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Chapter 9
Scott arrived twenty minutes later. “Hello?” he shouted through the house. “Wine is here!”
Lawrence ran down the stairs. “Didn’t use the doorbell?”
“No one answered,” replied Scott. “Where’s the bride-to-be?” He placed a wrapped bottle of wine on the table along with a few other cheaper bottles. “Dear Lord I thought Marina was a clean person.”
“Things have changed.”
Scott raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Haven’t you been secretly dating for a while?”
“Um...No, the- the proposal was kind of spur-of the moment,” he stammered. “Anyway,” he began, changing the subject, “Marina’s mother is coming at 8pm.”
“Oh dear! I would have brought something for her.”
Marina came in the back door. “Scott!” She excitedly hurried towards him and gave him a big hug. “It’s been so long!”
“I brought you some wine, congrats on the engagement! You’re mother is coming?”
Marina nodded. “Yeah!”
“I’m so sorry to hear about the news…”
Marina shrugged. “It’ll be fine. She’s pushing through. That’s what I love about her. Lawrence and I still haven’t seen her together, so I’m excited about that.”
Scott squeezed her hand. “Hopefully you’ll get Mr. Grumpypants to not be a complete idiot.”
Lawrence crossed his arms. “You realize I’m still in earshot?”
Scott cocked his head to the side. “Well, you’re less of a pisshead around Marina so I can say whatever I want.” Marina giggled and Scott squeezed her hands. “Okay, so what part is everyone cleaning? Can I turn on some music?” He pulled out a speaker from his backpack and set everything up. “Let me grab some wine glasses real quick…” Marina and Lawrence followed him into the kitchen. “Oh my. You’d think that two neat freaks wouldn’t create such a...such a situation.”
Marina scratched her head. “I’ve had some friends stay over.”
“Scott, you’re not a very clean person either,” pointed out Lawrence.
“Hey Larry. Shut up.” After opening a few more cabinets he finally turned towards the couple. “Do you have any cups at all?”
“Just wash one,” said Lawrence.
“With what soap and sponge?” Lawrence opened the cabinet below the sink and Scott peaked over his shoulder. “Have you really been eating off paper plates?” asked Scott, referring to the overflowing trash bin that they were now staring at.
“Umm...my friends,” lied Marina. “Here, let’s not dawdle. I’ll get to work on the living room. Feel free to use whatever.” She left and took a roll of stained paper towels with her.
Scott looked at Lawrence. “Bro, I signed up to blast some good music and to pretend to dust the living room. I can’t clean shit.”
“Dude, just clean the kitchen. Like, ignore the fridge and everything, just wash the dishes and wipe down the counters. We’ll deep clean that later. I’m going to do the dining room and then move on to the living room. Let me know if you find baking soda.”
“Why do you need baking soda?”
“For the carpet, it reeks.”
“Use carpet freshener.”
Lawrence rolled his eyes. “You really think she has that?”
Scott tapped on his temple and pretended to think. “Hmm, I don’t know, I’m not the one marrying her. I don’t know her habits!”
“Scott, just let me know if you see it.” Lawrence turned to leave but Scott stopped him.
“Larry? I have a question.”
“I swear, if this is another stupid one…”
“No, it’s a good question, for real.” Lawrence turned around. “I thought Marina is very anti-drugs. Wasn’t she one of the reasons you stopped in college?”
“Yeah, you know the story. You know what, I’ll help you with the kitchen.” Lawrence pulled out a sponge and dish soap from the spice cabinet along with a grey bundle. “Are these shoes?”
“She had a bong in her living room.”
“So? Most people smoke.”
“You don’t. And she hates drugs.”
“It’s like a cigarette,” said Lawrence.
Scott frowned. “Someone doesn’t just do a 180 like that. She’s not handling things well.”
Lawrence chucked the pair of new tennis shoes with the tags still on over to the living room. Marina gave a yelp over the music. “Weed isn’t a big deal. You do it. Stop overreacting.”
“From time to time, but but my life is together.”
“Who says hers isn’t?”
Scott gestured at the kitchen. “She’s falling apart. Don’t tell me that when you came in here, you were expecting the house to be a mess and to find weed all over the living room table.”
Lawrence bit his cheek. “Okay, I did call her out on it.”
“Yet you’re not doing anything to help her. Dude, you’re marrying this girl. Do you know what the hell you’re getting into?”
Lawrence stared at Scott. “What is wrong with you? You were congratulating me a few days ago. Now you’re protesting this?”
Scott put his hands up. “Chill, dude. But if you can’t tell when she needs help I don’t think you’re right for her.”
“Well she said yes when I asked her to marry me, she knows what she’s getting into.”
“Stop being a piece of shit.”
“Excuse you? You’re not helping with the cleaning.”
Scott crossed his arms. “If you really cared about her, you wouldn’t have let her make this mess in the first place.”
Lawrence angrily got up up from tying up a trash bag. He so, so badly wanted to tell Scott that it wasn’t his fault that Marina was living in a dirty house. He had only started talking to her less than three weeks ago. The pile of dirty dishes and trash bags were accumulated long before that. The floors and countertops were caked with layers of oil and dust. And for those three weeks he was with her, he didn’t realize how much of a boyfriend role he actually needed to play.
“Look,” said Scott, breaking the silence as he wiped down a freshly washed drying rack. “If you don’t want me to be real about things, fine.”
“No, you do. I’m just surprised.”
“You want some wine?”
“We still don’t have any dishes washed,” pointed out Lawrence. “Drink out of the bottle.” Scott left and came back with the wine. He opened it with his pocket multitool.
