Sometimes When I Say I’m Tired…
What I mean is, I want to taste the cool air of springtime without fear of what is to come. I want to dip my toes into the ocean, thousands of miles from my land-locked home, feeling the icy rush of waves and sea foam. I want to dance among wildflowers, and howl at the moon, and bask in the warmth of a bonfire surrounded by my closest friends.
What I mean is, I want to sit in a cozy European cafe and drink tea while writing a novel. I want to feel the adrenaline of opening night, the energy and excitement of the audience and crew and performers leading to the opening of curtains and the first downbeat.
What I mean is, I want to galavant across the country in a quintessential youth road trip. I want to feel like I’m flying, only to fall hard and fast.
What I mean is, I want to chase the dream I’m scared to pursue, but I want the security of the alternative.
What I mean is, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but I don’t think anyone does. We’re all just pretending everything is perfect all the time.
What I mean is, I try to fight my depression and anxiety, and the dissociation that accompanies it. Some days are harder than others, so please be gentle, but I’m trying and that is worth celebrating.
What I mean is, I’m tired of the life I’m living and I want a change.
What I mean is, I desperately want to feel alive.
