26F, UK based Pure trash posting imagines when I can, requests are open! I will eventually have a working masterlist I promise :) A lot of my old work is kpop :)
My bully from 5th grade who snapped my glasses in front of his friends just found me on social media a few weeks ago.
He wrote me a long apology saying how he was now a father to a 3 year old little girl and was taking her to get her first pair of little glasses in the next few days—and it brought back what he did. He said couldn’t ever handle the idea of someone doing that to her.
My first instinct was to tell him to get lost, but I realized I was getting what I always prayed for. I just wanted the people who were mean to me to eventually understand it—even if it took a personal experience to relate to and 14 years to open their eyes.
A piece of me healed in that moment as I gave him glasses advice for his daughter because I was the same age when I got my first pair.
Kids are really ruthless, but it takes a healed adult to reach out to apologize. And there is always time to change; it’s never too late.
You don’t have to feel like it’s true. You don’t have to believe it. It doesn’t matter. I sure as hell didn’t. Don’t, even. Present-tense, some days. All the “it gets better” shit sounds like crap, and it never really stops sounding a bit phony, but here’s the thing:
“Better” doesn’t mean happy-go-lucky perfect, on top of the world forever and always. It just means “better”. One day you’re walking to a bus stop in the freezing rain after a bad day and realize you’re actually kind of glad you didn’t die in your sleep when you wanted to. You catch yourself excited for something and it surprises you, cause you didn’t think you could still feel excitement anymore. You fuck something up and manage to shrug it off instead of hating yourself, and you notice.
So you feel worthless. You’re probably gonna feel worthless for a long time. You’re probably gonna feel worthless tomorrow, and the day after that, and a week from now. Maybe in a month, or a year.
But, and speaking as a 🌟 clinically depressed nightmare🌟, that feeling isn’t real.
We invented the concept of “value” and “worth”, so it’s not a fact of the universe. It’s not an objective truth. If there is no cosmic force that’s decided you alone are special and the best, then there’s also no faceless void that has chosen you to be the worst.
You’ve been birthed into the cosmos without your consent and all you’re really obligated to do at the end of the day is keep your body running so you can fuck around. That’s it.
And step one of having fun with it is not regurgitating the self-hating crap your brain likes to generate.
Yeah, it feels true, but it isn’t, and saying it out loud or writing it down or reading it over and over again on a screen isn’t going to do anything but force you further into that belief.
I like to say I’m fantastic. I’m godlike. I’ve never done anything wrong and I’m never gonna die. I’m the big dick wizard of sexy man Nation and my grilled cheese could make the pope weep.
Is it true? Fuck no. But it’s fun, and it makes me laugh at myself, and if I’m gonna say things that aren’t true then why say things that feel like shit? Why not feel better?
So yeah, actually, I may have fucked up with that edit. Here’s a better one:
contents: anxiety, curse words, friends to lovers. lovesick!eddie, inexperienced!reader, self-consciousness, first kiss, sharing clothes. eddie’s jacket is oversized on reader. can be read as x reader, but a bit oc too? carnival date. [~1.5k]
eddie munson is in love.
she is entirely inexperienced in anything romantic or sexual; no first kiss, never even got close to it. extremely shy and anxious, has a seemingly innocent aura, is a bit out of sorts, ditzy, with a sort of luna lovegood vibe. doesn’t argue with people, always tears up if confronted about anything, doesn’t have beef with anyone and is a lot more rational than emotional even though she tears up so easily. also doesn’t hold grudges or care what people think of her…
the thing is, she has been introverted her whole life, a very anxious person, and so doesn’t understand that eddie munson likes her because she needs to be told how people feel about her very explicitly otherwise her mind will convince her they hate her. anxiety is like that. and she’s the kind of person that has a hard time realizing that people can perceive their existence and have feelings for them, no matter what type of feelings, so even though eddie is not at all shy about flirting with her and giving her all of the attention in the world in his over-the-top, overdramatic way, he also knows that if anything other than the friendship he’s thankfully managed to build with her is going to happen, romantic-wise, that she has to be the one to initiate it— but she’s oblivious!
on the other hand though, she doesn’t even bother hiding her infatuation with eddie — it’s a lot more than infatuation by now. she’s always looking at him with stars in her eyes and laughs at his jokes and smiles that big, square, goofy smile whenever they lock eyes and constantly praises him because he deserves to feel as special as he is, right? and she goes into detailed talks about lord of the rings with him, likes many of the same bands he does or simply lets him play his favorites for her, and she truly loves to watch hellfire play dungeons & dragons.
her eds even made her a special edition pink hellfire shirt. ‘cause he’s a simp.
one day, as she’s out with nancy and robin outside a diner, talking and laughing and catching up, eddie is close by somewhere with friends. his van is parked nearby, it starts getting chilly, and eddie’s girl starts shivering, so she quickly excused herself away from the girls, “gimme a second!” and reaches through the open window of eddie’s van, making a mental note to grill him about it later “‘cause it isn’t safe, eds!” to grab his leather jacket thinking of how he has told her over and over that she can borrow it, that “what’s mine is yours, sweets. i don’t mind sharing if it’s with you”, so she figures it’s okay, right? and goes back to the girls who are fucking smirking like they see something she doesn’t.
it’s about fifteen minutes later, and eddie is walking towards the trio simply because he misses his girl and wants a hug when he sees it. she’s wearing his jacket. his jacket. and in typical eddie fashion, he makes a scene— gasping dramatically, he clutches his chest over his heart and falls to his knees, because fuck what anyone around thinks. his precious girl is wearing his fucking jacket! and she looks like a fucking angel.
