Sophie

Haikyuu fanfiction and occassional advice~ || 16 || Her/She || Writer || Pretty cool maybe ||

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

I’m writing a fic at the moment and I wanted to share my favourite excerpt from the most recent chapter:

Inouka cleared his throat. 

“Yaku-san, can I use your bathroom?” He asked. Yaku’s eyes widened, as if broken from a small trace, and he pulled back. 

“Y-yeah, sure, it’s just down the hall to the right.” Inouka, stood, giving Lev a quick wink before disappearing out the door. Before Lev even had a chance to consider what that meant, Shibayama’s phone buzzed, Inouka’s profile displayed on the screen. He quickly snatched it up. 

“It’s my… mother… sorry I need to take this.” Yaku, who was distracting himself by flipping through Lev’s book, only hummed in response as Shibayama made his way out into the hallway. 

Lev’s blood ran cold as he stressed over what kind of scheme the two of them were planning. Yaku was completely unbothered beside him, blissfully ignorant of the kind of chaotic teenagers he had just allowed to wander the halls of his house completely unsupervised. Lev was moments away from coming up with his own excuse to leave the room, when critical thinking caught up with him and realised this was likely his friend’s plan to give him some alone time with Yaku.

[earlgraytay]

i’ll probably expand on this later, but the best ADHD Hack ™ I’ve found/sussed out is: 

bundle habits together, but don’t bundle tasks together.

[staticandlove]

Explain …

[earlgraytay]

So okay. When you have ADHD, one thing your brain is very very good at doing is making connections between things- ideas, concepts, people, states of mind, etc. This can be a superpower- if most people wouldn’t think to make a connection between doing a) and b), and you make that connection, sometimes you can outthink people who aren’t as good at snapping things together.

The problem comes in when you start connecting things that you don’t need to connect, like “mild displeasure” with “OH GOD EVERYONE HATES ME” or “I feel a little crummy” with “I AM THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD”.

So when we’re talking about Life Skills/ADLs, you gotta use that power to make your life easier, not harder. You gotta connect things when it makes your life better and NOT do it when it makes your life harder. 

Here’s an example of the habits: 

I had a stretch of time where I was too sick to do much of anything. I could barely get out of bed to get to the bathroom. I was walking with a stick and generally just… le dead. And one of the problems I had was that I could almost never remember to take my morning meds. 

I decided that the first time I got up to use the bathroom every day, I’d take my meds. That way I was taking them no matter how crap I felt- I had to get up to pee, like it or not- and it was getting done pretty early in the morning. 

Getting up to pee meant taking my meds; they were the same thing. I didn’t have to remember to take my meds separately, or set an alarm to remind myself, or anything like that. I just did it as part of something I had to do anyway.

As time went on and I started getting better, I realized I could do the same thing with other parts of my routine. If you connect something you need to do with something you have to do, the thing you need to do gets done.

So like… say I’m already in the habit of getting up to take a shower. I’ve lived in crappy apartments my entire life, so the water takes a minute to warm up. Since my countertop dishwasher is right outside my bathroom door, I’ll take a second to empty and load the dishwasher while the water’s still heating up. It just becomes part of the routine of taking a shower. 

You don’t have to think about Doing The Extra Thing. Connecting it to something you’re already doing means that, after a certain point, it just… happens, automatically.

 The problem comes in when you start trying to do this with tasks- things that you only have to get done once, that already have a fair few steps to them. Especially if that task is has a lot of steps, has a time limit, or is otherwise Hard for you. 

Figuring out tasks with dependencies (I have to do this before I can do this!) is already hard for us ADHDers. Sometimes what happens is that you bundle two tasks together- you decide you can’t do something until you’ve done the other thing, even though these tasks are in no way connected. 

Here’s an example: 

I have three packages I need to mail. One of them is a gift for a friend in Australia, which costs a lot of money; one of them is a package for my Etsy store which is Not Finished Yet, and one is a very late Christmas package. 

I might decide, “hey, I need to mail all three of these packages together! I can’t mail any of these packages until I bundle all of them!” But it’s probably smarter to mail them separately! I don’t want to make my friend with the late Christmas package wait any more, so I can mail that first, and then mail the Australia package when I have the money and the Etsy package when it’s finished. 

But if I insist that I have to bundle these tasks… I won’t get any of them done. I’ll be too stressed out about the Etsy package not being done to mail the other two packages, and then I will run out of money for the Australia package, and the Christmas package will not get sent til Labour Day.

If you’re stressed out about a task with a lot of steps, sometimes it’s worth it to check and make sure you’re not bundling multiple tasks together. Can you do the thing without doing the thing that comes before? Do you have to do the other thing immediately after? 

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

A lot of writers like to joke about the strange and suspicious things that we research for our writing, and yeah, I’ve done my fair share of looking up cocaine prices, but I spent 2-3 hours a few nights ago trying to learn enough chemistry to write a scene in which one character tutors the other on chemical equations, and I don’t think the writing community talks enough about the horribly mundane things we have to look up sometimes. 

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

You know that moment when you’re in the middle of writing a really emotionally charged scene and you think to yourself “wow, this character has a lot of emotional complexity!” and then you realise “Oh I’m projecting”

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

I wanted to share an excerpt from a fic I’m currently working on. I haven’t shared it to tumblr at all since it has several chapters, but if you were interested in checking it out it’s linked here.

Lev didn’t know whether the water dripping down his temple was from the ice pack or the stress of being a fucking moron, but regardless he continued to grin at Yaku as if he didn’t just say the dumbest sentence ever spoken in the history of the human race. Judging by Yaku’s bewildered and unamused expression, he seemed to be having a similar thought.

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Hi! I just wanted to say i love your works and I think you are an amazing writer!

Thank you! It makes me really happy to hear that!

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Late Night Worries

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Pairing: Yaku/Lev

Words: 1604

Summary:

“What are you doing awake?” He whispered. Lev jumped back, grabbing his shirt in fright. Seeing him, he let out a breath and relaxed.

---

Yaku can't sleep at the training camp and finds Lev stressing in the hallway. He consoles him.