“Shut the water off for a second,” asked Scott, “was that the door?”
“Why are you being so shady? Go check.”
Scott opened the bottle and pulled the cork off the screw. “I don’t want to nose around. Things feel off between you and Marina.”.
The two of them got back to cleaning with Scott mumbling the lyrics to a song. Not even a minute later, they heard voices from the living room.
“This is unacceptable!” shouted Marina.
“You’ve led me to do this,” yelled Drew.
Scott and Lawrence looked at each other and mmediately headed to the living room. “Hello!” Scott said cheerily.
“Scott, this is Drew,” said Marina.
“Ah, so you’re the best man,” said Drew with a warm smile that changed his entire demeanor. “Marina’s one of my closest friends.”
Scott smiled back. “Looks like we’ll be spending some time together making things fun for our boy Larry here.” He patted Lawrence on the back, who immediately stood up straight in surprise. “We’re just here helping Marina clean up a bit!”
“Wouldn’t mind if I joined, would you?” he said, effectively inviting himself. “I’ll go work on the garage.”
“You can’t stay,” said Marina. “My mom is coming soon.”
Drew’s eyes flashed from Scott to Marina to Lawrence and back to Marina. “Right. Well, I only came to pass on a message, which I have done.”
Marina glared at him. “We’re going to have to talk about it.”
“For now, it’s in effect. I’m peacing out of here.” He held up a peace sign as he opened the door. “Great to meet you Scott. Lawrence, always a pleasure hearing your silent voice.” He gently closed the door behind him.
Scott crossed his arms and wiggled his eyebrows. “Marina, what’s the story here?”
She smiled nervously. “We’re friends from college and have kept in touch. We sort of had a thing but nah. We’re too close for that.”
Scott stroked his chin. There was a beep from his phone and he quickly checked it. “Damn, a missed call. I’ll be right back.” He stopped the music and stepped outside before quickly coming in for a cigarette from his jacket. He headed back out.
“Why did Drew come back?” asked Lawrence.
“He thought it was a good time to tell me that maybe we should take a break until after all this blows over. We should get back to cleaning.”
Lawrence started dumping food trash into a bag. “Don’t you think he’s kind of offensive?”
“You and Scott have some pretty potty mouths too, I won’t lie.”
“No Marina, as in, he’s offensive to you. The way he treats you. Kind of abusive.”
“I’m sorry, my boyfriend is not abusive,” she said defensively. “That’s a heavy claim to make without any evidence.”
“Not abusive like that, just crass towards you. Not respectful.”
“He’s just blunt,” justified Marina.
“Also I don’t think he’s your boyfriend anymore.”
Marina stopped what she was doing. “If you’re going to be unhelpful, you can leave.”
“You’re in such a state of denial,” said Lawrence. He went back to the kitchen to power through the rest of the mess.
Chapter 8
Marina and Lawrence were meeting up at after class later that week on a Friday afternoon to organize last minute date changes. She had called that morning and left a voicemail tearfully explaining that her mother’s appointment at the doctor’s didn’t go well and that they would have the move the date up. He tried calling her back three times during his break to get a hold of her. He couldn’t get in contact with her until after school. By then, Marina had shuffled all the dates around and was convinced everything was set, but she wanted to make sure that Lawrence was on the same page.
Lawrence stood outside Marina’s door after the mile long walk from the train stop. As he was about to ring the doorbell, he heard loud voices from inside. He tried to listen, but he couldn’t understand the conversation. He finally rang the doorbell.
Drew opened the door. Without even glancing at Lawrence, he continued talking. “The line between fake and real is being blurred.”
Marina was seated on the arm of the sofa with tissues in her hand. “That’s what I’ve been saying,” she sobbed.
“You’re literally being so overdramatic.” Drew turned towards Lawrence. “Shut the door bro, the smell will get out.”
Lawrence did as he was told. “Is that a bong?” Lawrence pointed towards the coffee table where a glass pipe stood next to an empty wine bottle and dirty plates.
Drew rolled his eyes. “Stop acting like a saint. You know it is. If you’re going to harp on it-”
“Drew, please,” Marina begged.
“Shut the hell up,” he ordered. Marina broke into another round of tears. “What are you doing here Lawrence?”
“Making sure the dates are fine. Why are you telling your girlfriend to shut up?”
Drew sighed. “She doesn’t listen to me.”
“Why is she crying?”
“Because she doesn’t listen to me, can’t you hear?”
Lawrence rolled his eyes. “Marina, what is going on?”
Drew opened his mouth to talk, but Lawrence silenced him and waited for Marina to speak. “I don’t know.”
“How is it going to be believable if we just stay in?” argued Drew. “She wants us to hold a small bachelor party without any of the fun stuff.”
“‘Fun stuff?’ You have a girlfriend!” said Lawrence. “You have no say. You are not my best man. Scott is planning a day at a spa, and we’re going to have a good time. For you and me, it’s a facade, not an excuse to have a party.”
Drew laughed. “What turned you into a bitter old man?” He grabbed his coat. “I’m out of here. Let me know when things have settled.”
“Drew, come back,” asked Lawrence. “You’re not leaving yet.”
“I can deal with one person being stupid, I can’t deal with two.” He stormed out the door and slammed it behind him.
Cold air rushed into the room and Lawrence shivered before moving towards the loveseat across from Marina. They sat in silence for a while. It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t tense. It was needed. Marina was always hurrying from one thing to another trying to stay busy to avoid dealing with her feelings. Lawrence was always lashing out on others and placed the blame of his anger on whoever he happened to be talking to at the time. They had no idea how to deal with their feelings and just pretended they didn’t have any.