“eds, what are you doin’?”
“do you know how heavenly you look in my jacket? i just had to get on my knees to worship you.”
the boy shuffles closer to his sweet girl on his knees still while he talks and she’s flustered, okay? she’s shy and her face is on fire and she’s covering her cheeks and giggling. and because it’s eddie, her eddie, she’s not running away to have a panic attack. ‘cause it’s eddie and he’s being sweet, so she can’t focus on anyone else long enough to feel crippling anxiety or embarrassment. doesn’t even care that robin is cooing and nancy is smirking.
“that jacket is yours now, you own it. you pretty much own me by now.” eddie says, on his knees, in front of her
“it’s okay that i took it right?” she makes sure even after his display of joy, ‘cause she has anxiety and anxiety isn’t rational “you said i—”
her eddie knows her, though. he stands up, gets real fucking close to her, so close they’re almost touching, with this look of absolute adoration and “i’d give ya everything i have if i could, pretty.”
fast forward a few days later. robin kept yapping on and on to the oblivious girl about how “in love” eddie is, but it’s as though her brain won’t let her even entertain the idea.
that’s until she’s having a semi-regular quote unquote friend-date with eddie, something they’ve done quite a few times before, and this time they go to the fair. they’re doing everything couples might do, eddie is very aware of this, and he’s over the moon to just be enjoying quality time with his pretty girl until she spots a photobooth, “oh, eds! we must!” and eddie’s desperately counting coins to pay. the pictures go a little something like this:
after coming up blank with pose ideas, they just look at each other and laugh, but at the sound of his free and bright laugh, she just stares at her boy like he’s a dream come true— first pic is taken, looking at eddie like he hung the moon while he’s mid-laugh.
eddie notices her staring and goes from loud laughs to breathless ones, a smile on his lips, and whispers a soft “what?”— second picture is taken as the girl quickly presses her lips to his, her very first kiss, and it’s caught on camera.
the third picture depicts eddie’s sweet girl nervously rambling “i was going to ask for permission first, i promise!” while eddie has a glassy, dreamy look on his face, slack jawed, looking at her lips.
and at the fourth snap? eddie presses forward to shut her up with another impossibly soft and tender kiss, both of their eyes are closed and his hand is holding her jaw, thumb brushing her cheek.
after they part from the second kiss, eddie acknowledges that it was her first kiss, a shy “was that okay?” to which his sweetheart just smiles really big and nods excitedly over and over with a breathless giggle. that was the perfect first and second kiss and she couldn’t ask for more.
I think about dying but I don't want to die. Not even close. In fact my problem is the complete opposite. I want to live, I want to escape. I feel trapped and bored and claustrophobic. There's so much to see and so much to do but I somehow still find myself doing nothing at all. I'm still here in this metaphorical bubble of existence and I can't quite figure out what the hell I'm doing or how to get out of it.
I look at others and I feel so sad for myself. I’m just existing. And they are living. They are able to move on and get ahead in life but all I do is stay stuck in the past and suffer
Rohypnol has an INCREDIBLY salty taste to it. It’s disgusting. And it also isn’t a drug that acts immediately! The minute you notice the salty taste, you have about 5-10 minutes to get somewhere safe or call an ambulance, and it CAN be fought if you’re aware of it. It will make you woozy, it will make you so dizzy you can’t stand upright, it will certainly make you unable to walk properly, but if you struggle to remain conscious you can get about 20 extra minutes of consciousness from the drug before it will knock you out completely. If you’re in a public place, and the person who drugged you is trying to take you somewhere private, start. a. fight. Insist as LOUDLY and as VIOLENTLY as you can that you refuse to go anywhere with them. Odds are they’re trying to make as little of a scene as possible as they drag you away, and if you’re putting up a fight and very clearly ‘drunk’, eyes will turn on them and they’ll either need to let you go, or cause a serious scene, which they don’t want. Don’t just act like you’re just protesting being taken home, though. Fight like your life depends on it even if they aren’t assaulting you. Cause. A. Scene. That’s the last thing they want.
I feel like everyone needs to see this. Especially that last one. I don’t care what kind of blog this is, but this is my most popular blog and want as many people to see this as possible. I’ll return to normal updates tomorrow.
You’re no feminist if this doesn’t bother you, that you don’t see the rape vibes here. Women can and do rape men. They use force, they use words, they can manipulate- just like men do. And it is just as wrong.
There was absolutely no consent here. I don’t care if you think you’re some radical feminist, this should clearly be wrong to you!
Consent is:
1. MUTUAL****
2. CLEAR***
3. ACTIVE**
4. ENTHUSIASTIC*
*by that I mean both parties should really want it, it shouldn’t be a “well she/he really wants it so I guess I should too.”
** You should be asking for consent whenever you change the level of intimacy. Even if it’s just from hand holding to kissing. Always ask if your partner is okay with going further. Don’t just assume.
*** Consent must be clear, meaning you’re partner needs to say a definite yes.
**** This one is kind of obvious but both partners need to be on the same page. And they both should want it.
Taking advantage of someone while their drunk or intoxicated is 70% of the rapes that happen. When someone’s drunk or high, they are not clear in their consent as they aren’t fully aware of what their doing. Niether can it be mutual, as again, they don’t know what they’re doing.
This is important. I have a friend who’s a dude who was sexually assaulted. I don’t think he even tried to tell anyone because he probably knew he would be ignored.
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