Note:

I wrote this one fairly quickly (about a week ago) so I don’t really feel like it’s anything special. I’m working on a much longer fic at the moment, though I’m not sure whether I’m going to post it to tumblr or just link the AO3 page to it. We’ll see I suppose. As always, any comments/criticism/feedback is appreciated, and I hope you have a nice day.

-----

It had been a long day at the training camp, but despite his exhaustion, Yaku couldn’t get himself to fall asleep. It was a humid night, and especially stuffy in the classroom where their team were staying, so no matter how much he shuffled and adjusted himself, he could not for the life of him get comfortable. The rest of the team had drifted off quite a while ago, leaving Yaku alone and frustrated. He huffed, staring at the dark ceiling of the classroom.

He perked up as he heard movement from the other side of the room, and watched a dark figure stand and creep towards the door. The door opened, illuminating the room with the hallway lights, and Lev stepped out, before quietly shutting the door behind him and sending the room back into darkness.

Where was he off to? Yaku wondered. The bathroom, most likely, he reasoned, but as the minutes ticked by he grew restless. Surely he wouldn’t be taking that long? The urge to investigate grew, and Yaku, who wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon and had nothing better to do, decided to follow him.

He kicked off his sheets, carefully navigating his way through the maze of sleeping bodies before making his way out the door. He squinted his eyes at the fluorescent lights, waiting for them to adjust, and then went on a search for Lev.

Yaku found him around the corner and down the hall, standing at an open window and staring out at the dark sports field below. He was dressed in his pajamas, checked boxers and a plain white shirt. His silver hair was disheveled from sleep, but was further displaced as Lev raked his fingers through it anxiously. He approached Lev.

“What are you doing awake?” He whispered. Lev jumped back, grabbing his shirt in fright. Seeing him, he let out a breath and relaxed.

“Oh! Yaku-san, I didn’t see you there. Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.” He turned his eyes back to the darkness outside. The breeze blew softly through the window, cool and refreshing, and a nice break from the stifling humidity. Lev was silent for a moment. “Hey Yaku-san… do you think I deserve to be on the starting line-up?”

“No.” Lev’s eyes widened for a moment before he turned them down to his hands.

“Oh.” The hurt was visible on his face, but despite it he plastered on a small smile. “Y-yeah, that’s fair...um… you can go back to bed now, I’ll come back in a little while I promise.”

“Wait, wait,” Yaku said, seeing that Lev was actually upset about this, he backtracked. “I didn’t mean that.” He lent against the window sill beside Lev. “So what, you’re out here because you’re stressing over whether you deserve to be on the line-up?”

“Yeah.” Lev shrugged. “I guess.”

“Why?”

“It’s just… I haven’t been playing volleyball for very long, and yeah, I’m the tallest on the team and I know there’s value in that, but is my height really that valuable when there are people on the bench way more skilled than am I? Don’t they deserve it more?” Lev stared at him, eyes wide and questioning. Self doubt was a strange look on Lev, Yaku thought quietly to himself. He was always such a happy-go-lucky, carefree guy. It was a little disconcerting to see him so dejected.

“Okay, first,” Yaku began, “regardless of your current skill level, you have a lot of potential, and everyone on the team can see that. What you lack in experience and technique, you make up for in your reflexes, natural agility and strength.

“And second, it’s not always about ‘deserving’ it. Did I deserve to be on the starting line-up in my first year because I was the only libero on the team?”

“But you’re a really strong libero! Of course you did!” Lev interjected.

“I wasn’t always strong though. Believe it or not, there was a point in time where I was just as bad as you at receiving.” Yaku paused. “Well, maybe not that bad. I don’t think anyone could be as bad as you at receiving.” He nudged Lev softly with his shoulder and he returned the gesture, smiling slightly.

“The point I’m trying to make is, sometimes in life, you’re not ‘deserving’ of the roles you take up. There’s a position that you’re able to fill, regardless of whether you think other people could fill it better, the team wants you to do it.” Yaku turned his gaze to the window, the cool breeze brushing against his face. “You don’t turn up worthy of the role you fill, but to deserve it, you need to put in the effort. Work hard and improve yourself, and then you’ll deserve the position. Do you understand?” Lev nodded slowly.

“Yes… yeah, you’re right, and I get what you’re saying.” He fiddled with his hands. “I just can’t help but feel a little guilty. Like for Inuoka, I know that he had my position before I joined the team, I feel like I stole it from him.”

“Has he said anything about that?”

“Huh?” Lev said.

“Has he acted like he’s upset about it? Has Inuoka or any of the other first years said anything?”

“Well, no––”

“And they’ve been nothing but supportive?” Yaku interrupted.

“... yes?”

“Then don’t worry about their feelings.” He said firmly. “You took Inuoka’s position when you joined the team, but he’s not going to be on the bench forever. Who do you think is going to fill the other middle blocker position when Kuroo graduates?”

“... Inuoka.” Lev relented.

“Exactly. I’m sure Inuoka realises this as well, and doesn’t hold any ill feelings towards you. He probably feels a little jealous, but that’s natural and it’s not your place to worry about him. But, if you’re really that concerned, you can always talk to him about it.” Lev hummed in thought.

“Okay, yeah, I might do that.” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Thank you, I feel a lot better after talking to you about this.” Yaku waved him off.

“Of course, it’s what any great senpai would do. Which I am by the way, great.” Lev chuckled softly at that. “Do you want to go back to bed now?”

“I think I’ll stay up a little longer if that’s okay.” Lev said. “I need to digest what we’ve talked about.”

“Alright. Do you want me to leave then?” Lev gave the windowsill a squeeze.

“Could you… stay a while longer?” He asked hesitantly. “I thought I wanted to be alone, but your company makes me feel a lot better.” There was a strange sincerity in his request, a vulnerability that could be heard in his voice, and possibly something more. Yaku, tired but enjoying the coolness of the open window, didn’t particularly want to go back to bed, especially considering that Lev seemed to be in a fragile state of mind.

“Yeah, sure.”

-----

They stared at the window in silence for a little while, listening to the peace of the night. Across the field, too dark for Yaku to make out, the trees were rustling softly in the wind, the only sound punctuating the quiet. The two of them weren’t really allowed to be hanging around in the hallway this late, but Yaku wasn’t particularly worried about getting caught. It was a beautiful night, and it was nice to spend it quietly with someone else. After a while, Lev spoke again.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a little cranky and mean, a bit like a bitter old man,” He smiled to himself. “But, you’re actually a lot nicer than you give yourself credit for.”