Marina was the first to break the silence with her cracked voice. “Sorry, Lawrence, I just…” She started sobbing again. To be honest, it freaked Lawrence out how much she was crying. Back when they were together, their relationship wasn’t particularly emotional and never led to tears. It was just passive-aggressive comments that finally led them to grow tired of each other.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. A useless platitude. “You’re under a lot of stress.”
“Drew just doesn't get it,” she sniffled. “He seems to have forgotten that my mom is dying.”
Lawrence debated whether or not to go to her and comfort her. “Let’s go see her. We haven’t done that together yet.”
“But I’m a mess.” She wasn’t wrong. She gestured to her stained sweater, ripped pants, and ratty flipflops.
“Do you go to work in that?”
“No. I change out of my clothes as soon as I’m home,” she said. “My place is such a mess, I can’t risk it. I mean, I only work 6 hours at school. I’m at home for the other 18.”
“I thought you hated staying at home.”
Marina shrugged. “I dunno. My tastes have changed. Drew is here all the time now.”
Lawrence picked up the bong. “I can tell.” He looked around the room. “You used to be a neat freak, things have really changed. The pots aren’t washed, there are dishes in the living room, your basket of dirty laundry is in front of the TV….things need to change back to how they were. And I know me telling you all the obvious things is not helping but this isn’t a good way to live”
“It’s not a basket of clothes, it’s a folding chair.”
Lawrence couldn’t help but smile. “Come on. Call your mom. We’ll visit her tonight. I’ll help you clean.”
Marina twirled a strand of hair hanging out of her messy bun. “It’s worse upstairs. We won’t finish tonight.”
“I’ll invite Scott.” Lawrence quickly texted him and almost immediately got an affirmative response with the wine emoji. “He’ll be here soon. He’s bringing wine. Call your mom and invite her over! It’ll motivate us to clean.”
Marina sluggishly pulled out her phone and started texting. She looked up at Lawrence when she finished.
“Not going to call?”
“I’ll start crying almost immediately.” Marina scratched her head. “I don’t know, I’ve been distant. The appointment this morning just made things tense between us. I’m scared.”
“So is she. She loves you, she wants to hear from you.” Lawrence got up. “Come on, let’s get cleaning.” He took Marina’s hand and helped her stand up. “Come on. Then you can shower and be clean and everything.”
“Why did you agree to do this?”
“I mean, I like cleaning.”
“No, the fake marriage thing.”
“I like your mom,” said Lawrence without hesitation. “Did she respond yet?”
Marina looked down at her phone. “Yeah. she’ll be here at 8.”
“Let’s get moving.”
Chapter 7
The next few days, Lawrence got back to his usual schedule of going to school, working in the hospital, and cleaning his spotless half of the room. He and Marina were talking every few hours- he finally convinced her that he didn’t care about the little details of the wedding, so she only consulted him on aspects that would directly affect him, like food and drink. Too bad he didn’t have an opinion on those either.
Scott kept asking Lawrence for input on the bachelor party, but he was too apathetic to care. “Honestly Larry, I might just take all of us to the spa. Drew says he gets pedicures every so often, so the only opposition would be from you.”
Lawrence spun in his chair to face Scott, who was sprawled in the lower bunk of his unmade bed. “Ben and Kevin would hate it.”
Scott laughed. “No they wouldn’t. Ben! Kevin!” He shouted. He smiled smugly at Lawrence. “I’ll ask them myself.”
Kevin came out of the bathroom in sweatpants and a white shirt as he dried his wet hair with the towel. “What’s up guys? Oh hey Lawrence! Have I congratulated you?”
“Yeah, four times.”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Kevin, do you like pedicures and spas?”
Kevin furrowed his brow. “Like, on a girl? Different colored toes?”
“Toenails,” Scott corrected, “but on yourself! A great foot massage, and you get your nails trimmed too.”
Kevin smiled. “It sounds pretty sweet. Are we having a boys night soon? We haven’t done that since before you guys started school. It’d be awesome if we got wine-drunk at a spa!”
“That’s because Scott and I are in school,” snapped Lawrence.
“Shut up buddy,” said Scott, checking his phone. “Ben!” he shouted again. “Okay but actually, help me out Kevin. For Larry’s bachelor party. What should we do? He’s not giving me ideas. And you’re older and have done more of these things.”
Lawrence rolled his eyes. “Why can’t we just chill at a bar?”
“Because you can do that any night,” replied Kevin. “I mean, at a bachelor party you can do whatever we want. Would she be okay with strippers?”
“Probably?” Lawrence honestly wasn’t sure what was and wasn’t okay with all the fake wedding and fiancè business. “Where the actual hell is Ben though?”
“He’s in our room.” Kevin went across the hall and yelled at his roommate. “Get your ass out of bed dude, it’s 4pm.” There was some mumbling beneath covers and Lawrence and Scott laughed. Kevin came back in. “Ben is so useless.”
Ben came into the room with blankets trailing behind him like a cape. “I stayed up because of work, okay Kevin? Screw off.”
“Party party,” mumbled Scott from his bed.
Lawrence spun his chair to look at Ben. “Do you like getting pedicures and getting wine-drunk?”
“Wine drunk is the best,” said Ben. “You never get drunk enough to be stupid or hungover, and you’re happy the whole time. And it gives you a healthy glow.”
“Not if you’re Asian,” groaned Kevin.
