to be a person who can feel things and understand those feelings and know how to exist and interact with other people in a way that doesn’t leave me lonely and with a vague undertone of sadness and invisibility afterwards.
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Lonely creature born without a place
I want an iron man edit to Jericho by Iniko.
Good Anthropocene Reviewed tattoo ideas?
I love that music plays such an important role in both The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green and An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green.
Not well. Not well at all. Between the canon bisexual Buck (911) and the build up to The Sunshine Court (AFTG), I will never have peace. But for this, I’m okay with that.
Most of my attraction to men lay in fictional characters, and it is very funny to me when it’s a show or something and I’m not particularly attracted to a male character until he portrays vulnerability and is heartbroken and sad and crying. And then suddenly, I’m in love. Too many characters this has happened to me with.