“I can’t even tell if that was a compliment or not.” Lev laughed. “When I first met you Lev, I thought that you were incredibly annoying, but now that I know you better, you’re actually more annoying than I could have ever imagined” He mocked.

“You put up with me though.” Lev said.

“Barely.”

“Sometimes I think you might even like me.”

“I have no idea what could possibly give that idea.”

“Yeah.” Lev said, stroking his chin in thought. “Maybe you’re right. Looks like you’re just the bitter old man I always knew you were.” To that, Yaku elbowed him in the side.

“Ah!” He squawked. “Violent as well, your cruelty is truly never ending.”

“Alright smartass, watch the mouth, or you’ll spend your extra practice time tomorrow running laps.”

“I’m terrified.” Lev quipped, and Yaku kicked him in the shin.

“Enough sass from you.” He snapped, though Yaku couldn’t hide the humour in his voice. “Bed time now.”

“Roger that.” Yaku gave him a small push towards their room, and the two of them made their way back, Yaku’s hand resting against his spine. The gesture was strangely affectionate, but he reasoned that he was in a strange mood tonight anyway. They reached the door to their room, but before they opened it, Lev turned to him and whispered.

“Thank you again, for tonight. I feel a lot better after talking to you. You’re really good at giving advice, you know.”

“Yeah, anytime.”

“And,” Lev bit his lip, looking a little bashful. “If you ever need someone to talk to as well, I’m here.” Yaku blinked.

“Oh, um, thank you.” Lev smiled, reaching his hand out and giving his shoulder a squeeze, before opening the door and disappearing into the darkness of the room. Yaku followed a moment later and settled into his bed, feeling a little more content that he did earlier.

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Touch Starved

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Words: 1210

Summary:

Lev has always been a hugger, much to Yaku’s dismay. He loves to hug people for any and every reason. Hello-hugs, goodbye-hugs, we-just-won-a-match-hugs, that-was-a-really-good-spike-hugs. Hugs hugs hugs, and Yaku hates it. Out of all of Lev’s qualities, this was by far the most annoying.

-----

Yaku hates being hugged, but does he?

Note:

Ayy what's up.

I've had this short story floating around my drive for about a week, and I wasn't really sure whether I wanted to post it. I really liked the concept, but it just felt too short, and I couldn't think of any satisfying ways to extend it at all. Eventually I decided that I might as well share it. I don't think it turned out badly, but it's definitely not my best fic so far.

As always, any comments/criticism/advice is always appreciated, I hope you have a nice day.

-----

Lev has always been a hugger, much to Yaku’s dismay. He loves to hug people for any and every reason. Hello-hugs, goodbye-hugs, we-just-won-a-match-hugs, that-was-a-really-good-spike-hugs. Hugs hugs hugs, and Yaku hates it. Out of all of Lev’s qualities, this was by far the most annoying.

Though, frustratingly, the rest of the team doesn’t seem to share his sentiment. The first years are accustomed to it, accepting his affection enthusiastically. The second years, for the most part, aren’t that bothered by it. Even Kenma tolerates it, though with his usual apathy. Kai and Kuroo, the traitorous bastards, find it incredibly endearing, and only encourage it further.

“It’s good sportsmanship.” Kai had said when Yaku voiced his grievances.

“And it helps the team bond.” Kuroo had added. Team bonding his ass.

At this point in time, Yaku is the only member of the Nekoma Volleyball team who Lev hasn’t hugged, and he’s determined to keep it that way, no matter how hard Lev tries to change that fact.

There had been several occasions where Lev had attempted to hug him, and Yaku had ducked or swerved to avoid his arms. Multiple occasions at the end of a match where Lev had run up to him, only for Yaku to stick his foot out and trip him, sending Lev comically to the floor.

That only seemed to make Lev more determined though. He started sneaking up behind Yaku and attempting to hug him from behind, and when that failed, he tried a sneakier approach, hugging someone else and then reaching his arm out to draw Yaku in as well, only to get his hand slapped away.

It’s during one of their training camps when Lev snaps.

They’re in the middle of a break when Lev turns to him and asks, “If we win the next match, can I hug you?” Yaku pauses, drink-bottle half-raised to his lips.

“No, Lev.”

“Please!” He whines, slouching his upper body expressively.

“No.”

“Just one hug.” His loud pleading attracts the attention of the rest of the team, who apparently hate Yaku and jumped in to defend Lev.

“Come on Yaku, just give the kid a hug.” Kuroo says, to which he glares in response.

“Do it! Do it!” Inuoka starts chanting. Yaku turns to Kenma, hoping to have at least him at his aid. Kenma simply shrugs.

“If I have to suffer through it, so do you.” Yaku scoffs, taking a long, exasperated sip from his bottle. Lousy, annoying, good-for-nothing team!

“Fine.” He says. “Just one. But only if we win.” Lev pumps his fist in victory and the rest of the team smiles, looking satisfied with themselves that they’ve convinced him. Yaku just rolls his eyes and walks away.

They’re up against Fukurodani next, which is always an unpredictable matchup. With Fukurodani’s extreme attack power and Nekoma’s fine-tuned defensive abilities, it’s really anyone’s game. Unfortunately, luck is not on Yaku’s side today. Maybe it’s his imagination, or a crazy coincidence, or his suffering is an excellent motivator for the team, but his team seemed to be playing even more seriously than usual.

Lev especially is much quieter than usual, holding an abnormally intense focus. The whole Nekoma Volleyball team seems to want this win, and Yaku wants to shoot himself in the foot.

They win the first set 25 - 23, but they only gain momentum in the second. Before he knows it, they’re on set point, with Fukurodani behind on 21 points. Shit, they actually have a good chance to win.

No, Yaku tells himself, the victors haven’t been decided yet. Fukurodani are strong and unpredictable, there was still a chance they could catch up and take the set, and then who knows who would win the third. It’s not like Yaku wants to lose, but…

It’s Bokuto’s serve, and he sends the ball over fiercely. Yaku drops to his knees and receives it cleanly, his forearms stinging with the impact, and sends it over to Kenma, who sets it to Yamamoto. Yamamoto evades the blockers, but the spike is picked up by Komi, the other libero, and the ball sails down neatly over Akaashi’s head.

