🪐🪐🪐🪐

i move mountains on my own.

[wyntersunlight]

sometimes i am astonished by the amount of change this body has seen. from a summer in the lockdown, to the year with the dogs and society friends, to the rain. the start of a new relationship at 17 years old, still being in it at 19. the first winter with him. changing houses. hair getting longer, then cut short, then long again. losing friends. reconnecting with friends. having the worst relationship with my family, to improving it so much. from not believing in myself, to constantly working on myself. forgiving people. reminding myself why i left in the first place.

change is always going to sweep you off your feet and throw you in the dirt, or grow flowers around your sobbing silhouette. it is yet, unfathomable, how much has changed, how much is lost, how much i gained. sometimes, i am overwhelmed and taken aback. mostly i am just grateful that i didn't stay the same.

[cheaphalloweencostume]

the world gets a lot easier when you learn to be wrong without getting pissed or doubling down. saying, ‘you’re right, that makes sense, I was misinformed, thanks for telling me’ instead of going to war over something your ego’s latched onto will save you time, energy, and the embarrassment of sounding like a whiny little bitch

[lilcowgirl7-deactivated20210223]

[pbs-r]

DECLARATIONS OF A HEALTHY ADULTHOOD 

DAVID RICHO

[khloodsadek]

[originalromanticsir]

This first.

[anxeious]

[reader-twisted]

[mournfulroses]

Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Robert Sherrod featured in The Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn

[mournfulroses]

Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Robert Sherrod featured in The Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn

[reader-twisted]

[weltenwellen]

Hieu Minh Nguyen, from “Staying Quiet"

[389]

Are You Coming? - Trina Teoh

[weary-hearted-art]

Frances Gearhart, Twilight, c.1930. Color block print on wove Japanese paper

[wyntersunlight]

For so long, I was convinced I was unlovable, I wake up some days now and wonder if everything is real. Friends who hold my hand in the street, friends who make sure I eat. I don’t know if I was starved or if I starved myself. Of affection coming towards me, of people wanting to be my friend. I keep the journal still, the one a 13 year old girl wrote poetry in, for me. I keep the fear in me still, of waking up and finding the other side of the bed cold, of not having a hand to hold.

[heavensghost]

Words from sun bleached flies by Ethel cain

[sadhoc]

i think a big part of expanding your intellectual curiosity and trying to learn new things about the world is to abandon the shame of not knowing things. don't blame "the US school system" (which US school system????), don't blame your teachers, don't blame society, but embrace the fact that you are going to be learning new things constantly, throughout your life. practice saying "i really need to read about that" or "does anyone know of any good sources to learn about xyz?" or "hold on i gotta go check wikipedia/a world map/the dictionary/the news." every single day, there will be something you don't know already. that something doesn't have to be embarrassing. instead it can be an opportunity to learn something new

[sadhoc]

shame makes you shut down, and dig in your heels, and refuse to engage. curiosity takes practice, it takes conscious effort, and it takes patience. including patience with yourself

[wizardarchetypes]

When I was a museum curator and when I was a state park naturalist, people constantly apologized to me before they asked a question. All day, every day. “Sorry, this may be a stupid question—“

Every single time, I said, “if you don’t ask questions, I don’t get paid! Please, ask me more.” Much of my job was about reassuring people’s curiosity and creating a safe space in which it was okay to not know things.

I noticed in these jobs that we teach shame. When children asked questions, parents often apologized to me in front of the children. “Sorry. Thank you for taking the time.”

We grow up learning it’s embarrassing to ask questions, even in settings where someone is being paid to answer them. But it’s up to you to move on. It’s so important to move past this. Only you can make the choice to do so.

One of the most important things I learned in my own training was to admit when I don’t know something. It’s crucial that an educator can say, “I don’t know the answer to that question! Let’s look it up together.”

I was the curator of a museum about marine biology, and every week, someone asked me something about the ocean I couldn’t answer. I always thanked the visitor for giving me a chance to learn something new.

The more you say, “I don’t know,” the easier it becomes to say. And then the world transforms from an intimidating mystery to a grand adventure. How lucky we are to never know everything! How amazing that we can spend the rest of our lives being surprised and challenged!

[spenglercore]

You can absolutely blame the school system, as well as generational trauma and society in general for causing you to FEEL guilt and shame and for not teaching you critical thinking skills at an early age, which would make things a whole hell lf a lot easier on you. Hell, hamstringing schools and teachers to create a largely uneducated voter base which also mostly lacks the ability to think critically and challenge authority was a primary goal for the right since *at least* the 40s. And they got it!

But you cannot *hide behind that* as a shield to prevent you from having to do the unpleasant, scary thing and admit you don't know a whole lot, and then go and seek out the world. 'I don't know' is not an admission of stupidity!! Ignorance, maybe, but even then it's not a bad thing!

And I'll be the first to say that it is so, so hard to unlearn the shame of being physically punished for saying 'I don't know' or being told there's no such thing as a stupid question, and then socially crucified in front of the whole class when you ask the teacher something and they respond with some variation of 'Were you not paying attention?!' I have ADHD. Focusing in a classroom setting is nearly impossible for me. But I got called stupid anyway, by my peers, teachers, and even my parents.

Ask questions. But more importantly, make yourself comfortable with the phrase 'I don't know' as well as it's cousin 'I'm not sure.' Anyone worth their salt will not think poorly of you.

I would usually say the internet is a good place to start if you want to learn about things, but with search engines using algorithms that sort by popularity and profitability, I can't even say 'Look things up on Wikipedia and then scroll down and click through the references used for the article' because articles are paywalled because fuckin colleges (not the authors, usually) want people to have to pay for knowledge, which should be free.

My best advice is to ingrain into yourself that change is not bad. Changing your views and opinions and even the facts you believe in does not make you 'wishy washy' or 'flaky' or anything, it means you've recognized that our understanding of the world constantly changes. Facts are not immutable. Also, it helps to familiarize yourself with the actual meanings of words like 'hypothesis' and 'theory'. Not even experts have all the facts! It's ok to Not Know Things!! It means you have room to expand and grow and learn! It's a hard, long process, but YOU have to take he first few big, scary steps!

I would also like to add: even experts get tripped up on fiddly details. They cannot remember everything about their field of expertise off the top of their head if they're put on the spot with no preparation. They will flub things. The mark of a good scientist and usually a good person, is that they will roll with the stumble and often add 'i think its THIS, but it might be this, i cant remember right now" or something to that effect. Aim to be that person!

[wyntersunlight]

all of our problems, i’m gonna solve them

[wyntersunlight]

i went with you up to, the place you grew up in