How was Anakin Skywalker selfish and greedy?
When we love, we usually love in two ways
When we’re attached, that means we want to be with that person, and we don’t want to be without that person. Why is that? When we want to be with someone, that’s because they make us feel good. They’re beautiful, kind, smart, comforting, funny – we like them, we enjoy them, or more correctly, we enjoy these good qualities of another person, because they bring us happiness. In turn, we desire to be with them, so we can be supplied with the happiness, we can receive those pleasurable experiences. Is that, in our mind, a bad thing? No, it is not. But is that self-referential? Yes, it is – it’s entirely focused on ourselves, it’s the desire to make ourselves happy. And that is why attachment is called selfish.
Is that, in our mind, a bad thing? No, it is not. But is that love? No, it’s not love. Because love is unconditional, compassionate: we’re concerned about the well-being of another person, regardless how they make us feel. We want them to be happy, and we want them to be free from suffering. That is unconditional, compassionate love. It’s focused on another person. The core of love is being happy for another person’s happiness, to rejoice for, and rejoice with another person. It’s the desire to make another person to be happy.
So, love and attachment are two clearly distinguished relations to another person. And the main difference between attachment and love is, that attachment is a linkage to another person, formed out of the desire to experience the happiness ensued upon their company, upon having them in our lives, whereas love is unity with that person, birthed by feeling how they feel, their joy is being our joy, their sorrow is being our sorrow.
How attachment is bad?
Now, the question, “How attachment is bad?” is understandable. It’s generally considered to be selfish, but not self-indulgent, certainly not possessive, greedy or bad. The answer is that attachment, which is our striving to not to be parted from the source of our happiness, is in stark conflict with how reality is. The most fundamental truth that on some level we all know about the universe, and everything in it – all things and beings - is that everything is transient. Everything is constantly changing, moving from beginning to end, from creation to destruction, from birth to death, from meeting to parting. People and things will be there in our lives, then they won’t be there, because they’re passing through our lives, and life itself is passing through us. For this, attachment is grasping, grabbing onto the coming and passing things in our lives, wanting to have, to possess, to own, to keep them, so we can stay happy, whereas that’s impossible. We can’t hold onto things, we can’t make them stay, we can’t have them, they’re not ours. They have their own course, moving to us, then moving away from us.
And that is why attachment is greed: it’s self-interested desire for more of the happiness, that it was given, that it was possible to have, desiring things to not to move away. And that is why when we become attached to a person or a thing, we become afraid of losing them – we’re afraid to be without them, we’re afraid from the pain of not having the happiness they give to us. The greater the happiness, the more we afraid, the more we want to hold onto it, and when we ultimately, inevitably lose them, the more we suffer. And the fear of loss eventually makes us angry, especially when we lose, and we start to see threat to our possessions, obstacles to our happiness: we become jealous, we become hateful, and we suffer, because we spend our lives, all our happy moments haunted by the fear of loss, filled with anger and hate.
Do not think of extremes, like making a pact with the Devil to save our loved ones from death. Most of us are able to endure the pain when they slide, and not to go extremes, like physically forcing people to stay with us, becoming clingy, controlling. But emotionally, we grasp on the people we love: we crave the happiness they give to stay with us, we don’t want to be separated from them, and the happiness, we still hold onto them. We don’t let them go – we just let them tear themselves apart from us. And as a result, we suffer terribly.
But don't we all need attachments?
Now, our need for love, warmth, affection and security is at the foundation of our human existence. We simply cannot be without it, and that is because the core of reality is interdependence. This is how it is; we orient ourselves toward people to whom we can turn for emotional support, guidance, love, and we need such people to be in our lives – it’s a necessity, interlocked with, and inherent to being alive. But we must realize, those causes of our well-being that are around us – friends, family, pets, even objects - are too coming and passing elements of reality, thus, we can’t be attached to them, we can’t grow ties to them, founding our well-being on their temporary presence in our lives. (That's why Buddhism defies to label such emotional connections as "attachments," whereas Western psychology labels them as such.) As long as they're in our lives, we shall enjoy them, take comfort in them, love them, but we must accept, both in our minds and in our hearts, that we can’t hold onto them, that we can only long for them not to move away from us, that will lead to pain and suffering.
Letting go
And that is why we must cease our attachments, or in other words, to let go of everything we afraid to lose. It's not getting rid of the people or the things we love in order to let go of them - letting go is to loosen the fearful grasp on those we love, holding only very gently, and letting things flow, to come and go.
Fearless love: compassion
The way to overcome fear of loss, and therefore suffering, is to love compassionately, unconditionally. Love, which is compassion, which is wanting another person to be happy, and free from suffering, rejoicing for the happiness of others, is, by itself, a joy that we cannot get in any other way, a joy that we cannot get through having ephemeral things in our lives. It's selfless, giving, caring, protecting, without the thought of any reward, and as long as you love people compassionately, you won't be afraid of loss. And because change, and the biggest change of all, death will interrupt having, but can never interrupt love, in the moment you trade the love of joy for the joy of love, you shall find eternity. This way, you can let go those who you love to move away from you, when it's time, or when it must happen, because you can forever keep them in your heart.

