“Bokuto-san!” he calls, and Bokuto starts his approach, leaping and swinging his arm down powerfully at the ball. It bounces off the top of the blockers hands and flies across the court, heading out of bounds.

Yaku chases after it, dives, and barely manages to send it up before landing on his hands and sliding.

“Lev! Direct!” He shouts. Lev runs, long arms swinging as he propels himself into the air and smacks the ball. Yaku watches, entranced as it flies over the net, narrowly missing the block, and lands in the other court.

There’s a moment of silence, before the team erupts into cheers. Lev turns to him, green eyes sparkling and grinning widely. Yaku returns the smile, about to congratulate him on his spike when Lev opens his arms.

Right. The bet.

Suddenly, the whole team has their eyes on them, and a quick glance to the other side of the net shows Fukurodani watching curiously as well. Kuroo must have blabbed to Bokuto then.

Idiot.

Yaku sighs deeply, promising himself that it would be over quickly, and enthusiastically holds his arms out. Seeing his cooperation, Lev eagerly approaches, bends down (Yaku is definitely going to kick his ass for that afterwards) and wraps his arms around him.

The hug isn’t… awful, surprisingly. They’re both sweaty, and hot, and still catching their breath after the match, but it was kind of… comforting. Almost as if they were sharing the exhilaration of the match. The aching muscles, sweat and adrenaline, holding onto each other and this moment in time, basking in it.

The way Lev had leaned down meant that Yaku’s face is resting against his shoulder, and Lev’s arms are wrapped around him firmly, but soft enough that he’s able to pull away easily if he wants to. He’s surprised by his consideration. Slowly, Yaku’s body untenses, and he relaxes into Lev’s shoulder, before hesitantly wrapping his arms around his waist.

A strange peace washes over him. This is… actually quite nice. Yaku rests his face in the crook of Lev’s neck and exhales contently. Lev’s shirt is damp from sweat, but he doesn’t smell bad. Quite the opposite actually.

Lev smells fresh, like lime shampoo and laundry detergent, with a hint of cologne. He has a nice scent, the kind that’s unnoticeable unless you’re in very close proximity. Maybe that’s why everyone likes hugging him so much, Yaku wonders, but then his thoughts back-pedal and he doubts that anyone else would want to hug Lev purely on the way he smells. He feels a little dumb for even considering it.

Lev pulls away, startling Yaku, and a very traitorous part of him is disappointed by the loss of contact. Lev straightens up and gives him a small smile which makes his stomach do a flip. Yaku is feeling jittery, he notices, and a little light headed.

“See Yaku, that wasn’t that bad, now was it?” Kuroo grins at him mischievously, and Yaku snaps out of his trance.

“Whatever.” he says, and turns away, hoping that the team mistakes the redness of his face as exertion, and nothing more.

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Clumsy Baby Crows

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Words: 1352

Summary:

“Hurry up, he’ll be here any minute!” Yamaguchi urged.

“You’re out here stalling me, am I right?” Yachi averted her gaze.

“No…?”

---

The Karasuno first years are causing trouble again, and Suga catches them in the act.

Note:

Salutations!

I was a bit "eh" with some sections of this story, but overall I think it turned out really fun! and I personally feel like I nailed the character's personalities pretty well. If you have any thoughts/comments/criticism, as always I would love to hear them!

Thanks!

-----

It was a beautiful morning as Sugawara walked through the school yard. Quiet and warm, with a cool, gentle breeze ruffling his uniform and the trees overhead. He was beginning to appreciate these kinds of mornings more and more as his time at Karasuno was coming to an end. He wanted to savour these moments and the peace they brought him. Enjoy the quiet forever. 

Unfortunately that wasn’t possible, especially with a certain group of first years causing a ruckus. As he neared the clubroom, Kageyama’s voice from inside broke the morning silence. 

“Hold it still!”

“I am holding it still!” Came Hinata’s frustrated reply. 

“Well, hold it stiller then!”

“As always King, I’m taken away by your language skills.” Tsukishima deadpanned. 

“Come on guys.” Yamaguchi pleaded. “Fighting got us into this mess.” Sugawara paused at the stairs, chuckling at the first year’s squabbling. It was times like this where he really felt like they were a bunch of baby crows, noisy and always finding ways to cause trouble. He supposed that made him the mother bird of the team. He smiled at the thought. He was just about to continue, when another voice cried out. 

“Sugawara-san!” Yachi shouted as she sprinted over, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to catch her breath. 

“Yachi, good morning.” He greeted. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes! Fine. Wonderful. Couldn’t be better!” She panted. 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!” He gave her a long look, a little confused and concerned, before deciding that Yachi was just being as strange and awkward as usual, not that he didn’t find that endlessly endearing. 

“Alright then,” He said, turning. “I’m going to go get changed.”

“You can’t!” She exclaimed, startling him.”

“Why not?”

“Because the… trees! Are looking lovely today!” She stammered. “Would you like to...come...look at them… with me? Over there… far away from here.” She trailed off, large eyes staring at him desperately. 

“You’re not doing it right, you need to be mindful of the structural integrity.” Tsukishima said. 

“I have no idea what that means!” Kageyama shouted. Sugawara frowned, turning his head to look between Yachi and the clubroom, and back again a few times. Then it clicked.

“What are the first years doing in the clubroom?” He asked. Yachi’s whole body tensed up. 

“W-w-what? The club room? Nothing! I don’t even know what you guys do in there! How would I know? Do you guys… get changed or something? Haha, maybe!” She laughed nervously under his gaze, fiddling with the hem of her sports jacket. 

“Hurry up, he’ll be here any minute!” Yamaguchi urged. 

“You’re out here stalling me, am I right?” Yachi averted her gaze. 

“No…?” 

“Alright then.” He said. “I’m going to go into the clubroom. Unless you have any other objections?”

“No…”

Sugawara climbed the stairs and made his way towards the door, with Yachi following sheepishly. Inside, the four first years were on the floor, huddled around an object, though their bodies blocked it from his view. 

