It really did feel bad coming back here... Lapis didn’t know why she would subject herself to such misery, yet here she was. It felt wrong. So much was missing from the place she once called home. It didn’t even seem like a safe place anymore. Just a large scar across her conscience. It was like looking at a faded photograph... You can’t quite see exactly what happened, but the memory is still there somewhere, the shattered fragments of the glass that once held it together letting the whole thing fall to pieces. The barn was gone, thanks to her, Peridot, Pumpkin as well as the happy life they’d managed to snag for a few moments.Â
Of course Lapis blamed herself, how could she not? The life she could have had with Peridot and Steven was ruined all because panic overtook her so many times. She didn’t know why she thought she could ever be happy. Her paranoia and fear kept her from what she wanted repeatedly before, why did she expect anything different now?Â
Returning to Earth was a mistake, and she knew it. It was like toying with a cracked gem, even if she knew it would hurt her she continued to do it over and over, as if she was addicted to making herself feel terrible for what happened. She wanted to feel guilty. She knew she deserved it.
As she knelt by what had been the small lake Peridot once created to make her feel at home, she brushed her fingertips against the grass. Even with how long ago it had happened, there were still large patches where the blades had been ripped from the earth. A visual scar to match the one she felt inside.
Hearing heavy footsteps she turned to look over her shoulder, instantly getting to her feet as she met the gaze of-
[ ::💧:: ]  “JASPER?”
She tried to keep her voice from wavering, her physical form instantly trembling as just SEEING the large gem brought forth images and emotions of the past.
[ ::đź’§:: ]  “What are you even doing here? Why are you still on Earth?!”Â
Lapis demanded, trying to force herself to fly away, knowing this could only end badly, but finding her feet stuck to the ground. She was paralyzed, unable to move from where she stood right before Jasper.
[ ::đź’§:: ]  “What-Whatever you want I’m not... I can’t help you! I don’t know what you’re looking for but I can’t-I won’t...”Â
She found herself unable to get out the words she wanted to say. But what could she even say to change her fate. With the soldier before her now there was only so much she could do. Even just meeting the gaze of the large quartz was about to cause her to break down... What could she do? She had to get away but she was frozen!