“You glow with everything,” piped up Scott
“Point exactly,” replied Kevin. “Ben, what would you do for Lawrence’s bachelor party?”
Ben rubbed his blond stubble. “Dunno. You don’t do any fun shit. And you don’t have any hobbies.”
“I bike,” retorted Lawrence.
“It’s been broken for six months. Honestly man, I wouldn’t know how to tailor it to you. We would just need to throw a really great party or something. But away from here. Like, really away.”
“Well, Scott recommended a spa.”
Ben’s face lit up. “Like, the ones with cucumbers and stuff? Those are so relaxing. Can you rent them out for more than a day? That’s so cool.” He looked at Lawrence. “And so unlike you. So basically, 5 guys at a spa if we include that other guy? This is basically Scott’s bachelor party.”
“Which I am perfectly okay with,” said Lawrence.
Scott smiled from his bed. “So I’m going to organize a spa day with zen and beauty and everything, and maybe a chill night at a local bar or something.”
“Just letting you know bud, Drew doesn’t do chill. Or at least, he used to not,” warned Lawrence.
Scott rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m in charge. Nothing stupid will happen.”
“Ben’s hungover at 4pm on a weekday.” Kevin laughed. “You’re going to have to babysit real hard that weekend, Scotty.”
Ben shot Kevin a dirty look before speaking. “As fun a drinking with you guys is, what if we combined the bachelor and bachelorette parties for the nighttime portion? The afterparty maybe?”
“We should totally have a party after-party,” agreed Kevin.
“Two parties?” groaned Lawrence. “If it’s with the same people, won’t it be lame?”
Scott sighed. “Stop making things more complicated than they need to be. We’ll keep our original plan of chilling at the bar, then we’ll meet up with the girls.”
“Bars close at two,” pointed out Lawrence.
“I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. It will be a blast,” assured Scott.
Chapter 6
It was hours before anything important interrupted their conversation. Some time after 9 Drew came into the house without knocking. “Y’all still here? Do you not have anything better to do?”
“Drew, honey…”
“Hello to you too, bud,” said Lawrence, as unsarcastically as possible.
“You honestly need a hobby,” replied Drew to Lawrence.
“Funny you say that, I actually have my shift at the hospital in a few hours.”
Drew laughed. “School is not a hobby, bro.”
Marina raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you have been sleeping all this time?” she asked Lawrence.
Lawrence stood up. “I lost track of time. Quite a conversation.” He looked up at Drew after tying his shoe. “Might want to try that sometime. You learn a lot from somebody by listening.”
Drew grabbed Lawrence's arm as he reached out for his coat. “Hey.” Lawrence looked up slowly at him. “What’s the name of your best man? Send me his contact info. I have plans for a great bachelor party.”
“We don’t need a bachelor party,” replied Lawrence, shimmying into his coat and scarf.
“Come on. We need any excuse to get drunk as real adults. We had some good times in college.”
Lawrence let out a chuckle. “Too bad we can’t remember a lot of them. But come on, getting blackout drunk is such a college thing.”
Drew laughed. “None of us are over 25, bud. We can relax a bit, don’t you think?” Lawrence handed him his phone and Drew copied down Scott’s number into his own device. “It’s going to be a damn good time, don’t worry about it.”
“Something small,” Lawrence reminded him.
Lawrence had barely pulled up into his driveway when Scott scurried out. “Hey Larry! Drew- one of your groomsdudes- just sent me a message! I looked him up, he’s cute. Is he gay?”
“What?” Lawrence got out of the car and leaned on it as he lit a cigarette. “Drew? No way. He and I were roommates in college. He’s a huge douche.”
Scott frowned. “So?”
“Wait-aren’t you and Evan still together?”
Scott shrugged. “Yeah but I mean I can still appreciate Drew.” He took the box of cigarettes from Scott’s hand and lit one for himself. “Evan and I are having...hmm. Troubles I guess is the way to put it.”
Lawrence raised his eyebrows. “I thought y’all were going to get engaged soon.”
“Well that’s the thing,” replied Scott. “You know how I’m, like, out-out? Well Evan is only out to everyone who’s not family. And well, the next logical step for us is to get married. Do you have to be somewhere?” he asked when he saw Lawrence checking the time. “You had your hospital shift this morning. You don’t have another one do you?” Lawrence stopped to think. “Also, you saw Marina. Your life does not consist of anything other than school. And I guess her now too.”
Lawrence rubbed his face. “Ugg, I don’t have a shift. I’m losing track of everything”
“Bud, you need to sleep.” Scott swiped the cigarette from Lawrence’s hand.
Lawrence looked up at the cloudy sky. “Keep telling me your story, maybe I’ll get sleepy.”
“You always manage to be rude, and that’s honestly kind of impressive.”
Lawrence turned to face Scott and glared at him. “Do ya want me to listen?”
Scott rolled his eyes. “Why do I tolerate you?” He sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. “It’s basically that. We don’t know where to go from here. We’re like, we can’t move forward, but we’re happy where we are.”
“What’s wrong with just staying there?”
“I dunno. I don’t like staying stagnant. We could get married. Get a puppy. Maybe 5. He supports me while I’m still in med school, and I’m always there for him as he’s working his normal job. I like that idea.” Scott twiddled one of the cigarettes in his hand while smoking the other one. “If things could be better, why not do it?”
“Because it might not turn out that way? What if things get worse? What if you tell Evan ‘hey bro’- or ‘love’ or ‘my man’ or whatever gay people do- ‘I want 5 puppies after we get married after I propose to you right next to Lake Michigan and I want us to live happily ever after’ and doesn’t want to do that? What if he’s not ready to settle down? Like, staying with you is fine, he might just need another year of stability? Or wants one more relationship before settling down? Or never wants to because of the risks with his family?”