“Come on guys, we need to fix this before Sugawara-san––”

“Before I what?” He interrupted. Hinata yelped, and the other first years jumped at the sound of his voice. They scrambled off the floor, hiding the object behind their backs before turning to face him. The guilt was written all over their faces. 

“What are you hiding?” He asked, taking a step towards them. 

“Nothing!” They said unanimously. Hinata quivered under his stare. 

“Hinata?” He flinched, and after a moment revealed the object from behind his back. Sugawara lifted it from his outstretched hands. It was a photo frame–– scratch that–– it was a <em>broken</em> photo frame, one that had been a gift from Sugawara to the club. The glass pane has been smashed and hastily stuck together again with sticky tape, and the polished, wooden frame had an obvious dent in the side where the wood was splintering. The back standee had also snapped and been stuck back on with colourful, decorative tape, courtesy of Yachi he assumed. The photo, which had been a lovely group photo of the team, was absent, but a quick look around the room revealed it to be sitting on the shelf, noticeably ripped. 

Sugawara looked back to the first years, who all had their hands bowed in shame. Tsukishima was looking uncharacteristically chagrined, as was Kageyama. Yamaguchi was red in the face, and Hinata looked like he was about to cry, as did Yachi. 

“Did you guys break this?” He asked finally. They nodded solemnly. “How?” They shuffled nervously, glancing between each other. 

“I broke it.” HInata admitted softly. “I knocked it over.” Kageyama sent a glare his way. 

“Idiot, don’t take the blame. I pushed him into it.”

“Were you two fighting in here again?” Sugawara placed his hands in his hips, his accusation ending their short-lived squabbling and turning their eyes back to the floor. Tsukishima clicked his tongue in annoyance. 

“I started it.” He confessed sharply, seemingly angrier with himself rather than the others. “I started their argument.” Sugawara turned to Yamaguchi, who had been quiet this whole time. 

“Yamaguchi?” He flinched. 

“I… I um… I ripped the photo trying to take it out of the frame… I’m sorry.”

“So let me get this straight. You broke the photo frame, and tried to fix it without me knowing?” They nodded. “Were you ever going to tell me?” There was a slight bitterness that he couldn’t keep from his tone. The whole situation hurt him a little bit. The photo had been a gift, one that the whole team had very much appreciated, and it brought him a lot of joy and satisfaction to see it on the shelf every morning. It was a constant reminder that, although he might not be on the starting line up, he was still a valued member of the team. So for them to have broken it carelessly, and then tried to hide it from him… 

“We didn’t want you to be sad…” Hinata mumbled. 

Sugawara’s eyes widened, and his eyes flicked back down to the broken photo frame, their messy effort a testament, not to their guilt, but to how much they cared. He looked back to them, taking the time to examine the five teenagers closely. They were embarrassed, and ashamed, but underneath that there was an anxiety. A fear, not for being reprimanded or shouted at by Daichi, but for his feelings. It was silly, but it warmed his heart, and looking at the remorseful first years, heads lowered and hands clutched tightly, he couldn't help compare them to a group of kindergarteners who had been caught scribbling on the walls. They were downright adorable, and he couldn’t keep up his scowl any longer. He laughed, and they glanced up at him in confusion. 

“I appreciate you all trying to fix it, but it’s just a photo frame. I can buy another one, and I can just print another photo, so it’s not a big deal. Don’t try to hide this sort of thing from me, just be honest next time and tell me instead of worrying about it.” He smiled and gave Hinata a pat on the head, whose body instantly relaxed. They all breathed a sigh of relief, seeing that Sugawara was no longer mad at him. He turned to Yachi. 

“And Yachi.” She tensed up again, and he tried to smile reassuringly. “It’s very nice that you were helping them, but try not to get mixed up in their shenanigans.” He clapped his hands. “Well then, now that that’s sorted, you guys have practice to head off to.” With his dismissal, the five first years hurried out of the clubroom. 

-----

Sugawara took the old frame home that afternoon, but he couldn’t bear to throw it out, not after his kouhai had put so much effort into fixing it up. So, he sat the patchy frame on his windowsill, mended photo and all, and seeing it when he woke up in the morning brought him a simple happiness and satisfaction. Another warm reminder that he was a valued member of the team.

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

The Distance Between Us

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Pairing: Oikawa/Iwaizumi

Words: 768

Summary:

He remembered how he felt that day. How Iwaizumi’s words had faded away, how his body turned hot from anger and betrayal. “How could you!” he had screamed, because screaming was so much easier than confronting the pain he felt in his chest. 

Note:

Wow, second story written in the span of like three days, that has to be a new record. I wrote this one pretty quickly, but I really like how it turned out. Hope you enjoy, as always, any comments/criticism is always welcome!

-----

In the beginning, all Oikawa felt was anger. 

All of this, all he had done for him, years of friendship and being partners and it all meant nothing to him? He wasn’t good enough. He still wasn’t good enough?!

He remembered how he felt that day. How Iwaizumi’s words had faded, how his body turned hot from anger and betrayal. “How could you!” he had screamed, because screaming was so much easier than confronting the pain he felt in his chest. 

He had let that anger fuel him. He absorbed it, became it, let it consume him and now, years later, after the anger had faded, the feelings he had been struggling to bury for so long resurfaced,  he was suffocated by the weight of ruining their friendship.

He flipped the phone over in his hands rhythmically, trying to quell the anxiety that brewed inside of him. There was no telling what Iwaizumi would say, what he would think after all this time. Would he still be mad? Would he still hate him? 

His hands stilled and he bent his head down, pressing his palm into his face. He needed to do this. He couldn’t live with this regret any longer.

He pressed the call button. 

His mind raced through all of the horrible possibilities. Had he changed his number? Had he deleted Oikawa’s? Would he even answer?

“Oikawa?” He inhaled sharply. Iwaizumi sounded confused, but what shocked Oikawa the most was the agonising familiarity of his voice. For a moment, he was transported back to high school, back to when he was a lanky teenager desperately in love with his best friend. 

“Hey, Iwaizumi.” The name felt foreign on his tongue. Wrong, somehow. He’d never called him that before, had he? It was always first names, or endearing nicknames between them. The aching formality was just another reminder of how distant they were now. “Can we… meet up sometime. I want to talk.”

