“well, now we’re getting somewhere. that what you want, parrish? to fuck me? ‘cause it’s so hard to TELL with you, really. you’re inscrutable.” and if that was what parrish wanted … well, who was K to refuse? and wouldn’t it be fun to watch the fallout of that? hard to say who would be more pissed off, really. “did he now? & lynch never keeps shit from you, i’m sure. he tells you EVERYTHING just as it is, hmm?”
kavinsky’s gaze flickered down to parrish’s fingers around his wrist before he met his gaze again. he smiled, simply to infuriate. so parrish was allowed to ask questions, was he? allowed to demand the TRUTH from K — but if the roles were reversed, he was going to refuse K the same? “let’s try that again. if you had any idea why you were here … you’d fuckin’ SHARE that with me. s’only fair.” everyone always thought they could just TAKE from kavinsky – oh, they’d ask, be real nice about it sometimes — but they didn’t really think he deserved respect, they thought he was trash. and people didn’t tend to thank the trash.
“r i g h t. like people don’t think the sun shines outta your ass. local boy done good.” he pulled his hand away; pressed his palm to the wall just beside parrish’s head. “and what do you wanna do with ‘em, parrish? wanna show ‘em off? tell the whole world that ADAM is hot for JOSEPH? now there’s something the bible doesn’t tell ya, hmm?”
“ so what if i do? or don’t? you planning on making a move? “ he knew what he NEEDED. he knew exactly what he needed. what he WANTED was something entirely out of his grasp, something almost INTANGIBLE, unknowable, unfathomable to himself. he didn’t KNOW what he wanted. he wanted to HOLD kavinsky down and punish him for every ounce of anger that he FELT pulsing through his veins. he wanted kavinsky never to TOUCH him again. his eyes narrowed, shoulders squaring. “ ronan never tells anyone EVERYTHING. i thought you knew him that well--- or maybe you never did? “
adam shrugged off the smile, stormy eyes closing as his thumb and forefinger came to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “ well i don’t know SHIT; so it doesn’t matter, does it? i don’t feel ANYTHING. “ and maybe that was the most frustrating part, the NOT knowing. the uncertainty. so many LOOSE ENDS that had yet to be tied. cabeswater; not yet appeased, yet not much of ANYTHING. not ANYTHING at all. his fingers curled into the front of kavinsky’s shirt, not quite threat or invitation, his own INTENTIONS unknown to himself. “ all i KNOW is i was under a fucking car and now i’m HERE with nothing. “ not nothing, exactly. he had GANSEY. he had ronan, and BLUE. and that was more than he had been expecting; more then he ever could have hoped for.
try as he might to contain the rage, the DISMISSAL began tweaking something in him, hitting a part of him, an INSECURITY that was buried down deep. he felt like he was close to boiling over, like the FIRE inside him was close to catching. so he smirked dangerously, fingers tightening in kavinsky’s shirt; THREAT. “ you don’t know SHIT about me kavinsky. stop acting like you do. “ unfathomable, echoed through his head. unknowable. he shrugged his shoulders, fingers loosening in kavinsky’s shirt; INVITATION. “ it’s easier to get PISSED if i remember who gave me these. “