“You’re not helping me out, bud. That’s what I’m worried about. Give me another cig.”
“You have one in your left hand.”
“I know, but your mouth touched it.”
“Then give it back.” Scott rolled his eyes and put it in his mouth. “You knew when you were going to tell me that I wasn’t going to give you positive advice.”
Scott stood up. “I’ll be inside then. Get some sleep buddy. You’re a mess.”
Chapter 5
Lawrence had forgotten that he was not the only guy in Marina’s life and that Drew was still dating her. He borrowed Kevin’s car to drive into Marina’s suburban home, but another car was in the driveway. Marina was kissing Drew goodbye in front of her house. Lawrence got angry, and even he knew it was unreasonable- he wasn’t dating her. But he was sort of marrying her. At least they should be discrete!
Drew started heading to his car and waved at Lawrence as he parked along the curb. “Hey bud!” He did a little jog to the side of the car window. “I really appreciate what you’ve been doing for Marina and her mom! We need to catch up, Larry.”
“Great to see you too,” replied Lawrence with a fake smile. “I love Marina’s mom, I would do anything for her.”
“Yeah, she’s great. I haven’t gotten around to meeting her though.”
“Why not?” Marina joined Drew and leaned on his arm.
Drew ran his hands through his dirty blonde hair. “I’ve been working long hours in downtown. I know she means alot to you, babe-” he interrupted his sentence to kiss her “-but I promise I’ll meet her soon.”
“You could have met her now instead of ‘hanging out’ in Marina’s room,” snapped Lawrence before he could catch himself.
Drew laughed. “Sorry, what? What are you implying Larry?”
“Nothing at all, I just don’t think you’ve completely appreciated every facet of her existence.”
“Stop it with the big words, bro. You sound like a pretentious dimwit.”
“Sure Drew, but you’re calling 5-lettered words ‘big’ right now.”
Marina cleared her throat. “Drew, I think you should go, I’ll see you later.” Drew pulled her in for an obnoxiously long kiss. Marina tried pulling away from him, but he kept her from leaving for another second or two.
He turned to leave but faced Lawrence again as he got out of the old and outdated black Pontiac. “Hey Larry, I think I should break the news to you instead of Marina, but I’m gonna be one of your groomsmen. It’s part of the deal. I need to make sure this wedding goes as smoothly as possible, so I need to play a bigger part.” He gruffly patted Lawrence’s arm before finally leaving.
Marina crossed her arms in front of Lawrence and waited until Drew was safely out of the neighborhood. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t punch him.”
“I’m not the kind to get into physical altercations, Marina.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, but he is, and you’re kind of easy to provoke.” Lawrence took a deep breath kept his mouth shut. “Anyway, where are we headed?”
“I’m on a 50 dollar budget, you pick.”
“Are you borrowing money from Kevin again?”
“Ben,” he corrected. “I’m borrowing Kevin’s car though.”
“I really appreciate you trying to make the effort to make things go well.”
“I feel really bad about everything. I’ve kinda been a piece of shit to you and to everyone and I need to change that.” He adjusted the scarf around his neck before continuing. “I don’t know. You know I’m kind of impulsive in the shit I say, which hasn’t really been beneficial recently since I’ve been kind of petty and mean to everyone around me.”
“Well I’m impulsive too, you know that,” she laughed. “But I’m an optimist, so things play out a bit differently. Like when you told me about Drew, I didn’t realize how badly that could have turned out until I actually met him, and I thank you for introducing us.”
“Yeah…” Lawrence remembered Drew’s days as a college athlete when he brought home a different girl every week or so and was sometimes unable to remember their names, or their existences, the next morning. “Is he really going to be one of the groomsmen?”
“Yeah, I told him how you were only thinking of 3 others, so I thought it would be nice if your roommate, who started it all, was there with us. Also I’m still dating him, so he’d be coming anyway.” She bit her lip and smiled at him.
Lawrence scratched his head. “You know he and I don’t get along anymore.”
She frowned. “He told me a story, but it sounded weird. He said it was because you were jealous of him and how he always had girls around. Wanna go inside? It’s cold.”
Lawrence followed her in. “Well, that was never a problem. It’s not like I wasn’t a douche the first year or two of college too. I just don’t like who he is as a person.”
“Are you saying he’s never changed?”
Lawrence shrugged. “He probably has. I dunno, I just didn’t want to hang out with him as much anymore. He also had a lot of scandals that I didn’t like the way he and his friends handled.
“Like the drug thing- you were fine, but they ratted out one of your friends?”
Lawrence shifted his weight from one foot to another. “Yeah, I guess, that’s one of them.” He sat down on the couch across from her.
“Otherwise you would have been caught. It’s not like you regret it, you can’t hate Drew for covering for your stupid actions. It was actually a good move for you.”
“I won’t deny it, but after that I just wanted to be around him less. I guess you were right about the way he treated girls too. I don’t know. I just want to put him behind me, and I know I have to exist with him for the next three months, but I’d rather not as much as you want us to.”
Marina frowned. “I guess I can see why you don’t want to be with him. But I want you to know that he’s changed, a lot. But he was always nice to you anyway. Why do you hate him?”
Lawrence got out of his car and followed her in. “You saw how he said hi to me now! We have a mutual dislike of each other.”
“Without ever really knowing why.”
“I honestly don’t care.”