“Oikawa.” There was a long sigh. “Oikawa, I’ve moved on.”

“I know, I know,” He looped his fingers through his curls, tugging softly. “So have I, I just… I miss you. I miss having you in my life. I miss being friends.”

I think you were right, when you said that we were better off as friends, and I’m sorry I lashed out at you at the time.” His voice broke. “I’m sorry I fucked it up for the both of us.”

But… but the truth is, I don’t know who I am without you.” Tears welled in Oikawa’s eyes. “You were always there for me, in ways that I wasn’t there for you, and I’m sorry I made you deal with the mess that I was–”

“Shut up.” Iwaizumi snapped. “Shut up. I can’t fucking believe you. After all these years I cannot fucking believe you”

When are you going to grow the hell up? When are you going to realised that not everything is about you, you fucking narcissist? When are you going to gain some common sense and stop blaming yourself for everything? You weren’t the only reason we broke up. I was the one who was too scared to be with you. I was the one who couldn’t commit, who was so scared of ruining our relationship that I pushed you away.”

You’re not the only one who fucked up!” A sniffle could be heard through the phone. 

“I was… I was scared of how much I needed you. I was scared of what it would mean if you knew how I felt about you. I was scared of losing you because of it, and I was too emotionally constipated to tell you that.”

So… so stop blaming yourself for fucking us up when it was my fault!” 

They were silent for a moment. Oikawa was shaking, he was shaking all over, but he could help the laugh that bubbled out.

“We’re both just as stubborn as we’ve always been, aren’t we?” He said quietly. Iwaizumi sighed, and shuffling could be heard as he sat down somewhere. 

“Yeah, we are.” Iwaizumi paused. “I think I lied earlier… when I said I’d moved on from you. I don’t think I could ever move on from you, but, at the same time, I’m not really sure how I feel.”

“I don’t know how I feel either,” Oikawa confessed. “And I think that’s okay. But, maybe we could figure out how we feel… together?” 

“I’d...” Iwaizumi let out a shaky breath. “really like that.”

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

“I miss you.”

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Pairing: Yaku/Lev

Words: 756

Summary:

The two of them had always had that little something, Lev and him. A spark, a small flame that only grew and burned brighter the longer they knew each other.

Note:

This is the first instalment in a short story/oneshot collection I’m writing. If you’d like to check out the AO3 story where the rest of the stories will eventually be uploaded, you can find it here: 

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanilla_Lips/works

I was pretty happy with how this story turned out, I hope you enjoy!

-----

Yaku stared at the contact in his phone, and prayed that he hadn’t changed his number after all these years. He’d been sitting on these feelings of his for ages now, stuck in the past and dwelling over what could have been, and never was. His stomach twisted. He’d had enough of torturing himself over it, enough of the sleepless nights and the endless “what if”s. He needed to know the truth. He pressed the call button, held the phone up to his ear, and waited. His heart was in his throat. 

The two of them had always had that little something, Lev and him. A spark, a small flame that only grew and burned brighter the longer they knew each other. 

Yaku could feel it roar to life as they bantered playfully during club activities, could feel it flicker, quiet and warm on their walks home together at night, where they would talk about everything and nothing. The heat in the moments they stole from each other, longing eyes meeting from across the gym. Small smiles only shared between them. The tension between them in the changeroom, of their shameless “fake” flirting and play-fights that would end with their bodies pressed together, out of breath, panting and laughing in each other’s faces. 

They never talked about their relationship, never tried to push beyond the friendship they had, despite the obvious connection between them. They never dared to take that leap, to fan the flames and confess how they really felt. And so it remained unspoken. 

Yaku remembered their last encounter vividly. 

It was the afternoon of his high school graduation, where the volleyball team stood in the gym one last time. The juniors had been tearfully saying goodbye to their upperclassmen, with the third years promising to return and watch their games. The air was thick with emotion, a combination of sadness, apprehension, and excitement for what lay ahead of them. 

Yaku and Lev walked home together, one last time, in a tight silence. So many things they could have said, wanted to say to each other, smouldering in their throats and extinguishing on their tongues. Finally, they reached the fork in the path. It was time to say goodbye. 

They stared at each other for a long moment. The air was thick with smoke, with a tension that bellowed off of them, a flame inside them that smoldered painfully, close to extinction, but still burning. 

 Lev’s green eyes were glassy, like drops of dew on spring grass, and finally, he stepped forward and pulled Yaku into a tight hug, which he returned desperately. 

“I’ll miss you.” Lev whispered. 

And despite himself, despite the time and the distance, these feelings of Yaku had never left him, had never dulled, and instead, he was burning up inside. 

The phone picked up. 

“Yaku-san?” His mouth went dry. 

“Lev, hi.”

“Hey! It’s really good to hear from you? What’s going on?” Despite the years, Lev still had the same bright enthusiasm, and a part of Yaku melted at the sound of his voice. 

“Yeah, you too, um . . . I miss you.” Lev was quiet for a moment, before he chuckled softly through the receiver. He sounded sad. 

“I miss you too. Did you call just to tell me that?” His tone had turned gentle, a slight vulnerability in his voice which caused Yaku’s chest to ache. 

“Kind of? Well, no, actually, I have something to tell you.”

“Yes?” He said, impossibly soft. 

“I’ve been sitting on this for a long time, and I’m really sorry if this is out of the blue, but I needed to get it off my chest.” He took a deep breath, preparing himself. “Back in high school, I had feelings for you, and I regret never making a move” Yaku leaned against the wall. “And I kind of felt like… you had feelings for me too.

“Did you?” 

Yaku gripped the phone with both hands, pressing the receiver against his ear. There was a long stretch of silence, before

“I did, yeah.”

“Did you… ever move on?” He bit his lower lip, rubbing anxious circles with his teeth.

“If I’m being completely honest… no.” 

“Yeah, me neither.” The line was silent for a few moments, Yaku’s heart pounded in his chest, his stomach twisting like a coil. Finally, Lev spoke again. 

“Do you, maybe, wanna get coffee sometime?” He breathed a shaky sigh of relief, his anxiety dissipating and being replaced with a familiar, flickering warmth. 

“Yeah,” he smiled, “I’d really like that.”

