he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@writing-parker
1. You are always going to be the first thing I think about when I wake up. 2. In autumn, in the Midwest, you can see Orion gleam like a slew of gemstones. 3. Patience is learned best through pain. 4. In this country, I am still not safe in my skin. 5. Virginia is colder than one would expect, even in the summer. 6. Just because you don’t talk to someone every single day for every single minute, doesn’t mean that you mean any less to them and vice versa. 7. Home can be both a what and a whom all at once. 8. The spirit grows when love takes roots in the veins. 9. I will always miss a person over a place. 10. This body is constantly fighting. 11. Death has spent far too much time knocking on my door to be called ‘stranger’ anymore. 12. God is out there, and they are whispering in every melody that touches the ears. 13. Being a beer snob doesn’t make you cool, it makes you an asshole. 14. Grace looks like a girl on a yellow couch staring straight at her laptop screen, Irish storms clouding her eyes, rain escaping down her cheeks, mouthing to me ‘it’s alright. I’m fine.’ 15. This is my body, and my life is the loudest weapon. 16. There must be more poetry, there must. 17. If you spend every single day in contact with another human being, even the blink of an eye feels like the longest silence. 18. I am so happily, and hopelessly in love with you. And I accept the consequence of both. 19. There are people who will haunt your mind long after they have forgotten you. You are allowed to talk to their ghosts once in a while. 20. Nobody really knows what the hell they’re doing. We’re all winging it. Sometimes you have to give a person a break. 21. Prayer is love in verb-form. 22. There’s still something about your eyes that none of my words will ever get right. 23. My mother is what made me what I am. 24. Hands might be the most important part of the body. 25. Love, love, love. In the end, that is the only thing that will save us. 26. We come back stronger, louder, fiercer. 27. You don’t have to love the exact place you are at, but you should love where you think you’re going. 28. Shitty wine is better than no wine. 29. We are not good at listening. 30. Just because your mental illness comes back doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress. Keep fighting. 31. Grace sounds like her voice on the phone saying ‘happy new years.’ We survived it. Thank you for getting me here. 32. The physical word: books & letters, are a sacred part of our world now. 33. Every language on this planet has a way to say 'i miss you,’ and learning all of them still wouldn’t be enough. 34. I belong right where I am. 35. You are always going to be the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.
“A Year In Review: Things I Learned In 2017” - Nishat Ahmed
Happy New Years, friends.
2016 was a year about love, in all forms, taking root against the odds of all the darkness that was spat at us. Here’s to 2017 and the hope that our love grows.
(via sleevesofgrass)
Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now?
baby! i look at you and my heart remembers the time when my atoms were a mossy log, all ray of sun. you make me remember a summer i never had. feel like a future where we live with our rescue dogs and greenhouses. make you more flower crowns. when i dance with you it feels easy, one-two-three. like kitchens are ballrooms.
i been lookin for ways to tell you i miss you but they always seem so silly. the glow of your eyes puts a sun in my spine. hearing you laugh is a meadow i never want to stop running in. i want to spend all my time finding ways to fill up your life. you’re warm cookies. good coffee at sunrise. a book and soft socks and rain on the rooftop.
— q.l. | for @avolitorial <3
texts
I don’t want to beg. You know desperation sits heavy in me. But everything I do, everything I say. You have to know. You have to know. I’m foaming at the mouth. Begging you not to love anyone else.
religiously
they’ll call you the wrong kind of romantic, the wrong shade of red printed on sale-flyers, mouth coming away darkened by cheap ink. some contracts taste better at the swallowing than the signing, your jaw snake-soft around
the paper cuts. if anyone asks, the price of life is pocket change; you’ve traded souls for those who only wanted something sweet, glutted by goldflow, mired in sunlight-syrup. fold paper dolls out of dollar bills and old checkbooks,
their skirts painted null and void-black with clearance nail polish. go on and call it a waste but the sky still won’t change from that plastic white. the convenience store down the street carries both candy hearts and heartstoppers;
be careful not to mix them up.
— q.l. | for day #14 of @ragewrites’ napowrimo prompts
5:10 PM & i’m folding another sunset under my tongue, its hues bleached out by the cold into cotton-cloud pale. & it goes like this every year, coming back to this frost to watch ice braid itself clear into my hair, & every year this season is a little less cold than memory tells me, but the air is still taut with it. still springing away from every breath that wants to draw it in. here, the stars whisper flicker-faint, only showing their faces
if you strain your sight beyond the city’s ice-spire heights, their frozen illumination. when you learn to worry enough about forgetting how we hold on to warmth, instinct guards against that loss with fierceness. but i know
i talk too much about forest fires for someone who’s never witnessed a conflagration. so this time, instead, i’ll tell you about the ice-storms that used to come between snowfalls. how the force of their winds snapped branches as easy as icicles, twisted woodlands into crystal-palace halls that glittered even in the dark.
& the moon has slipped now beneath the curving night, but its sickle-beam weaving still holds the velvet coat of the sky together. every white stitch saying just wait a little longer, reminding me i still want to tell you about never understanding how to trace the gleam of constellations. & how i want to try again. & about
those rarest of winter sunrises, the ones that drip peach-juice vivid: the horizon offering its dawnbloom over & over, like a glimpse of all the love-letters ever written to light. i still want to climb up to see the sky made a saltshaker, every ice-white star plummeting to earth in flaring promise. & love pooling in the melt of each landing, warm enough to draw all the world into growing again.
— q.l. | for @femmelovely <3
Hush by Keaton St. James
(patreon)
riverbed instead by keaton st. james
Mountain Town by Keaton St. James
being alive is to have life telling you ‘ok now i will ask you to be brave. now i will ask you to be brave. now i will ask you to be brave’ over and over and over until you learn it & then have to learn it again
– Faraj Bou al-Isha (b. 1956), “Wait” translated from the Arabic by Khaled Mattawa in: “Poems for the Millennium. Book of North African Literature”, edited by Pierre Joris and Habib Tengour
I pay to shoot guns in an alleyway. Remember his tortured smile and magazine wrists. I try to grow thyme, live with thirty one people and call myself stable. I surround myself with cats and houseplants and forget his last name. I clip my nails too short and bleed into the sink. I go to our pizza place and forget how much not crying hurts. I taste your coke, lick at your obituary. I am lockdown, intoxicated tongue. I demo a kitchen, a bathroom, a heart. Chip my knuckle. Ruin my only mouth.
Anatomy of Grief, by Katie Pukash (via allloversbetray)
foolproof plan