Marina stayed silent for a moment. “But you still introduced me to him, then, when you disliked him?”
“I was mad at you, and you guys always seemed to suppress some sort of interest or tension you had with each other. If- and honestly I expected a ‘when’- he hurt you, I knew you’d be able to blame it on yourself. I know that’s shitty of me, but that was a year ago. I’ve changed.”
“No,” she corrected him, not making eye contact. “You’re trying to change because you regret everything and you’re mad that I’m with Drew.”
“This isn’t about Drew-”
“You were just telling me why you hated Drew now!”
“Marina, that’s not the point! I don’t want you back!” Lawrence took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “Okay sorry that was blunt.” And a complete lie, he thought to himself in surprise. “I don’t want us to get into a screaming match okay? Please? Three months, we need to pretend we like each other.”
“I wanted to tell you about that, the wedding’s solid for December 13th, I told you about it a few days ago but it’s finalized.”
“That’s in the middle of finals week. Can’t you move it for the weekend after Thanksgiving?”
She frowned at him. “You just want to get this over with, don’t you?”
“What? No, I mean, yes, but I actually have finals that week, and I can’t miss them. Literally nothing will excuse me from missing an exam.”
“I managed to get a date during one of the busiest seasons, and you want me to move it?” She glared at him. “Don’t you think that’s kind of inconsiderate?”
“No, considering my education and future career comes before any phony wedding. I’m going to grab a glass of water.”
“You mean my mother?” But he turned without answering her question.
He got up and went into her kitchen. To his shock, it was a disaster. Marina was a slob, but normally still on the hygienic side of things. But everything was a mess, and there was a stench. There was more than one dirty pot on the stove, and two bags of trash slumped against the trash bin. Food was caked on a few plates in half the sink. Lawrence rummaged through her cupboards trying to find a clean glass and settled for a children’s plastic cup with the picture peeling off of it.
“Does Drew live here now?” he asked, returning to the living room.
“No, he can afford his own place,” she said. Lawrence swallowed guiltily.
“Why aren’t you fake marrying him?”
She looked down at the ground and player with her hair before answering. “Because I’m pretty sure he actually wants to get married and I don’t want to do that yet,” she confessed. “Especially with him. I don’t know, he kind of holds me down.”
Lawrence chuckled. “Funny because he’s living a bachelor's life that you think will make you settle. Kind of ironic, no?”
She shrugged. “We get along. I mean, nothing is wrong with him. I just… I don’t know. I don’t feel a connection to him. Or passion.” Lawrence raised an eyebrow. “Okay, shut up. You know what I mean. Our conversations just aren’t exciting. They’re so basic. I could live a perfectly okay life in the suburbs with him, but I don’t think I’d be doing everything I wanted to beforehand.”
“Husband material, but not boyfriend material?”
“Well, I don’t want that kind of marriage either. But I’m 23, I don’t need to worry about this now.”
“That sounds miserable,” said Lawrence before he could catch himself. “Funny because you were just defending him a few minutes ago.”
“I’ve thought about breaking it off, but nothing is really wrong between us.”
“Well, he’s definitely influenced your cleanliness habits based on the kitchen,” he mumbled. “And to be honest, your living room doesn’t look like it’s been vacuumed.”
Marina playfully kicked him. “Stop! I know everything’s a mess. I’ve just been caught up in everything else. And turns out teaching requires a lot of unpaid work at home.”
“But you like it?”
“I mean I’m only an assistant teacher so I don’t have that much of a presence for the kids to like me.”
And so began one of their hour long conversations, the kind where topics flowed easily from one to another. From meaningless complaints about job and school to heavier gossip about their friends, Marina and Lawrence talked like they used to.
That was one of the only things they really ever connected about. They could have a fantastic conversation about nearly anything. Interesting and engaging, their conversations were filled with emotion- and often lead to fights. At the beginning of their relationship, it was cute because they might have had unusually strong feelings about something that one wouldn’t expect. But after a few months they got tired of listening to each other have such angry fights about how often the car should be washed, how many magazine subscriptions they should have, why the perfect weather was humid instead of dry. Other people’s relationships usually died because of the tedium that overtook them and their conversations. But theirs died because no one was ever calm enough to realize how irrational they were about everything.
Chapter 4
Lawrence wanted out of whatever drama he was now at the heart of. He headed to class the next morning through the crisp fall air, and he already knew that his classmates would ask him too many questions that he didn’t know the answer to. He was pretty good at maintaining his temper in class- he never really had one until the end of his relationship with Marina- but today was a day that tested him.
“Lawrence, I heard the news! Congrats! Where’s your ring?”
“I’m still getting used to it, I left it at home.”
“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone, who’s the lucky gal?”
“Just an old friend. It was kind of spontaneous.” Questions from left and right, Lawrence answered them while keeping his cool.
He finally decided to text Marina’s mom to officially let her know. He knew he probably should have asked Marina about it, but communication wasn’t part of this marriage deal anyway, considering even Scott was playing a bigger role than expected. He sent Marina’s mother a text.
L: Hi Donna! I know it’s been a really long, since I’ve last talked to you, but I’d love to catch up!
He sent the message and considered adding an extra line about being engaged to her daughter, but Donna responded almost immediately.
D: Hello hon! I heard the news, it’s quite surprising- I would have sworn that she was still dating that Drew guy last week! But this makes me so happy! Call me when you can, I have a lot of free time.
Before he knew it, Lawrence was meeting Donna after class at the nearby bistro. Lawrence was trying to keep track of the lies he was telling and wished he could have been writing them down as soon as they came out of his mouth. It went smoothly until the reason Lawrence gave of why Drew and Marina broke up conflicted with her version.