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Overworked

A Haikyuu Fanfiction

Pairing: Yaku/Lev

Words: 1945

Summary:

It was the way that Yaku had been leaning on the elevator wall, fingers tightly gripping the hand rail as he struggled to keep his balance, which broke Lev.

“Yaku-san are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’re really shaky.”

“Lev.” He said tersely. “I’m fine. Seriously.”

- - -

Yaku overworks himself to the point of sickness, luckily Lev is there to take care of him

Note:

Hi! I’m not too proud of this one personally, I felt like some parts were a little lacklustre, but I wanted to share regardless. I hope you enjoy! Any feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated :)

-----

Yaku felt like absolute shit, though he would never admit it. His breaths came out in strenuous heaves which contorted his ribcage and sent quivers through his shoulders. It was the end of practice, and although everyone was reasonably out of breath, he was the only one lying on the floor. 

“Wow Yaku,” Kuroo said, striding towards him. “You’re not looking so good, are you okay?” Yaku swallowed, picking his heavy body off the gymnasium floor and forcing himself into a standing position. 

“Yeah.” He nodded curtly, ignoring the swirl in his head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just look a little… pale. That’s all.” Kuroo gave him a long look, and he tried to smile reassuringly. He shook his head, giving Yaku a pat on the shoulder as he passed him. “Just, don’t over do it, yeah?”

---

Lev had been casting Yaku concerned looks the entire commute to their apartment complex, inquiring about his health every five minutes or so, despite Yaku’s insistence that, yes, he was feeling fine. Lev’s usually bubbly attitude had been replaced with a gentle concern, and it was really starting to get on his nerves. The first year pursed his lips as his hand quivered on the bus railing, and then furrowed his eyebrows as he caught Yaku stumbling off the bus. It was the way that Yaku had been leaning on the elevator wall, fingers tightly gripping the hand rail as he struggled to keep his balance, which broke Lev. 

“Yaku-san are you sure you’re feeling okay? You’re really shaky.”

“Lev.” He said tersely. “I’m fine. Seriously.” The elevator doors opened. 

“I can walk you to your apartment if you want.” He offered. “You look like you’re about to faint, I’m worried–”

“Lev.” He snapped, glaring up at him with an irritability that wasn’t foreign to the first year. “I’m fine. I’ll see you at practice tomorrow.” And with that, he wobbled off the elevator and down the hall. 

Yaku stumbled into his apartment and found himself strangely out of breath. He leaned against the entryway wall, his bag falling to the floor with a soft thud. His body felt off somehow, sweaty and clammy, indicated by his shirt sticking to his collarbone. 

He needed to take a shower, he decided, and then he could get started on his school work. He kicked off his shoes, which landed ungracefully against the wall, and made his way to the bathroom. 

He felt absolutely freezing, despite the redness of his face suggesting otherwise. He undressed himself quickly, a strange, anxious urgency overtaking him, and turned on the water. Yaku ducked his head beneath the hot stream, feeling too fatigued to even wash himself, and instead ran through his tasks for the afternoon. 

He had his maths homework to complete and a test to revise for next week, as well as the English essay due this Friday. He needed to… what else was there? There was more. The tiles swayed at his feet, his thoughts felt foggy; indecipherable. His fingers gripped at the knob and turned, sending hot water over his scalp to kick his thoughts back into gear. He promised to help the first years with their history homework this weekend, so he needed to write up study notes. There was also work to be done around the apartment. He needed to vacuum, he needed to do a load of washing, he needed to…

He needed to…

Yaku’s legs gave out under him, and he crashed painfully onto the shower floor. Oh god he was dizzy, so dizzy and hot. His head was on fire, a flame that danced behind his eyes and blurred his vision, so much so that he could barely make out his hands beneath him. He struggled to get up, arms weak and knees slipping against the tile, barely managing to pull himself out of the shower. 

The cold bathroom air pricked at his skin, a stark contrast to the blaze raging inside of him. His breaths came out in heavy pants as he hovered over the bathmat, his body swaying back and forth.

Yaku’s heart beat frenetically, sending sharp vibrations across his ribcage. A sudden nausea overwhelmed his senses, and he barely managed to scramble to the toilet before his stomach expelled it’s contents. 

Yaku gripped the seat weakly as his whole body convulsed and he heaved and sputtered into the bowl. After a painful few minutes, he leant back away from the toilet, gasping through his raw throat. 

The ceiling light hummed distantly as he stared up at it, drowned out by the noise of the shower and his pounding head. He willed his chest to ease, for his body to stop aching, to no avail. He swallowed painfully, the bile taste receding, and reached above his head for his towel. It took a few tugs before he dislodged it. Yaku wrapped it around his quivering body, his skin still dripping from the shower, and sat on the bathroom floor, too feverish to move. 

---

He must have passed out for a while, because Yaku awoke to the sound of his name. 

“Yaku-san!” He lifted his head from where it was slumped against the rim of the bathtub and peered with hazy eyes towards the doorway, where Lev stood, looking increasingly distressed. 

“L-Lev?” His voice was raspy, barely above a whisper. Lev rushed over, kneeling beside Yaku despite the wet floor. 

“Are you okay?” He nodded weakly, and Lev helped him into a sitting position. His head spun with the motion, and he leaned heavily on Lev to keep from flopping over again. 

“What are you doing here?” He mumbled, finding it difficult to speak. 

“You seemed really ill after practice, so I thought I’d bring over some soup––God you’re burning up!” Lev’s green eyes flickered to where his hand gripped Yaku’s shoulder. “What happened? Why are you lying on the floor?” 

“I...I don’t know. I fell and then I think… I think I passed out?” He blinked sluggishly, struggling to keep his eyes open. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Lev stood, pulling Yaku up with him, causing his towel to fall away and revealing his nakedness. Lev turned his head sharply away, the tips of his ears turning pink. 

“Sorry, I’ll um…” He turned his head back tentatively, training his eyes on Yaku’s face. “Your hair is still wet... Okay, sit down again and I’ll dry it.” 

Yaku obeyed, not really paying attention, and was thankful to have the cool tile against his hot skin once more. Lev grabbed the towel and crouched, softly gripping the nape of his neck as he rubbed it against his scalp. Yaku groaned as the movement sent another wave of vertigo through his head. 