“They needed space? I heard he cheated on her….” She sipped her coffee.
“Yeah, yeah- that could definitely be the reason, I’m not too solid on the details to be honest,” Lawrence nervously added. “Did you like him much?”
Donna frowned at her coffee. “Not too much, hon. I didn’t ever meet him. He never made the effort either. I don’t know anything about him really. Marina never liked talking about him. I was hoping you could fill me in on the details.”
“Well, he was my college roommate, but that was nearly a year ago.” Lawrence crossed his leg. “People change, you know? Especially out in the real world.”
Donna peered at him over her little glasses before dropping them down to her chest as they hung on a bright pink beaded necklace. “You’ve gotten so much… more serious.”
He forced a laugh. “That’s what med school does to you!”
She nodded. “Dr. O still has quite the personality.” Dr. O was her main oncologist who worked with her in treating some sort of ovarian cancer. He was a jovial old man who loved his job, his patients, and life in general. “Larry, you know I care about you. What’s wrong?” She put her hands on top of his. “You know I want you to be happy. Do you want to marry her? You’re not okay.”
He looked at her in surprise. “What? I’m fantastic. I’m excited. I’m nervous! I’m just…” He sighed. “You’re right, I’ve changed a lot. I’m worried that Marina will get tired of me within a few months. I don’t know. Everything has been so fast, it’s like we’ve been dating this whole time and Drew never came into the picture- I’m so worried. I’m more serious, but I don’t think Marina has fully comprehended that.” He even convinced himself that this was true, but to be completely honest, he wasn’t sure if he was lying.
“It broke my heart when you guys broke up. She said you were getting quick tempered- that was probably around the time you were stressed waiting for the results of medical school applications. Dear, you need to learn to manage your stress. It’s going to adversely affect you, and affect those around you. Especially as a doctor.”
Lawrence looked away, unable to meet her eyes. She was practically his mother and he felt like he was disappointing her. “Lawrence, look at me. If you really love her, anytime you hurt her, you’re hurting yourself too.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to be a downer, but you know I don’t have a lot of time yet. I see how I’m affecting her. But it hurts me knowing that I hurt her.” She finally let go of his hands and exposed them to the cold air. Lawrence suppressed a small shiver. “Don’t suppress your feelings. Do one thing, and one thing for me only. Well, one thing every day,” she chuckled to herself. “Tell someone every day how you’re feeling. About yourself, about them, about your workload. Just, take the stress off.”
“Won’t I burden them?” Lawrence felt like a small child.
“Not if they love you as much as you love them,” she said with a little smile. “We can worry about over-sharing later. But I know you well enough that even just once a day is going to be quite a challenge. But it will be good for you. And especially good for Marina, you know how much she loves to listen and loves to talk. She’s such a people person.” Donna took a napkin and wiped her eyes. “Excuse me Lawrence, I’m not being myself! I don’t want to be such a sad, negative person. I’m just going to miss her. I’m going to miss you. I know she’s in good hands, you’ll take good care of her and you’ll make her happy. And I hope- I hope she does the same thing for you.” Donna started crying and Lawrence adjusted his chair to be next to her and gave her a hug. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve done enough for her, enough for her to really be another person’s entire world. She was mine, and she’s worth so much to me- I can’t imagine someone else loving her as much I ever loved her.”
“Don’t worry, Donna. I do, and I will forever.” The lie hurt him to say to someone he loved so much.
“Promise me another thing will you? Be a happy person.” She sniffed and smiled at him, her eyes shining with tears. They were the same big blue eyes Marina had. “It’s impossible to change immediately. If you’re happy one day at a time, maybe then you’ll be a happy person.”
“So you’re saying I’m negative?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
She let out her normal loud laugh. “Back when you first started dating, I would have sworn you guys would be the couple kicked out of the clubs and restaurants for being too loud and for enjoying yourselves too much. I miss that in you. Try to bring that out. Please. All I want is for Marina to be happy.”
She gave him a knitted scarf like she always did. This one was a blue to grey gradient-colored scarf that he eagerly wrapped around his neck.
When they parted ways, Lawrence couldn’t help but wonder if Donna even wanted Marina to marry him. Well, fake marry. She asked him to change. She asked him to try to be happy. But he caught himself in the midst of these negative thoughts. She wants me to be a better person for Marina! he tried to convince himself. It’s not because I’m a piece of shit! Crap, wrong attitude. Get it together Lawrence. Everyone has room for improvement. Except Donna because she’s the most perfect person in existence.
Heading to his shift at the hospital, he wondered if maybe he should apologize to Marina. It’s not like I have any dignity left, she knows everything about me. Let me rephrase that- she knows how hard it is for me to swallow my pride and apologize. She’ll appreciate this even more!
L: Hey Marina. Can we meet up tonight? I’ll take you out for coffee or something.
M: Really now?
L: I want to apologize. I’m a mess.
M: You talked to Mom?
L: Yeah
M: And it took talking to her to convince you that you’re a piece of shit? Haha
Lawrence considered making a snarky comment, but he took a deep breath and tried to respond nicely.
L: Yeah, and I want to change that. If only for her.
M: Look at that, the tin man learned he had a heart :) I’m free at 6pm.
L: Sounds good, I’ll pick you up.
Lawrence leaned back against the wall of his school building, finally able to relax. Maybe changing wouldn’t be so hard. Maybe it was because he wasn’t really all that different from the person he used to be. He couldn’t help but smile on the way to his hospital shift. Maybe he wasn’t as terrible as he thought he was.