“Sorry.” Lev winced. After he was satisfied with his effort, Lev gently pulled him up once more, holding him tight as Yaku almost fell again. He gripped Lev’s shirt, burying his face into his side as Lev guided him through the apartment. They reached his bedroom and Lev sat him down on his bed, averting his gaze once more. “Do you want to get changed or…?” Yaku shook his head. 

“I’m too hot.” Lev helped him get under the covers. 

“There you go. Alright, you just rest and I’ll take care of you.”

“Mmm, no––” He croaked. Lev paused.

“No?”

“I-I can’t rest. I’ve got homework to do, a-and an essay to write…” he swallowed painfully. “And I promised the second years that I would… would write some––some study notes for them…” There was so much for him to do, his stomach coiling with anxiety at the thought of it. He didn’t have the time for this, he was never going to complete any of it at this rate. He needed to work. 

“Yaku-san no, you need to rest. You have a fever.”

“I-I’m fine, really, you don’t need to worry. Y-you can leave now, I have work I need to get done.” Yaku struggled to sit up, the blanket falling away from his chest with the effort, but Lev blocked him with his hand, the frown on his face deepening.

“You’re delirious, you’re in no state to work.” He said firmly. 

“I-I’m not.” Because he wasn’t, even though he was struggling to focus his eyes and could barely concentrate on Lev’s words. He just needed to get his work done. Everything would be fine if he could just get his work done.

“Yaku-san don’t lie to yourself.”

“I’m fine––” He started, but Lev cut him off. 

“You’re not fine and you need to rest!” Lev shouted suddenly, before quietly adding “Please.”

Yaku submitted, lying back down on his pillow. He had never seen Lev raise his voice before. He left the room and Yaku closed his eyes, enduring the pounding in his head. Distantly, he was aware of the shower turning off in the bathroom. 

He opened his eyes again to see Lev re-enter the room, carrying a tray. Yaku sat up to take some medicine and downed a glass of water, before lying back down and having a damp rage placed over his forehead. His skin was so sweaty he observed, as he shifted in his sheets. 

“You worry me sometimes.” Lev spoke softly, dabbing the rag carefully across his forehead. “You’re always hard at work, always helping everyone. You never give yourself a break. You shouldn’t be overworking yourself to this point.”

“But people rely on me.” Yaku mumbled. “I can’t let them down.”

“Their feelings aren’t your responsibility.” Lev said, finally meeting his eyes again. Lev’s eyes were so pretty, Yaku realised. “You’re allowed to take time for yourself, you know. It’s okay to rest sometimes.” he smiled down at him. 

If Yaku was in a better state of mind, he may have teased Lev for his wisdom, may have waved him off and said something like “Don’t get all sappy on me!” But instead he stayed silent, letting himself reflect on Lev’s words. It was true that he worked himself to the brink of exhaustion and beyond, he couldn’t deny that, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t think he could explain to Lev this feeling of helplessness he felt. It was so difficult for him to relax, there was always something to do, something that needed to get done. Sometimes he felt like if he stopped working, he’d fall apart. He needed it, the constant distractions to fill his day and keep this fear of his at bay. This restlessness. He didn’t know what he was without it. 

He didn’t know who he was. 

Yaku swallowed, wincing at the rawness of his throat, before speaking again. “Lev… can you do me a favour?”

“Of course.” 

“Can you vacuum the living room for me? My father wanted me to do it before he got home…” Lev huffed a soft laugh. 

“Sure thing. Will you be okay in the meantime?” Yaku nodded weakly. Lev reached out, giving his hand a soft squeeze, before standing and leaving the room once more.

It didn’t feel like enough, but he didn’t want to ask anymore from him. At the very least, the act eased some of Yaku’s anxiety. One less task to do, and for once he didn’t have to carry the burden himself. Despite his feverishness, Lev’s kindness sent a wave of warmth through his body, which settled comfortably in his chest. It was silly, really, that one small act of help meant so much to him. Maybe the fever was just making him emotional, who knew, but with that he was able to settle back down, and allow himself to relax.

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Reasons to drink beverages out of a small glass jar:

It’s fun

Aesthetic af

Makes you feel like you’re in a studio ghibli movie

Good use of small glass jars that you have no idea what to do with but don’t want to throw out

Feels like a potion

Bonus points if you have a cork for the jar and can take it in your bag/purse when you go outside

If the jar is the right shape you can blow on the lip to make a whistling noise

Entertaining way to stay hydrated 

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

My friend today: I want to start watching Haikyuu so I can talk about it with you!

Me: 🥺

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

Quick Writing Tip:

(Applicable for both creative writing and assignments) 

If you’re having trouble keeping your focus on the document, or really just getting words onto the page, try changing up the font. 

I used to always write in Arial because it was the default font on google docs, but honestly I really grew to hate it, (likely due to its association to a WIP I worked on for two and a half years before abandoning) and having to look at it whenever I wanted to write something new felt really monotonous. But then I decided, hey, why not use a different font. 

And It’s actually really fun! So now I’ve started using a different font for every new short story or project. You can even match fonts to the tone of your work. Is it serious/professional? Times New Roman! Is it fun or lighthearted? Permanent Marker!

I like to do all of my assignments in Comic Sans, both out of spite, and because using a dumb font takes the pressure off the writing having to be perfect. 

There are hundreds of different fonts for a reason, so have some fun with it and experiment as much as you like!

[writing-and-bad-decisions]

The thing that really intrigues me about the internet is this new, unique way for us to immortalise ourselves. You can go onto websites like Reddit or AO3 and find posts and stories written by people a decade ago, which, yes isn’t very long ago, but assuming that the internet is going to be around until the collapse of humanity (hopefully a few millennia away) the potential for self preservation is unthinkable. This concept that I can make THIS post and send it out in the void of the internet, and it has the potential to find someone decades from now is absolutely chilling. The way in which we can preserve ourselves, our thoughts and our feelings in this moment, and share it with the world to be found years from now is so hauntingly beautiful to me. We have the unique opportunity to share ourselves on a global scale, it gives a certain comfort to an individual’s inevitable demise.

[transfemininomenon]

achilles modern day au where he gets taken out at age 10 by a razor scooter