Chapter 3:
Lawrence arrived late that Monday from work and stripped out of his scrubs before looking up and seeing Marina on the couch.
“How’d you get in?” he asked, pulling his pants back up hurriedly.
She laughed. “I’ve seen you naked before, relax. And one of your roommates let me in, but I didn’t know him. He left before I could ask.”
“Kevin or Ben,” muttered Lawrence to himself. “Is Scott here?”
“He’s sleeping, he doesn’t feel too great.” Marina took a slice of pizza that must have arrived before Lawrence came. “Come on, I need to figure out how many people are going to come.” She patted the seat next to her with her free hand.
“What? You’re kidding, right? We’re having a small ceremony, Marina. And it’s only for your mother- don’t invite so many people. A friend or two. I’ve only got Scott and a few others.”
Marina glared at him. “How is that going to be convincing?”
“Make it simple! Some people with real weddings have a small guest list. I have no one to invite anyway, so all the mess will be on you.”
“I’m inviting my entire family,” she protested.
“Simple. That is it,” growled Lawrence. “Everyone needs to be in on this plan.”
Marina rolled her eyes. “Come sit, you look ridiculous standing in the corner by the door.”
“I come from work,” he said dryly. “Excuse me as I go shower.”
She sighed. “You have such a terrible attitude, and it’s gotten so much worse the past few months.”
Lawrence flung his shirt on the floor. “Are you actually attacking me? We’re talking about the wedding and I’m just trying to be as objective as possible, unlike you.”
“You’re such a hypocrite.”
“My point exactly!” he exclaimed. “And you’re immature. I’m going to go shower off my bad attitude now, if you don’t mind.” He stormed towards the bathroom and a groggy Scott was pushed aside with a quiet “screw you,” in his direction from Lawrence.
When Lawrence came back, there were only two slices of cold pizza left. Scott had fallen asleep on the couch, leaving Marina on the floor with her laptop.
They glared at each other for a few moments until Marina finally spoke. “How many people are you inviting?”
“3. Just Scott, Kevin and Ben.”
They mostly sat in silence as Marina did all the work on her computer. Lawrence offered to call locations but Marina snapped at him, telling him that everything was closed past 7pm. He sat idly flipping through his phone, waiting for Marina to ask him a question. It was a huge waste of his time, but he had nothing better to do than to quietly fume.
Lawrence finally spoke up. “Hey Marina….” He hesitated for a moment, making sure that he had her attention. She barely raised her eyebrows, but he pushed forward. “Is your boyfriend…? Is he coming?”
Marina said nothing for a moment. “I haven’t really told Drew about this.”
Lawrence leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “Okay. Just curious.” He suppressed the slightest grin. Drew was Lawrence’s ex-roommate in college. After Lawrence and Marina broke up, Lawrence gave Drew the green light to be Marina’s rebound after their messy breakup. He mostly meant it as revenge for Marina- Drew was a great guy, but he was a hot mess in college and not suitable for being a good boyfriend. Somehow the two got along better than expected, and they were now going to celebrate their one year anniversary relatively soon.
Neither Marina nor Lawrence remembered falling asleep, but Lawrence woke up early as usual. Checking his phone, he found a picture of him and Marina sleeping on the couch uploaded online just a few hours ago.
He stormed into his room. “Scott!” He turned on all the lights and ripped the covers off. “What the hell is this?”
“Shut up, will you? It’s not even 6.”
“Delete this picture right now.”
“What picture- oh. Look, like everyone has seen it already. You guys fell asleep early. But you guys are so cute!”
Scott nervously rubbed his face and checked his phone again. “‘Lovebirds back together? Find out more on our next episode!’ Honestly what made you think that that was a good captioin and that posting this was a good idea- over a hundred people have seen this already!”
Scott finally sat up. “Stop complaining, will you? Marina told everyone in the group chat anyway.”
“What group chat?”
“Oh, sorry. You and Drew aren’t in it. It started when you guys broke up and the two of them starting hooking up.”
“I swear Scott, I’m going to-”
“You’re going to be late. And don’t worry, we’re all down for this as long as the wedding is fabulous.”
Lawrence left to go back to sleep in the living room, but Marina was slowly waking up. “What time is it?”
“Scott posted a picture of us online.”
“I’m so hungry.” She reached out and grabbed a slice of cold pizza. “And which one?” She scrolled through her phone. “Oh wow, I mean you look great, but I have like four chins. Wow. Larry, stop pacing around will you?”
“I’m not pacing around,” he snapped. But he stopped walking back in forth. “I have to get ready for work. Have fun letting Drew know. Try explaining this to him. ‘Hey hon, I’m engaged to my ex boyfriend who was your college roommate. Also, it’s fake engaged, so don’t worry! No feelings at all! We actually really hate each other, but my mom likes him more than she likes you. Be one of the groomsmen, will you? Thanks dearie, I’ll see you tonight while we have steamy-’”
“Lawrence, stop talking!” she shouted. “Why are you so mean? Just stop! Stop blaming me, stop making everything so negative! Just stop!” She grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it on, stumbling to the door. “I’ll see you later when you’re in a better mood!” She slammed the door behind her and a painting on the wall rattled.
Scott came out. “I’m a piece of shit,” he mumbled.
“Agreed,” said Lawrence, heading back to his room.
Sincere people are such bores.
Le Regle de Jeu (Rules of the Game)
Love as it exists in society is merely a mingling of two whims, and the contact of two skins.
Le Regle de Jeu